DrDave92 Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 (edited) my ex unexpectedly broke up with me over 4 months ago after a 2 year relationship and i've been in full NC for about a month. It was quite a bitter breakup and i said a lot of things to her one night when i'd had too much to drink however i apologised 4 weeks ago and she agreed to be civil with me. I was checking her FB/twitter for the first 3 months after the breakup which was killing my recovery however now i have no interest in knowing what she's up to as it just puts me down and serves no purpose. I go back to university next week and she has been accepted to the same university which means i'm bound to see her a lot as her course is in the same building as mine. We're yet to see each other since the breakup and although i feel i've progressed a hell of a lot, hearing her name still makes my stomach sink and i know seeing her will be a kick in the nuts. I'm also worried about what will happen when i see her out clubbing after i've had a drink as me and my friends get quite drunk on nights out and seeing her could stir up some feelings and make me emotional. I really don't want to be dragged into the whole drama but seeing her with other guys would still probably ruin my night at the moment. I also know she'll tell her new friends about me being nasty to her after the split and make me out to be a bad guy so can't be bothered with drama from them either. I don't want her being around to effect my time at university and lessen the fun i have. I wish she was at a university on the other side of the world as i'm at the point where i just want to cut her out of my life completely and being in the same uni/city is just going to make things harder for me. Anyone got any advice? Edited September 8, 2013 by DrDave92
Mcscooter Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Just have to be mature about your situation. You can try to avoid her as much as possible, but my best advice is just to suck it up when you see her. Say "Hi" or say nothing. It'll just be a second. eventually if you see her a lot, just phase her out. She'll just be a stranger with memories. Sure they'll trigger the good old times, but somewhere sometime your going to be tired of it. That is when you just move on. You have to put effort moving on though or else you'll be stuck or back at step one. Truth be told it's going to suck. You know that one song by All American Rejects - Gives You Hell lol yeah, Keep calm and move along. 1
Author DrDave92 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 what steps can i take to move along more than i already am? She's an attractive girl so seeing her is gonna be a bit of a sickener and i know she's bound to get a lot of attention, i'd just rather not see it or know about it but i know i'm probably not gonna have any choice in the matter. I don't want her being at the same uni/in the same city to ruin my remaining 2 years at university
BarOfButter Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I was in the same situation too. My ex had a class in the classroom right next to mine, right after my class ended. We were bound to run into each other during the NC period. When I did see her a whole brick of emotions would knock me in the face. I did my best to avoid her even tho I wanted to run up and hug her and hope things would go back to normal. Avoiding isnt easy but its for the best, out of sight out of mind. It'll make your healing smoother, or less hellish, I meant.
Author DrDave92 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 yeah, i'm at the point now where i've accepted the breakup and i certainly don't want to get back with her as she wasn't right for me but i just know seeing her is going to knock me for six. There's not really any way around it, i can avoid her to the best of my ability but i'm bound to bump into her from time to time unfortunately. It's a pain, i don't want to be worrying about seeing her in the back of my mind when i'm out and about around the city
LostOne1 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Well in my case I had to attend a new uni and it ended up being one that my ex was going too. I remember the first day I got into the school. I just had entered the main doors BOOM! I turn left and she is sitting there talking to a guy. Worst feeling ever because I had to walk past her as if I didn't know her. So it WILL happen to you, but you know what... I've been there for a few months now and only ran into her once that I know of or have seen of her. It will suck because you will expect to think "man were at the same uni we should be hanging out more" But the fact is things have changed so you have to pretend you don't know her. Ignore her and show her nothing. Some people might say go say hi. But I'd not say anything at all. You guys are broken up and should act as if you are too. It will take some time, but after awhile it will just go away. You'll get used to it all and the thought of running into her won't matter after awhile and especially when you meet/hangout with new people/friends. 1
Author DrDave92 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 that sounds tough. She's in the same building as me for her course so i think i'm bound to run into her quite a lot and most students go to similar nightspots on certain nights so i'm destined to bump into her then as well. Ideally i just want to avoid her but i know that can't happen. If i walk past her i'd feel like saying 'hello' and nothing more just to be civil since i apologised. Although i'm moving on seeing her around campus or on nights out with other guys still wouldn't be very pleasant. It's just sods law that she's ended up at the same university as me after all this. I hope it does go away one day, i just know the first few times i see her are going to be awful and i'm not looking forward to it.
NewPerspective93 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 From my time as a student at university, I've realized that seeing the same people is very RARE, even if we are in similar colleges within the university. You might not see her as much as you think you will, unless if you have a class together and if the school you go to is a liberal arts school or something small. If you do see her, just be calm about it. You can't control your emotions, but you can control the way you react. A simple "Hey" might suffice if you happen to run into her. Go along with your day and if she starts talking to you, make it a brief conversation and don't stick around. Tell her how you should be on your way, etc. They will fade away, trust me (the feelings). Also, the encounter won't be as bad as you think it might be, if it does happen. Don't focus too much on her and whether or not you'll see her around campus. It's vital that you focus on yourself right now; hit the gym, study groups, whatever. The last thing that should be affecting you is some girl. Cheers. 2
LostOne1 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 From my time as a student at university, I've realized that seeing the same people is very RARE, even if we are in similar colleges within the university. You might not see her as much as you think you will, unless if you have a class together and if the school you go to is a liberal arts school or something small. If you do see her, just be calm about it. You can't control your emotions, but you can control the way you react. A simple "Hey" might suffice if you happen to run into her. Go along with your day and if she starts talking to you, make it a brief conversation and don't stick around. Tell her how you should be on your way, etc. They will fade away, trust me (the feelings). Also, the encounter won't be as bad as you think it might be, if it does happen. Don't focus too much on her and whether or not you'll see her around campus. It's vital that you focus on yourself right now; hit the gym, study groups, whatever. The last thing that should be affecting you is some girl. Cheers. Well said. At the end of the day school is about learning and not dating. For me I got through it by keeping my goal of school as a way to be social. But also to learn and not so much about my ex or dating.
Author DrDave92 Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 i agree with you guys it just seems that as the new term grows closer (a few days away) i'm getting more nervous about the thought of seeing my ex out and about. I have a friend who recently got broken up with and he said the first time he saw his ex he literally froze and his mind just went blank, i don't want this to happen to me. I just feel like the way i am at the minute the thought of seeing her is always gonna be on the back of my mind
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