don't understand

[matt305]

so my girlfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me she started seeing someone else in a week, when we broke up she said there was no one else, and it felt like we fell into a friendship. we saw each other everyday, i was apparently having some depression problems, and was working all the time.

 

she knew i was working to much she worked with me, she said all these things to me after a week or two about why we broke up, most due to the depression which i didn't know i had until a month later. why would she sit there and make her self miserable and not talk to me about what she wanted from me or needed. she said i was so great for three years and then i changed(depression) she acted like nothing was wrong she even gave me some s*** about saying this 35 year old woman was hot a few weeks before we broke up, and she asked me some questions about the future which didn't make sense becasue she already wanted to break up. why would she still tell me she loved me and call me everyday and keep all these things in, the problems we had were minor we had never gotten into a fight really or argued and they could have been resolved rather quickly and if she would have said something sooner i would have gotten help sooner, poeple change but they don't change as much as i did for no reason. she said she knew what was wrong for months and then it felt like we were just friends, i will never understand this i ove her so much i always did but i thought she understood that i was really busy and if there was a problem we would try to solve it am i wrong to think this way

[tattoomytoe]

ok, you still love her...but she is not in love with you anymore.

 

Unfortunately you cannot make someone feel something that they do not.

 

Focus on how you have grown as a person from being withher, what you have learned and how you can be a better boyfriend and companion next time.

[moon]

I think it is one of the toughest things when you break up with somebody and they start to see somebody else right away. I can hear your frustration. It sounds like this girl knew there were problems in the relationship and waited until she was strong enough to get out.....It sounds like she was aware of your problems and maybe she was planning her exit. That is very cruel.

 

If I were you I'd get a handle on the depression first. Do you know what triggered the depression? I would get some space for yourself and take care of yourself. Your depression is only going to get deeper if you battle your own mind about why your ex did the things she did.

 

Does your ex have a history of running off from relationships? I recently had a break up after four years on and off together (we broke up last month). He also took off with another girl a week later (or earlier). One of the hardest things for me to accept is that I knew he had problems with most of his relationships in the past and had treated other girls in his past in a similar way. I always hoped I wouldn't be one of them (I thought time and growing up would change him)......and low and behold I seemed to have gotten the worst end of the stick in the end....just like the other girls.

 

I think some people are just looking for the best deal they can get out of life. They want to have great relationships, great jobs and a great life. Sometimes in the process of finding these things they abandon things they already have to go searching for more---"the grass is greener on the other side". It sounds like your girlfriend wasn't prepared to help you with your problem and in the end felt it was easier for her to go find somebody else. This is very callous and unthoughtful. I think anybody who immediately attaches themselves to somebody new, especially if they were the one who broke up, is just a hurtful person.

 

I'd realize to yourself that maybe your ex is just sort of looking for the most she can get out of any situation. Maybe she's a coward in a way....maybe a bit selfish She doesn't seem to want to help you deal with your issues. But you need to take care of them with or with out her. Go get some help. My guess is when the grass is greener on your end of the fence again (you are chipper and happy again) she'll probably see a reason to revisit you.....but now you know who this girl really is. When real problems enter.....she's looking for the door. Coward, yes. But I am guessing that once you lick your problems, you'll probably see her for what she really is and move on yourself. She has hit you when you're down! It is hard to forgive somebody who knows you're in need yet walks away. But do yourself a favor and get some help and support and take some time for yourself to re-evaluate the relationship and what you did and didn't like about it to begin with. You might find out there were other signs of her flippant sort of attitude towards people and you didn't really want to see it. I'd say NC with this girl would a good idea for a while. But three and a half years is a long time to be with a person, so realize this relationship will probably take some actual time to get over. Don't rush yourself into believing you're over the girl. Weeks or months might pass and you'll still feel like ****, but one day you will recover from it.

 

Good luck.

[matt305]

several of my friends have died in the past couple years one of them was my bestfriend and that died of cancer and that is when i met her i was taking care of him everyday i went to school to the gym to work and then he came over in that time i met her. she was there when i needed her, she knew something was wrong and she said she didn't want to make it worse, she didn't make it any better.

