PJ999 Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 (edited) Hi, I'm having a hard time because the girl I love has just moved to the US a week ago to marry another man... The thing is we have been living together for 2 years and still love each other, it has only grown over time, never any serious problems, lots of peaceful moments... But all the while I was aware that she would go to the US to marry that man. She was honest about that and told me that in the beginning of our relationship. The reasons she is marrying that man are because... She feel she owes him because he supported her financially for years and lifted her out of a poverty hell. Then she also gets the opportunity to study in the US and make something of herself and support her family. She also cares about him and doesn't want to hurt hum but... Love is not a reason for her, she loved him before, but the first strike to that was him cheating on her and the second strike was our relationship. She still cares about him, but the love component has become pretty dim. I met her while she was still very freshly hurt from him cheating on her. That's why she allowed our relation ship to form, I know she is not the cheating kind by heart. I also know she is having a very hard time having both of us in her life, because she doesn't want to hurt either of us, but there is no way out of that. I feel like i may have ruined my chance to be together with her, because a month before she was leaving she gave me a window (not spoken but I could feel it) ... she gave me a window to tell her to stay with me, and she would have stayed with me if I would have told her that she admitted later to me. But I let that window slip. I let it slip because I did not want to ruin her chances for a good feature. I can not pay for her studies, and what happens if she stays with me and we break up after a while. I would have taken away her chances for nothing. Although staying with me would also give her opportunities, just not study, and I feel I would never abandon her even if we would ever have broken up. I could just not tell her to stay with me with confidence. I don't know what to do now. What if she marries that guy? Should I let it go? Should I try to stop her? Is she setting herself up for an unhappy marriage marrying a guy who cheated on her? Please be honest and frank, tell me what you think. P.S. I'm from Europe but living in the Philippines and she's Filipina. Edited September 8, 2013 by PJ999
veggirl Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 does her fiance know she was living with you for two years? and still wants to marry her? is he very undesirable to women around him? she is a user, she used him for money and is now marrying him for money. what is attractive about tht at all? she can't support herself?
Author PJ999 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 does her fiance know she was living with you for two years? and still wants to marry her? is he very undesirable to women around him? she is a user, she used him for money and is now marrying him for money. what is attractive about tht at all? she can't support herself? No he doesn't know she was living with me. Hes not an undesirable guy, his looks are average. Maybe she is mostly using him for the money now yes (not at first, she really loved him I know, otherwise she wouldn't be so hurt when I met her), but you have to understand also, she came from a very poor place, and dangerous also. It was a bad place to be in, so can you really blame her for wanting to take the chance to get out of that life for good by getting a good education?
Eivuwan Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 It seems simple to me. You guys like each other, but not enough to go through hardships together. 2
emva07 Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Sometimes for people that grew up in poverty their whole lives, a spouse becomes a way out of that poverty. Screw love. Yes she may love you. But this is her future, and more importantly to her , her family's. 2
ThisGal Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 (edited) Well she's just as much of a cheater as he is. He cheated on her but she's also cheating by continuing a relationship with you on the side, how is she any different? He has no idea you've been around for the past 2 years. I always put myself in someone else's shoes before I judge. The Philippines is a 3rd world country and like any impoverished country life is hard! So I can understand her desperation to better her life, especially when you have family counting on you. It is what it is. I don't blame the lady. However, what you two had must die. You've had your chance (as she said you let her slip away). However, she needs to pursue her dreams in the U.S. Cease communication with her so you won't have to tolerate the mental anguish of knowing she's with another man or continue communication but keep it on a friendly basis. Your time with her is done. Once they move to the U.S. they usually do not come back. Good luck to you! Edited September 8, 2013 by ThisGal 2
Dallers Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Loves you, lives with you but travelled halfway around the world to marry another average looking guy for his money. It is posts like this that not only make me glad i am single but question why you aren't. She is probably using you as much as using him do not believe a word of it. Walk away and bury that relationship and move on.
soccerrprp Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Let her go, OP. She clearly does not consider you "good" enough to be with. Sad, but true.... 1
FitChick Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 If the Philippines is so wonderful, why do so many come to the US to live and work? A lot of retired US ex-servicemen move to the Philippines and marry young brides. They have more money than the average citizen there. If you have money, you can live well in any Third World country. No need to get defensive about facts. And when are you planning to move to the Philippines to be with your girlfriend? 3
ThisGal Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 This is offensive. You clearly have no idea what you're talking about. You do realize that the US is not some amazing place to live, right? And what you see in the news about "third world countries" isn't necessarily true, right? My current girlfriend also lives in the Philippines (though we met in the US when she was hear on a student visa). She does not want to move to the US. She hated it here and hated the culture (with good reason). Unfortunately, many less-traveled Americans believe that we live in the best country in the world (due to unquestioned propaganda). Well-traveled Americans know better. Lol clearly I hit a nerve. Relax! It is a fact, not something I just made up. Go look up the statistics. It IS a poor country. I am actually from a 3rd world country also, I moved to the U.S. when I was a toddler. I never claimed America to be the best country in the world. As for it being "amazing"...well that's a personal opinion. EVERY country will have its pros and cons. My b/f and I joke about leaving here and moving to the Caribbean one day. And I am very well-traveled, nice assumption. You may need to be more secure in your relationship, otherwise you would not be so offended. Get off your high horse. 1
emva07 Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 (edited) People don't come here because they think the US is "a better country" they come here to make money. Sometimes to send back home, have a home built back home and retire in their country. Most of the time to feed, shelter, and clothes their parents, siblings, grandparents, cousins, children. Most people wouldn't even think about leaving their country if it weren't to put food on the table for their families. Why would people from countries with sunny beaches, warm weather, and good food want to leave to come live in a tiny apartment, with a minimum wage job, go through cold winters, and not eat nearly as good as back home?? Necessity not because of "flashy billboards". wtf. For those who want to go and move to a third world country.....I am pretty sure you won't be living the life that peace corps volunteers go stay in with no running water or electricity or even a toilet to take a **** in. With a middle income here you can live comfortably in a third world country. So before you go around saying "oh i can't wait to go live there" realize you won't be living in the slums that the people who come here lived in. Edited September 8, 2013 by emva07 1
ThisGal Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 US propaganda. People in these countries are bombarded with media images about how good America is. When they come here, they realize that it's not really all that good at all. Yes, money helps everywhere, but people here are severely over-worked and overly serious about everything. The culture is far better in "third world countries" than in the US. I am planning to move there in 2 years when my US military contract expires. Usually Asian countries are the most over-worked and underpaid. I highly doubt you and your girlfriend will be together in 2 years. She'll find another man by then 1
ThisGal Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 What makes you think I'm not secure in my relationship? She hates it in the US. You are making illogical statements (no surprise there) on a fiction that you have created that blatantly goes against what I said. See my above comment for why YOU like the US so much. Blah, blah, blah. Insecure men always make themselves noticeable. Have a seat, solider.
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