EAS19 Posted November 18, 2004 Posted November 18, 2004 Hi everyone, I have written a letter to a guy whom I have a crush on. I'm 30, and he's an old family friend (he's 38). I'm chicken, though. Do you think this is too pushy? I would like guys' opinions, since I'm wavering in whether or not I should send this. ... Hi “John”, Congratulations on your new home! I called information for your address – I hope you don’t mind. Anyway, I was wondering if you would like to get some coffee or lunch sometime – just to talk and get to know each other better. It’s funny – we’ve known each other our entire lives, you we don’t really know each other. I mean, I don’t know you and you don’t know me – not really. And whether it’s just friendship or something more, it’s almost like me don’t know each other well enough to know. I mean, maybe we should just talk and communicate ourselves without six other people staring at us? It’s pretty intimidating for me, and I’m sure it’s uncomfortable for you. Anyway, if you’d rather not, of course I’d understand. Please don’t think that you have to or that you’re obligated in any way. Take care! “Rita”
rez100 Posted November 18, 2004 Posted November 18, 2004 Well, Id suggest a few things. I wouldnt say the part about the friendship or something more: And whether it’s just friendship or something moreI I think it would be best to not imply anything either way. He doesnt need to know what youre intentions are except that you just want to get to know him a little better. Just go into it with no expectations...or try to anyway. To put that out there makes it sound less casual. I also wouldnt say the last part: Anyway, if you’d rather not, of course I’d understand. Please don’t think that you have to or that you’re obligated in any way. Youre giving him too easy of an out and it lacks confidence. Also, sometimes people can read things like that and consciously or unconsciously get the impression that youre not very interested or have doubts about it. Anyways, just my two cents. Hope it might help. Is there a reason for the letter rather than just calling him? Just curious?
gridiron Posted November 18, 2004 Posted November 18, 2004 How long has it been since you have seen, talked, or emailed him? How well did you know him in the past? To me, it is way too forward for an initial contact, especially if you have not seen him in a while and there has not really been any interest in the past. I mean the first five words, you congratulate him on his new house. And then you immediately transition into telling him you looked him up and want to meet him to pursue a relationship for the rest of the letter. Ask him how he likes his new house. Do you know what he was looking for in a house? If so, ask him if he got the big backyard he wanted or how the hardwood floors he wanted are treating him. Ask him about other more casual things and what has been going on new with him. Then you can suggest coffee or lunch so that you guys can catch up with each other. If he accepts your invitation, then during coffee or lunch, you can say the rest about how you guys hardly know each other and see if you guys want to get together again. Take it slow and casual for now. Unless you failed to mention something, it sounds like you are rushing this big time - I would be a little freaked out to open a letter and read what you wrote right off the bat.
bluechocolate Posted November 18, 2004 Posted November 18, 2004 I'm with the other two on this one - that letter is too forward about your thoughts & intentions. If it's not going to be a phone call then buy a "Welcome to Your New Home" card or some such thing, say congratulations & mention that you would like to get together for a coffee & a chat someday soon & leave your number. That's all you need to say.
zara Posted November 18, 2004 Posted November 18, 2004 "i called information for your address" is something that would set alarm bells ringing for me. It's a little like being stalked. If he wants you to know where he lives, he'll tell you. If you know his number (by which i mean, if he has given it to you) why not just call him up and ask how he's settling into the new house and ask if he'd like to meet for a drink or something - you can't just launch yourself full on at him as you seem to in your letter!
tokyo Posted November 18, 2004 Posted November 18, 2004 I agree with the others, you shouldn´t try to justify why you want to meet someone. You tell him, you would like to meet him for a coffee and talk with him, that´s it. Justifying it seems to lack too much self-confidence. He´ll understand it anyway, he doesn´t need to get pampered. If a guy approached me like this I´m very likely to turn him down, because I will think he´s so nervous, I´m not going to have a good time with him. I just saw what zara wrote about you asking the information for his address. Ok, I didn´t see it in the first place, but I´m inclined to say, don´t send this letter at all. I wouldn´t like it, even if I was interested in the person, I wouldn´t want him to look up my address, that´s way too much. One of my friends who was interested in me would google my name, find my homepage, etc. He scares the **** out of me, it´s an invasion of my private space. You might get his phone number from a mutual friend and call him, which is not as bad as what you intend to do. A phone call is still more casual than sending a letter.
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