Make it stop.

[Betterthanthis13]

There really aren't words.

 

At one point not that long ago, I thought I really loved this guy. All of a sudden... I had to gather the strength to face a horrific reality, talk myself into the courage to be able to ask him to leave, change MY whole happy life around, try (not always succeed) to be the bigger person, deal with the aftermath of loneliness and humiliation...

 

Then ask people for help, switch up my routine to avoid running in to his stupid skanks, deal with randomly breaking out into hysterics and tears at very inappropriate times, I've bitten off all my fingernails, on top of all that I still freaking miss being with him and then I hate myself for THAT.... I'm a complete mess.

 

I've blocked his number from my phone, and his emails go right to spam. He is deleted and blocked from all social media. This is not what I would like my life to be like. I work really, really hard. I give. As a rule in life, I throw myself into all things with passion, honesty, and hope. I'm just pretty flat on my ass right now.

 

So tonight- a comedy of errors. He made contact through my roommate, interrupting what measly progress I am attempting to make AGAIN... trying to get attention and pity and cause drama AGAIN... begging and pleading with her to see his side, I am being too hard on him, he has changed, it's been well over a year, why am I throwing it all away, blah blah blah

 

Ugh I've typed this 3 times now, there is no good way to go into the details. It's too specific. Essentially- he made contact and tried to weasel back in like usual, and almost had my roommate (my blocker) convinced of his sincerity!!!! I was beside myself. She was literally starting to question my motives for leaving him.

 

Until!!!! she signed into her online dating account sitting right in the living room- BAM that's right- xbf is on there with an active account. AND was currently signed in. So--- he was online trying to hook up with girls at the same time he was trying to convince my roommate how much he loved me and would do anything blah blah blah vomit puke

Please kill me

I hate everything.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

I'm awake.

 

You are doing so good..you are making such progress.

 

You don't want all this drama in your life.

 

Can I help?

 

 

(Mom hugs)

 

IIWII

[Betterthanthis13]

Thanks. I think I need some sort of scorched earth plan. I'm not used to dealing with people like this. The normal breakup methods are not being effective in this case. I'm at my wits end.

 

He moved less than a mile away. He showed up at my door the other day. He almost charmed my roommate tonight. I have him blocked, deleted, moved out, no contact, all that. I'm 35 years old. This is absurd.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Restraining order?

 

Move someplace like Paris?

 

Use One of those dolls with pins?

 

Did your roommate figure out she/he is being conned?

 

This is the sex addict guy right? Probably something clinically wrong with him right?

 

So sorry.

[Mickey_Fitzpatrick]

It sounds like not only your roommate was starting to believe him, it sounds like you were WANTING to believe him, too, UNTIL you found out he was signed in. Is this what crushed you?

 

I think where one partner has caused a lot of hurt for the other partner, and the relationship "ends," there is a point where the hurt partner secretly, or not so secretly, wishes for the offending partner to finally "get it," to come back, to finally fully apologize and repent the evil they have done, and to go back to the "good" relationship they once had.

 

From the way your post sounds, I sense a little hint of "if he could finally change and really prove it to me, really show me he has changed, I would take him back because deep down I still love him." It sounds like you are still holding onto some hope for him to change, or to some dream of a perfect life together in the future that you once had.

 

It's OK to acknowledge that he has a lot of good qualities that you love, maybe looks, humor, self-confidence, etc. - but that his one flaw - serial cheating - is a fatal flaw.

 

If your roommate really wants to help you, she has to shut him down the minute he calls, not listen to his sad story and then relay it to you.

[Betterthanthis13]

Hahaha

 

Yes, yes and yes. She feels terrible. Paris sounds good. Oui!

 

Could email screenshots of his texts to my roommate along with screenshots of his dating account to his parents and his sex addiction therapist... ?

 

Nope that's just asking for more drama. Can't win.

 

I wish I had a big brother. Or a helicopter

[Betterthanthis13]

It sounds like not only your roommate was starting to believe him, it sounds like you were WANTING to believe him, too, UNTIL you found out he was signed in. Is this what crushed you?

 

I think where one partner has caused a lot of hurt for the other partner, and the relationship "ends," there is a point where the hurt partner secretly, or not so secretly, wishes for the offending partner to finally "get it," to come back, to finally fully apologize and repent the evil they have done, and to go back to the "good" relationship they once had.

