Can't be his friend

[amarie39]

So my story for short...we dated for a while. He had just gotten out of an intense relationship where he got his heart broken. He just graduated college and I am still. Since he graduated he went home to get his life together. We are now like 50 minutes apart. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship, but that he really liked me and that I deserve the world. He said that he would want to be a great boyfriend and I deserve that, but since he has no money, car, or job yet he has nothing to give me.

 

He said for him to be in a relationship he would want to give his all, and he said that he doesn't feel he is prepared to do that at the time. He thinks we go so well together and he seemed almost shocked at how much he ended up liking me. He told me that when his life permits, he hopes to wake up and realize he loves me and needs me in his life, but since he just got out of a relationship now is not the time. He kept saying, why now, why?? I don't want us to fail." I do truly believe him. He said that actions speak louder than words so if he wants me, he will come.

 

Long story short, we like aren't together, but I'm not jumping on other guys. He had told me that if I met someone I truly liked enough and I want to go with them, I am free to, but he told me to let him know. I didn't know how to handle the situation. Go NC? not to go NC?? I called him right after we decided this and we chatted and I told him I wasn't mad at him. Then I started just not caring and not contacting him. Like he said, if he wants me back he'll come for me. He started calling me. Our first convo was amazing. He told me I was perfect in every sense of the word. He was wonderful. He called a week later. Was being a flirt, and was even trying to make me jealous. Like why??? But I stuck to my guns...actions do speak louder than words.

 

I called him two weeks later we talked for hours and hours like always. He was telling me about women he works with and customers at his new job who flirt with him. He isn't interested in any of them but he feels flattered by it. He is a waiter so he will get girls who think he's cute. He even said how one of his co-workers had a crush on him, but again it doesn't seem like he is into it. Why say that?? I don't think he realizes the impact of his words. Like do I want to hear about all women who are flirting with you. NO. I let him vent. He just seemed excited about it and his job. He has talked about ex's before and sometimes its frustrating because he goes into such detail, but he didn't have a lot of friends so a lot of times they are all he had.

 

I don't know what we are and he has said he doesn't know what we are either. I consider us just friends. I am having such a hard time just being his friend though. Like I still want to talk to him, but I haven't called him since, and don't plan to. He hasn't called in 1.5 weeks. I don't know what his problem is. He has a car now, and a little job for some money. I know his ultimate goal is an apartment and more etc.... But he hasn't made it a point to come see me yet or do anything. He sounds like all he wants to do is party with the guys. Is it bad I can't just be his friend?

 

A lot of people say a good relationship starts with a friendship. I legit can't keep having affectionless conversations. I feel like I'm holding back. I want to tell him how much I miss him, love him, want to hold him, and I can't. I want to like all his facebook statuses or pictures. I feel like if I go NC we will never be together, because how can you be with someone or rekindle something when you never talk or see the person. Any advice on just being friends?? Advice in general.

[shymsalabim]

I'm sorry to say it but it sounds like he keeps feeding you these lines in hopes that you'll stick around once he has finished playing the field. If money and a car was the actual problem like he said it was, surely now that he has both that problem wouldn't really be an issue anymore and he could be with you?

 

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, but I think the easiest way to let him know your position is to stay clear off him. If you're always there when he needs to talk or vent about other girls, you're just putting yourself in a position to be further friendzoned.

[amarie39]

Like I want to believe what he says because so far he hasn't lied to me. He also hasn't given his all in making us work but he has openly admitted that he cant. He has some minor health problems so sometimes he is bed ridden and sick. He has a car now and had been trying to save up more for an apartment. He is using the rest of the money he works for gas and to pay student loans. He has told me of all amazing stuff he has done for ex girlfriends. He will go into detail about plans he made, and romantic times they had.

