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So I guess NC works...

Hoax

By Hoax
in Second Chances

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Hoax Established Member

Hoax

Posted
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I never believed what people said about NC working. Never in a million years did I think my ex would put aside his pride and contact me.

 

Well, surprise surprise! After several months NC from me, I just got an email from him and all that it said was, 'How are you?'.

 

My first reaction was nervousness, then anger. I don't want to talk to him or hear from him. I wrote a really mean response, but didn't send that. I thought about deleting/ignoring but I ended up just saying, 'Fine. How're you?'.

 

Did I do the wrong thing? Where do I go from here? I wish this guy would never contact me again I kind of hate him. At the same time, I still have those remnant feelings, and part of me still clings to the idea of getting back together. I just can't let myself get hurt again and I'm sure he's just sniffing around and stroking his ego :mad:

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Philosoraptor Established Member

Philosoraptor

Posted
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Probably should have hit the delete button and continued moving on. He may respond back, he may not. But now he's in your head more and you've lost control. Had you just deleted it you wouldn't be overthinking this and you'd still be in control.

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Hoax Established Member

Hoax

Posted
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Exactly. I regretted it almost instantly. I just thought I should be polite? I don't know. Thanks though :) Bitter pill to swallow but it'll do me good.

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BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

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I think you should have deleted it. It's true that NC does work in the sense they they will contact you, but what do they usually say? Seems that most exes, at least on LS, are just fishing for info or an ego stroke. So NC doesn't usually work to get someone back together but rather to raise the ex's curiosity. That's why so many people say do NC for yourself.

 

Your ex was just curious, that is all. I'm sorry, and it doesn't even deserve a response next time.

Amelie1980 Established Member

Amelie1980

Posted
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NC doesn't work and it hasn't worked. Do you have him back?

 

My ex came back last week with an email but it was as plain as yours. Unless they makenplans to see you or ask for you back, it's bull $hit.

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Babolat Established Member

Babolat

Posted
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I am going thru this right now with my ex, and I was the dumpee almost 6 months ago.

 

She kept reaching out to me, I kept seeing her, she has made a lot of changes, though both of us are scared to try again because of what hurt, upset, bothered, scared us about an "us" when we dated.

 

I finally realized it was emotionally keeping me from moving on and she was confusing me with her messages. "I need to be alone to work on myself" then she would text me to see if we could meet up. We met last week, agreed to NC on my suggestion, and it's been a depressing 4 days for me.

 

I miss her contact yet I know it's the right thing. If she were to text me now, I would probably reply.

 

Ugh.....

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BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

Posted
Posted
I am going thru this right now with my ex, and I was the dumpee almost 6 months ago.

 

She kept reaching out to me, I kept seeing her, she has made a lot of changes, though both of us are scared to try again because of what hurt, upset, bothered, scared us about an "us" when we dated.

 

I finally realized it was emotionally keeping me from moving on and she was confusing me with her messages. "I need to be alone to work on myself" then she would text me to see if we could meet up. We met last week, agreed to NC on my suggestion, and it's been a depressing 4 days for me.

 

I miss her contact yet I know it's the right thing. If she were to text me now, I would probably reply.

 

Ugh.....

 

I went through this for 4 months before asking for NC. Your scenario sounds so much like mine.

lylat333 Established Member

lylat333

Posted
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Very interesting that you posted this, Hoax. I too have a very prideful ex and have a really hard time picturing her contacting me. You say you don't want him to contact you and you don't want to talk to him... is that how you really feel? I think you're like me... deep down you're sort of dying for the other person to contact even though you hate them for what they've done to you. It's a crazy place, but being broken up with and never contacted is a huge blow to the ego so part of us longs to be missed and feel they valued us in their life.

 

I've been spending a lot of time thinking about how I would respond if my ex contacted me. If it were to happen anytime soon, it's hard to say since my feelings are still volatile. Sometimes I think I would be kind, take the high road and not sound distressed. Other times I want to tell her off. Then other times I think it would be best to ignore it, even though I do fear that may send the wrong signal and come off like I am merely playing the power game.

 

Wish you the best... I personally think you deserve a little congrats for getting a stubborn person to break down and contact you again, even though they may be mere breadcrumbs at this point. Dumpees always say the breadcrumbs hurt and they wish the dumper didn't contact at all.. I have to say I would love a breadcrumb, even if I don't eat it.

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AllTooWell Established Member

AllTooWell

Posted
Posted
NC doesn't work and it hasn't worked. Do you have him back?

 

My ex came back last week with an email but it was as plain as yours. Unless they makenplans to see you or ask for you back, it's bull $hit.

 

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

NC doesn't work because she doesn't have him back?

 

NC ISN'T FOR GETTING YOUR EX BACK. It's for getting your LIFE back and learning how to heal and survive the heartbreak.

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BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

Posted
Posted
:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

NC doesn't work because she doesn't have him back?

 

NC ISN'T FOR GETTING YOUR EX BACK. It's for getting your LIFE back and learning how to heal and survive the heartbreak.

 

Exactly. NC only works to get the ex wondering about you and to reach out with breadcrumbs. NC doesn't work to get your ex back together with you. NC for yourself and only yourself. Do it for the right reasons.

readynow Established Member

readynow

Posted
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I have to say I would love a breadcrumb, even if I don't eat it.

 

I'd do anything for a breadcrumb right now - I promise not to eat it :p

thora-tiki Established Member

thora-tiki

Posted
Posted

@Hoax

 

Yes, you messed up, but only in the sense of making it more difficult for yourself.

 

There is an easy way to fix it.


 

You go back to no contact and continue to work on yourself.

 

You will never be back to square one,

you have evolved past that point and can not slide that far back anymore.

 

Because you are not the same person you were,

you are stronger now.

 

Everyday you stick to no contact and allow yourself to evolve,

you become stronger.

 

Future tip for the next lame e-mail he sends you:

Anything you reply looks like you are bothered and still affected by him,

it will let him know he has you dangling by a string.

Don't be that girl!

 

You are calling the shots and making you own choices.

 

When you become unpredictable (not answering lame e-mails,

his calls etc.) he will come crawling back to you.

 

He expects you to break no contact, he will sh*t himself when you don't, and if he really loves you, deep down he will be scared you are slipping away.

 

The reason I say that you don't need to respond to the lame e-mails from the ex-hole, is because this no contact is for YOU.

If you are waiting on a:

«Let's talk/I made a mistake/how are you?»-e-mail from the ex-hole.

 

You are still waiting.

Even if you work on yourself etc.

 

If you break no contact just because he wants to talk/e-mail, you are still doing it for him, it is still all about HIM.

 

If we sit now and plot what to wear what to say, how act, etc. when we reconnect, we are still thinking of the ex-hole, and not us.

 

This is the reason I am saying, ignore e-mails etc. from the ex-hole.

 

When you are ready, you can contact him, if you still want to.

 

It is not weak, or «showing your hand» to contact the ex, when you are ready, for a cup of coffee or a walk in the park.

 

Ready is: You ask him to meet for a quick get together, and you are all right if he says no - the no will not result in you writing 5 pages about:

«he blah blah said blah blah blah no blah» on loveshack.

 

If he has contacted you during no contact, like he just did,

he'll definitely say yes to the coffee/walk in the park.

 

If you have had no contact for a good amount of time,

he'll be curious as hell.

 

Don't let anything stop you from getting back on track,

and succeeding.

 

As long as you don't give up - you will succeed.

 

We are a forum full of fu*k ups, and we know it - that's what makes us different from all the rest - we know what we did wrong,

and we learn from it.

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