My thoughts

[MrTurk]

What is the upside to me being on a dating site....competing with a hundred other guys, all trying to garner attention from the same women? The women get to sit back, and judge all of us, without as much as lifting a finger, while the guys are forced into a competitive environment that breeds lying and manipulation.

 

Think of all the people that you know that are in a relationship, think of all the people that you know that are married, think of all the couples that you see in public..... How many of those relationships do you think came about from the woman initiating contact? Probably less than 10%. Women want to reap all the benefits of being in a relationship with a great guy.... But they don't want to do anything as far as putting in effort to find him.

[Imported]

Maybe you're not a great guy.

 

 

And you're definitely not as entitled as you seem to think you are.

 

 

You either make things happen or you accept what you get.

[MrTurk]

 

 

You either make things happen or you accept what you get.

 

 

So if most women "dont make things happen" in the dating world.....why should they be as picky as they are, and have such high standards when accepting which guy they date?

 

 

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[Imported]

So if most women "dont make things happen" in the dating world.....why should they be as picky as they are, and have such high standards when accepting which guy they date?

 

 

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I don't give a **** what most women do. What does that have to do with you making things happen for you?

[MrTurk]

I don't give a **** what most women do. What does that have to do with you making things happen for you?

 

Why should I invest MY time, energy, and everything else in a woman that isnt doing the same for me?

 

The woman gets to sit there.....and basically just exist. I as the man have to do all the leg work.

 

Once I meet her, and get to know her.....then she is interested in me and what I have to offer. But before I put forth any effort.....SHE did not care I existed, and she didnt not have any interest in me.

 

Why am I special to her after the fact of me proving myself......but I was nothing to her before that?

 

SHE does nothing to show me she is worth MY time.....so why should I invest it in her?

 

 

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[xxoo]

SHE does nothing to show me she is worth MY time.....so why should I invest it in her?

 

If you aren't interested in her, don't!

 

Men who are interested in her will. That's the way it works. You can opt out any time. Nobody requires anyone to participate.

[carhill]

What is the upside to me being on a dating site....competing with a hundred other guys, all trying to garner attention from the same women?

 

The upside is that you're at least 'out there', whereas, if you did nothing, not even posting a dating profile, you would be invisible. It's easy to be invisible. I've been that way for most of the three years since our D, simply by not assertively pursuing women. Still socialize, travel, meet women all the time. Up to you as to how you wish to proceed. OLD is a way of making contact. It does work, even for guys like myself who are otherwise invisible. All it takes is some effort. Good luck.

[PlumPrincess]

If you don't care about the woman, then why are you ranting about her? Nobody told you you had to be interested in anybody. Not even the hypothetical woman.

[Imported]

Why should I invest MY time, energy, and everything else in a woman that isnt doing the same for me?

 

The woman gets to sit there.....and basically just exist. I as the man have to do all the leg work.

 

Once I meet her, and get to know her.....then she is interested in me and what I have to offer. But before I put forth any effort.....SHE did not care I existed, and she didnt not have any interest in me.

 

Why am I special to her after the fact of me proving myself......but I was nothing to her before that?

 

SHE does nothing to show me she is worth MY time.....so why should I invest it in her?

 

 

.

 

 

Your time is too finite to be concerned about such stupid ****. Working it, to get what you want or being passive and accepting what you get applies to women just the same. It is just their reality is not yours.

 

My reality is not yours either. Woman do come up to me, woman are interested in me on sight alone. I date them, they are trying to impress me. But WTF does that have to do with you. Nothing.

 

You're either gonna bitch and cry for the rest of your life trying to post **** that makes you feel better in order to have other dudes that also want to bitch and cry for the rest of their life agree with you. But what is that going to do for you other than spiral you down into a death roll. Nothing.

[hotpotato]

People have already told you what to do.

 

Leave dating sites alone.

 

Meet women and 'grow' on them.

 

[Keenly]

You can bash him all you want. Fact is he is right.

 

 

 

Its a 99 to 1 effort ratio per gender on OLD.

 

 

I sent a long ass paragraph the other day , and the response I got was " hi ! "

[NGC1300]

Why should I invest MY time, energy, and everything else in a woman that isnt doing the same for me?

 

The woman gets to sit there.....and basically just exist. I as the man have to do all the leg work.

 

Once I meet her, and get to know her.....then she is interested in me and what I have to offer. But before I put forth any effort.....SHE did not care I existed, and she didnt not have any interest in me.

 

Why am I special to her after the fact of me proving myself......but I was nothing to her before that?

 

SHE does nothing to show me she is worth MY time.....so why should I invest it in her?

 

 

.

 

Have you ever heard that country song, "I can be late for a date, that's fine, but you better be on time".

 

Sadly that illustrates the attitude many women have.

[MrTurk]

You can bash him all you want. Fact is he is right.

