wanderlustchild Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 My boyfriend and I were supposed to hang out at his friends last night, he told me to call him when I was done getting ready but I sensed he kind of wanted it to be just a guys night which is fine with me, so I called him when I said I would to tell him I was just going to stay home but he didn't answer, never called me back and still hasn't the next day. I'm not sure if I should shoot him a text explaining that all he had to do was be honest and not ignore me because I deserve more respect than that or just wait around until I hear from him. What would you do? Thanks!
ExpatInItaly Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 My boyfriend and I were supposed to hang out at his friends last night, he told me to call him when I was done getting ready but I sensed he kind of wanted it to be just a guys night which is fine with me, so I called him when I said I would to tell him I was just going to stay home but he didn't answer, never called me back and still hasn't the next day. I'm not sure if I should shoot him a text explaining that all he had to do was be honest and not ignore me because I deserve more respect than that or just wait around until I hear from him. What would you do? Thanks! Don't text him. I would call him and ask him what's up. You have a right to do that, considering he told you to call him and then disappeared. I'd be concerned.
SubliminalSessions Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 I'm not sure if I should shoot him a text explaining that all he had to do was be honest and not ignore me because I deserve more respect than that or just wait around until I hear from him. What would you do? Thanks! Whoa, slow down. that's too much, too punishing. Don't say ****. Just let him come around and explain it himself. Let him do all the talking. 1
carhill Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 What would you do? Thanks! Welcome to LS. To provide advice, beyond 'talk to him about it', I'd need more information on the relationship, mainly ages of the parties, length of relationship, sexual involvement, behavior history in this regard, etc, etc. At this point, any real advice would be speculative, so I'd recommend talking with him about how these kinds of things are handled, in person, at your earliest convenience.
Dallers Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 If I was him I would probably have got a bit too drunk and then ended up messing about and putting my mates mobile in his beer and then we would then fight and he would do the same to mine, laugh about it and then carry on drinking till we couldn't see straight. Probably why you have not heard from him. Lost your number. As long as he knows where you live he will probably pop over when he is free. As above forget bout him for a second and go live you life. The brain is a time consuming thing. 1
Author wanderlustchild Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 Don't call, Don't text. Go out and have some fun with your friends, go to the spa and get a damn facial, go get your nails done......the last thing any guy wants is a girl that is sitting around waiting for him with expectations and demands for explanations. Don't be that girl! DO NOT be that girl. Play it cool mamma. I'm good without you. I don't need a man to make my life happy. < there is your play. Great advice, that exactly what I'm doing. thanks!
Author wanderlustchild Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 Welcome to LS. To provide advice, beyond 'talk to him about it', I'd need more information on the relationship, mainly ages of the parties, length of relationship, sexual involvement, behavior history in this regard, etc, etc. At this point, any real advice would be speculative, so I'd recommend talking with him about how these kinds of things are handled, in person, at your earliest convenience. well I'm 23, he's 25. we've been together about 4 months, don't have sex as much as I like and he has blown me off a few times in the past/ hasn't called me when he says he will. but never has he gone this long without contacting me. we also work together so see each other almost every day. we don't work together again until Tuesday though. so that's going to be awkward if he doesn't get a hold of me before then...thanks for any advice you can give
ThisGal Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 (edited) well I'm 23, he's 25. we've been together about 4 months, don't have sex as much as I like and he has blown me off a few times in the past/ hasn't called me when he says he will. but never has he gone this long without contacting me. we also work together so see each other almost every day. we don't work together again until Tuesday though. so that's going to be awkward if he doesn't get a hold of me before then...thanks for any advice you can give Um, doesn't sound like a boyfriend to me! I don't know what your definition of a boyfriend is but that's not one. At least not a good one. This guy has zero, zilch, nada respect for you. He doesn't bother calling you when he says he will. You can't rely on his word. He's very inconsiderate. You've mentioned this isn't the first time he's ignored you, it's a pattern that you've allowed and he now knows he can get away with it. He doesn't respect your time nor you as an individual. He's a grown man, no excuses. You two have only been together 4 months, I would drop him quick as it will only get worse from here. If he's already showing you all this negative behavior in just a few months I can only imagine how much more it will escalate as people are usually on their best behavior in the beginning. That's the start of a very unhealthy relationship. I would not be emotionally invested in someone like that, unless you like receiving scraps? If so, munch on. P.S. don't date men from work lol. Also, I don't get the people telling you to calm down. I mean, you have every right to be upset. It's not about showing him how calm you can be while he's neglecting you, it's about putting your foot down and letting him know he can't walk all over you. This guy is an inconsiderate jerk. At this point what exactly is there to impress? Oh pa-lease! Edited September 8, 2013 by ThisGal 3
carhill Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 My advice would be to keep things all business at work. If he approaches and makes any personal inferences/talk, simply and politely indicate that you'd love to discuss it in person at a time when you're off the clock and ask for his suggestions. Example: "I'd really rather not have personal discussions at work. Could we meet later? [Time and place]". Listen. Process as appropriate. Don't engage in any personal conversation at work. If he persists, walk away. To me, in general, it sounds like he's not sufficiently invested in an intimate sexual relationship, or at least at the level you desire to continue. How you and he handle this would, to me, indicate next steps. It's hard to predict outcomes without going through the process. Good luck.
