how long did it take you to get over an ex

[marlina345]

how long were you guys together and how long did it take you to get over that person?

[hurts2death]

time is a dimension and since that .. it is just how you ride it... you can persive time in secs mins days weeks ? its up to you......

if you keep counting every moment then you will postpone it...

just feel it... dont think about when you will feel "free" just ride it out.. and sometime you wont think of it anymore..

 

 

my first ever gf of 3 years dumped me.. i am getting stronger but its too early...

 

and you could consider me as a love junkie... gave it all 24/7

[hopefulfaerie]

how long were you guys together and how long did it take you to get over that person?

I'm starting to think it's more about the heart felt connection than the length of time. About a year ago, I left an 8 year relationship, felt almost nothing. Wished him the best but was excited and relieved to start a new life.

 

Started my new life, met a "great guy" will go so far as to say, thought he might be THE ONE. We had an instant connection, felt like I knew him already and maybe I was even "destined" to meet him.

He dumped me after 3 months, yeah months! and I was left DESTROYED!

That's why I am here.

 

8 years, pretty easy to move on

3 months, STILL struggle every day!

WEIRD!!!!!

[hurts2death]

please explain the 8 years thing i dont understant it. were you really together or like friends,,, it cant be like easy as you say unless it wasnt love at all?

I'm starting to think it's more about the heart felt connection than the length of time. About a year ago, I left an 8 year relationship, felt almost nothing. Wished him the best but was excited and relieved to start a new life.

 

Started my new life, met a "great guy" will go so far as to say, thought he might be THE ONE. We had an instant connection, felt like I knew him already and maybe I was even "destined" to meet him.

He dumped me after 3 months, yeah months! and I was left DESTROYED!

That's why I am here.

 

8 years, pretty easy to move on

3 months, STILL struggle every day!

WEIRD!!!!!

[hopefulfaerie]

please explain the 8 years thing i dont understant it. were you really together or like friends,,, it cant be like easy as you say unless it wasnt love at all?

For the first three or four years things were really good. We lived together and were best friends. He started getting REALLY moody. After a while I was constantly walking on egg shells and felt I could do nothing right. He would nit pick everything. Even the Valentine's day gift I bought him. He wasn't abusive or anything but I got so tired of my day going according to his moods. I tried talking to him about it and we even broke up a few times. It was very frustrating because we didn't have any "real" problems. No cheating, abuse, lying, nothing that would be a reason to be so moody and down right mean. I was starting to fall out of love with him and it was really taking it's toll on my self esteem. I'm not saying I was perfect or anything but I felt he was "making up" problems and couldn't figure out why. So many times I told him "life is hard enough, why do you want to pick fights with me"

I even started to feel like I HAD to give him sex or he would make my day miserable.

After a while I just fell out of love with him and became resentful.

I should have left the relationship a long time ago but I really wanted it to work. By the time we hit the 8 year mark I was DONE! I was also so relieved it was over and I didn't have to let someone else have a say in whether I had a good day or not.

I guess I mourned the relationship and got over him while I was still in it.

It's weird, now he wants me back and swears he would never hurt me again. The love on my part is just not there anymore.

I think a big part of it is for a long time, I couldn't relax and enjoy sex because it was ALL ABOUT HIS MOODS. I told him the worst thing you can do to a woman is make her feel like she has to give you sex or you will ignore her and make her feel bad.

But like I said, I stayed in it way longer than I should have. I have no one to blame but myself.

Maybe that's why I liked this new guy so much. He was the opposite of moody and tragic. He was very upbeat and positive and loved to have fun.

[hurts2death]

very interesting,,, can you please elaborate on that phrase i underlined?explain the feelings during the getting over him while you were with him...was some kind of his actions that made you get over it easier? or sth else?

thanks...

For the first three or four years things were really good. We lived together and were best friends. He started getting REALLY moody. After a while I was constantly walking on egg shells and felt I could do nothing right. He would nit pick everything. Even the Valentine's day gift I bought him. He wasn't abusive or anything but I got so tired of my day going according to his moods. I tried talking to him about it and we even broke up a few times. It was very frustrating because we didn't have any "real" problems. No cheating, abuse, lying, nothing that would be a reason to be so moody and down right mean. I was starting to fall out of love with him and it was really taking it's toll on my self esteem. I'm not saying I was perfect or anything but I felt he was "making up" problems and couldn't figure out why. So many times I told him "life is hard enough, why do you want to pick fights with me"

I even started to feel like I HAD to give him sex or he would make my day miserable.

