saltyfishhead666 Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 This morning a friend messaged me, I'd not told her about my ex joining match.com months ago when he assumed i had given up and we were over. She told me she had seen him on match.com 5 minutes ago, logged in, online, active! I think up until now I had some hope left in him, hope that he'd delete it, hope that he would choose to resolve the issues we had and be a new us. After hearing the above news I'm done. No man or women who is in love someone could find it possible to allow new women or men into their lives while things were so fresh. He's officially waited 2 weeks... 2 weeks is all the thought and love I meant. Now I'm done.
AlexanderJames Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 (edited) Are you in nc? If you're in no contact he's probably struggling. And he needs to get into dating websites to get closure and comfort from the opposite sex. Seeing as he's getting no ego boosts from you Edited September 8, 2013 by AlexanderJames 1
Author saltyfishhead666 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 Are you in nc? If you're in no contact he's probably struggling. And he needs to get into dating websites to get closure and comfort from the opposite sex. Seeing as he's getting no ego boosts from you I am in NC. I'd happily be on contact but the issues that are with him he chooses not to resolve. No amount of talking on my part was helping as he's blind too it. He thinks sharing phone contracts, bank accounts, texting his ex wife daily about stupid things that aren't children related is ok. It's not. Although I'm not sure how he'd gain closure from a complete stranger... Maybe my thought logic is off :-(
AlexanderJames Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 If an attractive girl or a girl that he wouldn't be able to have a shot in hell with face to face pays him a compliment it's going to feed his ego. It doesn't take much for men. But I don't know your whole situation so I'm just guessing. Seems a little strange. Having these connections (un child related) with his ex. And you in the picture AND a dating site as well.. But that's what it sounds like to me. 1
Author saltyfishhead666 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 If an attractive girl or a girl that he wouldn't be able to have a shot in hell with face to face pays him a compliment it's going to feed his ego. It doesn't take much for men. But I don't know your whole situation so I'm just guessing. Seems a little strange. Having these connections (un child related) with his ex. And you in the picture AND a dating site as well.. But that's what it sounds like to me. We have disagreed on the links to his ex numerous times. The last time I tried to talk to him and he just doesn't get why it's an issue. He went silent, so I stopped trying (this was a few months ago) he joined match.com a few days before we got back together stating he thought we were over. His ex lives in a different country, is engaged to someone else and walked away from him - I'm the first women since her (they've been broken up almost 2 years now)
AlexanderJames Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 So he's obv gettin nothing from the ex wife as far as attention. And he's getting nothing from you either. So that's what I think the sites all about. Has he tried at all to get in touch through nc? No woman will think his connections are normal to his ex wife. That's odd. I mean I'm only 22 with no kids so if something happens in parenthood I'm not aware of then yeah.. But seems strange to me too.
Author saltyfishhead666 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 So he's obv gettin nothing from the ex wife as far as attention. And he's getting nothing from you either. So that's what I think the sites all about. Has he tried at all to get in touch through nc? No woman will think his connections are normal to his ex wife. That's odd. I mean I'm only 22 with no kids so if something happens in parenthood I'm not aware of then yeah.. But seems strange to me too. It seems strange to everyone bar them! Funny that. He's not attempted contact, I have deleted Facebook though he has my number. No reach out "breadcrumbs" Maybe he needs a new girlfriend, maybe he needs to see his actions are weird in order for him to find happiness. Right now I feel like the rebound. The rebound he tried for a baby with and got engaged too. Some rebound lol
AlexanderJames Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 That's one hell of a rebound. Maybe he was trying to remake his old life with you. Or maybe he's insane. In any rate you have to put yourself first. And if you're in that stage in your life where you want to have children do not do it with someone who will up and leave like that.
Author saltyfishhead666 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 That's one hell of a rebound. Maybe he was trying to remake his old life with you. Or maybe he's insane. In any rate you have to put yourself first. And if you're in that stage in your life where you want to have children do not do it with someone who will up and leave like that. I already did, I have an ex husband and another ex fiancé. Both were scumbags although I didn't realise till it was already too late. This ex - he was spending the rest of your life with brilliant, loved my kids, loved me. Literally thee only issue with us is this connection to his ex. I can't make him give it up... Clearly he doesn't want to give it up so I can't be worth much.
AlexanderJames Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 You mean the world to people who are important to you. Some just aren't as important as you thought.
