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I made a wrong move :(

forgetmenot75

By forgetmenot75
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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JDPT Established Member

JDPT

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You would agree that looking at someone's profile is not a way to keep in touch, yes?

I'll snap some reality into this, he was just curious, nothing more nothing less. And rejected you will feel and get ready for your self esteem to be even lower than it previously was. Look out for yourself, STOP doing this, back to reality!

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forgetmenot75 Established Member

forgetmenot75

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Nah, he wasn't just curious, he purposely favorited me in two dating sites, and he looked for me all day yesterday checking my profiles.

that is not curiosity.

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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Why did he play with me? Why?

 

He can't even say hi to me, after having sex with me for 6 months??

 

I feel sick on my stomach. I'm day 1 again. I just can't believe he can't even say hi.

 

He's played with you in the past. What makes you think it'll change now? He has never taken you seriously and has never been emotionally invested in you. Why do you think he would now?

JDPT Established Member

JDPT

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Good luck to you, I wish you the best, I'm confident that you will eventually see things for what they really are.

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Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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Nah, he wasn't just curious, he purposely favorited me in two dating sites, and he looked for me all day yesterday checking my profiles.

that is not curiosity.

 

He was on silent mode with you for 3 months. You opened the door for him to get in touch with you.

 

If that's not curiosity, then what is it?

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shortee Established Member

shortee

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He doesn't feel the same way about you that you do about him. He really doesn't care about you. He probably favorited you to see how much you visit his profile and get a good laugh. Don't be so easy and desperate. You gave it up too fast. You should have let him say hi first. Guys like to pursue and chase and feel overwhelmed when women chase them. Stop pursuing the guy and let the guy pursue you.

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forgetmenot75 Established Member

forgetmenot75

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Thank you all for your thoughtful insight. I feel terrible right now.

Horrible, horrible day. This won't happen again.

 

I only want to sleep right now. Wow, I feel as bad as day 1, if not worse. He rejected me twice now. Nobody ever rejected me like he did.

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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I can't say this often enough to you. You chase men. Please stop.

 

You got bent out of shape over two guys on a dating site that you never even met because their online communication was sporadic. You have a common tone, in that you chase emotionally unavailable men and you get caught up with the "handsome and cute."

 

At what point do you learn? Posters have told you to stay away from dating, seek a counselor, make changes in your life, stay single for awhile...but you continue to want to delsf-destruct.

 

You're very quick to jump on others for not doing what you believe is right, why don't you step outside of yourself, view your situation as an outsider and see what advice you come up with. Your brain will get you right. Acting on your emotions isn't going to help you one bit.

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Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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This won't happen again..

 

I bet he waits a couple of days to stir your anxiety and hope to crazy levels and then he'll reply. Because he knows you are sitting there waiting anxiously. It will make you want him more. And then, it will happen all over again.

StarsOnFire Established Member

StarsOnFire

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Get off the site or block him, you are obsessed. That's not good, or healthy.

 

He obviously doesn't want to be with you, and has nothing good to offer you. He's probably just bored or showing people that someone he used to have sex with just checked out his profile on the dating site and laughing about how awkward that is.

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forgetmenot75 Established Member

forgetmenot75

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I'll keep you posted. Very rare that he'll write me later. He used to reply within minutes, always.

I have to agree he was just curious. He must have been looking like crazy for a new partner these last days, and maybe he found out one between yesterday and today. I'm prone to think that. He might be super excited with his new conquest, so he just ignored me. I have no other explanation.

hopefulfaerie Established Member

hopefulfaerie

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I'm so sorry you are in so much pain. It's understandable.

please don't beat yourself up. I know how you feel. I really do! I was rejected hardcore and it had never happened to me either. My ex didn't even say goodbye. To this day, I have NO IDEA what his reasons were for ending it. He made plans to come over and never showed and I haven't heard from him since.

My self esteem was in the toilet. Probably still is a little.

 

We all do things we are not proud of when we're hurting. You learned from your mistake and now you know better. It's okay. You will get through this!

There are a lot of people here that care about you because we are all going through this nightmare too.

Take care of yourself :)

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forgetmenot75 Established Member

forgetmenot75

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Get off the site or block him, you are obsessed. That's not good, or healthy.

 

He obviously doesn't want to be with you, and has nothing good to offer you. He's probably just bored or showing people that someone he used to have sex with just checked out his profile on the dating site and laughing about how awkward that is.

 

I'm not online anymore, but I'm talking with other guys too, so why do I have to get off the site?

