No not always meaning no (in context of a relationship.)

[Mrlonelyone]

Does no always mean NO in the context of a relationship with established physical intimacy?

 

i.e. if your partner has consented to you touching them, holding them, hugging them, kissing them, or even taking them.... in other words initiating contact being met with initial resistance, or playful resistance.

 

IME I have been in relationships heterosexual and homosexual in which after initial intimacy was established, to playfully resist or initially not be in the mood and ready to play. Both with me as the initiator and as the one initiating with men and women alike.

 

Then I hear the ideas of consent as we are told them on college campuses in particular as requiring hear Yes yes yes and needing active participation the whole way through. On some campuses even needing consent forms before doing anything.

 

Antioch?s Infamous Sexual Assault Policy - The Foundation for Individual Rights in Education - FIRE

 

Gettysburg College: Hug at Your Own Risk - The Foundation for Individual Rights in Education - FIRE

 

Which describe codes which require asking for every level. Like may I unbuton you, may I unzip, may I start intercourse may I pump, may I pump, may I pump... (not quite but almost).

 

What is Consent? - Sexual Assault Violence Prevention (SAVP) - Vassar College

 

Then there is this one which is reasonable.

 

So tell me ladies and gents what is your own reasonable standard?

 

Ladies do you want a man to ask you if it's ok to do each and every step or even to ask you for permission every time he hugs you? Or do you want an established boyfriend/ husband to just take the lead sometimes and be assertive but not assultative (notice the above policies theoretically apply even in such relationships.)?

 

Gentelmen, do you usually just take the lead once a relationship has been established. Do you ever proceed over a soft no or a playfully said no/ not now? Crucially, have you ever been dumped for not taking the lead and being sexually assertive?

 

TL;DR:

 

Where is the line in the context of a established intimate relationship between being assultative and being assertive?

[Mrlonelyone]

Really no thoughts on this issue?

[EasyHeart]

That's why every couple should have a safe word.

[Mrlonelyone]

That's why every couple should have a safe word.

 

A word someone wouldn't blurt out in a sexual situation without really meaning it and that word meaning no stop right now. That would at least make some sense. What many college campuses seem to want is not for anyone to have to say no....but to require a sort of continuous yes.

[EasyHeart]

Colleges are all screwed up. They seem to have become police states where the main focus is teaching conformity.

[Adele0908]

If a woman or man says no to sexual activity or physical touching, then I would assume they mean no.

 

As a woman, my no means no for sure.