Sleepless0x Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 I've been dating this guy for about 9 months now and I used to have a horrible habit of snooping through their Facebooks and messages etc. my last relationship fell apart from lack of trust so I vowed never to do it again... Until the other day. I snooped hard through his Facebook messages searching key words like previous exes names and my names and such. I searched one name, of a girl that he was seeing before me specifically cause I always felt that I was a second choice to her because she didn't know what she wanted. I ended up finding a conversation between my bf and his best friend of him saying he couldn't get her off his mind.. This message was from 3 months ago. It really hurt me to see this and I haven't been able to look at him the same because the thought of him still thinking about her kills me. I don't know how to confront him about it.. Especially since I snooped to find it. Maybe were both not good for each other considering he snooped through mine a week ago. :/
Dallers Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 I've been dating this guy for about 9 months now and I used to have a horrible habit of snooping through their Facebooks and messages etc. my last relationship fell apart from lack of trust so I vowed never to do it again... Until the other day. I snooped hard through his Facebook messages searching key words like previous exes names and my names and such. I searched one name, of a girl that he was seeing before me specifically cause I always felt that I was a second choice to her because she didn't know what she wanted. I ended up finding a conversation between my bf and his best friend of him saying he couldn't get her off his mind.. This message was from 3 months ago. It really hurt me to see this and I haven't been able to look at him the same because the thought of him still thinking about her kills me. I don't know how to confront him about it.. Especially since I snooped to find it. Maybe were both not good for each other considering he snooped through mine a week ago. :/ Snooping always ends in pain and misery. You really need to get out of the habit of doing it because it is no better than going through somebodies mobile phone and you have no right to invade someone else's private space. In terms of Facebook it is a social networking site anyone can see but be warned that if you confront him you could easily be flying off the handle about something that you know nothing about and as you were not involved in the conversation he could have liked her for years or you could just be getting the wrong end of the stick. Even so liking someone does not mean he is sleeping with them. I still love the girl I was with 10 years ago who is now married with kids and I probably always will because she was the one that I let get away and if I was to talk about her now I would say the same thing even if I was with someone. Jealousy is a dangerous thing and shows a complete lack of trust. Confront him at your own risk but remember whatever comes from it will be bad for you and him. Learn to trust someone and do not snoop.
ThisGal Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 (edited) There is no trust in the relationship. You two need to have a conversation about this. Let him know what you did, and he'll explain why he snooped on you also. Without trust in a relationship you have nothing. And that comment he made about his ex was said 3 months ago, you mentioned that you two have been together for 9 months now so at the time you two were in a relationship for 6 months...so yeah, it's possible that his ex was still fresh on his mind. It's normal. If you feel like you're second best then maybe it's time for you to reconsider the relationship. Go by how he treats you, not by your jealousy. And it's best to confront an issue right away, not wait a few months harboring all this. Edited September 8, 2013 by ThisGal
ThisGal Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 I still love the girl I was with 10 years ago who is now married with kids and I probably always will because she was the one that I let get away and if I was to talk about her now I would say the same thing even if I was with someone. Awww 2
heartshaped Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Snooping is horrible. Playing second best to someone else isn't much better though. I'd be honest and upfront with him that you snooped and discuss with him what you found.
Brunettie Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Snooping is pretty bad. I have done it, but only when I had a strong suspicion something was up. I have threads about it. One time I found out he was still on the dating site, and a few weeks later checked his phone to see if he had stopped. And a few weeks ago he was being really shady, so I looked in his phone and found sexts. I never do it just for the heck of it. I did bring it up. Maybe you can bring it up too, but maybe in a way that doesn't say that you snooped. So maybe don't go with "I was looking through your facebook and saw ----" (I didn't even know you could search keywords on messages and stuff there...) Maybe talk about past loves and when he mentions her ask him very casually if that's a thing of the past or if he still talks to her, etc and watch his facial expressions. 1
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