Yeah, its obvious he doesn't want to be with me. Get it.

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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I'm not online anymore, but I'm talking with other guys too, so why do I have to get off the site?

Yeah, its obvious he doesn't want to be with me. Get it.

 

If you want to stay on the site, then block him. I know you won't because you want to stay open to him if he communicates.

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forgetmenot75 Established Member

forgetmenot75

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Update:

 

I just signed in and he replied to my "hi". The dumbas has upgraded his pof account, there is a gold circle besides his name in my inbox. I always though only losers upgraded the account, and he once told me he didn't like the girls on POF because they were ugly :S Anyway, he replied, but I don't want to give him the pleasure to know I've opened his message.

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forgetmenot75 Established Member

forgetmenot75

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Update:

 

I opened his message: "Hey you...watcha doing over there?"

 

I haven't replied.

 

He signed in a few minutes ago and sent me another message: "You're actually wrong, I read your profile! haha ;)" (This because I wrote on my profile no one reads profiles)

 

I haven't replied yet and I'm really struggling right now. I logged of POF. I'm going to bed right now.

Edited by forgetmenot75
Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

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Self-inflicted wounds. That's all this is.

ConfusedHumanBeing Established Member

ConfusedHumanBeing

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This is getting embarrassing.......

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Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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Just as I said he'd reply. I'm not sure how to advise you at this point. I think you will destroy yourself over and over until you decide you've had enough. At this point you haven't reached your limit.

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forgetmenot75 Established Member

forgetmenot75

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Just as I said he'd reply. I'm not sure how to advise you at this point. I think you will destroy yourself over and over until you decide you've had enough. At this point you haven't reached your limit.

 

I don't even know why I act the way I do. Maybe the image of him I had for do long on my mind. I create a different person, who he is not in reality. You can see things clearly, even though I have proof he's a player, my mind still don't want to fully realize it. I wish I could see what you see right now.

It's like I don't want to give up with this. Relentless.

I'm preserving myself right now though, because of what you've said. And even though I feel I have to reply, I am relying on your clearer vision, hoping one day I could see what you're seeing.

 

 

(Ps: I have no friends whom to talk about this, I'm sorry if some people find my updates embarrassing. Please don't read them then)

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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I believe you see what everyone else sees but you have a poor sense of self-value that you will do anything to be accepted by someone, because your patterns don't just repeat itself with this guy but in case of those two other guys on the dating site as well. You feel validated when a man shows you interest and that's because you can't validate yourself because you don't see anything valuable or worth preserving and respecting about yourself.

 

Yes, you've created this perfect image in your head about this guy and you can't let go of it because you want it badly. You don't want to accept who he is because you're hoping he can be what you want him to be. Maybe this time he'll be different. Maybe this time he'll love me the way I want him to. Maybe this time he realizes what he's lost. But at the the end of the day, your reality is that you had to view his profile on a dating site to get him to show a small little speck of interest in you. How sad is that, and yet you cling so desperately and idealize it when all it is was a little crumb.

 

When a man like this sees how much control he has over you and knows how much you will disrespect yourself just to please him, he will never love you, because there would be nothing to love about you if you don't even love yourself. Men do not find women that chase, grovel and disrespect themselves as attractive. It's weak and sad. Women like that are most often used, not selected as potential and equal partners. When you behave that way, he's not going, "Oh, look at how in love she is with me, I'm so taken by how she wants me so badly and still has me in her thoughts. " He's thinking, "Goodness, I treated her like crap and she's still pining for me. What's wrong with her?" And sadly, the way you have conducted yourself, has sealed your fate in his eyes.

 

You really need to find help to change your emotional health and perspective. Many posters have advised you about this and it seems to fall on deaf ears. Stop dating. And it seems you can't because again, you need validation from external sources because the thought of just being by yourself terrifies you. You can't give a man anything if your emotional health is such. You'll just keep hurting yourself, over and over again.

Edited by Zahara
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forgetmenot75 Established Member

forgetmenot75

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I believe you see what everyone else sees but you have a poor sense of self-value that you will do anything to be accepted by someone, because your patterns don't just repeat itself with this guy but in case of those two other guys on the dating site as well. You feel validated when a man shows you interest and that's because you can't validate yourself because you don't see anything valuable or worth preserving and respecting about yourself. Yes, that is completely true. I'm working on all this but it's hard. Many, many years behaving like this can't be fixed in one day. I'm trying to learn healthier patterns

 

Yes, you've created this perfect image in your head about this guy and you can't let go of it because you want it badly. You don't want to accept who he is because you're hoping he can be what you want him to be. Maybe this time he'll be different. Maybe this time he'll love me the way I want him to. Maybe this time he realizes what he's lost. But at the the end of the day, your reality is that you had to view his profile on a dating site to get him to show a small little speck of interest in you. How sad is that, and yet you cling so desperately and idealize it when all it is was a little crumb.There is much more behind this. He couldn't contacted me because I blocked him for 3 months and he knew he couldn't text me.

