More Likely To Be Serial Killer than Right Guy

[carhill]

Is it possible to be crazy about one another without that initial infatuation?

 

IMO, the more personal experience one has with one's infatuations/romances and relationships, the more accurately that question can be answered. However, as one is never the same person at each point along the path, change is possible, and likely. IOW, you could be, at your age, an 'initial spark' kind of gal, but in another ten years you could approach romance and relationships in a completely different way, or exactly the same or anywhere in between. It's really unknown.

 

Myself, I haven't been in many relationships (3) and only married once; however, that was over about 30 years of life and I've been consistent in my particular attraction style, so I could infer that it is likely to continue. In fact, recent experiences have borne that out. That said, past performance is never a guarantee of future results, hence my advice to live in the now.

[Weezy1973]

Well I met a guy the other day also, who I did not have an initial "spark" with, but he seemed like a lovely guy, and he is very interested in me.

 

He texts good morning every day and texts throughout the day.

 

He has a good job, and a calm, stable personality and seems to have not mood disorders I can detect.

 

Even though I did not meet him and think WOW I want to kiss him right NOW, I am still going to continue getting to know him.

 

He seems like a really nice guy. Good looking. Educated. Why not keep seeing him to see if anything develops?

 

I am open to having things grow over time.

 

But my best friend and her guy are CRAZY for each other, and I NEED that.

 

Is it possible to be crazy about one another without that initial infatuation?

 

Honestly, I don't know. I do know that you don't NEED that. I've used this analogy before, but it's like someone who LOVES junk food and says they NEED that sugar/fat to feel satisfied. The truth is they don't. They can live a long healthy life eating healthy food, but they have convinced themselves that they NEED junk.

 

You don't NEED the crazy for each other feeling. Long term relationships are way more about team work and compromise than they are about sex and infatuation (especially if you want a family).

[runningfar]

Well, all the great, normal guys are probably taken by my age, mid to late 20's....

 

Or they want a partner who is super attractive and is amazing to them with a good job and a good life for themselves, since the great guys have loads of women to pick from..

 

Well, I just have to say, that's just not true.

 

There's not some weird deviance in quality men and quality women out there.

 

That is my age range. And I'm just an average girl.

[Leigh 87]

Well, I just have to say, that's just not true.

 

There's not some weird deviance in quality men and quality women out there.

 

That is my age range. And I'm just an average girl.

 

 

Yeah you're right, I was being overly cynical. I am normally such a positive person.

 

Relationships don't always, and in fact, do not usually work out for every "decent" guy out there. Many genuinely nice guys find themselves single at all ages. Better still, they have experience from their failed relationship/s and therefore, have a better idea of what they need in a woman, in order to make a relationship work.

[runningfar]

Yeah you're right, I was being overly cynical. I am normally such a positive person.

 

Relationships don't always, and in fact, do not usually work out for every "decent" guy out there. Many genuinely nice guys find themselves single at all ages. Better still, they have experience from their failed relationship/s and therefore, have a better idea of what they need in a woman, in order to make a relationship work.

 

Glad you are feeling more upbeat!

 

I don't think being overly cynical and negative towards the opposite sex does anybody any good. That's a way to end up chronically single, I think!

[Leigh 87]

Anyway. I am doing something incredibly sane and normal right now: I am casually dating 2 guys. About to meet up with a third one that got into contact with me after 3 years.

 

Not expecting anything to come of it. But you know, the project developer who is also into photography and is cute/pays for meals and has a pleasant personality, seems like a nice guy to date.

 

I did not want to kiss him the second I met him and even throughout the night; but hey, two people can become crazy about each other, without the GIRL having to want to lean over and kiss a guy the NIGHT they meet.

 

I think I wrongly assumed that there needs to be an "it" factor the SECOND you meet. I now think that it is normal for a guy to want to kiss a girl straight away if they are attracted to the girl, however; girls need a bit more time getting to know a guy before they want to jump across the table and kiss him.

 

It is different to going to a club and feeling like kissing certain guys you come across; not all crazy - in - love relationship start that way necessarily.

 

I know first hand actually, that with my ex, I did not have an urge to kiss him right away.

