Csmith224422 Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Hello all, So I met this girl through a restaurant group on meetup.com (where strangers go to restaurants to try them out together and meet people). After the event, I e-mailed her and asked her out to lunch. She lives and works right by me. We went to lunch during the work week for like 45 mins and I paid. The next week, I invited her out to drinks and we went out and she insisted on paying. Anyway, we talked about doing other things together. Like me cooking for her, or showing her my neighborhood (we live in a city about 30 mins away from each other by subway). I got out of a bad relationship 7 months ago, so I've been taking it slow with her. I really like her and have been flirtatious but have not made a move. (It's only been 2 dates). The last relationship I was in, things between my ex and I went really fast so I wanna take it slow this time and really get to know her. So I'm wondering 1) what should I do for date 3 (i.e. i. dancing; ii. offering to come over and cook, iii. offering to show her around my area and cooking for her); 2) How do I make that next move to show her I like her; and 3) how do I avoid the friend zone. Basically - I'm trying to stay away from the friend zone. I'm always the one initiating contact . . . so I wonder if she's even interested.
Dallers Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 (edited) Hello all, So I met this girl through a restaurant group on meetup.com (where strangers go to restaurants to try them out together and meet people). After the event, I e-mailed her and asked her out to lunch. She lives and works right by me. We went to lunch during the work week for like 45 mins and I paid. The next week, I invited her out to drinks and we went out and she insisted on paying. Anyway, we talked about doing other things together. Like me cooking for her, or showing her my neighborhood (we live in a city about 30 mins away from each other by subway). I got out of a bad relationship 7 months ago, so I've been taking it slow with her. I really like her and have been flirtatious but have not made a move. (It's only been 2 dates). The last relationship I was in, things between my ex and I went really fast so I wanna take it slow this time and really get to know her. So I'm wondering 1) what should I do for date 3 (i.e. i. dancing; ii. offering to come over and cook, iii. offering to show her around my area and cooking for her); 2) How do I make that next move to show her I like her; and 3) how do I avoid the friend zone. Basically - I'm trying to stay away from the friend zone. I'm always the one initiating contact . . . so I wonder if she's even interested. Every person is different and every situation is different. However, 2 dates and not any approach?! I would most certainly have gone for embrace first and kiss second to confirm that she is interested and prevent friend-zoning. You can easily procure either situation if you are out for drinks you either walk her home or stick her in a taxi and move in. No one can tell you how to avoid the friend-zone just make sure 110% that she knows you want more than just being friends. The friends-zone myth comes about when you do not actually make a move and hang back waiting for the right moment and then its too late and you get rejected, in your situation you have made the move you just need to make sure what she thinks is going on is going on. A kiss settles that. Initiating contact is fine, your the man and she is interested so why should she contact you when she knows your interested in her. Once you confirm the above she will then start making contact. Edited September 8, 2013 by Dallers
Author Csmith224422 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 Yeah - I mean its just been light hugs and kisses on the cheek. I can be really shy so in the past every girl I've ever been with has made the move on me! I was gonna do something when I walked her home after drinks but I froze. I need to do something next date for sure. Thats why I think something more intimate like dancing or coming over and cooking will allow me to have some alone time with her and make a move.
Dallers Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 You are fine do not worry otherwise you will freeze again, just be careful with that god damn freeze it is the little devil on your shoulder playing tricks. Take the plunge and make the move or you will be sorry about it if you miss your chance. Next date wait for the right moment. Bobs your Uncle, Fanny's your aunt. Pick a date that will allow you to get a kiss in, the easiest kiss I ever got was in a long queue at a theme park in the evening. Simple right
heartshaped Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 I suggest dancing. Lots of fun and easy to make a move. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 The friend zone comes from not acting like a sexual being in the womans presence. The move can be physical or verbal (ie dirty talk). It can be non verbal and non physical (as simple as being visibly turned on in her presence...anything from just happy to see her to bulging.) The thing to remember is, if the woman simply isn't into you at all there is no move that will make her into you. These moves are all about not wasting your emotional energy on women who aren't into you. On the other hand, if a woman is into you, giving her a hug, placing a hand on her hip while dancing, being visibly turned on by her, etc will not be bad things. If a woman is into you all of those things will be great things to her because she is also turned on. If she isn't into you then nothing you do will please her. Then most confusingly are the women who are into you one minute and honestly not into you the next then back again. That describes many mens wives!
Author Csmith224422 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 I can't tell with her. Cause she seems really shy too and has told me that she's always been a quiet good girl. So I just don't know! We've only went out twice with the first time just being like 30 mins during the work day. I gotta be more assertive. I guess its just fear of rejection.
Mrlonelyone Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 I can't tell with her. Cause she seems really shy too and has told me that she's always been a quiet good girl. So I just don't know! We've only went out twice with the first time just being like 30 mins during the work day. I gotta be more assertive. I guess its just fear of rejection. If by date 3 you can't put your arm around a girl or hold her hand in a more than friendly way, at the very least, then there is no hope. 1
Dallers Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Have to agree with the above she must realise you are not looking for another friend by now. I like to go in for the kiss asap personally, not only because i love kissing but my time is valuable as should yours be. You are extremely important, far too much to waste your time on general chit chat. Third date is a must or an escape route. 1
Author Csmith224422 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 I just feel so awkward thinking about it . . . I cant just yawn in a movie theater and do that! Its gotta just kinda happen right? Ugh every girl I've dated have done this stuff for me. . . i guess I gotta do it now.
Dallers Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 I just feel so awkward thinking about it . . . I cant just yawn in a movie theater and do that! Its gotta just kinda happen right? Ugh every girl I've dated have done this stuff for me. . . i guess I gotta do it now. Man up and go get the job done. Or you will be bitching on here next week about how you missed out on the chance and getting a lecture by me. To arms!
Author Csmith224422 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 My plan: So I sent her a text like "hey pretty girl - how was your weekend" I sent it about an hour ago but no response yet but she's always kinda been slow on responding to texts. When she does respond I'm going to say something a long the lines about how I have to prove to her I can cook cause she was doubting my skills when we we were talking about how I like to cook over dinner. I'll ask her if she wants to do it at her place or mine. Bring some wine . . . movie and then I make the move.
90s kid Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Make the next date more romantic. Try to get a little closer to her and see how she responds. Don't be afraid to make a move. I'm sure she realizes by now that you're interested in her. And if she's continuing to go out with you then you should feel pretty confident that she likes you too.
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