forgetmenot75 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Hi all, I've been 3 months no contact, strict no contact. Recently, two days ago to be specific, I discovered him online on a dating site. That triggered a lot of feelings, and I've been checking whether he is online or not since then. He hasn't attempted any contact since last June. I blocked him from every possible way if contact, but he could always had texted me. He hasn't. Five minutes ago I checked his profile, and he'll know it was me. I'm tipsy right now, I've attended a concert tonight and drunk some beer. I honestly don't know why on earth I clicked on his stupid profile. Now he'll know. I'm feeling very sad right now, and I want to close the stupid account. I just want to move on but I find it very hard. I still want him.
Hoaks Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Don't stress about it. For all he knows maybe one of your friends was clicking through profiles while you doing something else. Been just under 3 months for me too and I want my abusive ex back. Struggling to move on completely. At least you didn't call or text. I wrote 2 letters and bumped into her once. Each one of those is a major setback. Stay strong, don't worry about the profile thing , anything could have happened there as far as he knows.
Author forgetmenot75 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 Well thank you. Make me feel better. But still...now I can't visit my profile because I don't want to feel stressed I think I'm delusional. I was thinking that he is online because of me. This is absurd, but how can I convince my brain? He never showed any feeling for me, he treated me like sh##, and I still think he is looking for me, even though he's online but he hasn't contacted me, AND he made no attempt to contact me in three months. Yeah, still I think he's online for me. I know this is non sense
Author forgetmenot75 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 So this is what had happened: I just checked my profile. First thing I saw is he visited my profile 2 minutes after I visited his. Then I discovered he favorited me. That means he'll know when I'm online without the need of checking my profile. I think that dumbass doesn't know it's me, although my nickname is the same. I'm clueless...
Notry412 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 That's the worst, I got caught because of imessage on the iphone of starting to send a message then deleting it, she happened to have my name up I guess and saw me texting, and called me out on what I was doing. She sent me the worst message ever, so I regret even looking at her name and thinking of texting her. So hard to move on these days with so many ways to stay in contact.
Misfortune Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 That's the worst, I got caught because of imessage on the iphone of starting to send a message then deleting it, she happened to have my name up I guess and saw me texting, and called me out on what I was doing. She sent me the worst message ever, so I regret even looking at her name and thinking of texting her. So hard to move on these days with so many ways to stay in contact. She seems a bit out there to come at you for typing a message. If it's never sent and doesn't affect them in anyway, i should be free to cope however i please. I find myself doing the same thing but I never send anything, just make believe
hinatticus Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 So this is what had happened: I just checked my profile. First thing I saw is he visited my profile 2 minutes after I visited his. Then I discovered he favorited me. That means he'll know when I'm online without the need of checking my profile. I think that dumbass doesn't know it's me, although my nickname is the same. I'm clueless... That seems weird he would do that. How does he not know it's you? Do you not have a profile pic up?
Author forgetmenot75 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 That seems weird he would do that. How does he not know it's you? Do you not have a profile pic up? I have a body pic without my face. The nickname is the same but I don't understand why would he favorited me if he knows who I am. He hadn't tried to contact me, just favorited. I don't know what to think now...
crazy1234 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Hi all, I've been 3 months no contact, strict no contact. Recently, two days ago to be specific, I discovered him online on a dating site. That triggered a lot of feelings, and I've been checking whether he is online or not since then. He hasn't attempted any contact since last June. I blocked him from every possible way if contact, but he could always had texted me. He hasn't. Five minutes ago I checked his profile, and he'll know it was me. I'm tipsy right now, I've attended a concert tonight and drunk some beer. I honestly don't know why on earth I clicked on his stupid profile. Now he'll know. I'm feeling very sad right now, and I want to close the stupid account. I just want to move on but I find it very hard. I still want him. Its okay.Whats done is done.Consider this as your one last step backwards to take two more steps forward.Time is the best healer(Y).We'll all get through it. 1
JDPT Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 This is clearly a sign that you aren't ready quiet yet perhaps it may be a good idea to delete your profile. There is not need to further torture yourself knowing he is on the same dating site as you are. The best course of action is to simply focus on yourself. I have personally learned through experience to steer clear of dating as it only exacerbates my current situation. I chose to not date, or look for "love" until I feel that I'm ready for it 100%. Take this time to focus on you, get to know yourself and most importantly heal fully. 3
Author forgetmenot75 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 I have a strong urge to contact him.
