justanotherday Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 i am in love with someone who plays with my head a lot, she slept with me a few times and has kissed me in a lot of occasions, now she doesnt show any emotions or any interest, but she does look at me like she really wants me, and calls me almost every night, i am falling in love with her and i keep dreaming and thinking about her all the time but i dont know if the feeling is mutual. How do i know if she's interested in me? how can i make an aproach to text the water? can someone please give me an input or something so i can get it together. i am loosing it over here, in love yet not sure if she feels anything.
tokyo Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 This is not what you want to hear, but she looks like she´s playing games with you. Wouldn´t prefer to be with someone who is more honest with you???
UCFKevin Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 You're not falling in love with her. You're falling in lust with her. Love doesn't come from game playing or sex or kisses.
Naive Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 Maybe the way she acts makes you want her even more, but once she gives in your feelings will change. That's not love.
justanotherday Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 I thought that all i felt was lust, but when i look at her and when she smiles because i did something special it makes me feel so good inside, i just want her to give in so we can have a relationship instead of just spending time whenever its posible for her, i know i am falling in love, its not lust, and if it was about just getting what i wanted i already had her i dont need to keep going, but i enjoy her company, laughing with her, going out, making funny faces, just watching tv. but how do i ask her out, i dont want to scare her and yes i want her to be with me.
UCFKevin Posted November 18, 2004 Posted November 18, 2004 Even though she's toying with you and playing games? Have you ever been in love before?
ps123 Posted November 18, 2004 Posted November 18, 2004 I know EXACTLY where youre at. This sounds exactly like my last relationship. We dated 3 months and it was the most stressful, difficult and depressing relationship Ive ever been in. I lost 15 lbs in 2 months just from the stress alone. I wont sugar coat this. If you want to persue this, be prepared to have it be really difficult. To start, I really liked this woman, but she had a lot of issues. She had an abusive father, had been in abusive relationships and had severe trust issues towards men. Shed use things like youre describing to keep me off balance and always guessing. It would give her more power and control in the relationship to make up for not trusting me. I never gave her any reason to not trust me and was never anything but nice to her by the way. Yes, we had sex a lot, kissed a lot, and she was physically affectionate (sometimes), but that was the extent of it. She was uncapable of being emotionally intimate with me..or anyone. There were other times she was cold and completely withdrawn physically and mentally. She also seemed really uninterested a lot and would only want to get together when it was convienent for her. It even got to the point that shed just stop by unannounced, have sex for a few hours and go home. Yes, I know... I went along with it, but I was under the impression that she would at least be spending the night. Every once in a while she would throw a little shred of stability and say something to give me hope that it might be long term to make me stay in the relationship. and if it was about just getting what i wanted i already had her i dont need to keep going I dont want to be mean here, but you do not and have not had her from the sounds of it. Yes, youve had sex, but it sounds like she hasnt given you any signs that she wants it to be serious at all. For me, this was a huge hook. The more shed be evasive and pull away, the more I wanted her. On the few occasions that things were going well, Id start to see things and realize that the relationship was incredibly unhealthy for me. But as soon as shed pull away again, Id want her again... and like you, I felt I was falling in love with her. I realize you do have fun times together from what you describe. We did too. There was a lot of playful bantering and we had a good times together, but as far as a serious relationship, it wasnt there...on her end anyways. I felt exactly like you. I was falling in love and petrified because she acted like she couldnt give two ****s about me half the time. Shed return calls late, not call when she said she would, change plans at the last minute and stuff like that. I wanted the relationship to work so bad though, that I put up with a lot of disrespectful and hurtful behavior from her and in the end...she ended things and left me heartbroken. I need to add, my situation could be completely different from yours. Maybe shes just not an emotional person. I dont know, but it sounds very similar to my relationship (or whatever it was). You need to really, honestly ask yourself, what do you like about this woman? Why do you want to be with her? If she never were to change her behavior, could you be in a relationship like this the rest of your life? I dont want to sound mean or discouraging, but I just wanted to tell you what I went through and see if you can relate or if it sounds familar. Feel free to disagree with me or ask questions. I hope this helps, because like I said, it was really hard for me to go through this and I wouldnt wish it on anyone else.
justanotherday Posted November 18, 2004 Posted November 18, 2004 Thank you for your reply, i will answer a few things here, i like her because she's outgoing, funny, a peoples person like i am, we like the same music, hanging out and for the most part talk to eachother. last night she called because every wednesday we go out, she called and left me a message saying Hey it's weds where are you? call me. i called back about an hour later, i wasnt in the mood to go out i was tired after working long hours for the past few days, so i told her i didnt want to go, she said ok i will go anyway, i said ok have fun. today i was at work and she had left me a message she sounded as if she really wanted to talk to me, call me back and leave me a message on my cell she said, i will be checking and will call you back, not before i got this message she called me at work "i never gave her my work number" she wanted to know when we can get together. now i dont know why she's wanting to hang with me so bad, ok i said i was falling in love and maybe i am not, but i do LIKE HER A LOT and wish we could have something together not just a hang out and getting laid thing, i want to be with her, maybe because she puts up such front as if she wasnt interested or maybe because she's not. in the end i think about her all the time and want to be with her more than just friends. i would love to be able to test the waters and see what happends but i am not sure how to do it without scaring her away. maybe i should just ask her out i dont know, what do you guys think?