Author wanderlustchild Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 Um, doesn't sound like a boyfriend to me! I don't know what your definition of a boyfriend is but that's not one. At least not a good one. This guy has zero, zilch, nada respect for you. He doesn't bother calling you when he says he will. You can't rely on his word. He's very inconsiderate. You've mentioned this isn't the first time he's ignored you, it's a pattern that you've allowed and he now knows he can get away with it. He doesn't respect your time nor you as an individual. He's a grown man, no excuses. You two have only been together 4 months, I would drop him quick as it will only get worse from here. If he's already showing you all this negative behavior in just a few months I can only imagine how much more it will escalate as people are usually on their best behavior in the beginning. That's the start of a very unhealthy relationship. I would not be emotionally invested in someone like that, unless you like receiving scraps? If so, munch on. P.S. don't date men from work lol. Also, I don't get the people telling you to calm down. I mean, you have every right to be upset. It's not about showing him how calm you can be while he's neglecting you, it's about putting your foot down and letting him know he can't walk all over you. This guy is an inconsiderate jerk. At this point what exactly is there to impress? Oh pa-lease! You're so right. except I never let him get away with it, I always confront him when he doesn't do the things he says he will and tell him how it makes me feel. When he's done similar things in the past he always at least calls me in less than a day with an excuse and an apology. another day has gone by and I haven't heard from him. this is a first. sucks because I really like him and I can't even imagine how awkward and unbearable it will be to work with him after we break up. welp, learned my lesson. never date someone you work with! thanks for your input, girl
todreaminblue Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 My boyfriend and I were supposed to hang out at his friends last night, he told me to call him when I was done getting ready but I sensed he kind of wanted it to be just a guys night which is fine with me, so I called him when I said I would to tell him I was just going to stay home but he didn't answer, never called me back and still hasn't the next day. I'm not sure if I should shoot him a text explaining that all he had to do was be honest and not ignore me because I deserve more respect than that or just wait around until I hear from him. What would you do? Thanks! that is pretty disrespectful and I wonder how he would feel if you were to do the same thing... i would say that....I would say how would you feel if it were me who did that to you.....and is that the way you would like our communication to go.......because if it is ....i think we have different ideas on how to communicate and thats basic for us to be together isnt it....communicate in the same language...Just a call is all i ask...a bit of courtesy and I promise if it were me i would give you the same....so whats it to be
ThisGal Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 that is pretty disrespectful and I wonder how he would feel if you were to do the same thing... i would say that....I would say how would you feel if it were me who did that to you.....and is that the way you would like our communication to go.......because if it is ....i think we have different ideas on how to communicate and thats basic for us to be together isnt it....communicate in the same language...Just a call is all i ask...a bit of courtesy and I promise if it were me i would give you the same....so whats it to be Nah, don't beg. Pleading with someone who refuses to contact you to let you know that he's still alive isn't worth it. It's falling on deaf ears. He doesn't care. 1
ThisGal Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 You're so right. except I never let him get away with it, I always confront him when he doesn't do the things he says he will and tell him how it makes me feel. When he's done similar things in the past he always at least calls me in less than a day with an excuse and an apology. another day has gone by and I haven't heard from him. this is a first. sucks because I really like him and I can't even imagine how awkward and unbearable it will be to work with him after we break up. welp, learned my lesson. never date someone you work with! thanks for your input, girl He might be the type to quit work to avoid the awkwardness all together lol. You've told him how you felt yet he hasn't changed. Sorry you're going through this. You'll be alright. Just be glad he has shown you this side of him quite early on in the relationship because it could have been dragged on much further. Take care!
