My story of 6.5 years

[lostbutnowfound]

Hi all, I just felt I had to share my story and see if anyone can shed some light or may have some insight about it all. Here goes and bear with me.

 

I met this girl when I was 26, she was 19. Two years removed from my previous long term relationship of 2 years, ready to commit once more, I felt that with her we could really have something special. She was young, and had some semi-serious relationships before.

 

I was courting her for about 2 months when on new years eve, we kissed, went to my place and had sex. We hit it off instantly, she practically moved in straight away, which I was ok with plus we shared a few common hobbies and interests. Our common friends were delighted and said they always thought we were made for each other, and hoped eventually we would hit it off. Both were madly in love, spending all available time we could have together, especially the first 6 months.

 

2 years down the road circumstances arose where I had to move to another country, asked her to come with me if she wanted and so she did without hesitating.

 

We found an apartment, and continued our lives together in a re-newed environment. I already spoke the language as I was born and grew up in this country. She learned the language pretty fast, and adapted like a star, finding work quickly, making friends and coming in to my friends' circle effortlessly. My friends seemed to like her a lot.

 

Ups and downs, like in any long term relationship. Nothing deal-breaking. A bit of financial difficulties now and then, some fights over the space of 4.5 years, mostly about trivial things such as jealousy, misunderstandings, money.

 

Every summer for 4 years she went back to her ''home'' and visited parents, friends and class-mates. Went to the beach(beautiful Greece), clubbing, basically having a vacation for a month, and returned to me shortly after to resume her job. I could't not join her as my work required me to stay over the summer.

 

Well this summer like every other summer she visited Greece again, I was laid off from work at the end of June, and decided to escape it all and go see my girlfriend, mother and friends as they all lived in Greece, as I haven't been there in close to 5 years.

Told her about it and did not surprise her, that would seem suspicious imo.

She was excited, said we would do this, and that, visit that person and this location, spend days at the beach and generally have fun and forget about work until summer ended and then fly back together.

 

I caught the negative vibes straight away on day 1. From her and her friends I felt they were uncomfortable and not themselves. First couple of days she didn't want to come to my house to sleep over, came up with various excuses, she stayed at her parents house all this time. Keep in mind we haven't had sex or any intimate closeness in close to 30 days.

 

While caressing her at the beach she unconsciously pulled away, but realized it quick and came closer. Her friends were there as we all had planned a beach trip together, they hardly spoke to me all day. Soon some went for a swim, some for a refreshment or whatever, and we were left alone.

 

So I asked her whats wrong, I am getting all these weird vibes and if she has something to say to me she should now and not drag it on. She didn't say anything, then I asked her if she wants to break up, in which she just nodded, and proceeded to say that she wanted to be alone, but gave no further explanation even though i asked her to not keep me in limbo, and please tell me something so that I could have a clearer picture and not walk around confused. She didn't give me any more info.

 

As soon as the shock sank in I started pleading with her, saying I understand that a flirt may have made you feel better, and feelings do fade in and fade out in a long term relationship. Don't throw away all we worked for, bla bla bla. At that moment an elderly couple walked by hand in hand, and I commented on that is what I want to have with you, grow old and share a lifetime together, aren't we well on our way? i said

 

She started to cry and told me to leave now as she didn't want to ''dump me'', and hurt me even more. I stayed for a while then eventually left after begging some more. pfff

I phoned her a few hours later saying I understand her choice, wished she had given me some sort of explanation, and that she managed to F-up a break-up. I thanked her for the time we spent and said I would give her all the space she needs.

 

Not really in NC at that point after 2-3 weeks, as she texted me a couple times asking for me to arrange transport for her stuff, all the way across Europe mind you, eventually I played the nice guy and agreed I would sort it out. i texted her a few ''i miss you's'', ''miss talking to you's'', and a long message about how we can remain friends and still have a coffee or whatever on a platonic level. She agreed and said that she was glad we where on the same page. A week later I had my birthday in which she didn't contact me at all, no msg, no call, nothing. Her best girlfriend sent me a happy bday on facebook, to which i replied with a thank you and ''sorry for the awkward position I put them in when I first arrived''

 

She started posting happy quotes and pictures in bikini's, playing the ''happiest single girl in the world'' card. My healing process was being slowed down by this, and it hurt me somewhat seeing her posing with other guys, partying, etc.