 

It makes me feel bad because I want all of this from him. That was his point in telling me though. He can't do all that stuff for me right now but I deserve that and he wants to give that to me. He said "I know how much I can give in a relationship and I would want to be able to give you my best. I'm not my best right now. I've been sick constantly, not able to talk to you all the time. You deserve someone who can call you all the time. I can't even do that right now. " He went on to say he knows he could be a great boyfriend but now is not the time. He would want to give me his best, which he isn't right now. He seems to have a pattern. Every girl he has had a serious relationship with ...they always get together like years later. His first big relationship, she was his friend in middle and high school. He dated other girls. Senior year of high school they got together. Then he met his college girlfriend freshmen year. They were friends, and then didn't talk for like a year. They reconnected and he realized he liked her and they got together. Seems like a pattern of him pondering until he's ready.

 

He kept saying how he didn't expect things to be like this and that he never expected to ever like me as much as he does. He said that me being at school and he being at home struggling, he thinks we wouldn't make it in a relationship that way. He said he would want us to try 100%, and that he doesn't want us to fail in the long run. He would rather wait and do it when he's ready and were maybe closer together. He then told me that he wants to get married.

 

I think he's still very hurt by his ex. I think he wanted to like marry her and she told him she couldn't have a future with him and dumped him. He was broken. I question if a lot of it is him being scared to jump into another relationship because he told me he's terrified of being with the wrong person again. He is still slightly obsessed with this girl, even thought she has a new boyfriend. She only causes him misery when they talk now. I don't know.

 

He is rarely ever single. Like he has always had a girlfriend or a fling in the past. He didn't have a lot of friends. Now he has a lot of friends. He seems to be enjoying the new single life and enjoying having friends. He seems to just want to go out all the time drinking with the guys. Like he would never make set plans with me for like a Friday night or anything. Almost like he is waiting for a better offer or something, then if he did ant to do something he always asked me last minute. One night I was hanging with my roommates. He was texting me. It was cute. I wasn't doing anything planned just sitting in the living room talking to my rooommates because none of us were doing anything. He told me the next day that he spent the whole previous day cleaning his room and made sure his roommates didn't mess it up. When I asked why he said because he wanted to have me over that night but when I already had plans with my roommates he didn't ask. Like if you had pinned me down days beforehand then it wouldn't have been an issue and I could have come. We got close, but never ended up having sex, which I am grateful for, so it wasn't a sex thing.

 

He used to tell me, and still does tell me how perfect he thinks I am. But I haven't heard from him in two weeks now since I called him last. Not sure when I will. I refuse to call him again. I love him, but he isn't doing anything wonderful to win me over at this point.

Edited September 9, 2013 by amarie39

[amarie39]

So it hit the two week mark of not hearing from him and Bam! someone decides to contact me. He has been on facebook every night this week and I didn't care but last night at one in the morning mind you, he decides to facebook chat me. We started off with small talk and then he started talking about how he wanted to get back into shape and exercise and he wasn't happy with himself. (he's really skinny, so he likes to bulk up muscles wise sometimes) anyway...

 

At one point I sensed he wanted an ego boost and I was so sure in myself I wasn't going to give him one. I didn't. Now the old cute puppy dog I am would have usually been like "Oh no you don't need to work out you look great" or "Your crazy, you look amazing, trust me" This time I was like nooooooo. I agreed with him and told him how he should work out more and he should do what he feels he needs to do to make himself better. I even threw in his face that he needs to catch up with me who has been hitting the gym four times a week. What I said was "gotta catch up I've been hitting that four times a week." (by that I mean the gym) he took my words and replied "Oh i'd like to hit that four times a week "

 

We both laughed but at the same time I was annoyed....how dare he make sexual jokes with me. I joked with him about him getting fat (which is impossible) and he went on to say that if he got fat would I talk to him?? Looking for another ego boost...haha!!! I got crafty and replied....well your just lucky I can't see you now. Thinking it was funny because we were on facebook.

 

I wait a while an dhe doesn't respond for a bit. My phone buzzes and I pick it up. A text message from him...not just a text message a picture message of him with no shirt on. (Oh god he looks good) But I knew I shouldn't stroke his ego still so I didn't. I told him that he should hit the gym and send me an "after" picture in a month or so. I wasn't going to praise his wonderfulness even though he always looks damn good. He then told me how he wants to look sexy. Again was he expecting me to say he already does (oh god he so did) but I didn't. I told him that he needs to make it happen. I think I did good. I think I stood up and didn't care.