When it comes to meeting a guy right away? Well, I came to view my ex as the hottest guy to me. I just was not immediately attracted enough to kiss him the first day we met.

 

I admit; I do want to meet "that guy" where there is enough chemistry to want to kiss him after the first date.

 

I sort of don't LIKE the idea of not wanting to kiss them after the first date; why would I want to date someone where it takes 2 or 3 dates to feel an urge to kiss him, opposed to a guy I IMMEDIATELY want to kiss after one date?

 

Of course this is all probably too much analysing. I have to be open to something real and genuine happening between me and a guy who I do not want to kiss right away.

[Leigh 87]

Glad you are feeling more upbeat!

 

I don't think being overly cynical and negative towards the opposite sex does anybody any good. That's a way to end up chronically single, I think!

 

 

Oh, I definitely know I'll find a guy who is crazy about me one day, and who is.. You know, normal, sane and not a serial killer:lmao: And who I feel the same way about!

 

I just have to stop having any preconceived notions of "sparks" and " having to want to kiss a guy right away".

 

Though my values about the time elapsed for certain milestones is pretty much set...

 

For instance, a guy who is head over heals for you? Well, it should not take TOO long to work out he feels that way about you. Not a month or more, certainly, if you're in regular contact.

 

One thing I do not buy into, is the whole " I have been dating a guy a few months and I am not sure how he feels. He is not sure where things are going at all, but he likes spending time with me"

 

No No NO. I think a month or two is ENOUGH time for a guy to get a general feeling about you, as to whether he feels crazy about you or not!

 

You do not know if things will LAST after a mere month or two. Heck, you NEVER know if things will last, even in the most seemingly blissful of marriages!

 

I DO think you know a person ENOUGH to know if you're head over heals for them, if you're a guy; you know if you feel nuts about a girl within a month or two... No need to spend more time " figuring out" if you're into her enough for a relationship.

 

Slow moving is not my thing, yet I am not expecting fireworks from the instant we meet anymore, either.

[thefooloftheyear]

You are a nice woman...But you really need to find out whats missing in your life. If you dont, you will be forever repeating this same sillyness.

 

And no, a man(or boy) cannot help you fnd it...

 

No way in hell..

 

TFY

[runningfar]

Oh, I definitely know I'll find a guy who is crazy about me one day, and who is.. You know, normal, sane and not a serial killer:lmao: And who I feel the same way about!

 

I just have to stop having any preconceived notions of "sparks" and " having to want to kiss a guy right away".

 

Though my values about the time elapsed for certain milestones is pretty much set...

 

For instance, a guy who is head over heals for you? Well, it should not take TOO long to work out he feels that way about you. Not a month or more, certainly, if you're in regular contact.

 

One thing I do not buy into, is the whole " I have been dating a guy a few months and I am not sure how he feels. He is not sure where things are going at all, but he likes spending time with me"

 

No No NO. I think a month or two is ENOUGH time for a guy to get a general feeling about you, as to whether he feels crazy about you or not!

 

You do not know if things will LAST after a mere month or two. Heck, you NEVER know if things will last, even in the most seemingly blissful of marriages!

 

I DO think you know a person ENOUGH to know if you're head over heals for them, if you're a guy; you know if you feel nuts about a girl within a month or two... No need to spend more time " figuring out" if you're into her enough for a relationship.

 

Slow moving is not my thing, yet I am not expecting fireworks from the instant we meet anymore, either.

 

Well I don't know much about that! I go friends-first exclusively

[Kofybean]

I have revised the way I view men and dating. What do you think?

 

Also, ok, seriously: what are the odds of it ...[/u]

 

So... how many serial killers did you meet? I clicked on the question cuz I thought you had figured that out of the 150+ million men in this country, the odds of finding a good man, was less then the odds of picking out a man who would kill numerous people in a systematic way.

[Leigh 87]

So... how many serial killers did you meet? I clicked on the question cuz I thought you had figured that out of the 150+ million men in this country, the odds of finding a good man, was less then the odds of picking out a man who would kill numerous people in a systematic way.

 

 

 

No.

 

I mean, most people do not find lasting love with the guy who they meet and immediately feel like kissing.

 

Most people do not have immediate chemistry, and rather, the attraction grows through getting to know them.

