Kids are back to school

[BrokenHeartedSavior]

And here I sit and ponder.

 

For eight years we sent our (hers and mine) kids back to school together every September, wrapping up beautiful, long summers together at the pool.

 

This marks the start of the second school year since we've been apart, hard to fathom.

 

Why am I still posting?

 

I have now been through AT LEAST one of every holiday, birthday and any other day of importance, actually, it's closer to TWO of each. Yet I'm still posting.

 

Sadly, I'm long gone from her life, and any memory of me is most likely an unloving one.

 

I want finally just let go of ALL of it.

 

I do NOT text, email, phone, facebook (deleted my account eons ago) or have any contact, in anywaywhatsoever, yet she still occupies my thoughts.

 

Admittedly, I haven't been to the gym in some time, at one time (during our time together) I spent on average, an hour and a half a day, 5-6 times a week there. All to be attractive to HER.

 

Yet here I sit, Saturday morning. WAAAYYYY out of shape, smoking, drinking (I work nights) longing to be who I once was in my prime, longing for a lost love who does not think about me.

 

Sorry for my ramble, I guess starting year number TWO post BU, it's TRUELY time to pick up the very broken pieces and re-build.

 

Yep, eight years was a long time together, we did it all. We both had kids from previous relationships, divorced, essentially to be together. Moved in to her home. All to be lost all these years later.

 

Well, I know she has been running marathons (literally) and has moved on to other people, and I have been wasting away my life, aging not-so-gracefully. Two years ago I was fit as hell!

 

What happend to me? How and when did I become so weak???

 

Sorry LS'ers. Just an early morning Saturday rant.

 

I just can't seem to pull my S*** together.

 

I don't want to stuck in this rut for another year as she moves forward.

 

On a bright note, I just signed a lease for year number two of my apartment which I LOVE. I finally feel like I'm "home"

 

Thanks all.

 

 

 

I will say that I DO love my new home VERY much.

[Mr Scorpio]

Why am I still posting?

 

Because if often feels good to vent to a community of people who are experiencing emotions similar to yours?

[BrokenHeartedSavior]

Because if often feels good to vent to a community of people who are experiencing emotions similar to yours?

 

Spot on! I was just hoping I'd be further along at this point, you know? She is.

 

I don't want to lose another year.

[Mr Scorpio]

I don't want to lose another year.

 

It is all a matter of perspective. I am not familar with the details of your breakup. However, I imagine many people who were unhappy in previous relationships come to view the time they spent in the relationship as "lost".

 

Assuming that you were happy in your relationship, I can understand why you feel as though the last year was "lost". On the other hand, consider what you gained during the eight years of the relationship. If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, you would have eight years worth of pleasant memories to reflect back upon today. Unfortunately, reflecting upon those memories is likely what is keeping you stuck.

 

And so it becomes a paradox: you might not be able to set those memories aside until you are involved with someone new, and yet you might not be ready to be involved with someone new until you set those memories aside. Either way, starting with something tangible and basic -- like getting back into shape -- is probably a good start.

[mea_M]

Brokenhearted, You are not weak you are human. Sometimes certain things take a while to work through. Eventually though, the feelings and emotions become in check and it becomes a tad bit easier to breathe. You will get there on your own time I just know it.

 

Mea:)