 

her last relationship was the same way. she stayed with him for a year before she broke up with him. she said she never loved him, she told me she did and acted like she did.

[matt305]

SHOULD I SAY SOMETHING TO HER ABOUT THIS. NOT WHETHER OR NOT SHE CHEATED BUT JUST SET HER STRAIGHT. SHE KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH ME AND INSTEAD OF TRYING TO TALK TO ME ABOUT IT SHE WAITED UNTIL SHE HAD SOMEONE ELSE AND BAILED ON ME. I WOULD HAVE NEVER RAN AWAY LIKE THAT.

 

SHE HAS FAMILY PROBLEMS AND WOULD CRY TO ME ABOUT THEM AND I WOULD LISTEN, SHE EVEN SAID I DON'T WANT YOU TO BREAK UP WITH ME OVER MY FAMILY AND THAT WAS A COUPLE OF MONTHS BEFORE SHE BROKE UP WITH ME. I ACCEPTED HER FAMILY PROBLEMS AND ALL, THEN SHE HAD THE NERVE TO TELL ME THAT I NEVER WANTED TO COME OVER HER HOUSE.

[bluetuesday]

MATT! PLEASE DON'T SHOUT! we're all friends here.

 

ok. yeah, i'd say something.

 

"keep walking lady, you never deserved me anyway."

 

that ought to do it.

[2KindKay]

Originally posted by bluetuesday

 

 

ok. yeah, i'd say something.

 

"keep walking lady, you never deserved me anyway."

 

 

 

I think bluetuesday hit the nail on the head

[moon]

Well, in my post break up I did the naughty thing and sent a horribly mean e-mail where I told him what a loser he was for running off with somebody else. I told him he was a piece of Sh*t and all that. Now I went way overboard. But I have gotten out of relationships before (well one other time I can remember) and they broke it off with me and I just sort of sweetly walked away because I didn't want to ruffle their feathers and I hoped and prayed they would be back---which they were not. With my last ex I just tore into him. It has now been a little over a month since I saw him. When he broke up with me I was okay about it because I didn't know he would be hooking up with another girl by the end of the week. I already sort of thought he might have somebody else for dumping me so coldly and I was right.....so when I heard about it I called him a few times. First phone call was like good luck.....I'll always love you. Second call, third and fourth call got more and more mean. Then the next day I sent two very filthy e-mails. Now should I have done that??? Well, I'd been with the guy on and off for four years and I guess there was a part of me that wanted this to be our last break up, so I sort of wanted to let him have it in the end. This worked for me. I get pleasure out of reading those saved e-mails and knowing that I told him off----but that is just me. I felt like I wanted to break the cycle. I didn't want him to think I was a sucker anymore.

 

Should you contact her? I'd say indirect confrotation is best. Maybe a letter or an e-mail. Just to get things off your chest. I am sort of in the mind set where you should say what you need to say at the end of the relationship and then move on. If you are left feeling like you should have said more (and I don't mean begging to know why they broke up with you!!), then maybe you should get on that right away. Send out an e-mail explaining your feelings of betrayal and then just leave it at that. If you can go on and not ever contact her again....then that is usually what people say is best.

[matt305]

i want to tell her these things and not in a mean way, i wasn't meant to her the whole time we were together. i just got a little distant and closed myself off, not on purpose, but i did. i would only talk about trivial daily things i kept alot in. i don't know what to do because she treated me pretty harshly, and she had to know something was wrong even though i didn't realize it, i cried a few times for no apparent reason and then was like i'm being stupid, things got out of hand.

 

i want her in my life because we had the kind of relationship that never needed alot of work, and when it did finally she couldn't or wouldn't which i think is immature its easy to love someone when things are going good. the only problem is that we go to the same college and we are in the same major so we will constanly be seeing each other until one of us graduates.

 

right now i'm not in school for the semester just needed to get myself together, not really becasue of her but becasue of everything else her leaving like that was just the icing on the cake. would she even care or be affected by it or would she say i was just being an a**