crazybestie101 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 My ex ended everything including post break up friendship 20 days ago. He doesnt want to do anything with me and he has been ignoring me. I tried to reach out to him only once after he told me he wants end everything on good note. I have heard lot of stories about NC , so decided to do it for 4-6 months. I know its too long but i think its perfect time for me to sort out my life and for things to cool down . I am hoping that after this time frame of NC , i will reach out to my EX. I hope that he will listen to me and will understand me . He has treat me bad and good at times. But after dating one guy i realized that i am still in love with my ex and i miss him dearly. I really want to confess my love to my ex when i reach out to him after 4-6 months of NC. What do you guys think ? please share your experience and advices here...
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 My ex ended everything including post break up friendship 20 days ago. He doesnt want to do anything with me and he has been ignoring me. I tried to reach out to him only once after he told me he wants end everything on good note. I have heard lot of stories about NC , so decided to do it for 4-6 months. I know its too long but i think its perfect time for me to sort out my life and for things to cool down . I am hoping that after this time frame of NC , i will reach out to my EX. I hope that he will listen to me and will understand me . He has treat me bad and good at times. But after dating one guy i realized that i am still in love with my ex and i miss him dearly. I really want to confess my love to my ex when i reach out to him after 4-6 months of NC. What do you guys think ? please share your experience and advices here... You may hear from him....you may not.... Your first mistake is planning out a no contact route to try and get him back later. Sadly, it doesnt work like that. You use NC to fully get over the relationship and keep your sanity. Trying to say "Yeah, Im not going to talk to him and then spill my heart our" approach will end badly for you. You cant make someone want you, miss you, take you back etc etc etc.THEY have to want it. With little information, it shows that he doesnt want it now or in the future. He broke up with you and then gave you the friendship route which is never a good sign. Either way, he ended it so its time for you to move on. Like you said, GO no contact.....but DO just that. Dont go no contact for "X" amount of time then contact him. In addition, he might contact you with some breadcrumbs to see how you are and what not which is NOT a door open to get back together. That is the common downfall with some that "They are talking to me so they must want me back again." Sadly, that is also not the case. "After dating one guy I realized Im still in love with my ex"....wait so he broke up with you 20 days ago and you dated someone else during that 20 days? I'm confused... Reguardless, its time to move forward.
Author crazybestie101 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 @ConfusedHumanBeing He broke up with me in April this year then we took friendship route and before 20 days he ended friendship too.. All i want to do is go away from him and let him sorta out his mind. it always seemed like he is confuse about what he wants in life. i feel that by taking time apart , i am sure he will miss me atleast one day. He knows that no matter how bad we fought , i am going to contact him .He thinks that i cant live without him. Though he is kinda man who will rather wait until i get tired and contact him but he will never do it himself ( past experience) About me dating other guy , well it started after he broke up with me . Dated new guy for 2 months while i was still friends with my ex . Thats where i found out that i am still in love with my ex..
Author crazybestie101 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 You may hear from him....you may not.... Your first mistake is planning out a no contact route to try and get him back later. Sadly, it doesnt work like that. You use NC to fully get over the relationship and keep your sanity. Trying to say "Yeah, Im not going to talk to him and then spill my heart our" approach will end badly for you. You cant make someone want you, miss you, take you back etc etc etc.THEY have to want it. With little information, it shows that he doesnt want it now or in the future. He broke up with you and then gave you the friendship route which is never a good sign. Either way, he ended it so its time for you to move on. Like you said, GO no contact.....but DO just that. Dont go no contact for "X" amount of time then contact him. In addition, he might contact you with some breadcrumbs to see how you are and what not which is NOT a door open to get back together. That is the common downfall with some that "They are talking to me so they must want me back again." Sadly, that is also not the case. "After dating one guy I realized Im still in love with my ex"....wait so he broke up with you 20 days ago and you dated someone else during that 20 days? I'm confused... Reguardless, its time to move forward. He broke up with me in April this year then we took friendship route and before 20 days he ended friendship too.. All i want to do is go away from him and let him sorta out his mind. it always seemed like he is confuse about what he wants in life. i feel that by taking time apart , i am sure he will miss me atleast one day. He knows that no matter how bad we fought , i am going to contact him .He thinks that i cant live without him. Though he is kinda man who will rather wait until i get tired and contact him but he will never do it himself ( past experience) About me dating other guy , well it started after he broke up with me . Dated new guy for 2 months while i was still friends with my ex . Thats where i found out that i am still in love with my ex..