 

 

 

Its a 99 to 1 effort ratio per gender on OLD.

 

 

I sent a long ass paragraph the other day , and the response I got was " hi ! "

 

Not only on OLD...its the same way in all aspects of the dating world.

 

And I'm only talking about the initial contact. The initial approach that gets the ball rolling. The guy has to get that ball rolling 90% of the time, maybe more with verbal contact, putting himself out there.

 

For many women.....their idea of getting the ball rolling is wearing something sexy to the office, to garner the attention of a certain guy. Which also gives them the option to deny anything, if the wrong guy approaches or even if they change their mind about the original guy they were interested in.

[Weezy1973]

I'm an average guy and get attention in real life and have women contact me first online as well. Generally, in real life women don't necessarily ask me out, but they well give plenty of signals that they're interested. Online, I initiate more often than not, but have had women initiate messages as well. If you're not having any luck online or in real life, chances are you're just not that attractive at all.

[MrTurk]

I'm an average guy and get attention in real life and have women contact me first online as well. Generally, in real life women don't necessarily ask me out, but they well give plenty of signals that they're interested. Online, I initiate more often than not, but have had women initiate messages as well. If you're not having any luck online or in real life, chances are you're just not that attractive at all.

 

AFTER I contact women....they tell me they find me attractive, or mention that I'm good-looking or such.

 

BUT....they never view me until after I contact them. Even though they live 10-15 mins away or some even closer.

 

Which proves that they are not putting any effort into LOOKING. They are simply responding ONLY to offers. Many of them admit to me thats what they do.

 

So theoretically....in my mind.....what is so great about this woman or that woman.....that she cares nothing about me, unless I put forth effort to make myself known?

 

Why am I not worth the same in her eyes? That is the double standard of how our society works, and its a contradiction in my eyes.

 

.

[Weezy1973]

AFTER I contact women....they tell me they find me attractive, or mention that I'm good-looking or such.

 

BUT....they never view me until after I contact them. Even though they live 10-15 mins away or some even closer.

 

Which proves that they are not putting any effort into LOOKING. They are simply responding ONLY to offers. Many of them admit to me thats what they do.

 

So theoretically....in my mind.....what is so great about this woman or that woman.....that she cares nothing about me, unless I put forth effort to make myself known?

 

Why am I not worth the same in her eyes? That is the double standard of how our society works, and its a contradiction in my eyes.

 

.

 

I actually just think it's human nature. If you were getting 10 messages a day (for example) - if you were somewhat interested in half of those, and wanted to send out a well though out, personal response, how much time would you have to search for other people? And, more importantly, why would you? If you already have 10 different women a day that are showing interest, why would try to pursue those that don't show any interest?

[Pompeii]

Why should I invest MY time, energy, and everything else in a woman that isnt doing the same for me?

 

The woman gets to sit there.....and basically just exist. I as the man have to do all the leg work.

 

Once I meet her, and get to know her.....then she is interested in me and what I have to offer. But before I put forth any effort.....SHE did not care I existed, and she didnt not have any interest in me.

 

Why am I special to her after the fact of me proving myself......but I was nothing to her before that?

 

SHE does nothing to show me she is worth MY time.....so why should I invest it in her?

 

 

.

 

 

Men will always have a greater desire [for sexual contact] than women will. That is why. That is how it always was and always will be.

Edited September 9, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[Sanman]

At the end of the day, someone has to take the first step. Did these women care about you before you contacted them? No, the same way you don't care about any of the women you did not contact. Putting forth the effort to contact someone is peanuts compared to sustaining a relationship. As for the woman not putting in effort? That is up to you to decide. Initial contacts and dates are just as about judging her as it is about her judging you. You can walk away if she is not worth the trouble. I have many times.

[serial muse]

AFTER I contact women....they tell me they find me attractive, or mention that I'm good-looking or such.

 

BUT....they never view me until after I contact them. Even though they live 10-15 mins away or some even closer.

 

Which proves that they are not putting any effort into LOOKING. They are simply responding ONLY to offers. Many of them admit to me thats what they do.

 

So theoretically....in my mind.....what is so great about this woman or that woman.....that she cares nothing about me, unless I put forth effort to make myself known?

 

Why am I not worth the same in her eyes? That is the double standard of how our society works, and its a contradiction in my eyes.

 

.

 

Turning it back around, what makes you want to contact these women, then? You say they're just sitting there, but something about them must be appealing to you. Profile? Picture? Presumably you're not just clicking on random names; you make a choice of who to contact based on some criteria. What are those criteria, then? Or are you actually contacting every single woman with a profile?

[Betterthanthis13]

Ok Mr Turk. You are right. What do you want to hear?

 

On a whim the other night I let my roommate sign me up for OLD. In an hour and a half I had almost a hundred messages. Many were from "good looking" guys. Most of their profiles are lame and stupid. I didn't even read a third of the messages or look at half the profiles.

