AmeliePoulain Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 I'm just kind of annoyed that my bf went to game night and didn't invite me. It seems trivial, but he used to invite me to play games with his friends all the time until about a week ago when I was sick, it was the first time I didn't go. My bf and and I are in our late 20s and dating for over a year. The thing is, I don't really care to go, but he doesn't know that. It just would've been nice to get asked. It's nerdy games, not like poker. I stayed home last night which was fine because I needed the sleep, but I was also annoyed because we only briefly emailed in the afternoon yesterday when I suggested a restaurant we go to on our upcoming trip. At 10pm past night when I was sleeping, he emailed a photo of the game night of the game board layout with "nerds" as the text being funny, and you could see there were two girls sitting diagonally across the table. They might have just been sitting there and not playing, but either way girls were invited. Anyway, I know its not a big deal, but I remember he used to invite me. Its a combination of not really hearing from him after our email and he out for game night after an invite just made me feel a little left out. I was going to e-mail back "awesome. I remember when you used to invite me too." But that sounds kind of rude and dramatic lol And if I wrote that, its not like Id want to go the next time, but it would just feel nice to be asked to go. Should I say something like that? Im feeling childish now lol
nicolewest Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 So the only reason he didn't invite you is because you were sick? Relax Say nothing
It-is-what-it-is. Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 I'm just kind of annoyed that my bf went to game night and didn't invite me. It seems trivial, but he used to invite me to play games with his friends all the time until about a week ago when I was sick, it was the first time I didn't go. My bf and and I are in our late 20s and dating for over a year. The thing is, I don't really care to go, but he doesn't know that. It just would've been nice to get asked. It's nerdy games, not like poker. I stayed home last night which was fine because I needed the sleep, but I was also annoyed because we only briefly emailed in the afternoon yesterday when I suggested a restaurant we go to on our upcoming trip. At 10pm past night when I was sleeping, he emailed a photo of the game night of the game board layout with "nerds" as the text being funny, and you could see there were two girls sitting diagonally across the table. They might have just been sitting there and not playing, but either way girls were invited. Anyway, I know its not a big deal, but I remember he used to invite me. Its a combination of not really hearing from him after our email and he out for game night after an invite just made me feel a little left out. I was going to e-mail back "awesome. I remember when you used to invite me too." But that sounds kind of rude and dramatic lol And if I wrote that, its not like Id want to go the next time, but it would just feel nice to be asked to go. Should I say something like that? Im feeling childish now lol Relationships need to have proper communication. So you say..."I was hurt that you didn't invite me to your game night, and I would like to discuss it" No game, no passive aggressive childish nonsense. Say that and the shut up. Listen to his reason. If he didn't invite you because you were sick, or because you had previously said you didn't enjoy it, then he was trying to be thoughtful. Maybe you agree he invites you, but you don't have to go? Anyway, don't borrow trouble. Just tell him what you feel. IIWII
Author AmeliePoulain Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 To clarify, I was sick a couple weeks ago when he asked, but Im not sick anymore. I know its really nothing, but Im juat not sure if its worth bringing it up, but it does bug me. Its not like he doesnt get time to hang out with friends, but the game held last night usually he invites me. Its just weird because even if I said no and didnt want go, at least I was invited. So now I feel like if I brought it up and he made it a point to invite me next time, and id I say no, he will just think I didnt even want to go anyway.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 To clarify, I was sick a couple weeks ago when he asked, but Im not sick anymore. I know its really nothing, but Im juat not sure if its worth bringing it up, but it does bug me. Its not like he doesnt get time to hang out with friends, but the game held last night usually he invites me. Its just weird because even if I said no and didnt want go, at least I was invited. So now I feel like if I brought it up and he made it a point to invite me next time, and id I say no, he will just think I didnt even want to go anyway. This is exactly the kind of stuff that gets out of control if you don't nip it in the bud. It's a good example of how you can discuss something without yelling, pouting, being angry. Just calmly tell him it hurt your feelings. And discuss it. After dating a year you have to be able to work through this (which is likely a misunderstanding) because if you don't...what happens next game night?