Omei Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 He broke up with you, he hasn't contacted you, it's over. If he wanted to contact you he would of. There is your answer. 2
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 He broke up with me in April this year then we took friendship route and before 20 days he ended friendship too.. All i want to do is go away from him and let him sorta out his mind. it always seemed like he is confuse about what he wants in life. i feel that by taking time apart , i am sure he will miss me atleast one day. He knows that no matter how bad we fought , i am going to contact him .He thinks that i cant live without him. Though he is kinda man who will rather wait until i get tired and contact him but he will never do it himself ( past experience) About me dating other guy , well it started after he broke up with me . Dated new guy for 2 months while i was still friends with my ex . Thats where i found out that i am still in love with my ex.. Gotcha thanks for the clear up. Well, as you probably figured out,a rebound relationship from the dumpee is usually not a smart move. Glad it ended..... I'm going to be honest with you here: He wanted a "friendship" with you after that to ease the guilt he had and not make him seem like the bad guy. Very common thing for a dumper to do. They usually say that and might have a "slight" friendship with it, but I'm going to guess when doing a "friendship", you texted him a lot? Asked questions about the breakup? Sent depressing text to him? Anything of that sort? He got frustrated with it because he WANTS it to be done so friendship was out. Look, what sucks but is the truth is he is DONE. The relationship is done. The chances of reconciliation are incredibly rare I assure you and even when they do happen, the chances of it sticking again are even slimmer. Going into this "I know he will miss me if I dont contact" is pretty large false hope. People, when out of relationships, will become SUCH different people so anything you think about him being "caring" or "confused about what he wants in life" probably really isnt that way. Put it this way (this is going to come off mean, but the truth is at times): He doesnt care about you enough to have you in his life. Why would you want to be with someone who doesnt want you? Makes sense doesnt it. Its a hard road dear and I understand the pain. It hurts. It sucks. Breakups are awful and so painful....but situations like this make you a better person in the long run. 1
KatZee Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Don't reach out to him. He's the one that dumped you. He's the one that ended the friendship. It's done. As harsh as this is to hear, he wants nothing to do with you. It won't matter if you wait 4-6 months. You're also going to lose a lot of dignity by reaching out b/c all that shows him is that you're still thinking about him half a year later. To completely wipe you out of the picture, there may be someone else involved now. Someone who doesn't want him talking to his ex-girlfriend. 2
Author crazybestie101 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 Gotcha thanks for the clear up. Well, as you probably figured out,a rebound relationship from the dumpee is usually not a smart move. Glad it ended..... I'm going to be honest with you here: He wanted a "friendship" with you after that to ease the guilt he had and not make him seem like the bad guy. Very common thing for a dumper to do. They usually say that and might have a "slight" friendship with it, but I'm going to guess when doing a "friendship", you texted him a lot? Asked questions about the breakup? Sent depressing text to him? Anything of that sort? He got frustrated with it because he WANTS it to be done so friendship was out. Look, what sucks but is the truth is he is DONE. The relationship is done. The chances of reconciliation are incredibly rare I assure you and even when they do happen, the chances of it sticking again are even slimmer. Going into this "I know he will miss me if I dont contact" is pretty large false hope. People, when out of relationships, will become SUCH different people so anything you think about him being "caring" or "confused about what he wants in life" probably really isnt that way. Put it this way (this is going to come off mean, but the truth is at times): He doesnt care about you enough to have you in his life. Why would you want to be with someone who doesnt want you? Makes sense doesnt it. Its a hard road dear and I understand the pain. It hurts. It sucks. Breakups are awful and so painful....but situations like this make you a better person in the long run. Yes , you are very much right about whatever you said . While being in friendship with him , many times my talks reflected that i still have feelings for him and that have caused him frustration . I get it that we probably will never be back as couple but atleast i want to have some kind of friendship with him . I mean we shared so many great moment of life together , we were first for each other . I do admire him a lot , feels like it would be nice if we pass all this and start some thing new , friendly. I honestly am not so keen to get back together as couple but atleast friendship. I dont want him to hate me or bad anything on bad note .