 

He asked me what I've been up to and I decided to kinda throw my awesome semester in his face a little bit. I told him I cooked one of my guy friends dinner the other night, that I spent a whole weekend with another guy friend bar hopping and having fun, and that I went to a theatre production with another guy friend which was amazing....Now I didn't lie one bit all of this happened. I did have a great weekend and have been having a great time. This is where I lost him I think. I question his jealousy over my fun life. He replied "That's nice to hear." Then logged off and went to bed. That was it. I was like what the heck??? It just doesn't seem like he can be happy for anyone else, because he isn't happy for himself. This happened months ago when I got a new car. I texted him first with my sheer excitement and he seemed like he just couldn't be happy for me. I was so disappointed.

 

The only thing keeping me afloat is something genuine he said during our last conversation on the phone. He told me he appreciated so much that I was such a presence in his last semester at college. He said he was so happy I was there and that nobody else did anything to try and make his last semester great and I was always right there with something fun for us to do or places to go. He said thank you.

 

I appreciated this from him because I feel that maybe he put a lot of thought into it and realized that I was there for him when no one else was. This gives me a smidge of hope that he is slowly but surely opening his eyes to what he had, which is me, and that I am great.

[lylat333]

He asked me what I've been up to and I decided to kinda throw my awesome semester in his face a little bit. I told him I cooked one of my guy friends dinner the other night, that I spent a whole weekend with another guy friend bar hopping and having fun, and that I went to a theatre production with another guy friend which was amazing....Now I didn't lie one bit all of this happened. I did have a great weekend and have been having a great time. This is where I lost him I think. I question his jealousy over my fun life. He replied "That's nice to hear." Then logged off and went to bed. That was it. I was like what the heck??? It just doesn't seem like he can be happy for anyone else, because he isn't happy for himself.

 

Putting everything else aside you mentioned I wanted to comment on this in particular. There is a fine line between saying/doing something to make someone of the opposite sex jealous and turning them off. To me, hearing about the exploits of a girl with a bunch of other guys is a major turnoff, even if you're not explicitly talking about anything physical/intimate. I'm sure a lot of women would feel the same way towards a guy.

 

It's one thing to get attention from a lot of guys, but flaunting it and giving the impression that's what you fulfills you would make me want to look elsewhere because I would feel wary they're not being selective enough.

[Mariposa10]

Putting everything else aside you mentioned I wanted to comment on this in particular. There is a fine line between saying/doing something to make someone of the opposite sex jealous and turning them off. To me, hearing about the exploits of a girl with a bunch of other guys is a major turnoff, even if you're not explicitly talking about anything physical/intimate. I'm sure a lot of women would feel the same way towards a guy.

 

It's one thing to get attention from a lot of guys, but flaunting it and giving the impression that's what you fulfills you would make me want to look elsewhere because I would feel wary they're not being selective enough.

 

He did the same thing to her, so I don't know why he got maybe a little bit upset? Anyway, this all sounds like a game, and that's never good. I think he just talks to you to have you around in case nothing better comes along.

 

You're free to go out with whoever you want, don't waste your time with this guy.

[LinkWorshiper]

Yeah, he would at least be making efforts to be your honest friend in the very least. That's why I get annoyed when I read people saying that the only way to attract back your ex is to make the ex jealous. I think it's superficial to play these games if what you're looking for is a genuine connection, which is why I don't think it's bad to be friends with an ex if you really want to try and repair it.

 

Having said that, being friends isn't always possible. Honestly, it doesn't seem like he's making it possible for you. He can't respect whatever status your relationship is at and acts according to how he feels, a.k.a. flirting with you. And I say this as someone who dealt with someone who did the same thing, and it took what I'm about to tell you for him to get his act together, which is that space from this guy is the only thing to do at this point. It's either going to get him to realize that he's messed up or help you realize that maybe you're better off. If he comes back to you of his own will and starts making all the efforts, then you might have something to look at. Until then, even if you still talk, I'd keep him at arm's length. So instead of saying 'I went to the bar with my harem of hot male friends,' just be like, 'I went out last night.' Period, end of story. That will annoy him more anyway. If he wants to have details, an answer that worked well for me in this situation was, 'That is none of your business anymore.'

