I want my ex girlfriend back :(

[thelonegiraffe]

My girlfriend and I started our relationship as best friends because we had the same school at high school. And we loved each other for about 2 years and 7 months but we have been OFFICIALLY committed for 1 year and 7 months until she broke up over a week ago. She said the main reason she broke up was that she wants, more than anything, to do things on her own, dream on her own. She also said that it doesn't feel the same before. She said she still loves but not the same. And right now we're under the No Contact Rule because I really want her back. I said that'll wait for her, she said that I shouldn't because she won't come back to me anymore.

 

I really didn't knew what happened to her. Since she turned 18, (yep we're so young, i know, i, myself is only 17) many things changed. She matured enough, she grew old. She doesn't want to think about our future. That I will be her engineer and she will be my doctor. We're both studying hard and she is doing it harder because she is in the top university on our country and she's taking up medicine.

 

Anyway, I just want to tell you guys that we ended our relationship errm, beautifully I guess? Because when we talked about ending it, at first i dont want to accept it but i had to because that is what she wanted, I was really crying so hard but we still smile, hug and even kiss. We held hands while I had to go home, and I said "I love you" and she replied "I love you too, just not the same." She is my first loved and I hoped she would be my last. We dreamed of having our own house, children and travelling around the world and it really hurts me a lot that all of those are gone. She said that those dreams meant something, now they're just memories for her. My whole family already know her, and her family knows me too and i thought that bond would strengthen us but she left me anyway

 

So please help me. I don't know what to do. The last time we talked on Facebook was September 3 and she was really angry at me because of some reasons. I just want her back. So bad. But she said we had to move on and also, she said that someday, she wants us to be friends again! I don't know if I should accept that friendship offer or not. And I am stalking her twitter and facebook and she seems alright, like nothing wrong has happened, like she hasn't lost me. I dunno if she's just hiding her feelings or what.

 

Advice please! I really want her back. We are having No Contact since Sept 3. I can't stop thinking about her. I know it's kinda immature but, I don't want to move on, I just want to wait for her, to hope that she'll come back. She's my only girl. I love her so much. So please help! Thanks!

[Misfortune]

Everything changes when you become intimate.

 

She wants to concentrate on school, explore life and be free to test new waters before settling down. Happens quite often, especially with people who are transitioning into the college life; candy store/green grass everywhere.

 

Stop stalking her and let her be. She'll come back if she wants to and vice versa. Go fulfill your dream of being an engineer, you can't predict the future.

[thelonegiraffe]

But. Do you think there is a chance she'll come back?

[jackiedandy]

But. Do you think there is a chance she'll come back?

 

There's always a chance for everything. But don't sit around and wait. As Misfortune said, fulfill your dream of being an engineer.

 

You're young so you'll have many opportunities to enrich your life and find other girlfriends. You never know what you'll find.

[thelonegiraffe]

There's always a chance for everything. But don't sit around and wait. As Misfortune said, fulfill your dream of being an engineer.

 

You're young so you'll have many opportunities to enrich your life and find other girlfriends. You never know what you'll find.

 

I will fulfill my dream of being an engineer, with or without her. But it's just, I really can't stop thinking about her.

 

Yep. I still hope. Hope that there is still a chance. Because I can't really imagine myself seeing other girls and same with her, I don't want to imagine that she is having someone else. So I still hope.

[SVF]

Buddy, let me tell you, this is the best thing that could happen. You might not feel like it right now but you are SO. YOUNG.

 

It may not be much comfort, because no matter how old you are you feel what you feel. Even so, time, relationships, and experience help you put things in perspective. And right now you don't have any. You don't know what you don't know, and trust me when I say that it's a lot. I don't mean that to be negative. Maybe just to adjust your attitude a little bit.

 

I dated a girl when I was in high school (I'm 26) for 2 years. When we broke up it was devastating. I moped for a bit, went off to college (fellow engineer, by the way), and my first year in met someone else. And when I met that person I was BLOWN AWAY by how much better the relationship was. Everything was better. Everything. I didn't miss my ex, not because enough time had passed (though it had), but because I had no reason to. It would mean taking a big step down from the person I was with at the time.

 

Naturally, that girl and I also broke up after 2.5 years. And I was even more devastated. I had all the thoughts you probably feel now. I tried to look at other girls and feel something, anything, and would just get disappointed. None of them seemed to measure up. I was convinced that the 2nd ex was physical perfection. I loved every single little part of her body. I couldn't imagine how somebody else could ever measure up. I KNEW in my little heart of hearts that she was extra special and every relationship from then on would be a little less knowing what I had lost. Everything you feel now, I felt it too.

 

And I was so, SO wrong. The next girl I dated was yet another step up. Naturally, again, we broke up. I just got out of that relationship (4 years this time), and I'm feeling many of those things again. Unlike you however, I have the experience to know that many of my feelings are an illusion. I know they're caused by the love I feel for that person. They're not "real" in any kind of absolute sense. No arguing on this point. It's a fact. When you're in love with someone you naturally grow to love everything about them. Mentally, physically, the whole 9 yards. Even things that you were initially unattracted to. It's natural, that's just what happens.

 

The way I felt about my 2nd GF? The physical perfection and yadda yadda yadda? I look at her now and don't feel the same way. I wonder how I ever could. Not because she is unattractive, on the contrary she is beautiful. But all those little things I thought were perfect about her and only her, just weren't. I felt that way because I was in love with her. I look at my first and second girlfriends, and feel nothing for them. Platonic compassion, I guess you could call it. No romantic feelings whatsoever. I see them with their boyfriends and I am genuinely happy for them if they found a good guy. It's hard to describe how liberating that feeling is once you realize you have it.

 

And you WILL feel that way about this girl. I understand that you literally can't comprehend how that's possible. I understand how you don't even WANT that to happen because it means you accept that you won't be with her. I get it all, I've been through it more than once. Trust me though, this girl is not as amazing as you think she is. You're young, you haven't seen what's out there. You don't know what you are missing. You just don't. Once you get a taste of something greater you will be thanking your lucky stars every night that you two didn't stay together. Because you are young and are in an extremely transformative and transitional period, this will happen way faster than you think. You should be excited!

 

You won't want this girl before you know it. Be happy, enjoy yourself. Study hard and make new friends. All of the girls I've met who have become long-term relationships I met purely by chance. You're happily living your life and then one day you just meet someone. And it'll shock you once you realize how great life can be with someone else. So stop looking at the past! You have so little past and so much future.

 

It's OK to miss her, you have to go through that process. There's nothing wrong with it. Don't ever let yourself get too down though, remember that things will get better and they will get better in a way you didn't even know was possible. Instead of getting sad missing her, get excited about the unknown opportunities you will have in the future.

 

Best of luck.