Author crazybestie101 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 Don't reach out to him. He's the one that dumped you. He's the one that ended the friendship. It's done. As harsh as this is to hear, he wants nothing to do with you. It won't matter if you wait 4-6 months. You're also going to lose a lot of dignity by reaching out b/c all that shows him is that you're still thinking about him half a year later. To completely wipe you out of the picture, there may be someone else involved now. Someone who doesn't want him talking to his ex-girlfriend. Well as far as i know he isnt dating any one .
melell Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 This is all part of the process. The amount of posters that start with a similar question that turns into something much different is so many. It can go either way from what I have observed. I can tell you for sure that the number 1 thing to do is protect yourself from any hurt at this point, it is really important, otherwise it can suck the life out of you. You may or may not hear from him, but the point is to get yourself to a place where hearing from him won't effect your contentedness. It may make you happy/angry/sad, but as long as it doesn't mess with you deep down then you are good. It takes awhile to get there, and the only way you are going to get there is by focusing all your attention on yourself. It gets better as soon as that starts happening!
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Yes , you are very much right about whatever you said . While being in friendship with him , many times my talks reflected that i still have feelings for him and that have caused him frustration . I get it that we probably will never be back as couple but atleast i want to have some kind of friendship with him . I mean we shared so many great moment of life together , we were first for each other . I do admire him a lot , feels like it would be nice if we pass all this and start some thing new , friendly. I honestly am not so keen to get back together as couple but atleast friendship. I dont want him to hate me or bad anything on bad note . I understand completely and that is pretty normal to want to salvage ANY part of something with someone you spent so much time with. Can it happen? Yes....but something like that takes a lot of time. You are obviously heartbroken currently and things are so scattered currently. They will stay that way if you allow it, so its up to you to change how you feel. I tell people this (because it was told to me and it makes sense) when people want to be friends with the ex: Are you comfortable knowing/seeing him with another girl? Are you comfortable possibly mentioning a sexual incident he had? Are you comfortable with hearing that he is getting engaged? Does hearing that make your stomach turn? Does it make you hurt to think about? The answer is probably yes and that is the answer of being friends with an ex. Until you are indifferent about that, friends is not a good idea. It can happen if you REALLY want it, but its going to be a LONG time before that happens. I dont think he hates you nor will he ever unless you kill one of his family members or something lol....so dont go thinking that because its probably not true. 1
Author crazybestie101 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 This is all part of the process. The amount of posters that start with a similar question that turns into something much different is so many. It can go either way from what I have observed. I can tell you for sure that the number 1 thing to do is protect yourself from any hurt at this point, it is really important, otherwise it can suck the life out of you. You may or may not hear from him, but the point is to get yourself to a place where hearing from him won't effect your contentedness. It may make you happy/angry/sad, but as long as it doesn't mess with you deep down then you are good. It takes awhile to get there, and the only way you are going to get there is by focusing all your attention on yourself. It gets better as soon as that starts happening! Thanks for understanding me and sending something hopeful. Main reason to do such long period of NC is to concentrate on myself , i am college student so i need to take care of my education . I have spoiled my education enough by getting involved in such relations . It has ****ed up my mind . I am wasting money and time because i am always stressed out . For God sakes only ONCE i want him to hear me out . He never let me express how i felt during entire time . He forced all his decision on me . I am so lost here , i feel like doing NC will help me and may be he might be able to think what actually he did to me . 1