[amarie39]

Hmmmm I appreciate all your feedback and I especially liked the last post about being vague in your answers. I kinda threw it out there to show him im having a good time.

 

For one thing I wasn't throwing out that I'm with all these men all the time. All I said was "I made dinner for seth the other day it was delicious and I also went to a few bars with tyler, and went to a the theatre show it was awesome." He knows all these men so he should know they are just my friends who are guys. Secondly he tells me all about women who flirt with him. I don't think what I said constituted anything wrong especially since he said he was glad to hear I was doing well. And all of it was true so to be honest yes I used it as leverage but I would tell a girlfriend of mine the same story because I did do all that I said. And him sending a half naked picture of himself to me send the right message??

 

Like I don't know what he wants and to be honest he doesn't seem like he doesn't seem like he does either. I am going to be more vague. I hate not contacting him but I have done well up until now. I guess I should stop telling him details of my life. I feel like im our own twisted way we were flirting, but I was trying to act like I didn't care what he did, because he knows I care so much about him and he has me on a string. He doesn't anymore. I do love him but I am free. I do sometimes feel like he is stringing me along because I'll always be there. Guess I will just have to wait to see if he will call again!

[LinkWorshiper]

Hmmmm I appreciate all your feedback and I especially liked the last post about being vague in your answers. I kinda threw it out there to show him im having a good time.

 

For one thing I wasn't throwing out that I'm with all these men all the time. All I said was "I made dinner for seth the other day it was delicious and I also went to a few bars with tyler, and went to a the theatre show it was awesome." He knows all these men so he should know they are just my friends who are guys. Secondly he tells me all about women who flirt with him. I don't think what I said constituted anything wrong especially since he said he was glad to hear I was doing well. And all of it was true so to be honest yes I used it as leverage but I would tell a girlfriend of mine the same story because I did do all that I said. And him sending a half naked picture of himself to me send the right message??

 

Like I don't know what he wants and to be honest he doesn't seem like he doesn't seem like he does either. I am going to be more vague. I hate not contacting him but I have done well up until now. I guess I should stop telling him details of my life. I feel like im our own twisted way we were flirting, but I was trying to act like I didn't care what he did, because he knows I care so much about him and he has me on a string. He doesn't anymore. I do love him but I am free. I do sometimes feel like he is stringing me along because I'll always be there. Guess I will just have to wait to see if he will call again!

 

Doesn't matter if you're hanging out with even just his brother all the time. He doesn't get to know the details of your life if you're not even friends (which, right now, you are not). If you're a little mysterious, it'll make him want to ask questions, and then you become a challenge, which is automatically more interesting. And you don't even have to think about it in that way, because I didn't when I started being more vague about my life with my ex. For me, I was just thinking in terms of defining a boundary between friend-me and girlfriend-me. Friend-me doesn't divulge where I was and who I was with just because you want to know.

 

Second, he's telling you about all these other girls to make YOU react. Think back to kindergarten when someone had a new toy and had to show it off to everybody to make them wish they had it too. Then you think to yourself, I have toys that are just as cool, so let ME show that off too! That is exactly what is happening here. It's lame, if I may be so bold. If he was focused on his relationship with you, even if he was window shopping with other girls, he would at least keep the focus on his relationship with YOU, not others. And sending you a hot photo of himself only happened because you shut him down on the working out bit. Some guys like a little banter, but your guy just seemed butthurt because you didn't tell him he was an Adonis.

 

I think if you want to continue the friend route, make it clear to him what friends means, and if he can't handle that, he should seriously consider what it is he wants out of a relationship with you. Because he doesn't get to have girlfriend-you without putting a ring on it, so to speak.

