fanine Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Ok I'll try to explain it. It's in our DNA as women to go for the MANLY MAN type. Now, what exactly is the MANLY man? Well.......He's good looking, He's confident. Quite frankly he gives off a vibe of "why should I consider you?" He's a challenge! He's a prize that only wants a woman that is his match or better. He makes a woman want him by oozing out sexiness. I know it's stupid! We women sit around bitching our heads off about just wanting a nice guy but when we meet one there is just no fire in it. We can't make ourselves like a guy we are not attracted to. Exactly! As a woman, I want the ALPHA male. The one I can't control, the one who I can't push around. The one that has his **** together and knows it. The one that makes me want to give. I told you it was stupid! and it's hard to explain because we are just hard wired that way. We always want the bad boy, the jerk, the Alpha. If you pay too much attention to a girl she won't like you. Sometimes you just have to be a dick. Now if you are unavailable, busy all the time living your fun life and can maybe squeeze her in for a few hours on a Tuesday....she'll fall at your feet If you look at her like you are wondering why you should consider her......she'll bend over backwards to please you. If you think you can have any woman on the planet and can replace her in a minute....she'll be head over heels in love with you. Of Course this only my opinion and my deduction after seeing it a million times. But certainly I would hate this kind of behaviour as would my friends. ...I have seen guys try this and we would all give them short shrift. To me it's game playing. ... But then it just shows how different people like different things. 1
fanine Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Woah, that is the most truthful answer I have ever seen a girl give. Read this, read it again and then read it one more time. Then get your sh*t together, hit the gym and arrange a night on the town. Yes but that is one woman's opinion. We are not all the same. Like men are not all the same. I'm in my forties now and never dated men who pull this **** and have had two very long term relationships. Due to external reasons, my marriage which was the second and lasted ten years, didn't work out. If I noticed a guy pulling this **** at the start that would be me out of it. My current boyfriend did not behave like that. 1
Author danlightbulb Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 (edited) We always want the bad boy, the jerk, the Alpha. I have seen it a million times too, but i do wonder why you think the jerk is the alpha? The jerk might have a job if you're lucky. He'll probably have loads of friends that have criminal records, drug problems etc. He'll have had sex with anything that moved, won't give a crap about you (its not just an act its their personality). How is that the alpha? I have a good well paid job, I'm a good dad, I'm physically fit & active. Just because I have a quiet persona and don't swear and shout in every sentence that makes me the beta? Edited September 7, 2013 by danlightbulb 1
fanine Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 I have seen it a million times too, but i do wonder why you think the jerk is the alpha? The jerk might have a job if you're lucky. He'll probably have loads of friends that have criminal records, drug problems etc. He'll have had sex with anything that moved, won't give a crap about you (its not just an act its their personality). How is that the alpha? I have a good well paid job, I'm a good dad, I'm physically fit & active. Just because I have a quiet persona that makes me the beta? Well judging by what an alpha male seems to be to others, I must have spent most of my life with betas, most of my male friends must be betas and most of my female friends must be married or dating betas. But heck we have generally had great relationships, so in my book a beta is best for sure....
Dallers Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 (edited) Yes but that is one woman's opinion. We are not all the same. Like men are not all the same. I'm in my forties now and never dated men who pull this **** and have had two very long term relationships. Due to external reasons, my marriage which was the second and lasted ten years, didn't work out. If I noticed a guy pulling this **** at the start that would be me out of it. My current boyfriend did not behave like that. Maybe, you just needed an Alpha all along I have seen it a million times too, but i do wonder why you think the jerk is the alpha? The jerk might have a job if you're lucky. He'll probably have loads of friends that have criminal records, drug problems etc. He'll have had sex with anything that moved, won't give a crap about you (its not just an act its their personality). How is that the alpha? I have a good well paid job, I'm a good dad, I'm physically fit & active. Just because I have a quiet persona and don't swear and shout in every sentence that makes me the beta? Do not confuse the meaning of the use of Alpha and Beta. A lady earlier gave her opinion that she looks for Alpha in a man, not related to this situation. I mentioned that if you do this it will make you 'appear' Beta and it will hence why you are neither, I do not know you, we do not know you but we know what the outcome of doing what you intend to do, will be. Edited September 7, 2013 by Dallers
fanine Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Maybe, you just needed an Alpha all along I am very happy with my current beta thank you! No bull**** from him. My marriage ended due to extenuating circumstances. Nothing to do with him not being an alpha. ...