JDPT Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I have a strong urge to contact him. You are doing this for you, no one else but you. You are way stronger than exposing your feelings to someone who does not want to be with you. Think of how you reaching out to him will make you feel afterward. You would need to pick yourself up all over, it'll be just a quick hit then back to feeling worst than you felt before. Be strong this is simply a weak moment get through it and you will feel so proud of yourself that you managed to control your emotions and didnt do something against your better judgement. 5
Zahara Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I hate to be harsh here, but the man has rejected you over and over again. Where is your self-respect? What the hell...contact him. Yes, do that. Give him another opportunity to make you feel like schytt because you obviously aren't learning from your mistakes. I'd be terrified to even open myself to any contact because I would fear being hurt again. But you seem to love self-torture. You know you can't control your urges when you are drunk. Why drink? Why put yourself in a situation that will break your will. You have zero self-control? Zero sense of self-preservation? Alcohol is a depressant. You get on a high and then you fall hard. Why would you have no ability to stop yourself from the possibility of destruction? You checked his profile because you wanted to. It wasn't a mistake. You wanted to. You wanted to provoke him to see if he will make the next move when he saw you viewing him. Now, he's favorited you. Just as he's "favoring" other women on the site. And he's enjoying the experience. You? You're miserable. This is all you. You're hard on other posters but you can't listen to your own advice.
Zahara Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I don't understand why would he favorited me if he knows who I am. He hadn't tried to contact me, just favorited. I don't know what to think now... Because he saw you viewed his profile and he knows you're still hung up on him and that you are using that to open the door. So he favorites you to encourage your curiosity and interest. And it's working. Another ego stroke you just gave him.
Author forgetmenot75 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 Zahara, I checked on him to see his reaction. That's true. But I wouldn't have done that if I hadn't drunk that beer. Now, he replied cheeking my profile and favoriting me. I signed out after that, but even offline I still could see he was on and off every two hours. He's waiting for me to make the next move. He probably wants sex again. Some part of me still wants to play his game, but I can see how detrimental would be if I agree to have sex with him again. I still have feelings for him and I still hope he changed his mind this three months no contact. I was hoping he realized what he had lost. He probably has realized already and for that reason he opened the door again for me. I haven't signed in since last night and I checked his status (not his profile) last time this morning. While I still have the urge to connect again, some part of me still wants to heal.
barky2 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Forgetmenot You know better young lady. When they want you back they will move mountains. Not wait for you to make the next move. Did you open the door? Sure Do not do a damn thing! Repeat after me I ain't doing nothin'! ( in your best southern belle voice) Listen, the door is open. Make him come thru it. When he is ready, he will. And you won't have to wonder what his motives are They will be blatantly obvious. Barky 3
Zahara Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 (edited) You can't play the game. You're emotional. He can play the game because he has no emotional investment in you. In the end, you lose. YOU opened the door. Now he wants to play, not because he is interested in you but because he wants to see what he can get. If you didn't get drunk and didn't check his profile or go looking for it, the door would have still been closed because he was never opening it. You did. Now, you're back questioning something so insignificant. Guys I don't even know favorite me on the dating site. So, what the heck does that mean? Nothing. Block his profile. If you're playing games on a dating site to get a guy to come your way, that's enough to tell you how much you mean to him and how low you've set your expectations. Edited September 9, 2013 by Zahara 3
Author forgetmenot75 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 You can't play the game. You're emotional. He can play the game because he has no emotional investment in you. In the end, you lose. YOU opened the door. Now he wants to play, not because he is interested in you but because he wants to see what he can get. If you didn't get drunk and didn't check his profile or go looking for it, the door would have still been closed because he was never opening it. You did. Now, you're back questioning something so insignificant. Guys I don't even know favorite me on the dating site. So, what the heck does that mean? Nothing. Block his profile. If you're playing games on a dating site to get a guy to come your way, that's enough to tell you how much you mean to him and how low you've set your expectations. I never said I wanted to play the game. I was extremely sad yesterday, I deeply wanted a connection with him. I still do. I don't think he is not interested. He is. Because he knows he can get me and after three months he's missing me, he's missing the physical with me. He knows what a favorite is. He's giving me a breadcrumb. He never favorited me before, when I was with him. He's pulling the cord, he's waiting for a sign to start communication. He's scared of rejection, so he'll never initiate. I know him. Now, I feel that I have green light. One simple word and I could be with him again. He's become available to me too. I pulled out, as I haven't replied. He wants me for sex and I miss that sex. But I know he'll destroy me. He'll leave me with nothing, he'll drain me. Because it's like this. I'm debating right now, and it's hard.