Author saltyfishhead666 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 You mean the world to people who are important to you. Some just aren't as important as you thought. Lol nice quote! My friend messaged me saying oh maybe he was deleting his account. She then replied oh no he didn't hes still online. I hope he finds a nice new replacement whose older, wiser and more his age because I doubt another 25 year old will be on the horizon any time soon.
stormer1092 Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 I wouldn't take him being on a dating website as anything. I went onto one just to get a little confidence boost since I've been dumped by my ex gf. Then deleted it once I seen there is other women are out there and If things don't work out theres still many fish in the sea. But then again she dumped me.
Author saltyfishhead666 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 I wouldn't take him being on a dating website as anything. I went onto one just to get a little confidence boost since I've been dumped by my ex gf. Then deleted it once I seen there is other women are out there and If things don't work out theres still many fish in the sea. But then again she dumped me. The latter part of that was exactly what I was thinking. I think we dumpees feel a lot different to the dumpers maybe x
Brown-Eyez Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 My friend messaged me saying oh maybe he was deleting his account. She then replied oh no he didn't hes still online. As good as your friend's intentions may be I would suggest you ask them to stop giving you updates on his online activity..its just rubbing salt into your wounds.
Brown-Eyez Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 If an attractive girl or a girl that he wouldn't be able to have a shot in hell with face to face pays him a compliment it's going to feed his ego. It doesn't take much for men. this happen with the guy I was seeing and it hurt alot, so thank you for this perspective
Author saltyfishhead666 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 As good as your friend's intentions may be I would suggest you ask them to stop giving you updates on his online activity..its just rubbing salt into your wounds. Agreed! I gave her a good talking too as I was so annoyed, in hindsight she probably didnt realise. She won't be doing it again thankfully although damage done already lol xx
hotpotato Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Some people just cant be alone. It's sad, really.
Author saltyfishhead666 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 Some people just cant be alone. It's sad, really. Yep, it's left field though as he was alone for a year after his ex before meeting me. Maybe now he's for his relationship head on after me.
Ireallydontknow Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 You poor thing. Sometimes I hold onto hope for no reason at all. She's in a relationship, got into one on day 1 BU. It sucks, but I guess it just shows you the type of person they really are. He was probably looking for an exit behind your back. I had to tell some friends to not inform me about my ex too, and I asked them all to remove her from FB. It's rough, but we'll make it, won't we? Stay strong!
hotpotato Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Yep, it's left field though as he was alone for a year after his ex before meeting me. Maybe now he's for his relationship head on after me. I wouldn't use that as proof your ex does or does not care. Really, only he knows, and I'm sure the truth will come out in time. My ex did something similar to me. He was single for a couple years, dated me, then went straight to someone else. I know it hurts, and I'm sorry he did that. If I were in York right now I'd give you a hug.
Author saltyfishhead666 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 I wouldn't use that as proof your ex does or does not care. Really, only he knows, and I'm sure the truth will come out in time. My ex did something similar to me. He was single for a couple years, dated me, then went straight to someone else. I know it hurts, and I'm sorry he did that. If I were in York right now I'd give you a hug. Thanks honey I appreciate it! Because you aren't and you can't I'm going to settle for some junk food. I'll just work out double at the gym tomorrow xxxxxxx
Author saltyfishhead666 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 So I'm laid in bed and I'm Upset, I'm literally laid here crying. How could he just be ok with looking for someone else. It's been 2 weeks today. I remember 3 weeks ago being deleriously happy, I was loved and cherished. My heart hurts, my eyes hurt. How can you go from loving someone to wanting someone else. Tomorrow I'll be angry again then I'll be upset again. My body doesn't know what to be anymore 1
Dolphono Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Sorry for your broken heart. Your ex is not really "your" ex. He's his wife's "ex" and you were one of soon to be many rebounds. He's still going through something and not ready for what you or the next woman has to offer. Chin up and move on...
semicharmedlife Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I can totally relate to how you are feeling...my ex bf had a very strong connection to his ex wife...I started dating him a year after they split up...they just couldn't stop texting & calling each other...and I just didn't feel comfortable with it.... It seemed like whenever her new bf upset her...she leaned on him for support...and he was happy to oblige...we had a few fights over it...and in the end it led to our breakup... It hurt a lot at first...but now I'm glad I stood my ground...
livdee Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Hang tough, mummyjonno! We're here for you. No matter how many times we think we are over it, those updates, sightings, breadcrumbs get us every time. Always remember you aren't alone in this journey! I agree with browneyes, I would tell your friend that you don't need to hear about his updates...you have done a great job with NC...don't get derailed now :-)
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