After a while I just fell out of love with him and became resentful.

I should have left the relationship a long time ago but I really wanted it to work. By the time we hit the 8 year mark I was DONE! I was also so relieved it was over and I didn't have to let someone else have a say in whether I had a good day or not.

I guess I mourned the relationship and got over him while I was still in it.

It's weird, now he wants me back and swears he would never hurt me again. The love on my part is just not there anymore.

I think a big part of it is for a long time, I couldn't relax and enjoy sex because it was ALL ABOUT HIS MOODS. I told him the worst thing you can do to a woman is make her feel like she has to give you sex or you will ignore her and make her feel bad.

But like I said, I stayed in it way longer than I should have. I have no one to blame but myself.

Maybe that's why I liked this new guy so much. He was the opposite of moody and tragic. He was very upbeat and positive and loved to have fun.

[hopefulfaerie]

Well, I remember feeling very anxious, feeling like I had to do everything "right" or he would get moody, quiet and ignore me. I also felt like I couldn't be myself, which I now learned is VERY important to me in a relationship. I found myself almost rehearsing small talk and then beating myself up for silly things. One time we were watching Kill Bill and the sequel was coming on next. Now I JOKINGLY said "Oh yay! The second one is on"

He gave me a dirty look and didn't speak to me the rest of the day! SERIOUSLY!

I was only joking!!!!! That's my personality. I love to joke and laugh.

I guess I got so tired of the anxiety, I was also getting EXTREMELY angry at him for "making up problems" I felt like he was a drama king.

It wasn't until the sex thing that really made me get over him. I enjoy sex but I was starting to lose my attraction for him in that way because I had told him I didn't like having sex with him if I feel like I HAVE to. After a while I never viewed sex as enjoyment for me. It was all about "will he allow me to have a good day if I just do it"

It made me realize how much I missed the fun of sex and there is someone else out there that would never use it to his advantage and would WANT me to enjoy it and not feel like I have to.

 

Hope that made sense...ha ha!

[abby_tx]

I'm starting to think it's more about the heart felt connection than the length of time. About a year ago, I left an 8 year relationship, felt almost nothing. Wished him the best but was excited and relieved to start a new life.

 

Started my new life, met a "great guy" will go so far as to say, thought he might be THE ONE. We had an instant connection, felt like I knew him already and maybe I was even "destined" to meet him.

He dumped me after 3 months, yeah months! and I was left DESTROYED!

That's why I am here.

 

8 years, pretty easy to move on

3 months, STILL struggle every day!

WEIRD!!!!!

 

This sounds EXACTLY like my story! My boyfriend and I broke up after 7.5 years. I was heart broken, but the relationship had grown stale and I knew I could find someone better than him. It took me maybe 3 months to get over him?

 

My next serious relationship was a guy I dated for 3 months. He broke up with me two weeks ago and I am a MESS. Worse than my 7.5 year relationship. This was an amazing relationship like on the movies. The breakup came as a total shock. I hope I get over him soon.

[hopefulfaerie]

This sounds EXACTLY like my story! My boyfriend and I broke up after 7.5 years. I was heart broken, but the relationship had grown stale and I knew I could find someone better than him. It took me maybe 3 months to get over him?

 

My next serious relationship was a guy I dated for 3 months. He broke up with me two weeks ago and I am a MESS. Worse than my 7.5 year relationship. This was an amazing relationship like on the movies. The breakup came as a total shock. I hope I get over him soon.

I'm so sorry for your pain! I think it's hard because we never got to experience the new relationship like we wanted to. We were cut off at the beginning. My new guy seemed so "perfect" like a breath of fresh air compared to my last relationship.

 

Hurts2death, if you have any more questions about my 8 year relationship, I am happy to talk about it if it helps

[abby_tx]

I'm so sorry for your pain! I think it's hard because we never got to experience the new relationship like we wanted to. We were cut off at the beginning. My new guy seemed so "perfect" like a breath of fresh air compared to my last relationship.