melell Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Yeah, get off the site. No contact is the only way to avoid this. My ex has no trouble getting girls, all he has to do is go out, or text someone if he wants a date or sex. It really really really sucks. Do I want to know about it? I'd rather be punched in the face than know what he is doing. All of these little interactions, no matter how little, cause an emotional response. Your brain needs no such reminders or emotional triggers if you want to move on and feel better.
Zahara Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I'm debating right now, and it's hard. I'm not sure what you're debating about when you, in your own words stated he will destroy you. There should be no debate. You keep chasing men. Aren't you tired? Aren't you humiliated at how he treated you? Aren't you fearful of going through that pain again? Aren't you at this point prioritizing your own emotional sanity? Don't you love yourself? Poking, prodding, provoking, pushing, chasing. When do you stop chasing? Let a man come to you because he wants to. Let him come to you in the right way, wanting to love you, regretting the loss of you, begging you to accept him, with open communication. Not because of some silly back and forth on a dating site. You have to see how ridicilous and unhealthy this is.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I never said I wanted to play the game. I was extremely sad yesterday, I deeply wanted a connection with him. I still do. I don't think he is not interested. He is. Because he knows he can get me and after three months he's missing me, he's missing the physical with me. He knows what a favorite is. He's giving me a breadcrumb. He never favorited me before, when I was with him. He's pulling the cord, he's waiting for a sign to start communication. He's scared of rejection, so he'll never initiate. I know him. Now, I feel that I have green light. One simple word and I could be with him again. He's become available to me too. I pulled out, as I haven't replied. He wants me for sex and I miss that sex. But I know he'll destroy me. He'll leave me with nothing, he'll drain me. Because it's like this. I'm debating right now, and it's hard. Come on, get your respect back. You were never really with him before -- you can't get back what you never had. He'll f*ck you a few times then ditch you. Don't be a wuss. You really need to figure out why you keep chasing, or wanting to chase, a man of this caliber. 1
Author forgetmenot75 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 I'm not sure what you're debating about when you, in your own words stated he will destroy you. There should be no debate. You keep chasing men. Aren't you tired? Aren't you humiliated at how he treated you? Aren't you fearful of going through that pain again? Aren't you at this point prioritizing your own emotional sanity? Don't you love yourself? Poking, prodding, provoking, pushing, chasing. When do you stop chasing? Let a man come to you because he wants to. Let him come to you in the right way, wanting to love you, regretting the loss of you, begging you to accept him, with open communication. Not because of some silly back and forth on a dating site. You have to see how ridicilous and unhealthy this is. Why do you say I'm chasing them? I haven't begged, or cried, or even tried to call him even though I have his stupid number memorized. I only visited his profile and he responded. I am scared, really scared, of being hurt by him again. But still, some force is pushing me to him. It's not conscious, and it's very hard to get rid of. How I'd let him come to me? I have no clue. I sneaked on him, he replied. It's it my turn now? I don't get it
Author forgetmenot75 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 Come on, get your respect back. You were never really with him before -- you can't get back what you never had. He'll f*ck you a few times then ditch you. Don't be a wuss. You really need to figure out why you keep chasing, or wanting to chase, a man of this caliber. That hurts. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 That hurts. Just imagine how much it'll hurt if you actually follow through on your self-destructive impulses. 3
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