Dating someone and seeing them in the buff for the first time

[kaylan]

I was thinking back to a particular girl I dated earlier this year. She was a cool girl, and I was attracted to her. But the first time I saw her walk around naked, I couldnt help but think to myself "uhhhhhhhh". Kinda the sound one makes when they shudder. I did it in my mind though, not outloud.

 

I just couldnt help it. I know it sounds shallow, and I not hard to please when it comes to a girls body (at least I dont think I am). But her body had a lot of dimples and jiggly-ness. And the thing is, she wasnt a hefty girl. She was average sized for her height at most. And some people would consider her slim. I must say leggings really keep me in the dark about her body initially lol. Kinda the same way girls dont know Im pretty fit and toned until they see me naked for the first time.

 

Yeah I know some people may get pissed at this post, but Im only being honest. I didnt stop seeing her or stop being attracted to her because of it. I was just kinda weird in my mind about it at first. My reaction was totally involuntary.

 

Anyone ever experience something similar? What was your reaction?

 

PS - Im prepared to be called shallow. Bring it on. =P

Edited September 9, 2013 by kaylan

[FitChick]

Even models have cellulite.

[kaylan]

Even models have cellulite.

Well most models are skinny-fat anyways lol. But compared to the girl I mentioned, models had nothing on her amount of jiggle and cellulite. It was really a lot.

[nescafe1982]

Even models have cellulite.

 

As a former amateur model, I can say these are true facts.

 

I can remark about being shocked when seeing someone in the buff for the first time, though. One guy I dated had the darkest nipples I'd ever seen (despite being white); wasn't expecting that, for sure!

[kaylan]

And its not so much the cellulite. What bothered me was how much her body jiggled. So many chicks dont tone their bodies. Just endless cardio which may remove some fat, but leaves their bodies jiggly all over. I expect almost all women to have cellulite. Im fine with that. Its the major jiggle, sag, and lack of muscle tone that can make me weird in the brain.

As a former amateur model, I can say these are true facts.

 

I can remark about being shocked when seeing someone in the buff for the first time, though. One guy I dated had the darkest nipples I'd ever seen (despite being white); wasn't expecting that, for sure!

LOL @ nipples xD

 

I have a couple things I worry about a girl noticing when she sees me naked for the first time. I wont mention it here tho haha

[nescafe1982]

And its not so much the cellulite. What bothered me was how much her body jiggled. So many chicks dont tone their bodies. Just endless cardio which may remove some fat, but leaves their bodies jiggly all over.

 

Heard that, but on the other hand there are some of us that work out constantly but due to the banes of age and genetics, we will always have a little jiggle around the middle.

 

I hate it when chicks don't work the upper body, though. That annoys me.

 

Yeah. Them nipples were like chocolate kisses. Was sort of like "whoa" when I saw them. Still thought he was hot, though.

[kaylan]

Heard that, but on the other hand there are some of us that work out constantly but due to the banes of age and genetics, we will always have a little jiggle around the middle.

 

I hate it when chicks don't work the upper body, though. That annoys me.

I dont buy the genetics remark so much anymore. I know folks who are naturally chubby, but through diet and hard work did amazing things with their body. Age is where I agree with you. None of us can stop that. But the genetics excuse is getting old =P

 

I have a little bit of middle body jiggle at the moment. But thats down to my own laziness with my diet.

 

And yes, I do wish more girls worked upper body. *le sigh*

[nescafe1982]

I dont buy the genetics remark so much anymore. I know folks who are naturally chubby, but through diet and hard work did amazing things with their body. Age is where I agree with you. None of us can stop that. But the genetics excuse is getting old =P

 

I have a little bit of middle body jiggle at the moment. But thats down to my own laziness with my diet.

 

And yes, I do wish more girls worked upper body. *le sigh*

 

Oh, honey. You may not believe in genetics but that don't make it any less true. The ladies in my family all have a lil pooch (that little bit or lower belly fat). And believe you me, no amount of 1000 calorie workouts, crunches, planks, or marathons will quite make it disappear. I had it when I was 120 pounds and 19 years old... and had it ever since.

 

Folks do tend to blame too much on their genetics, though.

[MrCastle]

Small, harmless imperfections like that put me at ease because it reminds us we're all human and we all have flaws. I think certain flaws are sexy.

[kaylan]

Oh, honey. You may not believe in genetics but that don't make it any less true. The ladies in my family all have a lil pooch (that little bit or lower belly fat). And believe you me, no amount of 1000 calorie workouts, crunches, planks, or marathons will quite make it disappear. I had it when I was 120 pounds and 19 years old... and had it ever since.