Author wanderlustchild Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 that is pretty disrespectful and I wonder how he would feel if you were to do the same thing... i would say that....I would say how would you feel if it were me who did that to you.....and is that the way you would like our communication to go.......because if it is ....i think we have different ideas on how to communicate and thats basic for us to be together isnt it....communicate in the same language...Just a call is all i ask...a bit of courtesy and I promise if it were me i would give you the same....so whats it to be I've tried that, I didn't call him when I said I would and was like 'oh, no big deal!' so yeah, we clearly have different expectations on communication. I've also already explained to him in the past how inconsiderate it is and to at least text me and let me know what's going on but like ThisGal said, it's clearly falling on deaf ears. He might be the type to quit work to avoid the awkwardness all together lol. You've told him how you felt yet he hasn't changed. Sorry you're going through this. You'll be alright. Just be glad he has shown you this side of him quite early on in the relationship because it could have been dragged on much further. Take care! I can only hope haha. I'm just not sure how to act if he still doesn't contact me all day today and I see him at work tomorrow.. so awkward. ughh, thank you!
stillafool Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I'm so sorry you are going through this. He certainly doesn't sound like a bf but a FWB type. I agree with the poster who said to not date guys you work with. Now you have to go to work and look at him and vice versa with these odd feelings between you two. Maybe he wants out and doesn't know how to say it. I just think it's a terrible idea to date co-workers when there are so many other people to date.
ThisGal Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Any update? How did the awkward work sighting go?
Author wanderlustchild Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 (edited) Any update? How did the awkward work sighting go? sorry it for the delayed response! But okay, here's what happened. He finally called me Monday night at about 10pm, (3 days after he blew me off) saying he couldn't get ahold of our mutual good friend who we work with. He said nothing about how he's blown me off. I was annoyed that he was even calling me without some kind of mention of his bullsh*t I was over the relationship that this point because really 3 days? probably should've said something but I was with friends so the conversation was short. I broke up with him late that night drunkenly through text (because I didn't get a chance to in person and just couldn't wait...and I was intoxicated) saying "I should probably do this in person but this feels too much like a highschool relationship so I don't really care. You're no longer my 'boyfriend' anymore", haha oops... I texted him the next day asking if we could talk in person to hash things out in order to make things as un-awkward as possible at work. He said he'd call me before our shift to meet up, didn't call me until right before and said "I don't think there's much to say" and a bunch of other pointless stuff, didn't even have the balls to meet me in person. So I was like OK screw it no hard feelings lets just do this and try and put this all in the past and get on with our lives. He got his shift picked up that night (coward.) But we've worked about 3 shifts together since then. First wasn't terrible, acted like nothing happened. Second we barely said more than a sentence to eachother, and tonight was almost worse. Haha it seems like it's getting more and more awkward. We're servers at a restaurant so we see each other almost constantly throughout the shift. Slow shifts are even worse...and it doesn't help that he's really attractive and all the young girls think he's the sh*t. but I think life will go on and things will be more bearable eventually. I'm doing pretty well and honestly feel happier knowing that I won't ever be treated like that again. Anyone have some advice on how to make it less awkward quicker? That would be great! Edited September 14, 2013 by wanderlustchild
BeholdtheMan Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 First wasn't terrible, acted like nothing happened. Second we barely said more than a sentence to eachother, and tonight was almost worse. Haha it seems like it's getting more and more awkward. We're servers at a restaurant so we see each other almost constantly throughout the shift. Slow shifts are even worse...and it doesn't help that he's really attractive and all the young girls think he's the sh*t. but I think life will go on and things will be more bearable eventually. I'm doing pretty well and honestly feel happier knowing that I won't ever be treated like that again. Anyone have some advice on how to make it less awkward quicker? That would be great! Have you seen the movie "Waiting"?
Author wanderlustchild Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 Have you seen the movie "Waiting"? Haha yes, I love that movie. My ex is so the character Ryan Reynolds plays... funny cause we watched that movie together recently. If only I could verbally destroy him the way Anna Faris does...
ThisGal Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 (edited) Thanks for the update. He's such a prick. Sorry he didn't have the balls to even attempt to explain why he didn't contact you in 3 days...even though no amount of explanation would have made me excuse his careless behavior. He's inconsiderate, uncaring, and rude. You handled it very well, I'm glad you ended the relationship! You did yourself a big favor. Don't let anyone disrespect you like that again. You deserve to be respected and cared for. As for how to make it less awkward @ work with him around... HE SHOULD BE THE ONE EMBARRASSED, NOT YOU! Lol. Seriously! He's the one who acted like a jerk. He's the one who didn't treat you well, he's the one without a care, heck, why should you feel awkward?? He's the one who should be feeling like an idiot to treat a girl who cared about him this way. Girl, you're good. Ignore him and do your job. Act like nothing ever existed between you two. You'll meet a real 'man' next time because you won't allow him to disrespect you. Take care! Edited September 15, 2013 by ThisGal
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