She wants to marry someone else. Anybody else but me

[BarOfButter]

Sorry for the long emotional rant.

 

She broke up with me because I didn't propose fast enough for her liking.

 

We had been dating for 7.5 years ever since high school, and we had just finished college with no financial stability.

 

Right now is where I feel like it was my fault the breakup happened. I thought we had agreed to wait until we were financially stable until we would get married. She wanted to get married now since we had just finished college. She didn't tell me what was on her mind or what she wanted until after a few months of her being mad at me for not reading her mind.

 

I feel like a scumbag for not feeling ready after 7.5 years. I do want to be with her, but we just finished college and have no way of supporting ourselves.

 

So we reason and talk it out that we can get married and then live at our parents' place to save money until we can buy a house. The point is, she wanted to get married now.

 

But she's very emotionally sensitive and has been ever since we started dating. If I say one wrong thing in a way she interprets something wrong, or say something with the wrong tone of voice, she gets extremely hurt and angry at me. All summer long I wasn't able to propose to her right away since I was away with the military for a few months. We still talked like things were normal, and constantly, she'd get mad at me for thinking I was giving the impression I didn't want to get married. Every single time, she would be mad at me for thinking I didn't want to commit over something wrong that I texted or said. I didn't say anything mean or insulting, she just interpreted my words as hurtful.

 

So one day we're talking over the phone, and I'm multi tasking with something very busy which I feel so stupid for. My mind was on two different places and my voice was off tone when we were talking about marriage. She took it as me being hesitant and felt I wanted to back out of being married. It makes no sense at all!

 

So she shuts me out for a whole month and a half of NC. At first she tells me she's giving me one year to propose. Now she broke NC after said month and is giving up on us. She wants to get married to someone, and she wants to go out and find that someone now. She wants that guy to propose after a few months of dating, she really doesn't want to wait.

 

She's leaving me after I've given her everything for 7 years for someone else. She's actively looking and hunting for another man. How can this be? Is this normal or is this her acting crazy? This isn't the first time she's tried to leave me for another man. I really think she doesn't want to be with me. If she really wanted to marry me, she'd want to marry only me right? I'd want to only marry her and not anyone else, but her logic is that she wants to marry anyone, even someone she's only known for a few months. to her its like marriage is just something to get done before no one wants her anymore.

 

I kept telling her when we weren't fighting and when we were fighting that I could propose when I get home from the military but she's not waiting. She'd rather give up what we have and what I've done for her to look for someone else. Why is she so desperate?? I'm so confused and hurt. I feel betrayed that she'd want any other man that would agree to marry her in a few months of dating. To me that sounds freaking nuts.

 

I'm really hoping she'll come back to her sense and come back to me but I can't wait like that. She's probably not gonna contact me back for months if ever again. I can't stand to think of her dating other men who would replace me, she's the only one I've ever dated and I can't imagine life without her. Thinking of her replacing me so easily with another man and letting him into her life to do what I should be doing makes me so confused and she must be so heartless. She has to realize she's making a mistake. She just forgets all the times I did promise her I would propose when I get home, but she just focuses on that one second i sounded hesitant on the phone a month ago. She forgets all the things I've ever done for her. Whats going on here?

[Balzac]

Whats going on here?

 

She's on her timetable with apparently no concept about finances.

Unless her father/mother are gifting you a mortgage free house or $100,000 - you are prudent to delay marriage. Sadly, it's the end of this relationship and you cannot blame yourself. Surely her family is aware of her unreasonable expectations. Let them reap the rewards.

[BarOfButter]

She's 24, I'm 23. She feels that 24 is waiting way too long to get married. She feels like her time is running out and needs to find a man now. Even a man thats not me. This is seriously screwed up.

 

I mean, you need to have stable finances and career to get married as well right?? Not just a dating time requirement and finishing college like she says?

 

Actually I feel like her parents are the one who influenced her to have this mindset. They got married after dating for one month. their marriage is rocky but they're still together. They also have the mindset of marrying anyone at all is good as long as she catch a man now and give them grand kids. The cousins and her other family keep asking her when is she getting married and having kids since she was like 20.

Edited September 9, 2013 by BarOfButter

[Omei]

She MAY be on timetable with apparently no concept about finances.

Or maybe not.

 

After 7 years and with being told that time and time again she probably truely believes that you would of never asked and is seeking to move on, how old is she? People that want marriage in the end don't wait forever.

 

What was wrong about being married and working together on things as husband and wife?

 

But it's silly to run off and want to marry someone else that's gonna last real long haha!

 

" This isn't the first time she's tried to leave me for another man"

That there being said tho I can understand why you have never popped the question my guess is for you everytime she tried to do that it was like a reset button to you, and not to her.

 

I get the feeling from your post you spend most of your time on eggshells and in constant fear if she happy or upset do you want a life like that anyway?

[Balzac]

What is it about immature, unrealistic girl are you not getting? She's delusional.

It makes me curious whether her family is well to do? How could she pay her rent if she were to be independent?

 

Let her go. Next it will be a baby. She's not a supportive partner.

Be glad you found out now.

[todreaminblue]

7 and a half years is a very logn time i was engaged for that long......and it didnt work...no shock.......

 

 

ill tell you why....

 

if you put off a wedding because of financial or other issues that crop up....trials and everyday life will always get in the way...this will happen ...so you wait six months....then that will happen wait another six months...soon you are seven years in and never married......