 

From the way your post sounds, I sense a little hint of "if he could finally change and really prove it to me, really show me he has changed, I would take him back because deep down I still love him." It sounds like you are still holding onto some hope for him to change, or to some dream of a perfect life together in the future that you once had.

 

It's OK to acknowledge that he has a lot of good qualities that you love, maybe looks, humor, self-confidence, etc. - but that his one flaw - serial cheating - is a fatal flaw.

 

If your roommate really wants to help you, she has to shut him down the minute he calls, not listen to his sad story and then relay it to you.

 

Ugh- I hope that is not what I was doing. I wouldn't put it past myself at this point though. I really hope I am smarter than that.

 

I think my nerves are shot. I normally make excellent, rational decisions if I say so myself. Not so much these days. My mission is to get back on track by any means possible. Roommate sort of let me down tonight I think

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Ok...I have it now.

 

Find the biggest baddest largest guy (he can be gay) and hire him to be your big brother.

 

You are a chef, right? Cook for him.

 

Have him hang out and be your personal body guard.

 

What kind of food?

[Betterthanthis13]

From the way your post sounds, I sense a little hint of "if he could finally change and really prove it to me, really show me he has changed, I would take him back because deep down I still love him." It sounds like you are still holding onto some hope for him to change, or to some dream of a perfect life together in the future that you once had.

 

^^thats from Mickey

 

We NEVER had a perfect life together. It was a scam. I thought we had a perfect life together. I was wrong. I was fooled. I was fooling myself.

 

It took awhile to recover and adjust my thinking. I feel like I fell down a flight of stairs I had no idea were there but I should have seen, and now I feel really, really stupid.

[Betterthanthis13]

Ok...I have it now.

 

Find the biggest baddest largest guy (he can be gay) and hire him to be your big brother.

 

You are a chef, right? Cook for him.

 

Have him hang out and be your personal body guard.

 

What kind of food?

 

 

I can cook anything. That is an excellent idea!! I'm sure there is more than one hungry, angry gay guy in Florida. I'm going to go make some friends today. Lol.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Every girl needs a gay body guard.

[Betterthanthis13]

Thanks... I think the best thing now is just that no contact means NO contact, period. From anyone.

[compulsivedancer]

Thanks... I think the best thing now is just that no contact means NO contact, period. From anyone.

 

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. Tell your roommate that you don't want to hear about him EVEN IF he's changed. You don't have to go into detail explaining that that would be a lie too. She should be YOUR advocate, not his.

 

Gotta find the best of all worlds. Paris, food AND gay big brother. Maybe a helicopter too.

[Journee]

You know one huge lesson I have learned about my serial cheating dear husband?

 

That the only way to know he is lying is if his lips are moving. Seriously, nothing is the truth unless verified and I don't have the energy to do so anymore.

 

I am sorry you are hurting but you seem like one cool chick. You are witty and funny. You are caring and sharp. You are doing great! This isn't a set back. This is confirmation that you made a good choice for you!

[Betterthanthis13]

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. Tell your roommate that you don't want to hear about him EVEN IF he's changed. You don't have to go into detail explaining that that would be a lie too. She should be YOUR advocate, not his.

 

Gotta find the best of all worlds. Paris, food AND gay big brother. Maybe a helicopter too.

 

It's really not her fault. In all reality Mickey is probably right. The fact that this minor event even upset me enough to keep me awake until 5 am says more about what's going on in my subconscious than it does about anything else. She's been really really great dealing with all this. I'm sort of being a whiny brat.

 

I still want a helicopter though. A pink one.

[Betterthanthis13]

You know one huge lesson I have learned about my serial cheating dear husband?

 

That the only way to know he is lying is if his lips are moving. Seriously, nothing is the truth unless verified and I don't have the energy to do so anymore.

 

I am sorry you are hurting but you seem like one cool chick. You are witty and funny. You are caring and sharp. You are doing great! This isn't a set back. This is confirmation that you made a good choice for you!

 

Thanks J.

 

I don't know how you do it. I feel like I lost a year off my life from the stress of trying to untangle truth from lies until I finally got to where you are and realized they were ALL lies unless verified... So it didn't matter...

 

I feel like I've had to cut out my own brain tumor

[96nole]

It's all lies. Nothing but lies. If his mouth is open, the lies are flowin. As long as you and your roommate never believe another word out of his mouth, you'll do fine.