Commitment Phobia,Really???

[silly in love]

Hi love shack people,

 

Does this commitment phobia thing really exist?Our therapist came to conclusion that my ex has fear of commitment.Had longterm relationships but never committed,he always left open door for himself.Always craving for honeymoon stage and after it ends,he was vanishing ,withdraw.In and out,but he always came home(to me),and stupidly I had all the excuses to take him back."I wont do it again".He grew up now,he has changed,some years passed dif now,yet after few months things were exactly the same as before.Same with other girls he dated.Wait I know I have to takecare of myself and dont think abt what was the douche bag problem,but it really helps me if such a thing really exist or I wasnt just THE ONE!

Anyone else had long relationship with commitment phobes?Did they ever change?was that really the issue?

I feel helpless and want to know...

[Philosoraptor]

Some people just aren't mature enough to sustain a long term relationship. Once a relationship starts showing any conflict (which they all do) they bail rather than working through things and coming to mutually benefitial compromise.

[melell]

I am not sure if it commitment phobia, but I have been with someone who didn't know whether they were coming and going in any situation in life. Pretty sad really.

 

I think it is emotional immaturity as well. But honestly so many people seem to have real mental issues that keep them doing this kind of stuff.

[silly in love]

"didnt know coming and going"that's exactly what it is.He is confused and hell make me so confused.I dnt understand him.Nothing make any sense to me.Talking deep for hours yet I dnt understand anything.When I'm far,its all good and mushy,when I'm close he is distanced.He cares,if I ask anything it will be done.Not committing though.It's just so sick.

[petall]

Hi love shack people,

 

Does this commitment phobia thing really exist?Our therapist came to conclusion that my ex has fear of commitment.Had longterm relationships but never committed,he always left open door for himself.Always craving for honeymoon stage and after it ends,he was vanishing ,withdraw.In and out,but he always came home(to me),and stupidly I had all the excuses to take him back."I wont do it again".He grew up now,he has changed,some years passed dif now,yet after few months things were exactly the same as before.Same with other girls he dated.Wait I know I have to takecare of myself and dont think abt what was the douche bag problem,but it really helps me if such a thing really exist or I wasnt just THE ONE!

Anyone else had long relationship with commitment phobes?Did they ever change?was that really the issue?

I feel helpless and want to know...

 

Does he have recurrent time-keeping issues? In other words, always late for your dates or even not showing up for seemingly ridiculous reasons? This is another sign. My ex once did not turn up at all and didn't inform me in advance even when he knew he couldn't make it because he had a conflicting meeting with a client. I was a non priority in his life. It's taken me a long time to realise it wasn't personal but his own character flaw.

Edited September 9, 2013 by petall

[forgetmenot75]

Yeah, commitment phobia until he falls hard for someone. Then He'll settle down.

[barky2]

^ that x 100.

 

 

 

Barky

[Zahara]

A good therapist never diagnoses someone that isn't their patient.

 

Agree with Forgetmenot, they always have "commitment phobia" until they fall for someone. Or when time has run out and they need to have someone in their life.

 

Been through those relationships.

Edited September 9, 2013 by Zahara

[Keenly]

This isn't always done with malicious intent. Sometimes a painful previous experienc can lead to being overly cautious.

[silly in love]

Does he have recurrent time-keeping issues? In other words, always late for your dates or even not showing up for seemingly ridiculous reasons? This is another sign. My ex once did not turn up at all and didn't inform me in advance even when he knew he couldn't make it because he had a conflicting meeting with a client. I was a non priority in his life. It's taken me a long time to realise it wasn't personal but his own character flaw.

 

Oh yes he does!Not with our dates only,but late for every single events in his life.After many years I am also coming to conclusion that the problem isnt me.Yet still hard to digest!!

[silly in love]

Commitment phobe because you allow it.

 

You keep taking him back so he doesn't have to commit to you. He knows you'll be waiting around for him to come back to you.

 

Quit allowing this type of behavior and he'll either commit (although I wouldn't want him) or he'll go torture some other poor girl until she puts a stop to it.

 

Chances are he's chasing the "in love" feelings and when they fade he bails to go chase them again with someone new.

 

He'll settle down when he starts getting old and less and less attention from the females.......because he won't want to end up alone. Or he'll fall hard for the girl that doesn't put up with his ****!

 

Yes,I was the one who allowed it."chasing the in love feeling"thats exactly what it is.He is blessed with convincing people and I loved him enough(Stupid enough) to fall for his words each and everytime.Trying to guard myself up cuz I know its coming again.

[silly in love]

This isn't always done with malicious intent. Sometimes a painful previous experienc can lead to being overly cautious.

 

I know there is no malicious intent.We went to therapy.He cnt help it.It breaks my heart and I cnt and willnt do it again.Maybe one day he will emotionally become mature and settles but our timing is passed.I spent alot of energy to see what the *** is wrong,I could have become president till now by all this effort.

[silly in love]

It's just hard to accept ,I put up with all this drama and I need to let it go for good.For my own sake.Time is clicking yet Im still looking for answers.My life,sanity,happiness all deteriorated in this relationship.It hurts horribly.