Split after a physical trauma. Wondering what happens next.

[Rollo87]

Hi All. I'm here to see if anyone can shed any light on how my ex might be feeling, and whether I'd be chasing a lost cause in trying to get her back. I know no-one will have definitive answers, but just looking for guidance really. Here's the story...

 

I met my (now ex) gf about 4/5 months ago. We dated for about 4/6 weeks then got together, mainly at her choosing - I wanted her too, but she pressed for it because I'm shy, but I'm happy we did. The first month or so the relationship was perfect - the right mix of socialising with others and being mushy with each other and we loved each others company. She was though having problems at home - she is jobless, her parents are overbearing (she is in her twenties but had been forced to move back in with them recently) and truly hate anyone that can have an influence on her, especially boyfriends. They made it difficult from the start but we were happy, so ignored it. At home, she suffers a lot of intimidation (sometimes physical) from her dad.

 

Anyway, a month or so after we got together, something awful happened. We were out in town together and she was hit by a car, taken right out of my hands. She somehow survived but suffered some head injuries which meant socialising and carrying on falling in love how we had been before was suddenly stopped due to illness. I've been there for her ever since and bent over backwards to help her since the accident, but all there ever was to talk about is the accident, and her physical wellbeing, and not our new relationship.

 

For 6 weeks or so since the accident I stayed as strong as I could, but I was suffering psycologically with the trauma of it all too, and didnt have anyone there for me. Sadly, I started to lose patience a couple of weeks ago and questioned to her whether she appreciated me being there, and even if she actually still wanted me. She palmed it off at first, but then I went away on a holiday for a week or so, and when I came back, it seemed like she'd changed her mind. Her mother and sister both told her it seemed like I didn't want her at all because of what I'd said, and that she'd be better off without me.

 

She is also under huge pressure to find a job now she is getting better, and her parents believe her spending time with me is impeding her life. So last week she initiated a split, saying she needs to be alone to sort her life out. She says it's not my fault and that she still loves me I, and says she still wants to talk and see me in the future, but right now, just being in a relationship is making things worse.

 

I'll point out now that for 3 or 4 days I fought it a lot, and said a few irrational things because I was stressed. She also changed her mind a couple of times,but whenever she saw her parents or family again, changed her mind back.

 

So a few days ago I accepted that's what she wants right now. There's been no contact for 48 hours. I know that isn't long, I'm just pointing it out.

 

So - does anyone have any experience of a split because of a trauma? Is it normal that it could affect her feelings for me? Will a few days of me fighting for it have put her right off me? Will she start to miss me or should I contact her first

 

Any kind of help would be good. I'm really suffering at the though of going from lovers to friends overnight when my feelings haven't really changed, and angry that an accident could have cost me something great

 

All replies appreciated. Thanks.

[keepontruckin]

Not that you'll follow my advice, but if you need to contact her one last time, keep it simple... Something like, "You know how to contact me if you need me for anything."

 

And leave it at that. Stay cool, and expect that she may want nothing to do with you anymore... If this is the case, there is nothing you can do about it.

[Misfortune]

It seems as if her family is in control her life rather than her being affected by the trauma. I would follow truckin's advice. You might make her situation worst if you try to force yourself in her life when she's not comfortable with it.