 

The initial spark can be there, but rarely lead to true feelings from both parties.

 

Most people lack the initial spark, where you meet a guy and both him AND you, immediately just feel "something" is there.

 

At best, most people meet and just think " oh, they are a nice person, cool, I would like to get to know them better" WITHOUT any sexual urge or physical chemistry.

 

Where as my best friend met a guy, and they were drawn to each other early on; they knew they wanted to be in a relationship after a week or two.

 

Most people do not think " wow, there is just something about that person, where I cannot stop thinking about them"

 

Normally life is more boring, and you grow very slowly to "love" another person.

 

Personally, I believe in falling IN love, versus "growing" to love a person over 5 or more months.

 

I think true love happens early on, within months.

 

However, apparently I will have to settle for a boring "growing" to love someone very slowly sort of love.

[L1ght]

I'm sorry but I have to be honest. Girls like you make me want to run a mile. If a woman can't decide that she likes me, chooses somebody else instead of me when she has a better feeling about me and then thinks this is ok I would have to call her a crazy person. Also I hate it when women act is if the guy they are most attracted to doesn't have the same intentions as the guys she is not attracted to and she stoops as low as to call those guys creeps.

Lol How dare you. Just cos a guy is more attractive, has a nicer manner, is better with words, fits your criteria whatever whatever doesn't mean he has less desire to get you into bed as the next guy. You want the truth? Men pursue women so we can sleep with them. That's a fact so stop calling the guys who don't fit your criteria a bunch of creeps. Its so insulting.

You are the problem. You now have a chance with the guy you initially liked more yet turned down 3 years ago and now you are starting to doubt his intentions as well. Wow guys can never win with you.

Good luck to that guy. Sounds like hes gonna need it.

Personally I like decisive women so much better cos then at least I know where I stand

Edited September 10, 2013 by L1ght

[Leigh 87]

I'm sorry but I have to be honest. Girls like you make me want to run a mile. If a woman can't decide that she likes me, chooses somebody else instead of me when she has a better feeling about me and then thinks this is ok I would have to call her a crazy person. Also I hate it when women act is if the guy they are most attracted to doesn't have the same intentions as the guys she is not attracted to and she stoops as low as to call those guys creeps.

Lol How dare you. Just cos a guy is more attractive, has a nicer manner, is better with words, fits your criteria whatever whatever doesn't mean he has less desire to get you into bed as the next guy. You want the truth? Men pursue women so we can sleep with them. That's a fact so stop calling the guys who don't fit your criteria a bunch of creeps. Its so insulting.

You are the problem. You now have a chance with the guy you initially liked more yet turned down 3 years ago and now you are starting to doubt his intentions as well. Wow guys can never win with you.

Good luck to that guy. Sounds like hes gonna need it.

Personally I like decisive women so much better cos then at least I know where I stand

 

You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

 

I treat the guys I'm with wonderfully.

 

I just hold out for someone special rather than trying to grow to love someone.

[L1ght]

You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

 

I treat the guys I'm with wonderfully.

 

I just hold out for someone special rather than trying to grow to love someone.

Who are you kidding? You are very judgemental and you create more drama with a person who is interested with you than is necessary. I honestly don't believe you when you say you are a "wonderful" partner". seems to me that you will change your mind and decide a guy is a creep at the turn of a penny(that's a dime to you American folks) just because of how instable you personally are in your own mind. Women like you scare me and make me want to run in the opposite direction. stop playing. You have already demonstrated your lack of respect for men in your initial post.

[Kofybean]

...The initial spark can be there, but rarely lead to true feelings from both parties.

 

Most people lack the initial spark, where you meet a guy and both him AND you, immediately just feel "something" is there...

 

It is funny how you talk a lot about sparks.

So be it, your issue is the easiest, probably the most common. Many guys face this issue when approaching women. The women expect sparks to fly.

 

You think getting to know someone and then falling in love is boring. lol Thank you Disney.

[Leigh 87]

Who are you kidding? You are very judgemental and you create more drama with a person who is interested with you than is necessary. I honestly don't believe you when you say you are a "wonderful" partner". seems to me that you will change your mind and decide a guy is a creep at the turn of a penny(that's a dime to you American folks) just because of how instable you personally are in your own mind. Women like you scare me and make me want to run in the opposite direction. stop playing. You have already demonstrated your lack of respect for men in your initial post.