melell Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Thanks for understanding me and sending something hopeful. Main reason to do such long period of NC is to concentrate on myself , i am college student so i need to take care of my education . I have spoiled my education enough by getting involved in such relations . It has ****ed up my mind . I am wasting money and time because i am always stressed out . For God sakes only ONCE i want him to hear me out . He never let me express how i felt during entire time . He forced all his decision on me . I am so lost here , i feel like doing NC will help me and may be he might be able to think what actually he did to me . Trust me I know what it is like, especially with study. At uni I probably wasted about 1 year of time because I kept going back to part time, or failing (about 2000 down the drain). I just couldn't handle it, and couldn't look forward because of all the relationship stuff. It is pretty obvious to me that you already know what is best for you. Getting control back in your life is the best feeling ever. I wouldn't trade it for any relationship in the world to be honest. If I feel lost I am simply not happy. NC might not make him ever realize, he could just be selfish and immature, either way going NC will free you of all that heaviness and give you a chance to actually feel good! x 1
Author crazybestie101 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 I understand completely and that is pretty normal to want to salvage ANY part of something with someone you spent so much time with. Can it happen? Yes....but something like that takes a lot of time. You are obviously heartbroken currently and things are so scattered currently. They will stay that way if you allow it, so its up to you to change how you feel. I tell people this (because it was told to me and it makes sense) when people want to be friends with the ex: Are you comfortable knowing/seeing him with another girl? Are you comfortable possibly mentioning a sexual incident he had? Are you comfortable with hearing that he is getting engaged? Does hearing that make your stomach turn? Does it make you hurt to think about? The answer is probably yes and that is the answer of being friends with an ex. Until you are indifferent about that, friends is not a good idea. It can happen if you REALLY want it, but its going to be a LONG time before that happens. I dont think he hates you nor will he ever unless you kill one of his family members or something lol....so dont go thinking that because its probably not true. Thanks a lot for bearing with me and replying to my post . Honestly , i know i should just move on but i am stuck here. if i just get friendship from him believe me i will the happiest person on the earth. After all this trouble , i started to feel that i am no longer into him in romantic way ..
melell Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Time is your best friend right now. And honestly, I think reestablishing a friendship once you have no desire for him at all is good. But if it happens before you are truly ready it is emotional suicide. 2
Author crazybestie101 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 Time is your best friend right now. And honestly, I think reestablishing a friendship once you have no desire for him at all is good. But if it happens before you are truly ready it is emotional suicide. So i just texted my EX because today is his religious new year. He replied instantly wishing me back . Yes , i know replying instantly doesnt mean anything . But atleast i am relieved that he doesnt hate me and we are on somewhere speaking terms!!
Author crazybestie101 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 I understand completely and that is pretty normal to want to salvage ANY part of something with someone you spent so much time with. Can it happen? Yes....but something like that takes a lot of time. You are obviously heartbroken currently and things are so scattered currently. They will stay that way if you allow it, so its up to you to change how you feel. I tell people this (because it was told to me and it makes sense) when people want to be friends with the ex: Are you comfortable knowing/seeing him with another girl? Are you comfortable possibly mentioning a sexual incident he had? Are you comfortable with hearing that he is getting engaged? Does hearing that make your stomach turn? Does it make you hurt to think about? The answer is probably yes and that is the answer of being friends with an ex. Until you are indifferent about that, friends is not a good idea. It can happen if you REALLY want it, but its going to be a LONG time before that happens. I dont think he hates you nor will he ever unless you kill one of his family members or something lol....so dont go thinking that because its probably not true. So Recent update : So i just texted my EX because today is his religious new year. He replied instantly wishing me back . Yes , i know replying instantly doesnt mean anything . But atleast i am relieved that he doesnt hate me and we are on somewhere speaking terms!!
Author crazybestie101 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 This isn't moving on. I know but at last minute my roommate said why dont you wish him , its new year .. Come on.. but back to NC again.. He might be thinking that i might continue conversation with him but i WON'T!
