Sadguy33 Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Okay 5 year relationship, we love together, and things look to be coming to an end. She is 24, I'm 25 and she seems to have finally cracked and had gigs possibly. Only difference is that she has been saying she was unhappy all the time for the lastv2 years, but that's due to her crazy life and is in debt, etc. she just got a new job and is away across the usa for 4 weeks of training. Let me just say, she has been a different person out there. She says she feels so happy to be alone after a week and that I've been bringing her down. Honestly, I have changed practically everything I can for our apt and changed things she complained but she just is never happy. She has been ignoring me and when we do talk she just blows up on how annoying I am. Calls me names, puts me down etc. we are together but I really feel like when she gets home it's over . I also feel like she's trying to make me be the one to break up with her but I'm really not trying to do that. I know I don't deserve to be in a one sided relationship, but I know if we break up she is literally just going to go out, party, and go get with guys that will never love her like me. Also, I say I miss her, she says yeah. She says she's in love but not. That I deserve someone better. It doesn't help I date a model and she can literally get with whoever she wants. It's driving me nuts Somme one please help
Author Sadguy33 Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 Anyone? My thoughts are running wild. I don't think she would cheat on me but I don't know
barky2 Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Your one true chance is to stop smothering her and back waaayyyyyyy off. Do not be the first one to contact. Respond to hers. Before you get the " I need space talk" give it to her. Barky 4
Author Sadguy33 Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 But if in don't she tends to take her space to ignore me. I mean this week is my bday and I don't want our silence to encourage her.
Dolphono Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 But if in don't she tends to take her space to ignore me. I mean this week is my bday and I don't want our silence to encourage her. Classic move on her part, she's about to give you 12 inches on your Bday. Man up and let her have her space to eat that new cake on your Bday. 1
im_thedude Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 This reminded me of a moment that happened about two months before my ex dumped me (that thread is here.) I had gone on a short vacation with a friend up to San Francisco, was gone three days. She had a good time with her friends while I was away, so it seemed like we both had a great time on our own. When I got back, she said she didn't really miss me. The way she said it had really upset me, and in hindsight it was a dumb reaction of mine. She definitely didn't say it the right way, but I know now looking back on it what she had meant - a little separation is good for couples. I guess, for her, it was a liberating feeling not feeling obligated to keep in such close contact with me over those few days. I remember having way too overly emotional of a reaction, tearing up and asking how my own girlfriend could not miss me. It was a total moment of weakness for me that she sensed and I believe it really did play a small part in her ultimately choosing to leave me. I guess my point is, learn from me when I say that desperation can be sensed miles away, during AND after a relationship.
hopefulfaerie Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 I would say if she does indeed give you the breakup talk, stay calm and agree with her. She will be floored. She may not show it but she will. And also I promise you, no matter how beautiful she is, she can't get ANY guy she wants. This is a fact. People seem to think that beautiful people can get anyone and it's just not true. There has to be that spark, for anything to last anyway. I have seen and talked to many great looking guys. I have thought they were attractive BUT I wasn't attracted TO them....make sense? I really hope it can be worked out with you two, but if she does want to break it off, remember to keep calm and just agree that she may be right. Then go NC. I know that is SOOOOOOO hard but I would say that will make her think about what she's going to be without. Good luck! We are all here for you! 4
Author Sadguy33 Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 It's so hard to do that. I don't want to just let her go out and lose her mind. This isn't her. But it drives me insane that I'm sending her the nicest things and she just keeps ignoring. How can you be such a bitch to someone who is always kind and loves you more than life?
