spacey Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 I have a very interesting observation. Scene 1 : I once met a guy 7 years ago and fell in love with him madly,crazily.He on one hand was really into me as in sexually attracted to me but something inside of me kept telling me he was not in it for the long haul - that he is ONLY looking for a short sexual fling.My friends would constantly point out he has feelings for me - He spent an entire day helping me purchase a suitcase and then he spent 4 days helping me move and clean my place and yet there was a small voice in me that told me he was not all that into me emotionally with all the data pointing otherwise and my friends telling me otherwise. I was moving away for other reasons and so the relationship anyways could not run its course and finally when I met him after 2 years my gut feeling proved true as he told me upfront he had never really thought of a future with me to begin with and was surprised I would make a trip to even explore the possibility of rekindling a romantic relationship with him. Scene 2: I met a guy 6 months back and I saw a lot of signs he was into me...him making his way into my group of friends,staring at me often and such and then when I told him I like him his answer was he is not ready for a relationship (messy divorce) and only wants us to be friends. Yet my gut keeps telling me he likes me lot more than a friend and again my friends keep providing me data to prove otherwise.They go - "if he has feelings why is he shy to meet with you one on one ?"..etc etc. I listen to my friends but my gut does not agree with me. I am wondering if anyone has experienced this. In both the cases above I was madly,crazily in love and so it is not wishful thinking and there is something my senses are reading into that is not readily provided by data.
Weezy1973 Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Question - for Scene 2, you've never actually gone out on a date, but you say you're madly, crazily in love? Is that right? That being said - I say, go with your gut. The guy in scene 2 may logically feel he isn't ready, but is probably still attracted to you. You can't help attraction. Because he doesn't feel he should pursue anything because he is still healing from the divorce, it will take a lot to get him to actually do it (even if he subconsciously really thinks you make a good match). Take the risk - tell him you're attracted to him and would like to get to know him better, even if the timing isn't the best.
heartshaped Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 I don't think there is such a thing as instinct when it comes to figuring out how invested someone is in you or whether they are interested or not in a relationship. Listen to what people tell you. If they tell you they are not looking for anything serious or a relationship. Believe them.
Author spacey Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 I wish people meant what they said. In the first case he said he loved me often but something about his actions and vibes did not make me feel he did.I felt he was telling me - " I am so attracted to you that I will do anything in my power to get you to sleep with me and get the best sex I can." Something in me did not trust him. In the second case,he claims he is not ready but his actions and vibes indicate feelings and attraction.He goes out of his way to hide his feelings.Like him being extremely nervous when we meet 1 : 1 and talking nineteen to the dozen or just rambling off.Acting insanely jealous if another guy and me are talking.Little acts that in and of itself say little but the sum total convey something else.He felt very uncomfortable the first time I gave him a hug and so I decided to not go there ever again and then he comes around asking me - "So where is my hug?" My gut feeling strongly tells me there is more from his side than just friendship.
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