Author danlightbulb Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 It will also have a detrimental effect on your self esteem if she does not reply. I came here to be convinced why its a bad idea. I guess this is the most sensible answer on here all night. Why does my brain think i should do this, that it might somehow make a difference? Come next friday my brain is going to be screaming at me to send the text I don't know if I'll be able to ignore my subconscious.
bentleychic Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 I think it's sweet and it would put a smile on my face. Sounds like I'm in the minority! Unless you broke up on bad terms or you're a stalker...I don't see why not. Shoot, my exH gave me flowers for my bday last year and for Mother's Day this year and I'm the one that ended the marriage.
Dallers Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 I came here to be convinced why its a bad idea. I guess this is the most sensible answer on here all night. Why does my brain think i should do this, that it might somehow make a difference? Come next friday my brain is going to be screaming at me to send the text I don't know if I'll be able to ignore my subconscious. Your brain thinks it because you want her and you want her more because you cannot have her. The people commenting against the idea know this because we have been through it numerous times before. Each time is happens and you make the right decision you become stronger and you actually have more chance of getting her back by ignoring her, the only way you will get her back is if she thinks about you and contacts you. By sending that card its game over. Go do something you enjoy and get back on track looking for others girls you have wasted enough time on this one.
Author danlightbulb Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 Ok. How about this. Send the card. If you get a thank you. You can reply with a Simple. Don't ask any questions and don't try to keep up the contact. If she asks you questions or keeps the contact going...good. If you get no reply then you know where you stand, although you should already know where you stand from the "break up" Just don't turn in to a creepy stalker This is it see. My brain is thinking to itself "what if all that's needed is a trigger, this gesture could be that trigger". 1
Dallers Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 This is it see. My brain is thinking to itself "what if all that's needed is a trigger, this gesture could be that trigger". You really think that every single man in your position has not thought of this already. Not to mention you are still considering this and wasting time on someone who left you because she does not want you. Face it. Please just send the card, I implore you and then learn from your mistake. 1
Dallers Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 WOW! Considering that you have no idea who I am or what I have been through with my H of 17 years you should really keep your typing in check. I was trying to give him an explanation of why girls dump the nice guy. It really in no way could give you insight about the type of quality I am. "Ride or Die" HA! You have no clue. I'm glad you are happy with your current GF. Don't let your insecurities ruin a good thing The bottom line is you can't be happy with anyone until you learn to be happy with yourself, all of you....even your weird quirks, if you have some. Don't beat yourself up it was an honest post that you made, it is surprising how many people are actually in denial about the fact that woman go for the Alpha and it is built into their DNA if they like it or not. No different to man needing testosterone to be more manly. 1
Author danlightbulb Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 (edited) The bottom line is you can't be happy with anyone until you learn to be happy with yourself, all of you....even your weird quirks, if you have some. Easier said than done. I'm inclined to believe that you won't learn from your mistakes, since you've already been married and divorced once and are still doing these kinds of things. I have changed a great deal since my divorce, learned alot and in many ways have come a long way. I'm alot happier in my own skin now than I ever was. My wife was my first girlfriend see. Since divorce I have 'dated' about 6 people through OLD and this last one was real top class you know, exactly the type of person I want. I have enough self esteem now to know what I want and not settle for less. Trouble is when I find that person I still have self esteem issues and probably come across as needy or whatever. I CANNOT PLAY THE HARD TO GET CARD! Its just not me. When I met this woman I went to loads of effort to show her a good time, and I know I was outwardly the most confident I have ever been (even though inside I was nervous as hell). Edited September 8, 2013 by danlightbulb 1
Author danlightbulb Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 Yes, I apologize too, Dan, for going off-topic a bit here (though, this thread was already derailed). Actually I don't think it was. I need to hear this stuff, all of it, because it's all interconnected in the complex web of dating. 1
Author danlightbulb Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 Everyone has self esteem issues Dan. Don't feel bad about that. The truth of the matter is that people are attracted to people who are "OK" with themselves. "OK" with their lives. Happy. It's the happy that attracts people to you. That's why people say you find love when you least expect it. Because you aren't looking for it. You are perfectly happy with the life that you already have. You aren't looking for someone else to make you happy or fill a void. Not really. I am busy, but lonely. I had started to have a positive outlook on dating, seemed to be having more success with it, then this comes along and I get totally pulled in. Just goes to show that I do want a relationship. I need one to be able to do the things which make me happy. I'm fed up of doing stuff on my own without a companion.
Dallers Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Not really. I am busy, but lonely. I had started to have a positive outlook on dating, seemed to be having more success with it, then this comes along and I get totally pulled in. Just goes to show that I do want a relationship. I need one to be able to do the things which make me happy. I'm fed up of doing stuff on my own without a companion. You are only lonely because you do not have someone, learn to love your life and yourself first otherwise you come across needy and scare people away. Change whatever you need in your own life to make you number 1 first. Rejection is extremely common in dating, have you faced little rejection in the past? I had to begin with getting every girl I went for and then boom smack round the face and had to learn where I was going wrong and build back up my confidence. Firstly you have to learn to accept to let go the ones that got away and not act as if you need them, you need to think of them as people that missed out on a great chance to date you. I look at myself as fantastic they should be so lucky to get a chance to have my amazing company. Fools. In my opinion I think you need to just have some fun! You do not need to be in a relationship to be happy far from it. I love my life and rarely let a woman get a look in.