[amarie39]

Like I feel bad....do you think I made him feel bad?? Maybe I didn't make him feel better about himself so he wont want to talk to me?? I have no idea. That wasn't my intention. Like His ex girlfriend and he stayed friend for a long time after the breakup. One day she outwardly told him she felt like she couldn't be happy with him around because she had so much going for her like a new guy, a job, and her last college year, and he was struggling. I feel bad but I can kind of see what she saw.

 

Like I want more than anything for him to open his eyes and realize. He has done it with a lot of his past girlfriends. He wakes up after a long period of time and realizes he needs them and makes them his. He said he wants to do that with me. I have been doing so well moving on, but I cant say that he isn't in my thoughts a lot. It hurts to sit and think, he liked you, he likes you I think, but maybe it might never be.

[LinkWorshiper]

Like I feel bad....do you think I made him feel bad?? Maybe I didn't make him feel better about himself so he wont want to talk to me?? I have no idea. That wasn't my intention. Like His ex girlfriend and he stayed friend for a long time after the breakup. One day she outwardly told him she felt like she couldn't be happy with him around because she had so much going for her like a new guy, a job, and her last college year, and he was struggling. I feel bad but I can kind of see what she saw.

 

Like I want more than anything for him to open his eyes and realize. He has done it with a lot of his past girlfriends. He wakes up after a long period of time and realizes he needs them and makes them his. He said he wants to do that with me. I have been doing so well moving on, but I cant say that he isn't in my thoughts a lot. It hurts to sit and think, he liked you, he likes you I think, but maybe it might never be.

 

WEEWOOOWEEEWOOO IT'S THE SELF ESTEEM POLICE!!!! Trust me, that feeling bad is something we all do. I do that literally ALL THE TIME. Even if I'm in good company, if I tell a joke that maybe doesn't come off right, I immediately start apologizing because I'm worried I offended someone. Incidentally, I used to never be that way, but I also used to be a lot less sensitive to the feelings of others too. The trick is to find a middle ground. I say that like it's easy, but it's not. I'm almost 27, and I STILL have a really hard time with it. I've been freaking out all day about a POSITIVE thing I texted my ex in response to a POSITIVE thing he texted me! So don't worry -- that **** happens to the best of us <3

 

Also, you may want to heed what his ex girlfriend noticed, because now you are in her shoes. My ex kept the details of what exactly went down with his laundry list of ex girlfriends under wraps and for good reason.... When I found out what happened with the girl before me, I was horrified when I realized that a lot of the things he did to her were happening with me. The only difference is that THIS time, he's making efforts to change himself and make amends, whereas last time, he just ran away and blamed her for everything. If I am lucky, reconciliation is on the horizon because of this.

 

But I digress. My point is that he has a pattern and you obviously know what it is. If you want it to be different, PULL YOURSELF OUT OF THE FORMULA. Don't play by his rules. I made that mistake right after the break up with my ex too. It added a lot of undue stress and heartbreak on my end, though I think it also helped me get to where I am right now, which is in a position where things might actually work out. AFTER SEVEN MONTHS, mind you. You have to be stronger than ever, because it's not going to be easy, but you start making the decisions here. Just don't let him know you are. Also listen to like... all the Beyonce songs. And Madonna. Girl power etc. hahaha.

[amarie39]

Like I can't just do the friend route because I love him. He has said that he wants to give me more in the future but so far he hasn't done anything yet. I don't want yo totally cut him out but I can't do the walking the fine line thing. Like was I wrong in the way I shut him down kind of by not giving in to the compliments he seeks?? Did I handle it right?? Like I can't change what I did but I question should I have called him out then and there when he sent the photo that it was egotistical?? I want to follow all your advice....inevitably I want him back.

Do you think I fell right into his trap and reacted?? How do I get out of the pattern?? How do I be more mysterious I'm so bad at it?? How to have him chase me??

[amarie39]

In my head I was trying to just show him I don't need him and have moved on without him just fine...I thought that it would make him wanna chase more. What should I do?? I am trying to stay strong when we talk because he makes me weak like a puppy.and get so afraid of what I would say or.if he would take.it wrong. I finally feel like I'm trying to stand up and say no! I am finally trying to just be myself and not care with him

[LinkWorshiper]

And I literally just am figuring this out right now, but even if you DO go the friend route, you have to be clear about what you want. It might not be what he wants, though, and you have to make choices based on that and what is good for you. Just because you love him doesn't mean he isn't capable of doing something stupid that can hurt you.