Dallers Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 I am very happy with my current beta thank you! No bull**** from him. My marriage ended due to extenuating circumstances. Nothing to do with him not being an alpha. ... You do come across as a very Alpha female, might I add
fanine Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 You do come across as a very Alpha female, might I add Hmm well one thing my partners have all told me is I am straight up about everything. And that they liked it....I don't go in for bull**** or games, or sulking etc. I say it as it is really. But in a nice way! 1
henderson14 Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Come on have you actually read that crap? I respect women and am not going to play games with them. Its just not me. I have things to offer that don't need me to pretend I don't care or treat them 'mean'. The women that like that aren't the women for me, they are just as bad as the bad boys they date, then they wonder why they get treated like scum. OK. The only way you guys can make your point is by going to EXTREMES to try to disprove being TOO NICE. Where did the articles or posters say they wanted to be treated mean? So the two options are TOO NICE or having a criminal record and abusing women??? Is there no middle ground in your mind? If a women isn't with a guy she can walk over, that means they are treated like scum? I don't treat women mean, but I'm a strong man who will not be walked over. I'm not going to call and text the girl everyday if she doesn't show the same interest. Get real people, and stop using extremes. 1
Author danlightbulb Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 Quick search on google. Alpha Male & Beta Male Traits - Know the Difference Note that nowhere in here does it say that alpha males act like jerks. And after a quick skim read of this, I reckon I'm about 50:50 on it. 1
henderson14 Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 I have seen it a million times too, but i do wonder why you think the jerk is the alpha? The jerk might have a job if you're lucky. He'll probably have loads of friends that have criminal records, drug problems etc. He'll have had sex with anything that moved, won't give a crap about you (its not just an act its their personality). How is that the alpha? I have a good well paid job, I'm a good dad, I'm physically fit & active. Just because I have a quiet persona and don't swear and shout in every sentence that makes me the beta? Women like those types of men because they also have a greater chance of success in the work place. Do you think Donald Trump lets women walk all over him and sends EX's birthday cards? How do you think an employee would do in a board room who is afraid of speaking up or taking up for himself? Alpha males are LEADERS, not convicts like some of you want to make it out to be.
Author danlightbulb Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 OK. The only way you guys can make your point is by going to EXTREMES to try to disprove being TOO NICE. Where did the articles or posters say they wanted to be treated mean? So the two options are TOO NICE or having a criminal record and abusing women??? Is there no middle ground in your mind? If a women isn't with a guy she can walk over, that means they are treated like scum? I don't treat women mean, but I'm a strong man who will not be walked over. I'm not going to call and text the girl everyday if she doesn't show the same interest. Get real people, and stop using extremes. Well by your definition I'm the same. I won't be walked over either. But neither do I mind expressing my feelings for someone I like. Someone has to take the initiative don't they. With the girl who is the subject of this post, it was me who was always initiating the contact. Whats wrong with showing an interest in someone you like? It doesn't mean I'm then going to give up my whole life and hobbies does it.
fanine Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 OK. The only way you guys can make your point is by going to EXTREMES to try to disprove being TOO NICE. Where did the articles or posters say they wanted to be treated mean? So the two options are TOO NICE or having a criminal record and abusing women??? Is there no middle ground in your mind? If a women isn't with a guy she can walk over, that means they are treated like scum? I don't treat women mean, but I'm a strong man who will not be walked over. I'm not going to call and text the girl everyday if she doesn't show the same interest. Get real people, and stop using extremes. But that is kind of what I've been trying to say. To me a nice guy is a normal guy. Not being too nice that he will be walked over. That is not attractive either. That is what I would call a wimp. I don't want to wear the pants, or as we Brits say, the trousers in a relationship...
Author danlightbulb Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 Women like those types of men because they also have a greater chance of success in the work place. Do you think Donald Trump lets women walk all over him and sends EX's birthday cards? How do you think an employee would do in a board room who is afraid of speaking up or taking up for himself? Alpha males are LEADERS, not convicts like some of you want to make it out to be. When did you ever get the impression I don't speak up for myself? I want this lady to know how I felt about her, yes she could have had my attention easily but why is that a bad thing? Doesn't mean I'd bow down to every little demand.
fanine Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Women like those types of men because they also have a greater chance of success in the work place. Do you think Donald Trump lets women walk all over him and sends EX's birthday cards? How do you think an employee would do in a board room who is afraid of speaking up or taking up for himself? Alpha males are LEADERS, not convicts like some of you want to make it out to be. I don't care what my partner does for a living as long as he is working hard, doing what he wants to do and it is moral. How much he earns is immaterial, whether he is a leader there is immaterial. he doesnt have to be a wimp however if he is not a leader. not every man can be one....Maybe I'm lucky I have a good profession and wage and that kind of thing doesn't influence me on my attraction for a man.
fanine Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 When did you ever get the impression I don't speak up for myself? I want this lady to know how I felt about her, yes she could have had my attention easily but why is that a bad thing? Doesn't mean I'd bow down to every little demand. I think in the end going back to your original post, if you really want to send a card or text then do. I would advise against it, but it is your choice in the end. Some women may like the game playing but others will be appreciate if you are just yourself. You will find one of the latter out there. Everyone will have different opinions due to their own nature, or personal experiences on how a man or woman should act. I can imagine looking at many posts on here that it can feel even more confusing for an OP because advice is often so conflicting on any topic.....I just always say be yourself really. Good luck
henderson14 Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Well by your definition I'm the same. I won't be walked over either. But neither do I mind expressing my feelings for someone I like. Someone has to take the initiative don't they. With the girl who is the subject of this post, it was me who was always initiating the contact. Whats wrong with showing an interest in someone you like? It doesn't mean I'm then going to give up my whole life and hobbies does it. OK. You admit that it was you who was always initiating contact as a sign of showing interest. So therefore, her never initiating contact is a sign of no interest. BTW. You always initiating contact is OK for a few dates, but eventually it should be more equal.
