sandra parker Posted November 18, 2004 Posted November 18, 2004 Hi everyone, I have been reading these posts for about three months now and I want to share my story and hopefully get some feedback from you. I am in my forties and have four children. I met this man five years ago and he became a part of my family. We had one main issue between us: his commitment phobic. In the beginning I thought I could change that and then became bitter about it as time passed. We broke up several times during the five years and each time we got back together even though his fear never went away. Each time I would see him getting close to making peace with his demons, the door would slam shut and he would freak out and leave. I would take him back hoping for change. I have four children and he became extremely close to them. The other times we broke up he never dated anyone and this time he has. I have a hard time giving up hope for him coming back because he always did before. My kids miss him as much as me and he has moved on this time, so it seems. He has been dating other people and that hurts as well. When I have lucid moments, I get really mad at myself for giving a crap when he can just move on and hurt us this way. On the other hand, the heart takes over and I cry and miss him terribly. I have read in these posts that no contact is best for the dumpee and have been in contact with him regardless. We live in the same town and see each other all the time. However, since this past Sunday I have not contacted him and plan on keeping it that way. It is so hard though, he has a large family and they became my family too. I can't imagine the holidays coming up and making it through them. I have also lost my job, been seeing a therapist and been on anti-depressants since the break. I basically have no money, no job, no insurance and these factors make it even worse to deal with his absence. I am tired of feeling this way, know that I need to move on, have no contact, put my life in order and I honestly don't know where to begin. I have no energy and am tired of fighting. I am not suicidal but have lost my spark for life. I want some instructions on how to get past this, please help! Thanks, Sandra
movingthroughit Posted November 18, 2004 Posted November 18, 2004 So sorry to hear about your terrible time. I would say this - as far as you can, try and believe that you are at your lowest now and from here, the way is only up. By doing NC and sticking to it you will build strength in yourself and gradually start to feel better. Take one day at a time. Try each day to do one small practical thing for yourself. Start small - buy something nice to eat, have a long bath, read the paper. Although taken together it all seems overwhelming, if you just try and do one small thing at a time you will find that your strength will slowly return and you will be able to do more, soon it will all appear manageable. Just one small thing for yourself each day. x
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