 

 

 

Stop bothering me please.

 

I don't value your opinions.

 

I'll report u and have u banned from my threads if you post again.

 

I have no time for people who don't know me yet try to tell me who I am. No thanks

 

 

By the the way. I have had two long term partners who I treated like gold. And never got sick of or discarded.

 

You really have no clue what your talking about.

 

You're either a troll or a very negative individual.

 

Anyway. Please take your "opinions" elswhere where there appreciated. Thanks:)

 

I tend to only listen to people who actually know me and see how I treat men.

[Leigh 87]

I would recommend guys run a mile from this woman. She is like the crazy girls you see in rom coms. Leigh you have no idea how to enjoy the here and now and you are clearly the kind of girl who creates huge mountains out of the tiniest molehills. Everything is a drama with you.

 

I think your deluded on so many things that it would be a waste of time to type it out because none of it would register with you..I can only hope you grow out of the 'madness'..

 

 

 

U have no idea who I am. But plenty of people in my real life have known me for years do..

 

I know prerty decent people. They tell me whenever I have done off things with men.

 

I don't seem to be anything but awesome to be around to the guys I am currently dating.

 

Don't assume you know me or how I act around the men in my life.

 

You really have no idea what you're talking about. I don't go overboard with men who aren't into me. I am not desperate and have plenty of choices with men. I have no need to get a guy to commit to me like those crazy girls u speak of.

 

I'm simply waiting until a guy who's crazy about me comes along. I have no need to be like those crazy women u speak of. It's not like I have limited options and have to settle for a guy who's not in love with me. Or I'm not in love with.

 

I don't think just waiting for a guy who falls in love with me and me with him, is crazy.

 

I also don't think you have the slightest idea of how I interact with men I'm dating.

[Leigh 87]

I've asked the mods to discard any negative or unhelpful advice.

 

Keep the thread on track please.

 

Leave the psycho analysis to people who actually know me.

 

 

 

 

I am really enjoying dating lately. I've made a genuine friend out of the last guy I briefly dated.

 

We both just knew we wouldn't fall in love with each other within a week. Yet we love spending hours hanging out and we love each others personalities.

 

We are alse really attracted to each other. We just didn't feel like we could fall in love.

 

See. I'm enjoying how dating can amount to some potentially good friends in the future.

[jcrew11]

If you really want an LTR, you need to focus more on personality rather than looks. If you are dating a guy for his looks, without getting to know his personality, you are setting yourself up for failure. Its not about taking it slow, its about how compatible you think both of you are. You are an average-looking girl, which is both a good thing and a bad thing. You are not "Model HOT" enough to keep a guy, but you are "Average-Attractive" enough to meet guys who want a one-night hookup with an average girl who is not hideously ugly.

 

Don't go for the super-hot guys, but go for the average looking guys who are compatible with your lifestyle.

 

But you also can keep a guy by being "self-assured, indepedent" without neediness for a boyfriend.

 

But its also okay to have fun, sleep around, and meet a lot of different types of men to find one you like.

[fanine]

I've asked the mods to discard any negative or unhelpful advice.

 

Keep the thread on track please.

 

Leave the psycho analysis to people who actually know me.

 

 

 

 

I am really enjoying dating lately. I've made a genuine friend out of the last guy I briefly dated.

 

We both just knew we wouldn't fall in love with each other within a week. Yet we love spending hours hanging out and we love each others personalities.

 

We are alse really attracted to each other. We just didn't feel like we could fall in love.

 

See. I'm enjoying how dating can amount to some potentially good friends in the future.

 

You say what all these other guys are thinking. but has this particular one actually told you he doesn't feel like he could fall in love - you say 'we' in the quote above? That may well be what you think, but this a person you hardly know.

 

A week is such a short space of time. Really I would say don't over analyse so much when you meet men. Really do just go with the flow. Even maybe take a break from posting on here about dating and men, otherwise it becomes a kind of obsession in a sense. Something you can end up always thinking about.

 

Take each day as it comes with any man. You really don't know what the future holds, how your feelings or how the other person's feelings can change etc etc...