 

Hurts2death, if you have any more questions about my 8 year relationship, I am happy to talk about it if it helps

 

Exactly. We were still in the honeymoon stage where our guys are perfect I assume. I wish I'd gotten to know him a little better to start to see his flaws. But yeah, like yours he was such a breath of fresh air compared to my last relationship. I didn't know things could be that good with a guy. And now I'm worried he was the "best" I will ever have.

[marlina345]

thanks for the advice i just want to move on especially since my ex left me for someone else i just want to be able to move and never look back

[abby_tx]

thanks for the advice i just want to move on especially since my ex left me for someone else i just want to be able to move and never look back

 

My 7.5 year relationship ended because the guy left me for someone else. He later begged for me back, but I didn't want him. Believe me, you will move on. One day you'll realize he wasn't as great as you thought he was. You'll feel happy again and some day will meet a guy who blows you away. Just try to push out thoughts of him!

[BarOfButter]

I'm really in this same boat right now too, trying to get over a very recent ex. We had been dating for 7.5 years. In our previous break ups, there was NC and the pain really got easier over time. I kept myself busy, tried to keep focused on myself, and really surrounded myself with friends. It was at that point I realized that the point of my life didn't have to be about our future together, but my career and what I could become. Now with this most recent break up, I'm not hurting as bad as I was the previous ones, but it still stings and parts of my still wants her back. I'm just working day by day, trying to keep my mind off it, hoping the pain will get less and less as time goes on.

 

But it does bring up a very scary thought that one can be in love with the some person for almost forever, even after moving on to other people.

[hopefulfaerie]

Exactly. We were still in the honeymoon stage where our guys are perfect I assume. I wish I'd gotten to know him a little better to start to see his flaws. But yeah, like yours he was such a breath of fresh air compared to my last relationship. I didn't know things could be that good with a guy. And now I'm worried he was the "best" I will ever have.

I was worried about that too. It has taken me 3 months to feel better! As long as the damn relationship was. Crazy!

You will have that again though. I know it!!!!

I keep thinking I wish he had done something, ANYTHING to turn me off! Sadly, he didn't. He was nice, charming, sexy, cute, funny, smart, blah blah blah.

I have to keep telling myself he has flaws and probably plenty of them. I just never got to see them. We never even had an argument. Never came close.

Oh well, I just hope the next time I feel like that with someone again he doesn't bail on me with no explanation.

[abby_tx]

I was worried about that too. It has taken me 3 months to feel better! As long as the damn relationship was. Crazy!

You will have that again though. I know it!!!!

I keep thinking I wish he had done something, ANYTHING to turn me off! Sadly, he didn't. He was nice, charming, sexy, cute, funny, smart, blah blah blah.

I have to keep telling myself he has flaws and probably plenty of them. I just never got to see them. We never even had an argument. Never came close.

Oh well, I just hope the next time I feel like that with someone again he doesn't bail on me with no explanation.

 

It's crazy how similar our situations are with our last guys! He gave me an explanation, but a real BS one, so it might as well not have been one. Never saw it coming. We never got to have an argument either! I was complaining to my friends about this. How some couples I know were rocky from the start or one or the other did something that would normally end a relationship, but these couples are all happily married now. Here ours was great from start to finish and that DOES end? It doesn't make sense! But I just have to remind myself it doesn't matter how good I thought it was. He obviously didn't think i was good enough for him if he could bail on me like that and I shouldn't want to be with someone like that.

[abby_tx]

I was worried about that too. It has taken me 3 months to feel better! As long as the damn relationship was. Crazy!

You will have that again though. I know it!!!!

I keep thinking I wish he had done something, ANYTHING to turn me off! Sadly, he didn't. He was nice, charming, sexy, cute, funny, smart, blah blah blah.

I have to keep telling myself he has flaws and probably plenty of them. I just never got to see them. We never even had an argument. Never came close.

Oh well, I just hope the next time I feel like that with someone again he doesn't bail on me with no explanation.

