egalew Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Dating someone new and the sex has been okay. Just okay. Keep hoping it will get better. And then yesterday while having sex he keeps telling me to be quiet. I'm too loud. Talk about ruining the moment.
sillyanswer Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I've dumped someone because the sex wasn't good enough, yes. I don't see any problem with doing this. 1
Leigh 87 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 That would be a deal breaker for me. I need a guy to LOVE my sex sounds... How rude. Plenty of guys actually say they get majorly turned on by my sex sounds! Now, I can't imagine ever settling for a guy who was not seriously turned on by my special " noises" 3
Author egalew Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 Leigh - That's what I thought. Most guys just love it when I make noises. And I wasn't even THAT loud. We were in a house on the water have sex early in the morning and the window was open. He was worried the sound would carry and the people across the way would hear me. Oy. P.s. Would you tell him this is the reason you're ending it?
sillyanswer Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 P.s. Would you tell him this is the reason you're ending it? Not beyond "this isn't working for me", no. 1
mitchell Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Was this the first time he commented about your sounds? Maybe he was genuinely concerned about the noise. Why is the sex mediocre otherwise? Does he make sure you cum? Does he go down on you and satisfy you? Perhaps this can be salvaged with a frank conversation outside of the bedroom.
Author egalew Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 He ejaculates pretty quick (and he's not young). Basically when it's over for him, it's over. We've had sex maybe 5-6 times. Yesterday was the first time he commented on the noise. HOnestly don't know what to do. We're compatible and other ways.
Leigh 87 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 He ejaculates pretty quick (and he's not young). Basically when it's over for him, it's over. We've had sex maybe 5-6 times. Yesterday was the first time he commented on the noise. HOnestly don't know what to do. We're compatible and other ways. Last 3 guys I've fooled around with ALL went down on me and made me orgasm. .. and they also used the fingers for a long time before going down, each day they met up and did the deed with me. I don't mind guys cuming fast, as long as they make me orgasm first.
pyramid Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Hmm, that's a tough one. It can get better as you both get more familiar with likes/dislikes IF you are both willing to put in the effort. But if he's asking you to be quiet? I can see that occasionally if it's a special circumstance (kid sleeping upstairs or something) but not on a regular basis.
CarrieT Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 That is what dating is for - to determine compatibility, including sexual compatibility! 3
carhill Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Dating someone new and the sex has been okay. Just okay. Keep hoping it will get better. And then yesterday while having sex he keeps telling me to be quiet. I'm too loud. Talk about ruining the moment. Ha, I remember getting this from my exW. Yes, is my answer to your question. However, beware, as some proclivities do not make themselves known until *after* being married. Good luck.
Toddbt12y1 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Maybe if the sex was unable to improve for both of us. In lull of question: after all, you may very well spend your life with this person. Marriage(to say), should be balanced between all things. You should both enjoy each other. On another note: what a jerk! Doesn't he realize? One of the best parts to sex, is the sweet sounds of 'her' moaning at the pleasure she is receiving! He sounds like the type who is only interested in his own pleasure, rather than adapting and enhancing yours along with his. 2
Ninjainpajamas Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 (edited) The sexual chemistry/compatibility just doesn't seem to be on point beyond the noise making...funny enough recently someone was mentioning to me about how noise travels over lakes easily and people partying during mid-summer could be a nuisance for neighbors, however I doubt you're half werewolf and howled all on your lonesome loud enough to corral the peasants with their pitchforks. Sexual compatibility is sexual compatibility though and should come very naturally, because you can't create it out of nothing...it's like passion, you can't instill a passion in a person that doesn't feel a connection with that in themselves, you can't give them a fire that they don't have, you can only inspire something that already exists. Before I start speaking chinese here, for myself that's a huge part of how I am intimate with a woman, it's very deeply psychological for me and when I'm with someone who doesn't have that element within themselves It's apparent and I feel it, or the lack thereof..I already know it's not going to get to that level, but that's just who they are, they're different and how they express themselves is maybe much different than how I communicate which for me is very physical and affectionate, I like a very mixed cocktail. I don't just see intimacy as sex or intercourse, for me it's a form of communication and expression, apart of the grand