drallafi Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 But I'm just not happy. Long story short, been together for 10 years, not married. I'm 34, she's 29. We don't really have any problems in the relationship... ie we don't fight much and we get along fine, but I'm just... not happy. Physically, she's pretty. I'd say a 7, but she's awful in bed and has always been. She's just so anti-sexy that it's almost funny. She's also awful with money. I've been trying to get her to save up to buy a house together for 3 years, but she cannot seem to get her **** together. I guess these two things are what's at the heart of my dissatisfaction. She could cook more, too, but that's minor. Otherwise she's an absolutely wonderful partner, but I guess I feel like I'd be sacrificing a lot if I spent the rest of my life with someone who I hate having sex with and who has crappy financial discipline. So, I think I'm going to end it, but I dread the thought of 1. Breaking her heart, since she really is a good woman and 2. Having to live together for the next month and a half till I move to another state. Any advice?
StyleOnEm Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 The longer you wait, the harder it will be down the line. That's part of the reason the divorce rate is so high in this country. People are afraid to be honest with each other, so they end up settling for comfortability until one day they realize they can't take it anymore. Don't be a statistic. Be honest with how you feel. Chances are, it's been 10 years, and she's not going to change anytime soon. 1
Author drallafi Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 You're right you're right. I just don't know how to approach it with her or do it in a way that doesn't completely ruin her life for the next 2 years.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 As you are aware man, breakups are hard, no matter how you do it. There is never a non-emotional breakup, so no matter how you do it, there will be tears, heartache, and everything that follows it. With that said, we only live once and time is precious. If you are not happy, then its time to move forward. Suggestion to you: Sit her down and being 1000% honest. Tell her EVERYTHING you are feeling. Don't leave anything out and dont lie. Its going to be difficult if you have a heart, which you obviously do. Being with someone 10 years is a LONG time and there are MANY memories, especially since the prime of your life was with her. Be clear, be precise, and be honest. Its going to be difficult to her, but make sure you are 1000 pecent sure this is WHAT you want and DO NOT BE WISHY WASHY WITH IT!! Good luck to you man.
emva07 Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 off topic: Was she always terrible in bed? If so, why did you marry her? .....if you're not happy, it's best to part ways and find what does make you happy because it's only a matter of time before it comes to an end. Better now than to drag it out.
Author drallafi Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 off topic: Was she always terrible in bed? If so, why did you marry her? .....if you're not happy, it's best to part ways and find what does make you happy because it's only a matter of time before it comes to an end. Better now than to drag it out. Yea she was always pretty awful, but you should see the body on this chick. Especially when she used to run track. Goddamn, that tight-bubbly ass was a sight to behold back in the day. Now, 10 years later, it's just meh, but anyway I stayed with her because she's always been loyal and she doesn't really get on my nerves. For me, a woman not getting on my nerves is incredibly rare, so I stuck around. Lately (as in the past 9 months) she's been getting on my nerves, though.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 off topic: Was she always terrible in bed? If so, why did you marry her? .....if you're not happy, it's best to part ways and find what does make you happy because it's only a matter of time before it comes to an end. Better now than to drag it out. They arent married......and some people can look past the sexual aspect of a relationship.
almond Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 I'm not sure about the 1000% honest policy - I'd suggest that you do not tell her that she's **** in bed. That would just hurt her more than necessary. There is honesty, and then there is brutal honesty. I'd tell her everything, but leave that part out. Or perhaps word it very carefully, eg. "I just don't feel the sexual spark anymore." End it soon, but go and stay with a friend or relative until it's time to move interstate - don't stay in the house with her, it would be too damaging. It will hurt her, but in time, she will be fine. Do not contact her after the fact either, and advise her that you are doing this so that she can heal, not because you can't stand her or don't care. Look after yourself - this will likely be rough on you. Also, make sure you're doing the right thing here. Be 100% certain that this is what you want, and don't go back on it once it's done. If you have doubt, you could consider relationship counseling and communicating your issues with her in order to try and correct it. Do not end it, take her back, end it and so on. It will damage her far more than a single breakup ever could. Good luck. 3
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 I'm not sure about the 1000% honest policy - I'd suggest that you do not tell her that she's **** in bed. That would just hurt her more than necessary. There is honesty, and then there is brutal honesty. I'd tell her everything, but leave that part out. Or perhaps word it very carefully, eg. "I just don't feel the sexual spark anymore." End it soon, but go and stay with a friend or relative until it's time to move interstate - don't stay in the house with her, it would be too damaging. It will hurt her, but in time, she will be fine. Do not contact her after the fact either, and advise her that you are doing this so that she can heal, not because you can't stand her or don't care. Look after yourself - this will likely be rough on you. Also, make sure you're doing the right thing here. Be 100% certain that this is what you want, and don't go back on it once it's done. If you have doubt, you could consider relationship counseling and communicating your issues with her in order to try and correct it. Do not end it, take her back, end it and so on. It will damage her far more than a single breakup ever could. Good luck. I wasnt insinuating tell her she sucks in bed. That is just mean and unnecessary. Everything you said I agree with and is what I said.
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