 

Your friend has this amazing relationship, but that is what worked for her and her partner. You may find that you slowly love someone over time, and that is how you will have a long term relationship. Who knows, until you meet the right person.

 

To me the best kind of love is when you grow with the other person, and fall in love with them over time. Falling in love is not something that happens in a puff of smoke and that is it. It is something that develops through different stages. When we first meet someone we all put on a slight act, to give a good impression etc. But over time you will get to know the real person.

 

Really I would just chill, enjoy life and meeting new men and just let things happen. While in the meantime getting on with other exciting things in your life as well.

 

Good luck

[Leigh 87]

If you really want an LTR, you need to focus more on personality rather than looks. If you are dating a guy for his looks, without getting to know his personality, you are setting yourself up for failure. Its not about taking it slow, its about how compatible you think both of you are. You are an average-looking girl, which is both a good thing and a bad thing. You are not "Model HOT" enough to keep a guy, but you are "Average-Attractive" enough to meet guys who want a one-night hookup with an average girl who is not hideously ugly.

 

Don't go for the super-hot guys, but go for the average looking guys who are compatible with your lifestyle.

 

But you also can keep a guy by being "self-assured, indepedent" without neediness for a boyfriend.

 

But its also okay to have fun, sleep around, and meet a lot of different types of men to find one you like.

 

 

 

Well, there are good looking men who find me very attractive. The average guys I get with also think I am very attractive.

 

I realise I am average to you and some people, but I disagree that I am not " very attractive" to some men out there.

I have straight teeth and very nice skin and a great figure that I do not have to really work for ( thin but curvy).

 

Sorry, but while I may not be winning any beauty contests, I think I am above average to some men out there ( and when I mean some, I mean SOME; not a " tiny minority"

 

Thanks for your opinion though, but I do think I am very attractive to certain people. Which I always seem to find.

 

I don't really need you telling me that I am not good enough to find guys who will think I am very attractive, and therefore have to get by on my personality.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh if you really want to learn you have to be willing to accept criticism. On a public forum as long as someone is not trolling, surely they should be allowed to express their opinion? How can people truly learn unless they are willing to open their mind to the possibility that someone may be right about them?

 

I do not believe the problem are these guys. The problem here is you. I do not believe for a second you have any idea just how deep your problems run. No I don't know you as you rightly pointed out, but if it looks like a duck, waddles like a duck, and quacks like a duck more often then not it's a duck.

 

Why do you feel the need to tell us how awesome you are over and over again? I personally think you are a million miles from meeting an emotionally healthy man because you yourself are not emotionally healthy. If you don't agree fine but when you are going further and further away from reality and you have even bigger problems down the line maybe go back and read your old threads. Except this time don't ignore and play down because we don't know you, instead try to listen to what we are trying to tell you...

 

 

I told you to F*ck off?

 

You are SO annoying!

 

YOU ARE NOT a person in my real life who is constantly observing me!

 

It is a very far stretch of you to actually think I will read the " you are a nightmare to guys" and other such awful comments, and think " wow she's right, I must be totally crap to be around, for a guy":lmao::lmao:

 

To be, it is laughable. I have lived and travelled a lot to most continents, and I have talked to a wide array of people. I tend to know how to act normal and pleasant around people and men. I have made all the "crazy" mistakes with men, but right now I just act normal and I don't do or say anything remotely off.

I am insightful enough to know when I say or do something wrong. I know right away. I don't do it again.

 

I am pretty emotionally healthy, when I go about my days totally normal, happy, and without any mood swings or dramas.

If I am feeling positive and happy about life, and I think I am a reasonably good person, then why the hell would I attract men who have issues?

I keep my personal issues under wraps, and do not let them bring me down or put me in depressive moods. I just get on with it, get therapy, and continue living life as per usual.

 

And I do happen to think I am an awesome girl, thank you very much, as do my MANY friends and people around me who choose to spend time with me.

....... albeit to the right people. Not everyone will like me of course!

 

You have absolutely NO idea what I am like with men. I do NOT cause issues or drama, so you are a pretty negative person how you assume I would be a nightmare to date. Who do you think you are? Where is your crystal ball that allows you to SEE how I am like around various men?

