I made a wrong move :(

[Zahara]

Why do you say I'm chasing them? I haven't begged, or cried, or even tried to call him even though I have his stupid number memorized.

I only visited his profile and he responded.

I am scared, really scared, of being hurt by him again. But still, some force is pushing me to him. It's not conscious, and it's very hard to get rid of.

 

How I'd let him come to me? I have no clue. I sneaked on him, he replied. It's it my turn now? I don't get it

 

You seeked him out. You viewed his profile to provoke a response. He has done nothing in 3 months to rope you in. You said you checked his profile to get his reaction. You're chasing. Seeking out. For a man that's showing you no interest. Just as you did before.

 

Force is pushing you? No force. Just your inability to have self-respect and to love yourself. It's not rocket science. You chased men you only knew for a couple of days on those dating sites. There is no force. You crave to be accepted by men. And when they don't, you chase. You play these silly games. Blame the alcohol. Blame the force. It's you. You have no sense of value within yourself to say enough of men treating me badly. Instead, you'll consider more mistreatment, just to see if maybe you could be loved and accepted.

Edited September 9, 2013 by Zahara

[mtnbiker3000]

Hey. Low self-esteem is nothing to be ashamed of. I am suffering with it too. I have a lot of trouble setting boundaries in intimate relationships and I suffer from low self-esteem and low self-worth stemming from early childhood. It's nothing I did or didn't do. It's messages that were thrust upon me by others at a time when I couldn't understand that they were stupid and meant nothing. Instead, I believed them, as any child would do. So, you see, most likely your issues are no fault of your own. And, the best part is, these things can be fixed. They are repairable. But you must admit you have them and be open to working through them.

[BC1980]

Why do you say I'm chasing them? I haven't begged, or cried, or even tried to call him even though I have his stupid number memorized.

I only visited his profile and he responded.

I am scared, really scared, of being hurt by him again. But still, some force is pushing me to him. It's not conscious, and it's very hard to get rid of.

 

How I'd let him come to me? I have no clue. I sneaked on him, he replied. It's it my turn now? I don't get it

 

But do you really think this man can give you a real relationship? You know he just wants sex; I think you have said that before in a thread. You can't be FWB if you love him.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Why do you say I'm chasing them? I haven't begged, or cried, or even tried to call him even though I have his stupid number memorized.

I only visited his profile and he responded.

I am scared, really scared, of being hurt by him again. But still, some force is pushing me to him. It's not conscious, and it's very hard to get rid of.

 

How I'd let him come to me? I have no clue. I sneaked on him, he replied. It's it my turn now? I don't get it

 

 

 

LOL - god, this has nothing to do with low self esteem.

 

The force is the very natural regard we all have for our own previous social investments. Somewhere out there lives a woman who was once married to The Green River Killer, and it is highly improbable that she ever knew word one of his murderous ways. While she, along with the rest of us can assure (esp. in hindsight) that her husband was a horrible human being, should we somehow disregard or stomp-on that woman's independent will for investing herself in the life and character of a partner???

 

Was the moment the world discovered that he was the horrible person who killed all of those women, the same moment that the semi-anonymous woman who was married to him at the point of arrest/discovery should have completely lost any belief or expectation that she can properly share her vulnerability with a partner? Should we no longer think that woman (and others who split-up from someone) capable of gradually and gently exposing their own vulnerability to a random partner?

 

(the following analogy is getting tiresome, but it's like the stock market: )

 

You bought-in at $100 a share, and the stock went up soon after... it was perhaps $120, and then $140 through the best times of your relationship... then it slowly turned south... and dipped to $105, and then to $90... and then to $75 per share... soon it was $54 per share... and at that point you were thinking: "the only way to get even on this is to stick it out and hope things turn around".

 

Soon the stock dipped even further... and somehow one of you recognized that you still had $45 of good money which could be invested elsewhere in another willing prospect.

 

So even if you take your $45 and shop it around, looking for the right target, with just the ideal potential, you're still a bit hesitant to give a "buy" order to your broker.

 

 

 

(hold on - time out - I just realized that stock trades online {often like OLD prospects} are/can-be really cheap too)

 

 

 

Well there you sit, with $45 of good investment capital, and when you think of your ex, you can instantly recognize that heeeeeeeeeee has potential, even at $100 per share (you've researched this stock before, so you know the details)... and perhaps even a distant target price of $140 a share.

 

That's the force which is pushing you toward him... and it is very natural.