 

1 week ago I decided to remove her from my circle, meaning delete her and her friends, family from FB, those people in her circle that I don't have a friendship with, deleting numbers, and basically disappearing. Full-on NC. I told her this before I did it, and gave her the explanation about my feelings, and that I found it really unhealthy. She said ''fair enough, what about my stuff?''.

Told her to either fly back and pick it up, or wait till I sort it out, may take a month or so.. choice was hers, she said she would wait, and for me to contact her when they arrive.

 

Both our stuff will arrive next week, (i received a job offer so I decided to stay), and told her we will split the cost of the transport to which she agreed.

 

2 days ago I gave her the details about costs, timeline for the transport and to have the money ready in 1 week to reimburse me for half the expenses. She hasn't replied to my 2 messages.

 

The break-up was a little over 2 months ago. Not harboring any realistic hopes of getting back together as she hurt me plenty, and I have made the choice of ''de-friending'' her on FB so I understand why she might be cold.

 

Was it G.I.G.S? Was it a new love interest? Bored of me? Doesn't matter really, as apathy has replaced curiosity and I have been seeing a few women this past month, No feelings on my part just sex and hanging out really. Been going out a lot clubbing, some traveling alone to ''meditate'', focusing on myself.

Some drunken nights I was really close to contacting her but miraculously didn't, phew. Still love her of course, as 6.5 years of love cannot be forgotten easily, but not interested in having her in my life at the moment, later on who knows?

 

Any thoughts people? Anyone who has maybe been through something similar and can speak from experience? Any insight is much appreciated.

 

Thanks

[Ireallydontknow]

hmm...I too met my ex at a young age. I guess that is what happens when we get 'em young. Well who knows what she wants right now? She just wanted to break up out of the blue? I don't believe anyone when they do this in a LTR odds are she wants to get a new flavor of someone. Young girls are normally fickle, lots of fun, but fickle.

 

I don't know man, it's good you are not clinging onto getting back together. Hell my ex cheated on me! Sometimes I think about taking her back if she came crawling back. Use this time to focus on you, It's for the best. You'll attract someone better in due time. Go full NC of course. Screw her stuff if you ask me. It's her problem not yours. You don't owe her anything TBH.

 

Stay strong!

[lostbutnowfound]

Yeah she just broke it off out of the blue. Obviously she had thought about this for a while, and now in hindsight I do see some instances and behavior that I should have noticed earlier.

 

Possibility of cheating cannot be ruled out though, prefer not to think about it as it pisses me off, and I don't have any proof of any infidelity so...

 

Thanks for the reply and your kind words

[Ireallydontknow]

Well you'll have to accept it is, what it is. It's more than likely the worst case scenario. I got the whole "Love you, not in love." "It's not you it's me." "I need to figure myself out." That was just tramp-speak for, "I got another one lined up, this relationship now requires work. I'm lazy and I don't want to work so, bye! Oh btw I screwed him too while working on myself."

 

 

You were smart and didn't try and fight too hard. Let her take someone else's love instead and maybe she'll see how it is. Hell! Maybe someone will tear her heart out of her chest one day. One can hope, huh?

 

So keep working on you bro, do everything you want to cause one day we'll be claimed again. I remember telling some of my friends a year back "Must be nice to be single!" I'm hoping one day I can feel like that.

[BigGirlPantiesOn]

You sound quite mature and in touch with your feelings. It's impossible to say why she fell out of love, which is what it looks like. People grow apart and don't always know it's happening.

 

Unfortunately she doesnt have the same class you have in how she handled it. She didn't give much thought to your feelings, did she?

 

Keep taking care of you, it does get better.

[lostbutnowfound]

thank you, do you have any spare big girl panties i could give her?