melell Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 After 8 years together every single song that either of us ever loved we had shared together. Now these songs/artists make me feel terrible. I want to listen to the music I love, but the memories just flood my mind. Other than that I am doing really well. I wondered, if I listened to all the music that made me sad would it eventually have a different effect? ie not be dominated by past memories?, Or would I just be torturing myself?
Omei Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 After 8 years together every single song that either of us ever loved we had shared together. Now these songs/artists make me feel terrible. I want to listen to the music I love, but the memories just flood my mind. Other than that I am doing really well. I wondered, if I listened to all the music that made me sad would it eventually have a different effect? ie not be dominated by past memories?, Or would I just be torturing myself? How long have you been broken up for? its 6 months for me and I was not able to listen to the music or watch the tv shows now *I can* It will come in time you will detach yourself from these things. 1
Viro12 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 After 8 years together every single song that either of us ever loved we had shared together. Now these songs/artists make me feel terrible. I want to listen to the music I love, but the memories just flood my mind. Other than that I am doing really well. I wondered, if I listened to all the music that made me sad would it eventually have a different effect? ie not be dominated by past memories?, Or would I just be torturing myself? You should stay away from them. Everything is a psychological reinforcement of your thoughts to your ex if it reminds you of your ex. In my opinion... 1
Author melell Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 Makes a lot of sense. It is terrible though, 8 years together, everything reminds me of it. Blah.
destroyed4sho Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 dont listen to love songs of any kind they will just get you down and prolong grieving process. listen to metal, old school metal lyrics usually do not have many lyrics on love, relationships, etc. 1
JDPT Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Stay away from everything and anything that may remind you of her regardless of you feeling that you are also entitled to these, truth is at this point we aren't ready. From music to places to anything, keep them very far away from you. An analogy would be if you keep picking at a wound day in an day out it will simply not fully heal. 1
AllTooWell Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I kind of disagree with the above. There are certain songs that were really special to me and my ex. Varying degrees of special. I'm not going to let a breakup run my life or push me away from the music that I like. One thing that helped for me, was I picked the more upbeat ones and mixed them into a workout playlist. That really helped me to be distracted because I'm working out and it changed the meaning of the song, but also gave me incentive to work hard in my work out (I'll make you regret this breakup kind of mentality). It just got easier over time and exposure. I wouldn't shy away from it completely because to me, that would allow it to all build up and bite me in the ass one day. I'd rather try one or two songs at a time, and reclaim them. A friend of mine did this with a bunch of songs with her ex, and she went camping with friends for a week. During that week she played a variety of music - including the worst song triggers, and now she associates them more with that great trip than with the ex. That being said, there are some songs I don't think I will ever be able to listen to without thinking of him, but at least now I can listen to them without a breakdown. 1
Author melell Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 Thanks alltowell, That is exactly my problem, I don't want to run away from these things. I have been in NC accepted it is over, realized I don't want him. Now I just want to live without this hanging over me and not hide from things. I don't want to prolong the healing at all, but if exposure will help me then I want to do that even if it is painful at first. I just can't work out which is best!
Omei Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 Think most people mean stay away until you can listen to them again without going to shambles.
crazy1234 Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 After 8 years together every single song that either of us ever loved we had shared together. Now these songs/artists make me feel terrible. I want to listen to the music I love, but the memories just flood my mind. Other than that I am doing really well. I wondered, if I listened to all the music that made me sad would it eventually have a different effect? ie not be dominated by past memories?, Or would I just be torturing myself? I think its best not to listen to those songs that happen to drown u into past memories.There are plenty of new songs out there!!
JDPT Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 Exactly, you aren't banned for life from frequenting places or listening to any particular song. The fact your wounds are still so fresh only exacerbates your current emotional state. Take this time to focus on you and not so much on songs. Yes we all like to listen to upbeat music specially in times of distress but don't dwell on "this was our song" and focus mostly on becoming a new you.
JDPT Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 I think its best not to listen to those songs that happen to drown u into past memories.There are plenty of new songs out there!! I absolutely agree, new songs, new memories and more progress.
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