 

 

if you love each other...marry.....if it si about the commitment and the thought of spending the rest of your life together....then barefoot on a beach with a celebrant close family and friends smiling with you is a marriage...with plastic cups and a willy wonka lopsided cake made by kindergarteners....is a day you will never forget...yep i am obsessed with that wedding cake idea at the moment....smilin.......

 

 

life gets in the way of a marriage.....theres always going to be something...could be little could be big...always something......

 

 

 

i feel when you propose you have a plan...this is hwo i think it works best....which isnt everybodys beleif but it is mine..you say ok this is the date its gonna happen hell or high water..if there is a cylconic flood we are getting married with flippers on and scuba tanks so we can gurlge our "i do s" and still be married on thsi date and this year...then.......

 

 

 

you reach high for your goals together, be that finances and security a lovely home together, or africa or bust...you reach together...and four hands are able to reach for more than two..thats my opinion setting a date once you propose is logical to me...it shouldnt be years later...for it never happens....hardly ever have i heard of long long engagements progressing to the alter......always broken engagements......so take the scuba taniks and happy gurgling i do for better or worse and can you youtube that i want to hear what it sounds like///thanks byee gurgles off.......i wish you well.....deb

[mtnbiker3000]

Sounds like she is more in love with the idea of marriage than with you!! She just wants the event, doesn't matter with who. I think you dodged a bullet, as this doesn't sound like a strong relationship from her perspective....

[Omei]

I agree he dodged a bullet if she's looking at other men

 

But not about the marriage 7 years is long enough I also agree with what deb was saying if you hold it off things will always get in the way if you're always looking at waiting for when life's *perfect* to do it, after that long who cares about her age I think she has every right to move on.

 

We only live 93 years at most you know! that's really short =/ and its so fast.

 

I would never push a man to marry me but if 7-8 years went by (im 27) and I do want to get married id prob move on too!

 

But like I said if shes trying to go off with other guys doesn't sound like wifey material.

[KCCK]

I kinda understand how it feels.. it was the same case with me.. in a relationship for 2 years, thinking of getting engage after finishing university and getting marriage after 3 years of working to save up money.. in the end, she dump me for another guy she just met for 2 weeks but from a rich family. Well, it was kinda my fault as well because when i started dating her, i know she was rich but I taught her the value of money.. in the end, she dump me as she say that guy can marry her immediately and treats her like a princess by buying and treating her to stuffs all the time, which is something I didnt excel in since i treat her well in terms of giving her support and encouragement.. well , i was not rich and she just dump me when a rich guy came in... haha...

[Misfortune]

I kinda understand how it feels.. it was the same case with me.. in a relationship for 2 years, thinking of getting engage after finishing university and getting marriage after 3 years of working to save up money.. in the end, she dump me for another guy she just met for 2 weeks but from a rich family. Well, it was kinda my fault as well because when i started dating her, i know she was rich but I taught her the value of money.. in the end, she dump me as she say that guy can marry her immediately and treats her like a princess by buying and treating her to stuffs all the time, which is something I didnt excel in since i treat her well in terms of giving her support and encouragement.. well , i was not rich and she just dump me when a rich guy came in... haha...

 

Best to stay away from spoiled people, unless you can give them the same or more than what they're used to.

[BarOfButter]

For a while, I did think of delaying engagement and marriage due to finances and such. But after she talked to me of the idea of getting married now and living with our parents to save up money sounded like a good idea.

 

I wasn't able to propose at that exact moment since I was away in the military for a few months. I told her I'd do it when I get back home and I really meant it. She was content with that. But when I made her mad by her interpretation of me sounding "hesitant" in my different tone of voice over the phone, she got very angry and all the sudden, waiting for me to come home in a few months wasn't worth it. She started saying I should have proposed way long ago when we were still in college or the second we finished college. She didn't even tell me she wanted to get married right away until 5 months after we finished college, she wanted me to read her mind and give her what she wants. Then that's when all this I wanna see other men and marry them a few months after dating game comes in.

 

And about being with people who expect a lot, her parents don't make that much money, but they do spoil her rotten. She's an only child and they never say no to her, they allow her to scream at them and throw temper tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants. Then they eventually always give her what she wants and she expects nothing less from me. I can only imagine that's what she would do with me if she were unhappy and we were living together.

[BarOfButter]

For now I'm doing my best to move on. I'm trying to get myself into things I've always wanted to do but couldn't do because I was with her. Its kinda limited now since I'm still on military duty, but when I come home it'll be better. I've applied to many jobs that are far away from home that could open a new life, and I've also applied for grad school.

 

But the other part of me can't accept the reality of it. I've been with her for a third of my life and can't imagine life with out her or the concept of us not being together in the future. A part of my mind keeps thinking she'll contact me back someday since she has in the past when she pulled this nonsense. But logically I know its not good for me, its going to lead to more heartbreak and I'll but in this same spot again after more walking on egg shells, her being mad at me for something that she interpreted as offensive, more being ignored and her not wanting to see me when she's stressed or mad, and more of her demanding I do with my life what she wants me to do with my life.

 

A part of me doesn't know if I'll ever be ready to look for someone else, and the dating world seems so hard to find someone. Another part of me is saying there's someone so much better out there for me and will appreciate me and listen to me. There's so many mixed emotions that go in and out constantly and its only been two days since she dropped that bombshell. I'll try to schedule an appointment with the military chaplain on the base.

[emva07]

the funny thing about girls like this is that they always leave a good man because of their bratty ways but end up ten times worse.