 

When a man like this sees how much control he has over you and knows how much you will disrespect yourself just to please him, he will never love you, because there would be nothing to love about you if you don't even love yourself. Men do not find women that chase, grovel and disrespect themselves as attractive. It's weak and sad. Women like that are most often used, not selected as potential and equal partners. When you behave that way, he's not going, "Oh, look at how in love she is with me, I'm so taken by how she wants me so badly and still has me in her thoughts. " He's thinking, "Goodness, I treated her like crap and she's still pining for me. What's wrong with her?" And sadly, the way you have conducted yourself, has sealed your fate in his eyes.This is very painful and revealing. Knowing I can't change the way he sees me, and knowing there is no possibility of changing it really devastates me. It's like I have to carry with my mistakes without possibility of fixing it in any way

 

You really need to find help to change your emotional health and perspective. Many posters have advised you about this and it seems to fall on deaf ears. There are some things we are not yet prepared to digest. this is not done on purposeStop dating. And it seems you can't because again, you need validation from external sources because the thought of just being by yourself terrifies you. You can't give a man anything if your emotional health is such. You'll just keep hurting yourself, over and over again.

 

 

there is a lot more going on. I just can't post it in a public forum. My question here will be how to move on and start seeing things with clarity. I'm wrapped in a nightmare right now. He's been checking my profile in the other dating site all morning, yet i haven't checked his. I haven't signed in POF. I'm so tired of all this right now. He has made the attempt to contact me several times but I completely ignored him.

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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there is a lot more going on. I just can't post it in a public forum. My question here will be how to move on and start seeing things with clarity. I'm wrapped in a nightmare right now. He's been checking my profile in the other dating site all morning, yet i haven't checked his. I haven't signed in POF. I'm so tired of all this right now. He has made the attempt to contact me several times but I completely ignored him.

 

Yes, many many years of these patterns can't be changed overnight. But you can't use that as an excuse to justify yourself wanting to still engage this guy. It's been going on for far too long to use that excuse. Once, twice, three times getting beaten over the head is enough for one to learn that change needs to start NOW. You're not even trying. You know you can't control your emotional impulses when you drink, yet you get drunk. You know you should not be dating but using the time to focus on feeling your pain and healing on your own without having another man heal you, yet you continue to keep yourself on these dating sites. You know you should stay away from anything that triggers you, yet you seek him out on dating sites. Change requires hard work. It doesn't just happen because you want it to.

 

And there you go making excuses as to why he couldn't contact you. A man that wants you, will be banging on your door.

 

I hope you start getting a grip and start digesting on the reality of what you're doing to yourself.

 

The only way to stop the nightmare is to delete your profiles, block his profile, log off and stay NC. I'm not sure how else you could make this nightmare tolerable because deep down you are going to get hurt if you engage. The only reason he has made several attempts to contact you is because you opened the door and now he's baiting you.

 

And stop talking about how you can't fix it. You said he is a player, a liar and a user. Fix what? This is who he is. If that's the kind of man you want, contact him.

Edited by Zahara
Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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I understand COMPLETELY your pain and frustration and how sometimes people can make you feel crucified. Been there.

 

But this is the aftermath of heartbreak people! It's not frickin easy. It's relentless and it is embarrassing. I've done many shameful things in the name of love. But guess what, most people do.

 

Give yourself a break.

 

One of two things are gonna happen:

 

1. He's gonna realize you are worth it

or

2. You're gonna realize he isn't

 

It's all about time with this stuff. Nothing else.

 

Heartbreak? We all know the concept. Been there done that. Maybe if you read her history you'll understand why people are being hard on her. No one is crucifying her but attempting to help her and if it comes of harsh it's not because it's done to hurt her but to knock some sense into her. If people didn't care, they wouldn't put two cents into spending their time following her.

 

If time is all it takes, then how should anyone advise the OP any further when she posts on LS asking for advice? Coddle her and tell her time will tell?

Edited by Zahara
JDPT Established Member

JDPT

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This thread has morphed into a child misbehaving, we can't reinforce negative behavior. :sick:

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