hopefulfaerie Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 It's so hard to do that. I don't want to just let her go out and lose her mind. This isn't her. But it drives me insane that I'm sending her the nicest things and she just keeps ignoring. How can you be such a bitch to someone who is always kind and loves you more than life? Believe me, I went through the same thing and it's the most terrifying and anxiety filled emotions that I have ever had. I treated "him" like a king. Now don't get me wrong, I didn't look at it like I deserved a medal or anything just because I treated him well. I WANTED and ENJOYED treating him so well.....Just like I'm sure YOU DO TOO. I don't think it has anything to do with men or women....some people like you and I (and MANY others here) just enjoy showing our hearts and treating our SO with nothing but love, respect, kindness and being a true friend. Sadly, sometimes that just isn't enough But I would never want to change and become jaded! No matter how many times my heart gets crushed (and it's been a few. LOL! Can't live to be 41 and not have your fair share of heartbreak) I will always enjoy treating someone well. Just makes me feel good. I'm not saying I'm a doormat kiss ass! HA HA! But I won't let a few toads harden my heart for when I meet my prince We will be here for you. I PROMISE!!!!! I'm here almost daily and I'm not planning on leaving anytime soon. Damnit! Just kidding! If you ever need to talk, I'm here and MANY others are here and we want to help each other. I think it helps us all heal to support each other. 4
veggirl Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 It's so hard to do that. I don't want to just let her go out and lose her mind. This isn't her. But it drives me insane that I'm sending her the nicest things and she just keeps ignoring. How can you be such a bitch to someone who is always kind and loves you more than life? stop rewarding her behavior. seriously. 1
hopefulfaerie Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Well said! Exactly! If she is being unkind...IGNORE her and act like it doesn't even phase you. I'm not saying to play games or be manipulative, although it kinda sounds like it. ha ha! Just keep your emotions in check and act indifferent. The more you chase and the tighter you hold, the farther they run. TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND LET GO. I know that sounds scary and probably impossible but it is really all you can do. I PROMISE I will be here for you! At least once a day. You can always message me if you like.
Author Sadguy33 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 Today I've been silent and she texted me with some pictures but it was kind of one sided. Like I would say"you looks so pretty today" in a pic she sent of her and she just says "thanks". Why text me just to be cold? Is she playing games or throwing bread crumbs or feel guilty? Or intentionally try to make me crack so I am the one who initiates it?
Author Sadguy33 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 Hopeful aerie please message me I can't message for some reason
AlexanderJames Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Sounds like you need to start living for yourself mate. From what I've read you are bending over backwards to make her happy and you're changing yourself from who she was attracted to to who you are now. Space is good it strengthens bonds. I'm sure she is thinking of you. You've been together a very long time now. It's probably safe to say she wouldn't have hung around for nearly half a decade because she was "too nice" to break it off with you. Just get back to being you. Go out with your mates. Leave her with her own time to do her stuff. Think more for you. If you actively go about making your own life more enjoyable. You'll radiate positive energy that she will see and respond to. She fell for the guy you where 4 years ago. Think about who he was. When you where single you weren't moving and changing things to make others happy. You lived for you. You where a free spirit. Relationships are as much about individuality and your separate lives as it is about the two of you as a whole. Make yourself happy. And your happiness will affect her. She will see you are still your own man. Maybe she just wants to be your girl. Not your entire world do you know what I mean? Maybe she wants you to be be everything you can. A strong successful independent man that gets to call a beautiful girl his own. Not someone running around dusting the floor before she steps on it and laying in mud so she can walk across without getting dirty. Just be you. Live for you. And let what's meant to be, be. 1
veggirl Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Today I've been silent and she texted me with some pictures but it was kind of one sided. Like I would say"you looks so pretty today" in a pic she sent of her and she just says "thanks". Why text me just to be cold? Is she playing games or throwing bread crumbs or feel guilty? Or intentionally try to make me crack so I am the one who initiates it? dude. QUIT RESPONDING. you are her LAP DOG. you see that, right? a picture of herself? wtf? nothing to say, don't even respond. or if you must, just say "nice" and quit freaking trying to suck up
hopefulfaerie Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Hopeful aerie please message me I can't message for some reason I added you to my contacts but can't seem to message you either I'll figure it out. Bear with me Does anyone know how sad guy and I can communicate? I haven't messaged anyone yet so not sure how to do it. THANKS!!!!
