Jump to content

Why my boyfriend disappeared?

shortee

By shortee
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

shortee Established Member

shortee

Posted
Posted (edited)

In summary, my boyfriend disappeared on me one day after we had a fight(he picked a fight)and I went to work. When I came home, he was gone. He never texted me, called me, or contacted me. So I had to get his mother involved and she had to give me rent for this month, which she told me she would not do any more. His mom told me he went to live with his brother 3 hours away. I tried to stay away and give him space.

 

So up until yesterday I only texted him 2 times to get him to find out why he didn't come back. I gave him plenty of space and time. I don't know why he left and didn't contact me. I had to find out why he would just do this when he never did before. So I took the day off and went up to his brother.

 

When I went there, I decided to let myself in and not knock. I know it's rude, but I had to do it. Because I didn't want to give my bf the chance to run out the back door. When I come in I see his brother sitting on the couch with a pregnant girl, who I assume is the brothers gf. I didn't see my bf there at all. The brother is like "What are you doing here!" I say "Im looking for my bf (name) and pregnant chick gets up and starts yelling that my bf is her baby daddy and didn't know about any girlfriend. The brother is very obviously texting my bf at this point to let him know what's going on and then he tells me to get out or he calls the police.

 

I start begging him to tell me what's up. Brother starts telling me I need to stay out of it. And the girl tells me she thinks both of them could be the father, but isn't sure and didn't know he had a gf when she had sex w/ him. Then she stormed off angrily. And then his brother told me not to come back and stop contacting my now ex bf because he had to figure things out and is stressed out and he doesn't want to talk to me about it. I left in tears and I angrily texted my bf that I know all about everything and now he has blocked my number. I just don't know what to do! But I do know that I can't give up on him until I know for sure and I need to speak to him!

Edited by shortee
Viro12 Established Member

Viro12

Posted
Posted

As sad and unfortunate this is. I would suggest you to start NC immediately.

Do you really want to be involved with a boyfriend that has a kid. Nonetheless your boyfriend's first reaction is to block your number and keep you in the dark.

 

Your boyfriend may still love you. But in my opinion this is just one of the life's cruel reality that leaves you no option. No matter how much you try isn't going to turn this situation around.

 

If your boyfriend leaves a pregnant girl behind to be with you it should tell you tons about his character.

 

If the girl got pregnant during the time you guys are together. Then know that he cheated and he isn't worth a single bit of your love.

 

I hope everything turns well for you.

Misfortune Established Member

Misfortune

Posted
Posted

I was reading until "baby daddy" and I thought "Jerry springer" for the rest of it. That sucks and it's messed up. You were probably the only one that was kept out of the loop on w/e is going on. Sorry you have to go through this.

Pure Life Member

Pure Life

Posted
Posted

Why even bother? If this other girl thinks both of them have the possibility of being the father (and both are brothers too? wow...that girl has some issues) that means your bf cheated on you and slept with her. Why would you want to persue someone like that? I'd say good riddance! I say your best path is just to move on and since he is doing NC with you, go NC to him. Maybe eventually when he "figures things out" (such a stupid excuse) he'll give you some sort of answer.

  • Like 3
Misfortune Established Member

Misfortune

Posted
Posted
As sad and unfortunate this is. I would suggest you to start NC immediately.

Do you really want to be involved with a boyfriend that has a kid. Nonetheless your boyfriend's first reaction is to block your number and keep you in the dark.

 

Your boyfriend may still love you. But in my opinion this is just one of the life's cruel reality that leaves you no option. No matter how much you try isn't going to turn this situation around.

 

If your boyfriend leaves a pregnant girl behind to be with you it should tell you tons about his character.

 

If the girl got pregnant during the time you guys are together. Then know that he cheated and he isn't worth a single bit of your love.

 

I hope everything turns well for you.

 

Either way, you don't just abandon your mate and leave them worrying like that. Especially when you know that you've possibly done them wrong.

  • Author
shortee Established Member

shortee

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Yep he cheated because she's 2 months pregnant(according to her) and we were living together. :sick: She thinks he's the father, but it could be the brother too or somebody else IMO. But I just want to hear from him at this point and tell me what's going on and why he did it. I am definitely going back there at some point to find answers!

khaleesi New Member

khaleesi

Posted
Posted

What do you want to hear from him? His actions speak for themselves.

  • Like 1
hopefulfaerie Established Member

hopefulfaerie

Posted
Posted
Yep he cheated because she's 2 months pregnant(according to her) and we were living together. :sick: She thinks he's the father, but it could be the brother too or somebody else IMO. But I just want to hear from him at this point and tell me what's going on and why he did it. I am definitely going back there at some point to find answers!