 

Folks do tend to blame too much on their genetics, though.

If you lowered your bodyfat percentage enough, you could shrink that fat pooch. Maybe not get rid of it, but Im sure itd decrease. Just because you were 120 lbs doesnt mean you didnt have a certain amount of body fat that made the pooch stay.

 

Ive weighed the same since highschool, but my body has changed in terms of muscle mass and fat percentage.

Small, harmless imperfections like that put me at ease because it reminds us we're all human and we all have flaws. I think certain flaws are sexy.

I agree.

 

But it wasnt small. Im serious when I say there were a lot of dimples and so much jiggle everywhere. Like I said, it wasnt that it made me unattracted to her or stop dating her. I just had that involuntary reaction. I guess I was just surprised.

Edited September 9, 2013 by kaylan

[MrCastle]

 

But it wasnt small. Im serious when I say there were a lot of dimples and so much jiggle everywhere.

 

I'm not phased by skin. More interested in shape. If a girl is hourglass shaped or pear shaped, I don't care if she has cottage cheese or whatever.

 

Of course every single one of us prefers flawless bodies, but I think having a naked woman in bed with me offsets any picky requirements I may have had.

 

If I'm attracted to their face and the shape of their body, I don't care what they look like under the clothes. As long as they have no hair.

[nescafe1982]

Just because you were 120 lbs doesnt mean you didnt have a good amount of body fat.

 

I'm 5'10". Just for the record. When I was 120 pounds I had zero fat anywhere... well, except for the pooch.

 

I guess I'll also out myself by saying I'm currently 160, and probably in the best shape of my life (due to my obsession with gym workouts and MapMyRun). But still, the pooch remains.

 

Genetics. They believe in me.

[kaylan]

^In that case, Im sure the pooch was cute haha. I dont mind a lil bit of baby fat =P. I actually prefer something to squeeze on the hips. And at your height, 160 is nothing. Im 170 at 5'9 and a rather slim guy. We could totally be workout partners too! I love the gym xD

[almond]

I had a similar, but less extreme reaction to first seeing my boyfriend naked.

 

He has a great frame and is tall, and looks great in clothes. I love his style and the way he carries himself. He does however, have a gut and is generally soft bodied.

 

I remember seeing his jelly belly and being surprised - he did not look as good naked as I had anticipated. However, he screwed me senseless and my sexual attraction toward him increased tenfold. His weight has fluctuated over the years, but to me, he has always been the most attractive man that I have ever encountered.

 

He may be chubby and hairy, but he can shoot me a look that makes me week at the knees to this day.

[ChessPieceFace]

Maybe you should join a dating site where you both post naked pictures to get everything out in the open in advance ...

[miss_jaclynrae]

Small, harmless imperfections like that put me at ease because it reminds us we're all human and we all have flaws. I think certain flaws are sexy.

 

This is a great post.

Seriously, no body is perfect.

It is overlooking them and seeing the person beautiful as a whole.

[SJC2008]

Even models have cellulite.

 

I gues some people are just predisposed to it regardless of size. The las woman I dated was pretty chunky but she still had nice proportions even though she had a decent sized stomach but she had no cellulite whatsoever!

[Eternal Sunshine]

She probably just has high % of body fat due to not doing any resistance training.

 

I know they say that cellulite doesn't respond to exercise but I had what I thought was cellulite completely vanish since I started lifting weights..so..

[nescafe1982]

I agree with Castle that part of what is cool about human bodies are those funny quirky distinctions that make us unique. One ex had lots of backhair (another genetic curse) but I thought it was sexy. Another had a mole on his penis that scared me the first time I saw it (I was afraid it was something other than a mole, you know?). Current BF has a big 'ol butt, but I love it. I think attraction and affection turns those "flaws" into features.

Edited September 9, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Response to banned member

[Eternal Sunshine]

I have been both, pleasantly surprised and disappointed. It never was the deciding factor though, either way.

[kaylan]

Maybe you should join a dating site where you both post naked pictures to get everything out in the open in advance ...

Sounds like an idea!

She probably just has high % of body fat due to not doing any resistance training.

 

I know they say that cellulite doesn't respond to exercise but I had what I thought was cellulite completely vanish since I started lifting weights..so..

