loveiswar101 Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Try keep it short but like everyone else lost confused and looking for advise. Background: was married for close to 10 years when wife had an affair and left me. During that time I was 100% faithful and blown away when all happened. Got really low for for around 3 years, drinking depression whole 9 yards. Next 2 years took a little back not great but sober and having some fun. Roll back to a year ago... Where it all began: By chance met a lady, 7 years older beautiful and I believe was way to good for me (as can see lack self esteem). Over the last year we generally have had great times, will admit it took time for me to open up as I said I thought to good and what happened with ex wife still haunted me. Ironically a good mate is dating one of her best friends who I'm my eyes is not a nice person. We all met at same time, but since then he has showered her with 2 very expensive holidays, moved in and recently bid on house all in a year. This is something I can not do mentally or financially. OK over the year we have had believe 3 big bust ups over petty things all fixed. About a month ago I thought Id lost her but she said she wanted me to commit to her as it had been a year, I agreed. We had a lovely 1 year anniversary and 2 weeks ago had an awesome weekend away to which a one point she asked me if I could see myself moving in with her. Roll on a week later and BOOM. To comit I promised I would get my small business I own in order and have been trying to work hard doing this and have not seen her over last week. THIS IS THE CRUNCH: last Thursday mate who seeing my girls bf emails saying looks like things a cooling down between us. ????. I take her out that night and in conversation just mention the email and is everything all right. Fine she says..Friday she was going on girls night and mentioned maybe catch up later. I live good 20 mins from hers and as she has kids I spend 99.9 % at hers. With this I thought maybe best she had good night and we would catch up Saturday evening for some quality time together. After work Friday she phones saying in a rush that tomorrow she was catching up with friend and Sunday busy with her son, I cut her off said hadn't hardly seen her all week and bit unfair. She came back with that was my choice and had to go and hung up. I was fuming. Half hour later blood rushing tried to phone her 5 times and no answer. Then got a text saying didn't hear phone as to loud in pub. I jumped the gun in anger and text that if didn't phone back I was going down to grab my stuff and leave her key. Nothing so next morning I was still so angry, in haste while she was at work I drove down got my stuff. Lunch time got text of her saying she will call me after work. I text back saying no need got my stuff. All this is not her I know its down to her meddling controlling friend putting thoughts of what I should be doing as a boyfriend I FEEL I'm dating 2 people and at times am on egg shells. Anyhow after calming down I feel I've totally screwed up. I mean it took along time for me to love someone else and now I feel I'm going to be alone again and fall back into a hole. Not sure why I did it but maybe I was scarred to be hurt again who knows. All I know is I love her with all my heart and have messed up. lATEST: didn't sleep at all Saturday night and thinking I had lost her. 2am I text her saying the email from my mate regarding things cooling and then her not wanting to see me had rattled me. I was was sorry told her I loved her and only 2 weeks ago had one of the best to times of my life. No sleep all night and tears galore I phoned her early (sun) and said I didn't know what had come over me was sorry loved her and please could I get a final chance. Few other things said and got the vibe that her gf had been in her ear saying that I should of been out with them Friday (it was a girls night). Conversation end with her saying she has a busy week ahead and needs space and time to think. This where I need help.... If I lose the girl I for sure will relapse, I love her with all my heart...I had another restless night and am here early Mon typing this on my tablet. All my thoughts are negative, I'm an emotional wreck. How long is time? What should I do ? Please help / advise ?. Sorry long and winded..
Misfortune Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Your ex messed you up and killed your self esteem. 3 years later and you're still having issues from the fallout of your marriage. Have you been to therapy since the end of your marriage?
Author loveiswar101 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 Thanks for quick response. I did do therapy for 2 years after splitting from ex. I got to reasonable place. Self esteem never been great since but thought I was all fixed when met my new girl, I do believe she loves me but with my erratic behavior and her bf in ear all time she for sure going to think she's best off with out me. If that happens I'm in trouble.
Misfortune Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Your happiness/life does not depend on her being in your life or not, she should just be an addition to your life. You've put her up on a pedestal and have yourself grove long before her. You have to be confident; easier said than done, I know. People can say w/e they want, she's the one making the final decisions. It's all her choice unless someone is threatening her life. 1
StrongLass Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Self esteem never been great since but thought I was all fixed when met my new girl As the other poster has said, that (in bold) is your problem right there. NOBODY should have THAT MUCH control over how you feel about yourself. In healthy relationships significant others are supposed to be additions to your ALREADY satisfying life, not the crown jewel of your existence.
Author loveiswar101 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 Thanks guys, very very early of all this. I guess my life has been ok the last 3 years or so but not satisfying and though she was the missing piece of the jigsaw so to speak to take my life to another level. To feel loved again I guess was the issue, that what id getting to me now. I can only wait now and see what comes back and if all fails I guess ive got to pick myself up and start again like so many years ago...alone
Author loveiswar101 Posted September 10, 2013 Author Posted September 10, 2013 UPDATE: Partner (my m8) of the her best mate and me caught up for beers, he'll not letting much out the bag but says he's heard snippets that after a year she wants/wanted me to either move in or move closer. All she wants is to be with me, but believes I'm holding back. Ring her he say's and get it sorted. I told him she asked for space and said I just couldn't and have to respect her wishes. But after hearing that it made me want to ring her last night, this is just hard to &%&^% hard. Still not hungry but slept a little more last night.
Recommended Posts