I really hope you reconsider that! You are upset (understandably so) Actually upset isn't a strong enough word. You have every right to be livid!!!!! No one here would dispute that.

BUT PLEASE don't let him reduce you to seeing you as emotionally unhinged.

You don't deserve this headache or heartache. Please don't torture yourself.

 

We are all here for you! Come vent to us when you are upset. That is why we are here for each other :)

  • Author
shortee Established Member

shortee

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I was reading until "baby daddy" and I thought "Jerry springer" for the rest of it. That sucks and it's messed up. You were probably the only one that was kept out of the loop on w/e is going on. Sorry you have to go through this.

 

Yeah it turns out I was the only one kept out of the loop. I called his mother tonight and it turns out that she knew all along, but she never said anything to me. And I was freaking out and worried if something bad happened to him and she played along with that. :(

Misfortune Established Member

Misfortune

Posted
Posted
Yeah it turns out I was the only one kept out of the loop. I called his mother tonight and it turns out that she knew all along, but she never said anything to me. And I was freaking out and worried if something bad happened to him and she played along with that. :(

 

Shame. Kills your heart and your trust in a lot of people. They would've continued the charade had you not taken matters into your own hands. I would leave that family when I've finally got my myself and my emotions under control. I knows it hard right now because your upset and you want answers.

spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

Posted
Posted

Sorry to hear what's happened. Other posters are right when they say keep away from him now because he has nothing to offer you. I can understand your need for closure though. People have a great need to make sense of things, even if it hurts to know. I'm sorry he blocked you; he's obviously too immature to explain and is probably afraid of your reaction.

 

Only thing I can suggest is that you write to him, telling him that you won't get back together with him now because he's obviously cheated/got another woman pregnant/mistreated you, etc., but you want him to at least write and tell you what happened so that you have closure and can put it behind you and move on. If he doesn't do this, then you need to assure yourself that whatever he's done, he's got into a mess and has betrayed you at least once. If he does this now, he'd likely do it again, plus he may have a child to pay for now. It's just not worth trying to save this relationship, especially as he can't even talk to you.

  • Like 2
crazy1234 Established Member

crazy1234

Posted
Posted
In summary, my boyfriend disappeared on me one day after we had a fight(he picked a fight)and I went to work. When I came home, he was gone. He never texted me, called me, or contacted me. So I had to get his mother involved and she had to give me rent for this month, which she told me she would not do any more. His mom told me he went to live with his brother 3 hours away. I tried to stay away and give him space.

 

So up until yesterday I only texted him 2 times to get him to find out why he didn't come back. I gave him plenty of space and time. I don't know why he left and didn't contact me. I had to find out why he would just do this when he never did before. So I took the day off and went up to his brother.

 

When I went there, I decided to let myself in and not knock. I know it's rude, but I had to do it. Because I didn't want to give my bf the chance to run out the back door. When I come in I see his brother sitting on the couch with a pregnant girl, who I assume is the brothers gf. I didn't see my bf there at all. The brother is like "What are you doing here!" I say "Im looking for my bf (name) and pregnant chick gets up and starts yelling that my bf is her baby daddy and didn't know about any girlfriend. The brother is very obviously texting my bf at this point to let him know what's going on and then he tells me to get out or he calls the police.

 

I start begging him to tell me what's up. Brother starts telling me I need to stay out of it. And the girl tells me she thinks both of them could be the father, but isn't sure and didn't know he had a gf when she had sex w/ him. Then she stormed off angrily. And then his brother told me not to come back and stop contacting my now ex bf because he had to figure things out and is stressed out and he doesn't want to talk to me about it. I left in tears and I angrily texted my bf that I know all about everything and now he has blocked my number. I just don't know what to do! But I do know that I can't give up on him until I know for sure and I need to speak to him!

whats there to find out?its very clear what he wants.

Sugarkane Established Member

Sugarkane

Posted
Posted

I would tell him good luck figuring out if he's the father or not! I think men are much more likely to "disappear". It's hard to find any posts where a woman disappeared, it does happen but not as much.

  • Like 1
drallafi Established Member

drallafi

Posted
Posted

Goddamn at the pain you must be feeling. :(

 

Gotta be the worst feeling ever.

 

The guy sounds like an immature slug. NC is the answer. 2 years from now, you will look back on this and laugh. In the meantime, keep your head up and just focus on you.

  • Like 2
oracle Established Member

oracle

Posted
Posted

Give up on him

 

All that matters now is you and your life without him

BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

Posted
Posted

This is so sad. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Don't go back there. Go NC immediately. This man is not worth anymore of your time. What an immature weasel, and the brother slept with the girl too. How classy. Be glad you are rid if this guy.

BigGirlPantiesOn Established Member

BigGirlPantiesOn

Posted
Posted

He cheats on you. Walks out without explanation, leaving YOU with HIS rent obligation...yet you aren't giving up on him?