[amarie39]

Like I don't think he is purposely trying to hurt me but the situation is hurtful. When he finally told me what was going on and we had a long emotional talk about being together he felt so so bad I could see it in his face. He kept saying over and over "I hurt you, I didn't mean to, I hurt you..." But at the same time calling to flirt with me and talking about other girls that flirt with you is hurtful. At this point I am done with him. Like he says to me all the time "actions speak louder than words." He hasn't shown much action so I need to stop holding onto words. Its still hurtful in my heart and I think about him and the situation all the time. I've gotten a lot strgoner since, but the ache in my heart is still there. Like since it happened I sit and question humanity and emotions. Like how could someone possibly act like they like you, tell you they like you, and continue to kind of like you but not want to be with you. Its so complex but so sad.

 

Like one of my biggest pet peeves is people who lead other people on. I have never done it and think it is cruel and nasty and when I don't like someone I clearly tell them I am not interested in that kind of a relationship with them and if they can't handle me being around them then I refuse there calls and distance myself completely to not give the wrong impression. When I questioned my guy about this kind of thing, he told me that if he didn't like me anymore he would have stopped calling or told me straight off the bat and he didn't. He has told me of girls he has openly told " I don't like you or have feelings for you." Some he told right off the bat when they showed interest, others he dated and didn't like. He is very blunt with them. He then told me "did I ever say anything like that to you." when I replied 'no' he then said "yeah see because if I did I would be lying and I can't lie to you."

 

I guess I sit and question maybe he was right. I do deserve better than what he can give. He can't call much, his life is too hectic. He has a lot of family issues going on in his home. He just got a car and is working like a dog waiting tables to get some money because he owes out college a large sum before they will release his diploma and he can get a real job. He seems to want to party and be free. We are currently living a good 50 mins from each other, and can't physically be together, which I mean I don't know when we would ever live in the same area because I'm originally from 3 hours away from him so... He just got out of a relationship and isn't ready for another one. Maybe one day he can be the "great boyfriend" he says he can be, but maybe he is right and it isn't right now. So I just have to accept what he said as truth. "What kind of relationship would that be, we would fail, and I don't want you and I to fail. You deserve someone who can call you everyday, I can't even do that right now. You deserve more than that, better than that, all the niceness in the world." Right Person. Wrong Time.

Edited September 13, 2013 by amarie39

[amarie39]

Soo just an update. I was taking an exercising class....one of those online videos and it was pretty intense. Well I did like this squat jump in the air and when I landed I totally landed wrong and have now broken my foot. I can't really walk and have been having a hard time even navigating my apartment. Well when I went to the hospital to get it checked out I get a text from Kyle (him). I didn't respond due to the situation I was in. He then texted again like an hour later, which is weird. So he was definitely trying to reach me.

 

When I got home from the hospital I give him a call and he tells me he is on a train on his way to our college to visit and he wanted to tell me. I told him my accident and he felt so so bad about it. We talked for a while and I kept things kosher, not asking to make plans or if he was going to come see me. I figured if he came all the way here and made it a point to tell me he was here then he should come and see me, especially since I can't leave my apartment.

 

So then that night I was disappointed because he went out to bars with all his friends and I sat at home not moving. I was annoyed that he wouldn't come see me, but also knew he wanted to spend some time with his friends and I'm not the type of girl to demand all of his time, because I do think its important to have friends.

 

So the next day rolls around and he texts me in the afternoon after I have had a trying day trying to get around my apartment. We make small talk and I tell him he can come visit if he wants. He asks me if im hungry and I say "yes" because I cant get up to get food, im too weak. He says he will come and I say "whatever" he gets mad and calls me and asks me if I want him to come or not because I didn't seem overly excited. I tell him to come if he wants or if he doesn't want to then don't. He decides to come. but misses the bus. He calls me and I tell him the next available time and he ends up walking to good two miles to my apartment. I kind of thought it was sweet cause if he really didn't care he wouldn't walk all that way.