scheme of intimacy, it fulfills other elements than just the physical for myself because If I'm just being physical with someone it's like operating off 1/4 of what I could give...and they might express themselves through other means which are not entirely physical and they may not in themselves be entirely expressive people, some people are but just need to be shown how to walk through that door, others just don't "feel it" or have it to begin with. So my perspective of "sexual compatibility" might be very different than yours and others, but the point is whatever it is you need and want out of that intimate experience for yourself, needs to be expressed, communicated and revealed to the other person...if the wires aren't there to be connected in the first place though, there's nothing to connect to that's going to line up perfectly and eventually, and it's never going to be like it would be for someone who just gets it right away and connects immediately and takes it to the next level...you need to understand how you work and what you need, how important it is for you and whether what it is present here and now is enough to move forward with that person in light of the whole package. Personally I believe you can feel this "connection" or compatibility before being intimate with someone even physically...so you're kind of beyond that point for good measure now and should be able to make an informed decision thus far...but that's my opinion, doesn't have to be yours. Edited September 9, 2013 by Ninjainpajamas 3
Babolat Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 If it's a compatability issue, yes. I was married for 9+ years to a woman who had no sex drive, had issues with her body and sexuality. While married i though I was the problem; I began to feel like a pervert for even wanting normal sex more than o nce a month. Since my divorce I have been with woman who love sex, and who love sex with me. I feel normal again!
love1336x Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 oh hell noooooooo!! That would totally ruined the moment!!! Being loud is suppose to turn a man on!!!! Shoot! My exes would make it a mission to make me scream their names! Dump him. I dunno how important sex is to you in a relationship.But it doesn't sound like it's gonna be any fun with this dude.
stillafool Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 He ejaculates pretty quick (and he's not young). Basically when it's over for him, it's over. We've had sex maybe 5-6 times. Yesterday was the first time he commented on the noise. HOnestly don't know what to do. We're compatible and other ways. One would think because he ejaculates so quickly he would be thankful for your "sounds" to maybe prolong his performance. Bad sex is completely a deal breaker for me because it will not get better only worse. Next!
Mliu Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Im actually confused here, why would you dump your partner because he/she is really bad at sex? I thought if you love someone, you love them for their personality and looks.
loveandstuff Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 The only time it is ok for my boyfriend to tell me to be quiet is when we are having sex and trying not to wake others up lol That's the only time I allow him to cover my mouth and tell me to be quiet. I'd be offended if a guy told me to be quiet and there was nothing to hide. I think it's like this special thing. I love it when my boyfriend makes noises and I would hope he loves when I do too!
stillafool Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 OP besides him telling you to be quiet, is the sex really that bad?
charlietheginger Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 For me thats the best part of sex. Rubbing my thumb across a womans cheekbone index finger dowb her jawline kissing down the nape if her neck. hearing her breath giggle breath heavy . kiss licking down her belly up her thighs Having her smile giggle moaning . kissing her lovebox while she digs her paws into the sheets arches her back lets out lil sexy squeeling noises. For me sex is about the woman i just want to make her happy any way i can
GravityMan Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Rude on his part. Perhaps he could've just closed the window... Unless it was hot outside and there was no A/C or nearby fans.
emva07 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Being sexually compatible with your partner is a big deal in a relationship. Along with other things, if you're not happy sexually, you will never be truly happy with that person. The longer you stay with that person, the more aware you will become of this. 1
MrCastle Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 So the sex was "okay" but you were loud (according to his definition of loud) I can imagine how you'd be if the sex was really good then. 1
pteromom Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Sure, it is a dumpable offense. But I'd have a frank conversation with him first. Tell him what turns you on and what your sexual expectations are, and give him the opportunity to step up. If he still doesn't, it is reasonable to dump him. As far as the noise, if he was truly worried about the open window, that doesn't necessarily mean your moaning wouldn't normally turn him on. 2
BradJacobs Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Yes, I'd dump them and tell them why in the process. There's no reason to sugar coat things when it's ended.
Recommended Posts