 

We browsed some of the guys in the area, found one profile that I liked, not because he is super hot or anything, but because what he wrote made me laugh and sort of goes with my personality, and he is smiling in every picture and doesn't look like a douchebag. I didn't send him a message, I just clicked the star thingy next to his profile. I could not possibly be putting in any less effort. You are correct.

 

5 minutes later he sent me a witty message commenting on something obnoxious I wrote in my profile. We went back and forth for a few messages and exchanged google voice numbers and texted each other yesterday and are going to meet for coffee on Thursday.

 

Yeah, I know I said I wasn't going to date for awhile but I changed my mind. Recent events have propelled me into action.

 

My point is, I don't know what OLD site you are on, but there has to be a way for you to see what women looked at your profile before you looked at theirs, or added you as a favorite or something. Contact them. Don't bother with the other ones and you will get a better conversion ratio.

 

Also, what does your profile say? Is it negative? You keep talking about your looks. Please tell me you don't have a picture of yourself that's a self portrait taken in your bathroom with your shirt off.

[MrTurk]

I actually just think it's human nature. If you were getting 10 messages a day (for example) - if you were somewhat interested in half of those, and wanted to send out a well though out, personal response, how much time would you have to search for other people? And, more importantly, why would you? If you already have 10 different women a day that are showing interest, why would try to pursue those that don't show any interest?

 

Why would I search if I had women emailing me?

 

Because I'm not stupid enough to limit myself to only those that email me. I would browse the whole menu, not just order something that was offered.

 

But thats how MANY women operate. They spend their whole lives waiting for something to happen in the dating world, instead of making something happen.

 

And then they b*tch about the bad results.

 

 

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[MrTurk]

Ok Mr Turk. You are right. What do you want to hear?

 

On a whim the other night I let my roommate sign me up for OLD. In an hour and a half I had almost a hundred messages. Many were from "good looking" guys. Most of their profiles are lame and stupid.

 

Not being a jerk, just playing devils advocate....but women always say that most guys profiles are terrible. But how do you know yours isnt that great either, compared to other womens? See my point...I think women just assume their profile and pics are good, when in deed they may not be. And just because guys email you....does not mean you have a good profile or pics. Guys will email anyone.

 

 

We went back and forth for a few messages and exchanged google voice numbers and texted each other yesterday and are going to meet for coffee on Thursday.

 

THAT will never happen in the world I live in. EVERY woman that I have ever talked to on a dating site has made me put in a minimum of 1 week of emails back and forth before she gives out her number. Then even if I get her number....its almost impossible to get them to set a date and time to meet. "Things" keep coming up. (I will go into detail in another thread I am about to post)

 

 

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[MrTurk]

Turning it back around, what makes you want to contact these women, then? You say they're just sitting there, but something about them must be appealing to you. Profile? Picture? Presumably you're not just clicking on random names; you make a choice of who to contact based on some criteria. What are those criteria, then? Or are you actually contacting every single woman with a profile?

 

I contact women if I like their profile, and how they write it. If we have some things in common, and last on their looks. I am the last guy to be picky about only dating some hot chick. I would say my ex-wife and every past gf has been no better than a 6 or 7 at best.

 

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[Betterthanthis13]

Not being a jerk, just playing devils advocate....but women always say that most guys profiles are terrible. But how do you know yours isnt that great either, compared to other womens? See my point...I think women just assume their profile and pics are good, when in deed they may not be. And just because guys email you....does not mean you have a good profile or pics. Guys will email anyone.

 

 

 

 

THAT will never happen in the world I live in. EVERY woman that I have ever talked to on a dating site has made me put in a minimum of 1 week of emails back and forth before she gives out her number. Then even if I get her number....its almost impossible to get them to set a date and time to meet. "Things" keep coming up. (I will go into detail in another thread I am about to post)

 

 

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I'm not saying guys are falling all over themselves contacting me because of my hot pics. I checked out the female competition in my area, there are plenty of women who are much better looking than me. I also didn't put up any pictures that were sexy. I'm in Florida- half the women here have bikini pics posted on their dating profiles. I do not. I'm also old as dirt and I did not lie about my age, so I'm sure I'm excluded from the search criteria of most guys my own age or even much older than me. I don't care. Who cares? The guys who exclude women my age from their search are NOT the ones I want contacting me. They are doing me a favor...

 

We live in the same world. I'm guessing its your attitude, and the type of girls you are contacting. If they have duck face pics posted and vapid writing styles talking about boring nonsense in their profiles, what do you expect?

[Betterthanthis13]

Are you trying to get dates with all the local girls on OLD, or find one cool one? Maybe I don't understand your intention. If it is the former, you are definitely 100% right and I am wrong.