Author AmeliePoulain Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 Thank you for your replies. All I replied to him in the email (12 hrs later) was "cool." Im at work right now. But what I really want to say is today, since we always hang out Sunday nights and Monday night I have work, I want to say "I dont really feel like hanging out tonight. See you Tuesday." Is that mean? He has more obligations like golf and basketball so if he asks why, then ill say, "ive been working around your schedule." But I feel cruel saying that. I just want to show him that I dont need to spend tonight with him ( itll be the first Sunday we havent hung out) and make it seem like I got things to do too lol Is that a bad idea?
Author AmeliePoulain Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 Grr now I feel bad because he just said, " how are you? Im being lazy with the cat. I miss you."
It-is-what-it-is. Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Thank you for your replies. All I replied to him in the email (12 hrs later) was "cool." Im at work right now. But what I really want to say is today, since we always hang out Sunday nights and Monday night I have work, I want to say "I dont really feel like hanging out tonight. See you Tuesday." Is that mean? He has more obligations like golf and basketball so if he asks why, then ill say, "ive been working around your schedule." But I feel cruel saying that. I just want to show him that I dont need to spend tonight with him ( itll be the first Sunday we havent hung out) and make it seem like I got things to do too lol Is that a bad idea? This is a game. Just talk. Be a grown up here.
Author AmeliePoulain Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 Yeah, I suppose it does sound like a game. But I feel childish as if he has to invite me everytime and Im expecting too much, which is why Im trying to find a way in maybe not bringing it up just because im feeling left out?
It-is-what-it-is. Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Yeah, I suppose it does sound like a game. But I feel childish as if he has to invite me everytime and Im expecting too much, which is why Im trying to find a way in maybe not bringing it up just because im feeling left out? Why would your feelings be childish? He doesn't have to invite you, but you should be able to find a way where it doesn't feel bad...understand? The answer doesn't have to be just inviting you or not inviting you. You were jealous because there were girls there, and so it was not just he and his buddies...(or am I wrong?) That's what you can discuss. Remember this will fester if not addressed.
Author AmeliePoulain Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 Youre right. Its just easier to resent him and forget about it tomorrow. Its just awkward because I dont want to come off clingy like, "why didnt you invite me?" Even if I wouldnt have gone.
todreaminblue Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 i think it is good for a guy to spend time with friends.......not so that it becomes everyday all night ...but bonding with friends you care about cant be done if they dont see each other..... as far as i can tell this is once it has happened and you were sick.....encourage him when he wants to go see his friends or undertake an activity that you arent that fussed on anyway...its good to have hobbies..and its imperative to be good friend to those who are good friends to you..deb
It-is-what-it-is. Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Youre right. Its just easier to resent him and forget about it tomorrow. Its just awkward because I dont want to come off clingy like, "why didnt you invite me?" Even if I wouldnt have gone. So sometimes stuff makes us jealous or fearful, or whatever. It just does. So some words to ponder. "I know how much you enjoy your game nights with your friends, and I want you to have time with your friends. Last night when you sent the pic of the game I noticed there were other girls there...it really made me jealous because you didn't ask me if I wanted to join you for what was clearly a girlfriends included game night. I don't like how I have been feeling, and I have debated whether I should tell you but I am still a bit agitated about it and wanted to talk about my feelings with you." See no accusations, no yelling...use your own words, but focus on your feelings, not the game night, or the other girls. See what he says.
Author AmeliePoulain Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 I do encourage him to play game nights, but I think it also annoyes me, yes, that there girls that got to go too, and secondly, that he just assumes since we always hang out Sunday, that I dont really need to hear from him Saturday. Bleh, this is all so minute to any problems we could be having. I will probably tell him what you said. Thank you! 1
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