Omei Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 (edited) If you want to be friends when there is no feeling left in the future great. But think of this, you're young you said you guys were your first's there's so much growing and things to be learned most people never keep in contact with their first relationship he's not gonna be the same guy you're not gonna be the same girl. And I think if I was considering dating somone and they were like im besties with my first gf I'd be like bye, cuz that's weird to me not to all maybe but def not a green light. He prob just texted you back politely and is hoping you'll go away he LEFT you. Stop texting him. Edited September 9, 2013 by Omei 1
Author crazybestie101 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 If you want to be friends when there is no feeling left in the future great. But think of this, you're young you said you guys were your first's there's so much growing and things to be learned most people never keep in contact with their first relationship he's not gonna be the same guy you're not gonna be the same girl. And I think if I was considering dating somone and they were like im besties with my first gf I'd be like bye, cuz that's weird to me not to all maybe but def not a green light. He prob just texted you back politely and is hoping you'll go away he LEFT you. Stop texting him. Seems like you know my EX more than me lol i only texted him ONCE after he ended everything . I am depressed but i dont act like crazy ex. I never emailed him or call him or sent him long line of texts. I just keep quite and survive. Today it was his new year so i texted him , we atleast have that understanding about this occasions. My Ex doesnt think me crazy because he knows me & cares about me but he doesnt want to show me because i will fall for him again . he doesn't want it. When he broke up with me , he told me no matter what he is always going to be there for me . Thats what he has been doing lately. But sometimes he has to be bad person in order for me to move on. About " being first for each other " he is 25 and i am 24 . Yes , we found love late in life. He is probably marry someone his parents want ( yes , due to our culture) .. This relation isnt like others , there isnt crazy fights , drunk dials or whatever you call it..
skydiveaddict Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 My ex ended everything including post break up friendship 20 days ago. He doesnt want to do anything with me and he has been ignoring me. please share your experience and advices here... He is done with you. But I bet he starts texting you. Do NOT answer his calls or texts. Except to call/text him to LEAVE YOU ALONE. Then take up skydiving. There's a whole treasure chest of single, brave, good-looking guys that would love to take you out. Carry on and you will do well fair maiden. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Seems like you know my EX more than me lol i only texted him ONCE after he ended everything . I am depressed but i dont act like crazy ex. I never emailed him or call him or sent him long line of texts. I just keep quite and survive. Today it was his new year so i texted him , we atleast have that understanding about this occasions. My Ex doesnt think me crazy because he knows me & cares about me but he doesnt want to show me because i will fall for him again . he doesn't want it. When he broke up with me , he told me no matter what he is always going to be there for me . Thats what he has been doing lately. But sometimes he has to be bad person in order for me to move on. About " being first for each other " he is 25 and i am 24 . Yes , we found love late in life. He is probably marry someone his parents want ( yes , due to our culture) .. This relation isnt like others , there isnt crazy fights , drunk dials or whatever you call it.. LOVE LATE IN LIFE?!?!?! You think 24 is late in life to find love? Good god almighty I'm 27 I must be about to retire and die alone..... Dont try to over-analyze everything here. It seems to me you are thinking too much right now. Your mind is all sorts of f****d. You cant think straight because your mind doesnt know where to start or where to end. Not cool and will keep you up at night (probably already is since you wrote this so late lol). In the end, it probably doesnt really matter if he thinks you're crazy, sane, insane, whatever whatever. He probably cares about you...my ex cared about me too. Not enough to be in my life though. What is the MOST important thing right now is to NOT talk to him and focus on you. Everyday, do something for yourself. Spend an hour each day doing something only for you. Work out, go eat ice cream, go get a haircut, go hang with friends, watch some por.....um watch the news....yeah... Just dont overthink this and keep moving forward. Its not easy. No contact isnt some walk in the park, but it TOTALLY beats the alternative of keep texting him, wondering what he is doing, him getting mad at you for bothering him etc etc. Stay cool and keep coming on here when you need help. 2
melell Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Honestly, I know right now it feels 'normal' to talk to him. You have created that habit. There is no way that any exchange of messages between you both at this point is not going to have an emotional effect. I am glad it was painless. You just have to be careful, because there is a high chance some conversing will be painful. I have been there. 1
Ireallydontknow Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Why would you ignore everything, everyone has told you? You made your mind up and did it anyway. We'd all love to be some part of our exes life but we know how much it is going to hurt. It's like an alcoholic just drinking on the weekends, it usually doesn't work Good luck with that one. We'll see you in the future when you didn't heal fully. Sorry to be so harsh, but you are only going to mess yourself up. 24?! I'm 29! The woman took the prime years of my 20's! You got a lot of life to live yet. 24 is when I met my ex-fiancé! You'll be fine. Stay strong, delete that number, don't text.
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