saltyfishhead666 Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Well the ex has basically been fishing with the army since the break up. Yesterday was the day we'd previously planned for me to spend the weekend with him. Today he's back on base. I feel a little silly. Somehow while he was fishing I felt fine because his sole thoughts and actions are fishing. Now he's back at base he could be doing lord knows what with god knows who and I don't know. Not that it's my right to know anymore. I feel like screaming at him and telling him he's lost me. I love him but if he can't let go of his ex wife completely (besides the kids) then he can't love me that much. How can someone ignore something that upsets and hurts the one they love. More so because she walked away from him. She didn't care to fight for their marriage and walked right out of his life. Now she's a constant reminder because I never said "get rid of her or else" but he chose her over me even though she's with someone else. I feel angry. Angry I put so much love, time and effort into what we had. Angry that we lost our daughter Angry that he can walk around guilt and emotion free because he was there for none of it. Today I'm sad. But I won't cry even though there is a lump in my throat. Love sucks and to top that off. On Monday he will get his box of things I sent back. I half want him to text, to say thank you just so I can ignore his ass and show him I'm gone I half don't want him too because it will lack all emotion and love he's always shown me. I think I'm at war with me today
hopefulfaerie Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 I'm so sorry you're in such pain today. I know it's probably not what you want to hear but I think you being so pissed is actually a good thing Still sucks though!!! I hate being mad, feels like *****. Just not my nature but I know I have to deal with that soon. I'm going to be totally honest and say that I share your desire for a text or some kind of contact just so I can be like NO, you lost me!!!!! (okay, guys lemme have it!!) LOL!!!! Seriously, I feel your pain! This is awful! Can't WAIT until the day comes when I don't, I mean REALLY don't care anymore.
Author saltyfishhead666 Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 I'm so sorry you're in such pain today. I know it's probably not what you want to hear but I think you being so pissed is actually a good thing Still sucks though!!! I hate being mad, feels like *****. Just not my nature but I know I have to deal with that soon. I'm going to be totally honest and say that I share your desire for a text or some kind of contact just so I can be like NO, you lost me!!!!! (okay, guys lemme have it!!) LOL!!!! Seriously, I feel your pain! This is awful! Can't WAIT until the day comes when I don't, I mean REALLY don't care anymore. I feel you honey. I hope rage is a good sign, although I'm furious. When I'm furious I cry. Stupid exs why did they even exist. Two weeks tomorrow 1
hopefulfaerie Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 I feel you honey. I hope rage is a good sign, although I'm furious. When I'm furious I cry. Stupid exs why did they even exist. Two weeks tomorrow Me too. When I'm pissed I cry. Lately though, I have had the urge to DESTROY things....ha ha! NOT like me at all (deep sigh) 1
Author saltyfishhead666 Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 Me too. When I'm pissed I cry. Lately though, I have had the urge to DESTROY things....ha ha! NOT like me at all (deep sigh) I think I need to get us both a punchbag. I go from teary to wanting to literally punch him in the face
hopefulfaerie Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 I think I need to get us both a punchbag. I go from teary to wanting to literally punch him in the face LOL!!!! ME TOO One minute I'm like "I wish him well, I'll be fine" to "I hate him and want to kick his a@@!!!!!" Then back and forth back and forth. I can't WAIT to feel indifferent. That will be a great day! My first REAL breath in months. 1
Author saltyfishhead666 Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 LOL!!!! ME TOO One minute I'm like "I wish him well, I'll be fine" to "I hate him and want to kick his a@@!!!!!" Then back and forth back and forth. I can't WAIT to feel indifferent. That will be a great day! My first REAL breath in months. I'm currently blaming mine on pregnancy hormones!! It's easier for me to be anger then lol! I can't wait for the day none of us think about them, and we can breath without feeling like someone's hugging our chests tight x 1
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