Call meh xD

I think men, if anything, work their upper bodies out exclusively. I think it's equally weird when men have a build upper body and skinny little legs. It's a proportion thing, really... folks who work out and value working out should work out everything, IMO. My comment about girls not working out their upper bodies refers to how they are afraid that doing so will make them less feminine or something.

 

But on the whole, I agree with Castle that part of what is cool about human bodies are those funny quirky distinctions that make us unique. One ex had lots of backhair (another genetic curse) but I thought it was sexy. Another had a mole on his penis that scared me the first time I saw it (I was afraid it was something other than a mole, you know?). Current BF has a big 'ol butt, but I love it. I think attraction and affection turns those "flaws" into features.

Ugh

 

I hate guys that only work their ABCs (abs biceps chest). They look so silly have no legs underneath. Ive started to really enjoy leg day. Plus Ive heard a lot of girls going on and on about the legs of footballers (soccer players)

 

And I dunno what happened since the 80s, but now so many girls think lifting weights will bulk they up.

WTF happened to womens thinking? Back then lifting heavy seemed to be really advocated. Nowadays women are tricked into being thin, frail and weak. When in reality, lifting heavy will get them an awesome bod.

 

And Brooke is right....strong mind +strong body = sexy as a furrrrrk

Edited September 9, 2013 by kaylan

[BeholdtheMan]

I had a similar, but less extreme reaction to first seeing my boyfriend naked.

 

He has a great frame and is tall, and looks great in clothes. I love his style and the way he carries himself. He does however, have a gut and is generally soft bodied.

 

I remember seeing his jelly belly and being surprised - he did not look as good naked as I had anticipated. However, he screwed me senseless and my sexual attraction toward him increased tenfold. His weight has fluctuated over the years, but to me, he has always been the most attractive man that I have ever encountered.

 

He may be chubby and hairy, but he can shoot me a look that makes me week at the knees to this day.

I believe this post deserves one of those slow claps

[Leigh 87]

Oh yes, being naked is a totally different vision of being clothed...

 

 

 

I was one of those skinny 112 lbs but tall/curvy gym girls.

 

I have gained almost 30 lbs since then.

 

I dress very well though, and you can honestly not tell that much I have gained any weight.

 

I am not naked around the guys I see/date these days though. I am uncomfortable being naked around a guy unless I am active daily.

 

I do not do resistance training atm either, so my clothes will not be coming off until the Aussie summer in a couple of months!

[xxoo]

You seem to have a narrow range of what you consider attractive, whereas some other men enjoy the differences in women's body shapes and types.

 

I'd suggest that you stick to dating women who are weight lifting enthusiasts, since that is your type.

[Ninjainpajamas]

*Warning: Ninja goes deep...again*

 

You might not like what I'm going to say Kaylan, but this is not about you but a reflection of how you feel about yourself.

 

When you saw her and felt that gut wrenching bit of disgust, it was because of the insecurity within yourself...and how you felt about being intimate with someone who you felt was beneath you, your own validation and attractiveness became in question because YOU are being sexual/intimate with this girl...the disgust doesn't resonate from her but from within yourself because it's a hit to your own pride, it's your own fear of being judged and associated with this girl. This tells me you have issues with your own body/looks.

 

I know this altered your perception of her at that point, and you very likely realized you couldn't ever really be with this girl in the long-term because of her body weight, the expectations and decision was already established and set in motion. But you told yourself you gave things a chance anyway, for good measure and because you didn't end it right away.

 

My advice would be to try and be a bit more sensitive and compassionate to how other people look on the outside, especially when you're choosing to be intimate with them...you don't know where they've been, why they look that way and what they've been through in their lives...especially with women, their outside appearance is often a reflection of how they feel or what they deal with on the inside, especially in terms of weight.

 

I know you didn't express anything to her or at least to your knowledge you think she didn't notice (you'd be surprised what women know but don't say)...and you don't have to be attracted to anyone you aren't interested in, but showing an understanding and compassion instead of disgust will go a long way to being confident in yourself, because in the end that's what it's really about.

 

You don't really have to sleep with her, let alone date her or get into a relationship with her but it doesn't mean you have to view her in a negative light because you were disappointed in how she looked after all...which is fine, not hammering you on how you feel again.

 

I just know that men often sleep with women they are more confident with because they're intimidated by the women and feel insecure about approaching their true interest. It's easier to sleep with that "average but attainable" romantic interest than develop the courage to pursue your "dream girl".

 

Apart of what you're feeling is nature, and the other part is judgment...In short It's normal to a degree, however you can choose how you let that affect you.