 

 

Most people who dodge such a challenge, do so because their dance cards are chock full of alternatives, each looking to invest in them... while seeing the window of opportunity, and wanting to buy-in at the optimum moment.

 

Others, who don't have, or who haven't given into such 3rd parties, are indeed those most likely to draw themselves back near to the old partner, perhaps to try again.

 

(and nothing says it couldn't work out, either)

 

 

If you have better offers on the table, by all means look into them, but if you find yourself just dwelling in singledom, and alone, then it really isn't wrong to connect again with this former beau, if only for a short period.

 

In one way, you will at least gain more clarity about his near and long-term potential as your investment... and maaaaaaaaaaybe, in the worst case scenario, you will be emotionally hurt so significantly that even you will later become convinced that to invest in him isn't the answer you've been seeking.

 

Hope this all makes sense.

[Zahara]

If you have better offers on the table, by all means look into them, but if you find yourself just dwelling in singledom, and alone, then it really isn't wrong to connect again with this former beau, if only for a short period.

 

In one way, you will at least gain more clarity about his near and long-term potential as your investment... and maaaaaaaaaaybe, in the worst case scenario, you will be emotionally hurt so significantly that even you will later become convinced that to invest in him isn't the answer you've been seeking.

 

Hope this all makes sense.

 

You should first read her history with this guy. There was no relationship. He didn't want one with her. He chose someone else. She's in pain because of it. But even with her dating experiences on dating sites, she has a pattern of chasing a guy, getting bent out of shape in emotional turmoil posting on LS when a guy isn't showing her interest, and that's only within a span of knowing these men through online communication for just a couple of days.

Edited September 10, 2013 by Zahara

[forgetmenot75]

Yes, I have low self Esteem. Specially after being rejected like I was.

I haven't post about a lot other guys and me being crushed after a few days. Just once! And he was very cute and sweet. He's gone now and I don't miss him.

 

But I do miss HIM. There's something in his eyes, that melancholic glance... Whatever.

 

I do see the potential in him. We were 140 once, we did share some things. Even though he always opted to not love me, we did share some things. I cannot call him an ex per se, nor even say that I "broke" with him because that's not true, and I don't feel he was an ex.

 

C'mon, he is a handsome guy, he can have as many women as he'd like to. I was one of them. I wished I was the only one, but he's promiscuous.

He didn't have to loose his time looking at my profile if he weren't interested.

 

He checked me one hour ago again. I just signed in and saw he visited me although he hast made contact.

 

Right now I have more options. I'm scared to meet in person, but I'll have to do it eventually. four other guys are talking to me. I don't feel excitement at all. I felt excited and my heart pounded even I signed in and saw he visited me. It's something I only feel with him. And I truly wish I feel nothing, but I still have a long way to go

[forgetmenot75]

This is what had happened: I checked him again last night, and logged of. Now, he's been online after that but he didn't make any move.

What should I do next? I'll follow your advice from now on. I'm sick of this already.

[Zahara]

This is what had happened: I checked him again last night, and logged of. Now, he's been online after that but he didn't make any move.

What should I do next? I'll follow your advice from now on. I'm sick of this already.

 

Block him now. Stop seeking him out. Stop drinking till you lose self-control.

[forgetmenot75]

Another update. I'm going super crazy right now.

I've just logged in POF and he also visited my profile last night and favorited me.

Weird thing is I have no pic on pof as profile is new. BUT he knows it's me. I'm sure. How come? As I have no pic, my profile is very crapy. He's the only one that has favorited me so far. He's playing. He wants me to know that he knows, but why???

Edited September 10, 2013 by forgetmenot75

[BigGirlPantiesOn]

Another update. I'm going super crazy right now.

I've just logged in POF and he also visited my profile last night and favorited me.

Weird thing is I have no pic on pof as profile is new. BUT he knows it's me. I'm sure. How come? As I have no pic, my profile is very crapy. He's the only one that has favorited me so far. He's playing. He wants me to know that he knows, but why???

 

ADVICE:

 

Let. It. Go.

 

Stop obsessing

 

Enter therapy

[Zahara]

Another update. I'm going super crazy right now.

I've just logged in POF and he also visited my profile last night and favorited me.

Weird thing is I have no pic on pof as profile is new. BUT he knows it's me. I'm sure. How come? As I have no pic, my profile is very crapy. He's the only one that has favorited me so far. He's playing. He wants me to know that he knows, but why???

 

But why? Are you really asking? You aren't that clueless.