 

You're false assumptions about " what I am like" in general and around men are NOT helpful in the slightest.

 

The men lately I just sit and talk about normal things/myself, themselves. There is no mention of relationships, sex, or anything you SHOULDNT bring up within the first weeks of knowing each other.

[Leigh 87]

If you really want an LTR, you need to focus more on personality rather than looks. If you are dating a guy for his looks, without getting to know his personality, you are setting yourself up for failure. Its not about taking it slow, its about how compatible you think both of you are. You are an average-looking girl, which is both a good thing and a bad thing. You are not "Model HOT" enough to keep a guy, but you are "Average-Attractive" enough to meet guys who want a one-night hookup with an average girl who is not hideously ugly.

 

Don't go for the super-hot guys, but go for the average looking guys who are compatible with your lifestyle.

 

But you also can keep a guy by being "self-assured, indepedent" without neediness for a boyfriend.

 

But its also okay to have fun, sleep around, and meet a lot of different types of men to find one you like.

 

 

 

You're disgusting.

 

I believe I am more than just an " average girl" that guys think " is not hideously ugly".

 

I think there are enough men out there who find me above average to them. I have found them so far without having to look far.

 

Please keep your " opinion" to yourself thanks.

 

And don't bother commenting on my looks AGAIN, as I have already alerted the mods. It is NOT helpful of you telling me that I am not going to be pretty enough to a guy for him to be very attracted to be initially.

[Leigh 87]

You say what all these other guys are thinking. but has this particular one actually told you he doesn't feel like he could fall in love - you say 'we' in the quote above? That may well be what you think, but this a person you hardly know.

 

A week is such a short space of time. Really I would say don't over analyse so much when you meet men. Really do just go with the flow. Even maybe take a break from posting on here about dating and men, otherwise it becomes a kind of obsession in a sense. Something you can end up always thinking about.

 

Take each day as it comes with any man. You really don't know what the future holds, how your feelings or how the other person's feelings can change etc etc...

 

Your friend has this amazing relationship, but that is what worked for her and her partner. You may find that you slowly love someone over time, and that is how you will have a long term relationship. Who knows, until you meet the right person.

 

To me the best kind of love is when you grow with the other person, and fall in love with them over time. Falling in love is not something that happens in a puff of smoke and that is it. It is something that develops through different stages. When we first meet someone we all put on a slight act, to give a good impression etc. But over time you will get to know the real person.

 

Really I would just chill, enjoy life and meeting new men and just let things happen. While in the meantime getting on with other exciting things in your life as well.

 

Good luck

 

 

 

You made some good points. However, sometimes even men who like to take things slow, know right away if they will or won't fall in love with you.

 

Case in point; me and the last guy could talk for hours and we both just loved simply spending time together, way more than most people we have come across in life.

 

He is VERY attracted to me ( unlike what that imbecile said about me being not hot to men, I am thin \curvy and HE thought I was very attractive).

 

The thing is; him being very attracted to me, and really liking me as a person enough to date, did NOT mean we both had the raw ingredients to fall in love.

 

He outright said after a week that, although I was better looking and had a personality that was as good as other girls he had dated, that he already knew he would never fall in love with me.

 

He said he knew it with every girl; if he has the potential to fall IN love with them, opposed to settling and growing to "love" them in a caring, but not romantic, way.

 

Thankfully I always felt something was missing too, though I was really turned on by him in a sexual way.

 

It was funny. Sometimes you just KNOW when someone is not the one for you, in spite of being very attracted to them, and even if you get along exceptionally well?

 

In any case, we are both actually very pleased and happy that we came across each other, as are now friends who genuinely love just hanging out.

[Leigh 87]

Anyways I told the mods to close this thread, as I do not need people telling me I am a nightmare to be around to men, or any idiots telling me that since I am only "average", I am not going to be very attractive to men upon first meeting:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

 

Until they close the thread, please DO NOT, anyone, come on here and tell me that " wow I would run a mile" if I was a guy, or remind me that my looks won't appeal to men as anything other than " not hideous"

 

These things are not helpful, as I don't believe I am unpleasant to be around, nor do I think I am not very attractive to some men out there (who are decent enough themselves)