 

You just gave up on yourself.

  • Like 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Established Member

ConfusedHumanBeing

Posted
Posted

That is an AWFUL story to hear. First, I dont even KNOW what you are feeling because thats just a crazy story. Ugh, the pain you are feeling.

 

With that said, why in the blue hell would you want to "not give up on him." He cheats on you, doesnt tell you WITH a girl his brother was also having sex with and then everyone in his family get mad at YOU for trying to find answers?!?! This is a blessing. You do not NEED people like that in your life. There is 100000 times better than that. He made his bed so let him lay in it. There is a huge avenue of trouble in for him and though the pain hurts in the heart, thats the only thing you came out with, and it could have been much worse. Getting "answers" wont solve anything....and it seems to me you already have the answers.

 

God speed! You deserve it

Brown-Eyez Established Member

Brown-Eyez

Posted
Posted
In summary, my boyfriend disappeared on me one day after we had a fight(he picked a fight)and I went to work. When I came home, he was gone. He never texted me, called me, or contacted me. So I had to get his mother involved and she had to give me rent for this month, which she told me she would not do any more. His mom told me he went to live with his brother 3 hours away. I tried to stay away and give him space.

 

So up until yesterday I only texted him 2 times to get him to find out why he didn't come back. I gave him plenty of space and time. I don't know why he left and didn't contact me. I had to find out why he would just do this when he never did before. So I took the day off and went up to his brother.

 

When I went there, I decided to let myself in and not knock. I know it's rude, but I had to do it. Because I didn't want to give my bf the chance to run out the back door. When I come in I see his brother sitting on the couch with a pregnant girl, who I assume is the brothers gf. I didn't see my bf there at all. The brother is like "What are you doing here!" I say "Im looking for my bf (name) and pregnant chick gets up and starts yelling that my bf is her baby daddy and didn't know about any girlfriend. The brother is very obviously texting my bf at this point to let him know what's going on and then he tells me to get out or he calls the police.

 

I start begging him to tell me what's up. Brother starts telling me I need to stay out of it. And the girl tells me she thinks both of them could be the father, but isn't sure and didn't know he had a gf when she had sex w/ him. Then she stormed off angrily. And then his brother told me not to come back and stop contacting my now ex bf because he had to figure things out and is stressed out and he doesn't want to talk to me about it. I left in tears and I angrily texted my bf that I know all about everything and now he has blocked my number. I just don't know what to do! But I do know that I can't give up on him until I know for sure and I need to speak to him!

 

Shortee, I can imagine you are in terrible shock from all that has happened. From the fight, to his disappearing like that, to discovering that awful scene at his brother's place and then finding out EVERYONE knew sh*t you did not.

 

I totally get that you want answers only because so much fell on you literally like a ton of bricks!! So you may keep going after him but eventually (hopefully) you'll get exhausted because you're only gonna get played.

 

Once YOU DECIDE to GIVE UP then slowly the healing will begin.

 

Hang in there, its gonna be a rough ride, but at least you found this great forum of people to help you through it! :)

  • Like 1
Balzac Established Member

Balzac

Posted
Posted

Put your energy into securing a roof over your head. We've got no facts about why you had to get rent from your exBF's mother. Clearly you have a job as you've stated that.

 

It seems you've got a lease. If it's in his name, fix that or move. If you cannot afford the rent, get a roommate, second job or both.

 

Focus on extracting yourself from him and his family.

Misfortune Established Member

Misfortune

Posted
Posted

You can't trust him nor his family anymore. They deceived you, would've continue to let you worry without saying a word and the brother wanted to call the cops on you because you were worried about his brother; you'll never win this.

 

The family probably knew about his doings way before she got pregnant and chose to keep it from you; blood is thicker than honesty -_-. It's bad enough when your mate betrays you, it sucks even more to find out that other trusted people were also deceiving you.

Lokie Established Member

Lokie

Posted
Posted

I'm reading this thread and agreeing with everyone about moving on from your exBF - but when we are in the midst of this shock and betrayal, the need to rationalize and make sense of the situation to our satisfaction is so overwhelming that you may be reading all of our replies and saying to yourself, "yes, but..." Or "they've never loved like this love" or "they've never felt pain like this," etc. I just need to tell you that is NOT TRUE. That is your rationalization talking. Walking away from this guy now,without further action on your part (short of establishing NC) may be one of the hardest things you will ever do - but I think we can all guarantee you that it will actually spare you further hurt.

 

And more importantly, it will be an invaluable step towards taking care of yourself, which ultimately will prepare you for the amazing, loving relationship you long for.

 

We are here for you. Big hugs to you.

  • Like 1
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...