 

He gets here and starts taking care of me and making sure I'm not walking etc... He asks to lay down on my bed because he had a raging headache. I say ok and he lays down and I kind of stand there awkwardly. He then tells me to sit down because of my foot. I lay next to him and he grabs my waist and pulls me toward him. We cuddle.

 

We get up for a while and end up laughing and watching some videos and having a good time. We cuddle again and end up making out and some heavy touching. I was so crazy happy. I was blunt though. I told him that he shouldn't expect more because I want a commitment first. He said that he doesn't want me to change my beliefs and that is one of the reasons he likes me so much. I was like aww good. He told me that if he was looking to get some from a girl, he wouldn't be in my apartment because I'm not someone easy.

 

We decide on food and I tell him that I want to go out of my apartment since I've been cooped up. He is a sweetheart about it and I let him take my car and we got out for dinner. He insists on paying and I praise him a ton. We got back to my place and hop back into bed. We have about an hour before my friends are coming over for a bon fire. We get all hot and heavy again even more than before. I make it clear to him again that if he wants more I want a commitment. He says he knows and he tells me "I'm off the market to everyone right now, with my life its just better that way." I start glowing inside because that just proves to me that he isn't going and seeing other girls, and he even told me that he hasn't slept with anyone since just before we started dating, and it was more a rebound girl. I even called him out at one point and looked him straight in the eye and said "You have no intention of ever making me your girlfriend." He looked shocked and he goes "Can I please have the lottery numbers Oh great mind reader... you have no idea what I think or have on my mind on that topic, and that's not true."

 

We have the bon fire and its super nice. He gets along with my friends and some of his friends end up coming as well. We all end up in the apartment talking for hours. All his friends love me and we get along great. It got so late at one point he ended up going back in my room and falling asleep. I went to wake him when his buddies were leaving because he was staying with them so he was suppose to go home with them and they would drive him to the train the next day. I then just told him to stay with me and that he was tired and didn't feel good. He stayed with me all night and I drove him to the train this morning.

 

He said he was so glad to see me and we hugged and hugged in the car. I miss him so so much. We texted all while he was on the train home. Laughing, and flirting. I mean I feel like I was more myself during this whole weekend than I ever have been. I stood my ground and told him what was mostly on my mind and he seemed to like it. We aren't together still, but I am reassured that he isn't on the prowl for other women either. I don't know what the future will hold for us but I am a little but more hopeful now. It sound legitimately like he isn't ready for a relationship and he's scared to get into one to be honest. I love him, I can't help it. I felt like we were a couple this weekend. It was great. I don't know what to think at this point. In one sense I'm like...did he use me while he was here?? Maybe. But he clearly knows I won't sleep with him and he says he likes me even more because I won't because he won't commit. He wants me to stay that way. But in another sense, I wonder if when he is in a better place and his life is more put together, I think he will come knocking on my door. He seems to still like me a lot.

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm thinking the OP and amkxoxo are the same person.

[amarie39]

We've gotten touchy feely and he likes to do stuff to me. I have not given him a blowjob and told him I would want a commitment before I would go any further with him, and he keeps coming back?? He told me not to change and keep my attitude the same. I told him I didn't want him to be dissapointed and he said that he wasn't at all and was happy I am the way I am and won't just jump into bed with anyone. He told me "If I was just looking to get with girls, I wouldn't keep coming to your door like I do." I took that as a compliment and he meant it as one, because he said so. I don't sleep around and he respects that. When I told him I wanted a commitment before I go any further with him, he told me he knew I did and he was glad I was that way and that is why he likes me so much. Like I hope by me saying "commitment" he didn't take that as like me wanting marriage I just meant I wanted an official relationship. I think it was pretty obvious. We were texting earlier and joking around and he said if he was a player he would be getting "some" and he's not. I told him if he wants to get "more" that I want commitment and flowers as a joke. He laughed and agreed that its how it should be.