ps123 Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 in the end i think about her all the time and want to be with her more than just friends. i would love to be able to test the waters and see what happends but i am not sure how to do it without scaring her away. maybe i should just ask her out i dont know, what do you guys think? How long have you been seeing her? Do you think youre just friends at this point? I know you say youre not sure what she wants, but I dont usually have sex with my friends. What do you mean by ask her out? Havent you already been going out?
justanotherday Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 to answer your questions, we have known eachother for about 6 month now and we have been friends, we have never started dating things just happened, a few times. i never asked her out or anything like i said we are just friends and stuff just keeps happening, ok last night i called her around 7pm and she didnt answer her cell phone made the sound that she was in another line so i hung up, about 10 secs later she called back, she said whats up, i said nothing just wondering if you want to come over, she said i am so tired i am going to bed maybe this weekend. what is she playing games? i dont know maybe i should just forget about it
ps123 Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 Originally posted by justanotherday about 10 secs later she called back, she said whats up, i said nothing just wondering if you want to come over, she said i am so tired i am going to bed maybe this weekend. what is she playing games? I dont think her saying shes tired means shes playing games. Just to clarify, you have had sex with this woman? How long ago did the sex thing start? I think youre right to be confused. It sounds confusing to me too. Have you talked about things at all after the physical part or is it basically just "see ya later"? Is she the type to "casually" have sex with someone? Is she seeing anyone else that youre aware of? It sounds like she might just be thinking of this as a casual sex type thing, but again, I dont know her so I really cant say. She at least seems somewhat interested in something though since she calls you a lot. A lot of good relationships start as friendships first, so you never know. If this has been going on for a month or more, I think you deserve (for lack of a better word) to be able to ask her whats going on between the two of you. Be careful though. Like you said, it may scare her off so be prepared for that if this is the route you want to take. Who knows, maybe shes confused too. Maybe shes waiting for you to show more interest or something. Do you think youve given her any indication that you want this to be more serious? i dont know maybe i should just forget about it If youre interested in this woman, I definitely wouldnt just forget about it without at least talking to her and letting her know how you feel. For me, if I just bailed without at least talking to her, Id always sort of wonder what couldve been. Like I said though, this might scare her off, but for me, Id rather know one way or the other, rather than just letting myself get more into it only to have her tell me its just a casual thing and shes not interested in more. I hope this helps.
justanotherday Posted November 20, 2004 Posted November 20, 2004 Well after we had sex, we stay hanging together and she would say "you are good in bed" and you do this and that right. and the next day we go out for breakfast or lunch and we talk about it. she does have someone in her life someone she said "i dont want to be with anymore" "he makes me sick" "i dont even like kissing him anymore" so we have been hanging out a little bit more than normal expecially after we had sex. i dont know if she has sex with other people, i only know her for about 6 months now. i dont know maybe i should take a chance and just ask her OUT not what we are to eachother, because i know she would say we are friends, i havent heard from her today yet, its the weekend so lets see what happends. what do you think?
ps123 Posted November 21, 2004 Posted November 21, 2004 Well after we had sex, we stay hanging together and she would say "you are good in bed" and you do this and that right. and the next day we go out for breakfast or lunch and we talk about it. she does have someone in her life someone she said "i dont want to be with anymore" "he makes me sick" "i dont even like kissing him anymore" so we have been hanging out a little bit more than normal expecially after we had sex. i dont know if she has sex with other people, i only know her for about 6 months now. i dont know maybe i should take a chance and just ask her OUT not what we are to eachother, because i know she would say we are friends, i havent heard from her today yet, its the weekend so lets see what happends. Once again...this is really similar to my last situation. My ex would do the exact same thing. Shed say how good in bed I was, how most other men didnt have a clue what to do like I did, how I was the best shes had in years, shed point out how her legs were still shaking, blah blah blah. Obviously, this was a big boost to my ego, which is what she wanted Im sure. Im also realizing that sex and things involving sex were the only ways she knew to express emotion and intimacy. Looking back, Im not sure if she was being honest or not. Ive had other women say I was good in bed (not bragging, just making a point), but I still dont know if I believe her or if she was just using this to keep me interested. Have you talked about anything other than the sex? Have you talked about your feelings for each other at all? Shes currently dating someone else, but is sleeping with you? I dunno. Is this the type of person youd want to be with? I know she said she doesnt like him, but if thats the case, she should end things with him before moving into a sexual thing with you. Theres a lot of red flags here. If youre looking for just a sexual thing, this might be fine, although you may want to find out if shes also sleeping with other guys, partly because of health issues. If youre really starting to like this woman, you need to talk to her, but from what youve said so far, it doesnt look like shes interested in making this serious. The only way you'll know is to talk to her, but like I said, dont do this unless youre prepared for an answer you might not want to hear, or youre willing to scare her off to get the answer.
justanotherday Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 Thanks so much for your reply, well here it comes, i didnt hear from her all weekend long, i called her friday (no answer) and she didnt call back, the same thing with saturday. so here i am feeling like a loser, forget it, i take this as a sign that this will not work and she doesnt want it to work. forget it man, i dont want to keep playing games with her. thanks for all of your help
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