Jdogg577 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Long story short but my girlfriend and I of about 1.5 years broke up like a month ago. We still really loved each other but she felt she needed more time to explore/find out what she wants while at college in her last year (I graduated) and then see where we are in the future. I ran into her and we ended up talking for a long while. She admitted she wasn't doing all that hot. She has missed me a lot and has hated being single. She's really confused about what she wants to do and if this was the right course of action. I told her that as much as I miss her too and would like to be together again, if we are to get together in the future it has to be because she knows it in her heart that she wants to be with me, not just because she's feeling weak. She wanted to talk again in a month. Upon our conversation I realized how much I still love her. I don't want to have my hopes brought up again just to be shot down, but I dunno how I'm going to last a month and want to tell her how much I love her, but I'm trying to be as strong as possible. Anyone have any tips? Thanks so much
Omei Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I don't know its the advice most people will give but if she's seriously considering being with you again Id swoon the pants off her flowers etc. But know for sure, I hope its not like im single I haven't got lucky yet it sucks so contact me in a month so I can be single longer. Really hope its not like that! 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Long story short but my girlfriend and I of about 1.5 years broke up like a month ago. We still really loved each other but she felt she needed more time to explore/find out what she wants while at college in her last year (I graduated) and then see where we are in the future. I ran into her and we ended up talking for a long while. She admitted she wasn't doing all that hot. She has missed me a lot and has hated being single. She's really confused about what she wants to do and if this was the right course of action. I told her that as much as I miss her too and would like to be together again, if we are to get together in the future it has to be because she knows it in her heart that she wants to be with me, not just because she's feeling weak. She wanted to talk again in a month. Upon our conversation I realized how much I still love her. I don't want to have my hopes brought up again just to be shot down, but I dunno how I'm going to last a month and want to tell her how much I love her, but I'm trying to be as strong as possible. Anyone have any tips? Thanks so much This will be a difference of opinion on this one lol. My advice: Yes, she is probably not cool with being single. No one really would after being with someone for a year and a half then just taken away. Being lonely is one of the worst human emotions we have. With that said, a month out is still really soon for the both of you. Her indecisiveness is still there and will probably still be there after two months. Men and Women deal with things much differently in terms of stuff like this. Women are usually deal with emotional aspects while men are more practical. Right now, she is feeling depressed and questioning the breakup because she is lonely. Will she feel that way later? It might change tomorrow or after she sleeps alone for a couple more day. Its such a "up in the air" feeling. I think doing ANYTHING about it right now (buying her flowers, sending e-mails-cards, chocolates) will force the hand and you wont like the results. I like the way you handled it though I really do. What you said made sense and very mature. I commend you. Keep moving forward and go on with the "expect the worst, hope for the best" type scenario. Like you said, let HER decide it because she is the one who broke up with you. If she REALLY wants you back, she will make it known I assure you. 1
melell Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 It is interesting, about a month after my BU (8years together), I ran into my ex, we spoke as if nothing had happened. Shortly after he asked to see me again and wanted to talk about us. I didn't reply, and continued no contact. I think that if the relationship ended where still seeing each other was agreed upon then there is a high chance of reconciliation. BUT it doesn't remove all the things that lead to the break up, and if you reconcile a future break up is also HIGHLY likely. For me, I didn't want that, I didn't want to risk a situation where the pain is drawn out to a later date. I'd rather get it over with now than have to do it later. I think in this situation you really need to evaluate the problems in the relationship from a logical perspective (which is hard so soon because you will want to be optimistic about the chance). For instance if a person doubted you enough to leave you once, that is a big red flag that it will happen again, and that the foundations are not strong. But say perhaps there was just some arguing due to stress or circumstances I would consider this as something minor that could be worked through. Try and be as logical as possible. I had to force myself to do this, and honestly, I think I would be in a very unhappy place right now if went back so soon/at all.
AllTooWell Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Sorry, I disagree with the above posters to a degree. Like someone said, she is probably missing the relationship/comfort that you provided. Most people go through that whether they are dumped or are the dumpee after a LTR To me, saying "I don't know what I want right now - I'm not liking being single but I'm still gonna test it out for a bit - c ya in a month?" is a huge slap. Sooooo, she can dump you, obviously really hurt you in the process, and she gets to skip off for 2 months because you will be lovingly waiting in the wings ready to take her back no matter what? I don't think it shows a very high level of respect on her part if she is just going to assume that you will always be there, in fact it's that kind of behaviour that leads people to these situations. Sounds a bit weird to me. 2 months is not enough time for her to have gained that experience she lusted for either (wanting to find out who she was in her last year) but it IS enough time for her to still be mourning the relationship (and thus missing you). I think that if you got back together now or in a month, you would soon find her having the same feelings all over again. Another thing to note is that she didn't say "we'll get back together if in this month I'm still not okay with being apart from you" She said you would talk. Keep you around so she knew you'd always be there to catch her when she falls and give her an ego boost. That being said obviously I could be wrong. Maybe you'd get back together and be together forever. If I was you, I would tread really carefully this month and give her complete and utter space. Live your life as if you had no chance of getting back together. If when the month ends she reaches out and wants to talk, hear her out. 3
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I don't know its the advice most people will give but if she's seriously considering being with you again Id swoon the pants off her flowers etc. You do this and you will never have her back for more than a short period of time!!! This will not work long term!!! 3
BC1980 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I think, at 1 month, it is normal to still be unsure. She doesn't have enough perspective. I think it's way too soon to get back together.
Author Jdogg577 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 Yeah. I've been trying to give her time and space but its so damn hard. I feel like part of her wants me to take charge and get her back but I also feel like i need to let her realize some things on her own. I really have no idea how I can go one month
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Yeah. I've been trying to give her time and space but its so damn hard. I feel like part of her wants me to take charge and get her back but I also feel like i need to let her realize some things on her own. I really have no idea how I can go one month Forget one month. You MUST think/know that you are done forever. Move on and don't look back. IF, in the future, things change, then so be it. But NC doesn't have a time limit (1 week, 1 month or 1 year) and it is not designed to get an ex back. 1
BC1980 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Yeah. I've been trying to give her time and space but its so damn hard. I feel like part of her wants me to take charge and get her back but I also feel like i need to let her realize some things on her own. I really have no idea how I can go one month She is not in the same place emotionally as you because she was the dumper. She probably thought about it for awhile before breaking up. So she had come to terms with it somewhat. You were caught blindsided and are still trying to figure it all out. A month seems awfully long to you, but she really does need that time to process what she is feeling. Interestingly enough, it was my ex who told me this one day after out breakup. He said that he had been set on marrying me but had done a 180 basically over the course of a month, and it was difficult for him to just undo all of that so quickly. Meanwhile, I was sitting there still wanting to marry him because I was totally blindsided by our breakup. It lot made sense that day for me, and I really realized how people can be in such different places emotionally when once they were on the same page. When she decided to break up with you, it didn't happen overnight, so you can't expect her to want to repair it overnight. It could take months. A good question to ask is if you are willing to wait for her when the answer might be no.
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I really realized how people can be in such different places emotionally when once they were on the same page. This is so hard for me to process and makes me sick to my stomach Also makes me very nervous about future relationships. If this one could have unraveled the way it did, I have little hope about another working out any better.
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