Author danlightbulb Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 Everyone on here is right I guess. I want to send the card / text because deep down I wanted this lady to be in my life. I'm 33, divorced and socially quiet personality, this makes me totally not interested in game playing BS. I found someone I really liked, exactly the type of person I wanted to be with, and I'd like to keep the communication channel open. Deep down I want the lady to go away with the impression that I cared for her, because it makes me feel good knowing that I made someone else feel valued and wanted. (It makes me feel good to be wanted, why wouldn't I want to help someone else feel that). Maybe my whole moral structure has been fked up by romantic portrayals in films.
henderson14 Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 I don't care what my partner does for a living as long as he is working hard, doing what he wants to do and it is moral. How much he earns is immaterial, whether he is a leader there is immaterial. he doesnt have to be a wimp however if he is not a leader. not every man can be one....Maybe I'm lucky I have a good profession and wage and that kind of thing doesn't influence me on my attraction for a man. I disagree. If you are a wimp you can't be a leader. And once again, my comments are being twisted and taken out of context to help prove your point. I never said that you personally cared how much your man makes. The OP was making the point that an alpha male would typically be in prison or with a bad job because he was a "bad boy", and the nice guy would have the good job. I was pointing out that that was not true, and in fact the opposite was true. I was pointing out that women in general are subconsciously attracted to traits in a man that will make them the most successful in life. So a man that is likely to be walked all over by women, wont take up for himself with women, or is needy, is less likely to be successful in life and the workplace because he will be seen as week.
henderson14 Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 And I was pointing out that really successful men also happen to be alpha males and demonstrate the traits of alpha males.
Author danlightbulb Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 I disagree. If you are a wimp you can't be a leader. And once again, my comments are being twisted and taken out of context to help prove your point. I never said that you personally cared how much your man makes. The OP was making the point that an alpha male would typically be in prison or with a bad job because he was a "bad boy", and the nice guy would have the good job. I was pointing out that that was not true, and in fact the opposite was true. I was pointing out that women in general are subconsciously attracted to traits in a man that will make them the most successful in life. So a man that is likely to be walked all over by women, wont take up for himself with women, or is needy, is less likely to be successful in life and the workplace because he will be seen as week. I did make that point but it was in reply to beenkilled, who has since clarified the wording she first used. I agree with your definition and in beenkilled's clarification, and actually in many ways I am successfull in my life and happy with myself. I would give up things for a woman I care about, don't see whats wrong with that. I don't see how I can change the way I portray myself without compromising my morals.
Dallers Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 OP just send the god damn Birthday Card. You have already made up your mind why argue with all of the people on the forum telling you no when you know you are going to send it anyway. Just know that when she does not contact you and whatever you wanted to get out of sending this card does not happen, realise that you just wasted £1.49 on a card for no reason at all and have caused that empty feeling inside of you to be there. A man does not waste time dwelling on something that is not meant to be, if a lion misses a kill he just makes damn sure that the next one won't get away. He does not give up and go home to his family without dinner.
henderson14 Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 I did make that point but it was in reply to beenkilled, who has since clarified the wording she first used. I agree with your definition and in beenkilled's clarification, and actually in many ways I am successfull in my life and happy with myself. I would give up things for a woman I care about, don't see whats wrong with that. I don't see how I can change the way I portray myself without compromising my morals. We are just giving you information so that you at least understand what is going on and why you might be having problems. Take it for what it's worth to you. Knowledge is power right? Maybe you can improve yourself from this information and/or the way you approach relationships. Lets say someone tells me at work that I need to speak up more in meetings so that I am a better worker. I decide to work to make this change so that I can improve myself. This doesn't mean I am sacrificing any part if myself.
Author danlightbulb Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 OP just send the god damn Birthday Card. You have already made up your mind why argue with all of the people on the forum telling you no when you know you are going to send it anyway. Just know that when she does not contact you and whatever you wanted to get out of sending this card does not happen, realise that you just wasted £1.49 on a card for no reason at all and have caused that empty feeling inside of you to be there. A man does not waste time dwelling on something that is not meant to be, if a lion misses a kill he just makes damn sure that the next one won't get away. He does not give up and go home to his family without dinner. I've not made up my mind or I wouldn't be going round the houses on this forum. I've already wasted the £1.49 as the card is currently in my living room unwritten. £1.49 is nothing its my dignity I'm unsure of.
Dallers Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 I've not made up my mind or I wouldn't be going round the houses on this forum. I've already wasted the £1.49 as the card is currently in my living room unwritten. £1.49 is nothing its my dignity I'm unsure of. Every single person that has replied has said no. That is your answer no. If your answer ends up not being no then what we say does not matter because you are ignoring everyone else on here and their opinions. You will 99% of the time get the same answer no matter who you ask. The reason is simple and has been covered numerous times it not only makes you look desperate it makes her feel awkward. It will also have a detrimental effect on your self esteem if she does not reply. Burn the card. Or send it. I personally would burn it and then hit the sack and go dream about this girl in coffee shop near my workplace.
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