Frustrated.....need to vent

[Franczech]

Hi all,

 

First things first.

 

My wife and I have been married 3 months.

Both previously married.

 

Same ol story, i guess. Sex life was AMAZING for first year of our relationship, but has tanked.

Sure, there is and has been stress (financial), but we've worked through it together.

 

What used to be intense sex is routine.

She used to LOVE turning me on....teasing me....trying different things.

She used to always tell me how amazing I was....how sexy I was....etc.

 

Then, it stopped.

 

Sex has been infrequent.

 

I can't even approach her anymore about it.

 

Case in point....earlier this week, she sent a slew of kinky/suggestive texts.

Nothing has happened. I've played coy so as not to force it...and nothing.

 

She emphatically said she wanted to take a bubble bath.

I got excited. We took a bubble bath and relaxed for a while, then, as I started slowly trying to initiate, I got an agitated response and again had the feeling of a kicked dog as I - once more - tried to conjure in my head what was wrong. I'm at a loss. I'm tired of being rejected so emphatically.

 

I'm tired of being made to feel annoying when I try to initiate.

I don't even feel comfortable initiating anymore.

 

I don't enjoy getting a snappy rejection when I tell her how beautiful, sexy, hot, she is.

 

I get an agitated quick retort from her for trying to help around the house because she wants things done "her way."

 

I'm tired of feeling like a kicked dog.

 

There is no longer any semblance of spontaneity....no longer any back rubs from her....the random touches she always used to tell me she loved giving me are few and far between.

 

I'm just frustrated, sad, upset, confused, rejected.

 

I'm a great father figure to her daughter. I help around the house.

I tell her she's beautiful, an amazing woman, an amazing mother, how lucky I am, how much i respect her, etc.....often. And I MEAN those things.

She knows I do.

 

Yet here I am left feeling rejected, inadequate, un-sexy, what have you.

 

I'm at my wit's end.

Edited September 7, 2013 by Franczech

[Eivuwan]

Have you talked to her about all the stuff you posted here?

[Franczech]

Have you talked to her about all the stuff you posted here?

 

 

Sadly, yes....far too often.

 

Her response is initially agitation ("this AGAIN??")....then it turns into "the new just wore off," then "I don't need sex like that" (mind you, she used to ALWAYS tell me how important sex was and that "(her) body would tell her she needs it about every 3 days or so".

 

 

Now....not important much to her, so she says.

[oldshirt]

Did this really become apparent.. oh lets say... 3 months ago??

 

My first guess is a classic bait and switch.

 

She was all hot and heavy and seductive until the marriage was in place and then the well ran dry.

 

I'll try to make this concise in a few bullet points. In a nutshell she is not sexually attracted to you. She was looking for companionship, support, security and parental assistance in raising her children and she used sexuality to draw you in and marry her.

 

You may be the classic "nice guy" here and she likes your assistance and support but you do not turn her on. That's why she recoils when you try to initiate and reacts with the annoyed "This again?" when you try to address it.

 

There's really a couple options here. One is you can try to man-up and turn yourself into someone that she would be attracted to (ie work out and get buff, dress more stylishly, become more assertive and masculine etc etc)

 

Or you can cut your losses and let her go and find someone that is attracted to you.

 

Or you can continue to be her errand boy and assistant babysitter and spank it to porn or cheat or live in a sexual wasteland.

 

If you want to go with option #1 initially, there are some books that address that issue. A couple are "The Married Man Sexlife Primer" and "The Mindful Attraction Plan" by Athol Kay And "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Dr Robert Glover.

 

Those books do a good job of describing the things that can help trigger a sexual desire in women (because what they actually respond to is often quite different than what they say they want) and if in the end she does not respond and still doesn't have any desire for you, you will be in a much better position to move on intact and find someone else.

[mitchell]

Divorce now or perhaps even get an annulment. This after only 3 months is absurd and will only get worse. Get out now.

[Eivuwan]

Hmm, seems like she's trying to avoid the issue instead of addressing it or fixing it. How much do you want the marriage to work? Perhaps you can suggest counseling or something.

[Johnsmith1003]

Did this really become apparent.. oh lets say... 3 months ago??

 

My first guess is a classic bait and switch.

 

She was all hot and heavy and seductive until the marriage was in place and then the well ran dry.

 

I'll try to make this concise in a few bullet points. In a nutshell she is not sexually attracted to you. She was looking for companionship, support, security and parental assistance in raising her children and she used sexuality to draw you in and marry her.

 

You may be the classic "nice guy" here and she likes your assistance and support but you do not turn her on. That's why she recoils when you try to initiate and reacts with the annoyed "This again?" when you try to address it.

 

There's really a couple options here. One is you can try to man-up and turn yourself into someone that she would be attracted to (ie work out and get buff, dress more stylishly, become more assertive and masculine etc etc)

 

Or you can cut your losses and let her go and find someone that is attracted to you.

 

Or you can continue to be her errand boy and assistant babysitter and spank it to porn or cheat or live in a sexual wasteland.

 

If you want to go with option #1 initially, there are some books that address that issue. A couple are "The Married Man Sexlife Primer" and "The Mindful Attraction Plan" by Athol Kay And "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Dr Robert Glover.

 

Those books do a good job of describing the things that can help trigger a sexual desire in women (because what they actually respond to is often quite different than what they say they want) and if in the end she does not respond and still doesn't have any desire for you, you will be in a much better position to move on intact and find someone else.

 

This, is sadly, hitting the nail on the head. She needs companionship. To feel like she has someone but isn't attracted to you. She also may feel relieved to have extra help with her daughter, but that is it. I would also suggest to get out right now.

[Sparty97]

Yup. Lawyer up and divorce/annul... now, don't wait. Unlike the videos say it doesn't get better.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Basically THIS sums up my feelings