hopefulfaerie Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 dude. QUIT RESPONDING. you are her LAP DOG. you see that, right? a picture of herself? wtf? nothing to say, don't even respond. or if you must, just say "nice" and quit freaking trying to suck up I agree. Why send a pic of herself? I think she's just trying to mess with our friends head now. 1
AlexanderJames Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Damn page two haha now my novel response won't get read! You could always try adding each other on Facebook? I have a few really good friends from other parts of the world on fb that have added me because I've helped them through a rough patch or them me. It's a good community here. Not the place for scammers, trolls or troublemakes to visit. So I have no objections to putting my full name in a thread haha
Author Sadguy33 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 I read it man I know all of you are right. It's just hard letting go of things. I have felt anxiety for 2 weeks straight and it just never ends. I understand she's a bitch and that I am her floor mat. It's just so hard letting someone go when all you want to do is be with them. It's like I am being forced to end ****. It just hurts I can't explain it
AlexanderJames Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 You don't have to let her go and move on straight away. Just try putting yourself first and foremost. It's great you want to make her happy it shows you care. But it might be getting too full on and she might feel smothered. If you live for you and learn to make yourself happy again then that's the healthiest way to ensure you two work it out. But the if it does come to an end you habe that knowledge and experience at making yoursel happy through difficult times. Just try living for yourself some more. Be a little selfish. But not disrespectfully. If she gets back from training and doesn't end things like you expect then you'll still be the guy waking up next to her. Just you'll be happy. And who knows. It might be just what she needs you to do to rekindle that spark. 2
AlexanderJames Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 I know it's hard. But you aren't broken up yet. You have an opportunity to turn things around. You are aware of a problem and concerned for the outcome. This puts you, as much as it may feel the opposite, in a powerful spot. Don't give up yet.
Author Sadguy33 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 I know but it's the pressure that ****s with me man . Like It feels so delicate that the wrong text or action will just cause **** to blow
lonegirl Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 She has been ignoring me and when we do talk she just blows up on how annoying I am. Calls me names, puts me down etc. Sorry, I just stopped right here. This is abuse, verbal abuse. When a person comes to a point of calling you names, assuming you are still treating her nicely, the respect is over. A relationship like this is very toxic, this tends to grow stronger and you'll start to feel completely useless. Is it worth it? To keep someone that will slowly destroy your self esteem day after day? Okay, if you still want to try to keep her, cut contact. She needs to miss and respect you. Showing you are always chasing her will make it worse, trust me, I've been there once. Take care of yourself and let her be! 1
AlexanderJames Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 You need a release man. Pent up stress and anxiety works in a circle. The situation causes you to feel pressured and delicate and it affects how you communicate. Which in turn can cause a confusion or cloud to fall over the response from the person. Which just adds even more to your angst. Do you go to the gym or exercise? When I was struggling with a break up and I would recieve contact from my ex I would wait until I had been to kickboxing before replying. By that time I am so exhausted and I have no stress or frustrations my replies came back relaxed and sometimes even whitty because I was being my comfortable self without even realizing. Which made my ex think "hmm he seems happy he must be coping okay". I was so calmed and drained from having the snot beaten out of me at training that there was none of those subtle "I miss you" or "I'm not doing too well I'm struggling" remarks in anything I sent back? Does that make sense. Like when you're stressed you come off stressed through what you say and how you act. Relieve the pent up stress even just for a moment and communicate in that moment and you will come across calm and collected. Because you are. I dont know how much that helps you. But take from it this; if you're stressing about saying something that blows up in your face. Remove the stress and collect yourself and you will find the things you say will change. You might even find you don't even feel the need to say anything to her. 2
lonegirl Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Today I've been silent and she texted me with some pictures but it was kind of one sided. Like I would say"you looks so pretty today" in a pic she sent of her and she just says "thanks". Why text me just to be cold? Is she playing games or throwing bread crumbs or feel guilty? Or intentionally try to make me crack so I am the one who initiates it? Pics of herself? Jeez, exactly what my ex used to do when trying to get some ego massages from me. Btw, he was abusive in all the ways towards me. Just remember, you're smarter than that and you know it. I knew too. Don't let love blinds you like it did to me. Stop answering her, let her with her sh*t and take care of yourself!
Recommended Posts