 

You opened the door. Now he wants to play. Simple. And no, it's not because he misses you or wants a relationship. He didn't make contact for 3 months. You started it all. You poked him now he wants to see what he can get because he knows you're still affected.

 

Either you block him on all your dating sites or you contact him. Pick one.

Edited September 10, 2013 by Zahara

[JDPT]

It's online antics, "omg he saw me online!" huh? get rid of the damn profile and stop torturing yourself.

[BC1980]

Even if you were to contact him or see him, he has made it clear that he can't offer you what you need and deserve: a committed relationship. So why even worry about him?

 

It seems like you might have an obsession with him. I'm not trying to be mean, but he's causing you a lot of stress over a dating site. That is not healthy. I think you need to get off the dating site completely for the time being because it's supplying the addiction.

[Zahara]

C'mon, he is a handsome guy, he can have as many women as he'd like to. I was one of them. I wished I was the only one, but he's promiscuous.

He didn't have to loose his time looking at my profile if he weren't interested.

 

Just as how he dragged you on for months without giving you anything, it was because he was only interested in using you. It applies again. He can get any girl he wants. Sure. But you are showing him you are available to be used again, that's why the interest. And if he plays his cards right and throws out enough bait, you'll fall blindly into it again. He knows you're weak.

 

If you define the word "interested" in your situation, it's just not worth it.

[shortee]

Let him contact you. Let him show you hes interested in you. Reading your other posts, you initiated all conversations and made plans and picked him up. He made no effort. Stop being desperate and easy and let him come to you.

[forgetmenot75]

I hear you all.

I couldn't refrain myself of saying "hi" on pof after posting here. Then I logged of. I have no idea if he replied or not.

 

I get what you all said, I truly do. And it sucks when you all see things clearer than myself. I usually get angry when I give some clear advice here and people are so blind they don't want to listen.

 

This is so hard.

Edited September 10, 2013 by forgetmenot75

[barky2]

He did now, exactly what he wanted

 

I said to let him come to you.

 

I know its hard.

 

But the power would have been in your hand.

 

* shakes you *

 

 

 

Barky

[Zahara]

I hear you all.

I couldn't refrain myself of saying "hi" on pof after posting here. Then I logged of. I have no idea if he replied or not.

 

I get what you all said, I truly do. And it sucks when you all see things clearer than myself. I usually get angry when I give some clear advice here and people are so blind they don't want to listen.

 

This is so hard.

 

I guess sit and wait.

[robbysurfs]

I just want to tell you i am in the same situation its been a bit longer nc like 5 months and I went off the effin grid. Deleted FB phone numbers and all contact. I did it to give myself a chance to heal.So when the smoke clears and the pain is gone I will maybe one day find love again. I know it hurts right now as I am writing this I am welling up because I still miss her and a part of me loves her very much but it ended for a reason. I tend to only think of what was good about her and its all emotional. I also forget that in many ways she wasn't for me and she was cold and not available in many ways. It will pass It hasn't for me but one day at a time I manage...

 

PS: Reconnect with something you love to do I skateboard more now then ever and it frees my mind and relieves me from the bondage of self...

[forgetmenot75]

just checked out both dating sites. he's been online all morning.

He hasn't checked me again, and he hasn't replied my "hi".

 

wow, not even a Hi.

[JDPT]

Wow are you still self inflicting more pain?

That's WOW

[forgetmenot75]

Just checked if he replied...I havent contacted him. what I don't understand is why he made all that moves. he's as sick as I am.

[forgetmenot75]

Why did he play with me? Why?

 

He can't even say hi to me, after having sex with me for 6 months??

 

I feel sick on my stomach. I'm day 1 again. I just can't believe he can't even say hi.

[JDPT]

You are clearly amplifying and dwelling on the mundane. Honestly, you need to snap out of it, it's silly online antics and you keep doing this to yourself. When my ex checked my linkedin account a few months and I saw her name and picture as people who viewed my account, I got excited, that excitement only lasted me 5 minutes than it was back to reality and feeling silly at getting excited at such miniscule ridiculousness.

[forgetmenot75]

You are clearly amplifying and dwelling on the mundane. Honestly, you need to snap out of it, it's silly online antics and you keep doing this to yourself. When my ex checked my linkedin account a few months and I saw her name and picture as people who viewed my account, I got excited, that excitement only lasted me 5 minutes than it was back to reality and feeling silly at getting excited at such miniscule ridiculousness.

 

I felt excited too. I thought wow, he wants to get in touch again.

 

Falling back to reality is hard. I feel rejection as its best