 

Oh man! I hope it doesn't take me 3 months to get over him! He doesn't deserve it! Funny thing is, he probably hasn't thought of me once since we broke up. Probably doesn't miss me. I wonder who makes his morning coffee now?

[hopefulfaerie]

Oh man! I hope it doesn't take me 3 months to get over him! He doesn't deserve it! Funny thing is, he probably hasn't thought of me once since we broke up. Probably doesn't miss me. I wonder who makes his morning coffee now?

I think I worded that wrong...ha ha!

I meant you will have that too as in - you will have those attraction feelings for someone else. . . . NOT it will take 3 months to get over your guy . . LOL!

You probably understood that but just wanted to clarify.

 

Anyway, I also felt that he probably doesn't even miss me or think of me but the GREAT news is....I'm starting not to care....as much

[Phthonos]

I am 6 months in, and I am just now slowly beginning to let go. I delayed my healing process by a couple months though by being in denial about the break up thinking that I was a great guy to her and she would come back to me in a couple months once she figures things out. Well 6 months have passed and I haven't heard a thing from her so now its all catching up that the relationship is never coming back, and it hit me like a brick wall that realization. What I am feeling now I guess is what people feel in the weeks after a break up not months after so I guess I am different that way.

 

Like some other here I was only in a honeymoon phase so I have no bad memories to look back on, only good and happy memories.

 

The only thing that helps me get through the struggle is thinking to myself "hey I had a great relationship and its better then if I had nothing, sure she is gone but who knows she may still come around, but I could find someone else too, so either way I will have love in some form or another and that's better then not having any love at all.

[cavalier99]

8 Yr RS

 

7 months pure NC.

 

Full recovery. Its been over 11 month since the BU and we chat regularly no problem, no emotional reaction what so ever. It was pure misery early on (well for months actually) but it just ended one day. So hang strong you guys will get there.

 

Rock on! Cav

Edited September 9, 2013 by cavalier99

[melell]

8 years. 1 month to accept it. another month to be ok with having just me. Onto the 3rd month and it is only reminders that mess with me I don't want him at all.

[Salvatore85]

It depends on the day honestly lol. Some days I hate her, some days I miss her and some days I'm indifferent. It's been 7 months and we were together 5 years.

[Leigh 87]

Was with him 2.5 years.

 

Ended in May.

 

I am over him and am not at all phased by him having sex with other people.

 

I got past caring about him being with other people about 2 months post b/u.

 

I am not indifferent to him in general I guess, I love him the way I love my family now; we literally LOVE each other, as in we care about each other so much to the point of love.

 

We just know we are not "it" for each other. We were not compatible. Too much has happened between us.

 

We have so much love that we just know will translate into a great friendship one day.

 

Despite being over him more or less, we have both decided it is best not to see each other for a long time. Since we are seeing other people (albeit,not seriously).

 

He would still call me darling, his sweetie, babe etc; he still DOES refer to me in those terms. It is because our break up was amicable and we truly do love and care for each other on another, non romantic level.

 

So yeah. We no longer talk as much since it is for the best.

[skydiveaddict]

how long were you guys together and how long did it take you to get over that person?

 

TBH, I've never gotten over it.

[Raid]

TBH, I've never gotten over it.

 

Same.. In relationship for 4.5 Yrs. 4 Yrs later still think about her every day.

 

Been with other girls just cant seem to shake it...

[hotpotato]

For me it depends on how and why the break up occurred.

 

Ex. #1 Was a cheater. Our relationship ended gradually over the course of a few years. Because the break up was easy to see coming, i could mentally prepare myself for it. We were together about 3 years.

 

ex #2 He left out of the blue, or at least that's how it felt at the time. The signs he was going to leave were not obvious at the time. He couldn't give a clear cut reason as to why he left. He said it was his career, yet he went on to someone else. (Now it sounds like classic ILYB and quarter life crisis.) He said he wasn't dating anybody, which made it worse, actually. We wree together 10 months.

 

I'm still grieving for ex #2, and it's been a few months. I didnt grieve the same way after ex #1 left because I had already done most of the grieving during the relationship.

 

I guess the answer is, it varies and it depends.

 

Usually it takes 5-6 months for you to grieve.