Dallers Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 If OP acts Alpha or Beta in this situation it does not matter without straying from the point sending that card to any girl in the entire world who left him because she does not like him will not change a thing. If you do not like someone, you do not like them. No amount of Birthday Card is going to change that. Not saying she will never change her mind but doing this will not have any effect on the the way she feels at this moment in time. Man, woman, beast we all would feel the same. Stop beating yourself up OP and saying just because you are a good guy she is a bad girl. She is not bad at all she just does not like you and yes it hurts like s**t and we have all felt that rejection feeling, but trying to justify a reason to send the card when others are telling you not does not make us bad people either we have just been there, done that and will not consider buying that t-shirt ever again. The choice is yours and you need to make it. If you do send it just make sure you tell others what we told you when you realise the outcome is not pretty.
ja123 Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Whats wrong with showing an interest in someone you like? Because she made it clear that she doesn't like you. So, by insisting you are disrespecting her wishes and coming off as a creepy, sad sap. Show yourself some respect, and move on.
Author danlightbulb Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 Because she made it clear that she doesn't like you. So, by insisting you are disrespecting her wishes and coming off as a creepy, sad sap. This is what I don't get. Why would I come off this way instead of as a decent guy who remembered her birthday. I'm not going to write an essay on the card or enclose bodily fluids. Forget everything else about my self esteem, surely this is a nice thing to do. Rejection is extremely common in dating, have you faced little rejection in the past? In my youth I was painfully shy. I never approached any women and didn't have a girlfriend till 23. So yes, I faced little rejection because I didn't put myself out there at all. Don't know why I was this way.
Imajerk17 Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 (edited) Hi all, I had 4 dates with a girl recently, I really liked her, and thought we were getting on well until she said she didn't want to take things further (she said I was a lovely person and really enjoyed our dates but didn't feel that connection). Obviously I was totally gutted and was quite down for a few days. Anyway, its her birthday next week and I would like to send a card, but I don't know if its appropriate. I know where she lives because I picked her up a couple of times. I would post the card. There are two reasons for me wanting to do this. The first is that I would like to put a smile on her face by sending her a birthday card, and the second is that I'd like her to know I still think about her (I really did like her alot). So I need a female opinion or two please? Would this be appropriate or not? Thanks I haven't read this entire thread yet. BUT going by the OP of this thread, I'd say send a text, "Happy Birthday [girl's name], hope you have a good one". If you must do something that is. It's thoughtful (you're remembering her birthday and wishing her a good one) and self-respecting (you're not doing romantic gestures for girls who don't deserve it, and a girl who doesn't want to keep seeing you doesn't deserve it). NO birthday card. Edited September 8, 2013 by Imajerk17
esperanzado Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 I had a guy take me on a few dates a few yrs back. He was super nice, but...no connection/chemsitry...so, I just dropped off the earth, no contact...(which thinking back, was horribly rude and immature and I won't do that again) Anyway, a few weeks, he dropped off a package of flowers/ice cream/card at my door. I know he had good intentions, but it creeped me out a bit. If you're lucky enough to have someone be honest with you and tell you that they're just not that into you, be glad. Most people don't do that. If I were you, I wouldn't send the card. Good luck, I know unrequited love sucks.
Author danlightbulb Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 Whether I send the card or a text I'm still undecided. One thing is certain though and that is this thread has convinced me not to place any value on the sending of the card/text. Even if I decide to send it, I will not place any expectation on it whatsoever. I will be happy that I did something nice for someone. If she replies, great, if not, nothing lost. 1
Gottabestrong Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Late to the party but wanted to chime in with my opinion. Probably best not to send the card unless you are perfectly fine with her knowing that you are using it as an attempt to get her to reconsider (which she will most likely regard the card as) and reject you again by not replying. If I were in her shoes I would assume he wants me to reconsider and would feel terrible if I thought he was a nice guy but I just did not feel that way. I would probably not reply and feel terrible about that too. However - a quick text, when you parted on good terms and you truly believe she is open to being friends would be ok in my book. You could send a simple text just saying something like: "Happy Birthday. Hope you are having a great day!" That would not feel like pressure and there is a good chance she would reply, even if only with "Thank you for remembering my birthday!" To which you could reply with: "My pleasure. Feel free to say hi sometimes." That way you make it clear you'd like to stay in touch, but you also leave the ball in her corner and don't come across as stalkerish. Good luck! 1
henderson14 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 This is what I don't get. Why would I come off this way instead of as a decent guy who remembered her birthday. I'm not going to write an essay on the card or enclose bodily fluids. Forget everything else about my self esteem, surely this is a nice thing to do. Geeze. Now I know why she dumped you. I'm annoyed just reading your posts. I've never said this before, but I hope you get your heart broken again. You deserve it for sure. No doubt it will happen again.
Dallers Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Holy crap this thread reached 6 pages?! My god! All of this valuable life that was wasted on a Birthday Card that should have never existed in the first place! OP you better have learnt something here for the future.
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