thewrongonee Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Hello loveshack! I'll skip right to the story, so i met this girl from my English class who i started being attracted to after we had a project together. I told her few weeks ago how I started liking her, and she was shocked because it cought her off guard. She later on told me that she has a boyfriend, who lives far away and that theyve been dating for 7 years. (She can no longer see him due to the fact she moved away) Fast forward: I stoped texting her, and began to move on... but one day she texted randomly and we started talking on and off. So after some texts we started seeing each other more often. furthermore, she told me that shes been fighting with her BF and think shes about to break up with him ( which she did). She told me that she likes me but she isent sure that shes ready for a relationship. I think shes afraid, and shes quite depressed at times. But we talk pretty much everyday now have a strong communication going between us. But thing that gets me upset the most is that she does like me and wants to move on, but she does not want to commit to a relationship.. Where does that leave me? Should I just move on, or give her time? Because Im confused, when we do hang out, i flirt with her and she LOVES it. We even have special moments together ( no kissing yet, i can tell shes not ready). we have those slow moments where we hold hands and just look at each other and it feels amazing ill be honest. I need to know what to do, because I do want to be in an relationship, but she dosent know if she will ever be ready ( thats what she said). Her parents are really strict, she has to lie so much to go out. We both want each other to move on, but we both cant let each other go. Im stuck, someone please help me!!
CherryT Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Dude, she just got out of a 7 year relationship. Just because she likes you doesn't mean she's ready to jump back into another relationship. Let her heal... she's being honest with you. She's giving you that attention and loving when you give it back, because it makes her break up much more bearable. Do you want to be a rebound? She's putting up boundaries and telling you that she's not ready, because she knows if she jumps back in you're likely to be a rebound. You only have a two choices: wait until she's ready, you can't push that. Or move on if you're impatient. Either way, she's not ready.
Author thewrongonee Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 So i should just keep it the same, give it time and see how things go? I already understand what she went trough thats why im giving her time. And about the rebound, im not sure... Shes not the type of girl that dates often. Futhermore, she agreed that we are in a type of " relationship" but she dosent eant to make it offical yet. Wish this was simpler, and i promise you guys i have not pressured her at all.
Author thewrongonee Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 Avoid being a rebound. Would step way back and cultivate other options. Don't ignore her or act strange, but don't get into long, deep relationship type talks either, especially none concerning her ex. You should also be sure this ex is truly out of the picture, and the only way to do that is let her come to you. If she doesn't come to you specifically and proactively, odds are you may be just a rebound. Good luck. I understand what you mean, few days ago we had a serious talk. I asked her to meet me at a park, and asked her with few questions. I meeded to know where we stood and what we were. After the talk, the lon awkward talk, conclusion was that she wasent ready for a relationship. I told her talk this would be the last time i would see her, and pretty much said my farewells. She refused me to give her a ride home, i could tell she was about to cry. Later on in that day, she felt bad kept textin me, wanted her to explain. ( she was afraid of losin me) i ignored her text for he day being, wanted my head to be sorted out. Furthermor, she texted me even more the following morning, asking me to meet her at a park nearby. At that point i agreed, and met her.. She was really sad and kept asking me how i can just shut her off. I told her that i like her and i cant be in a half relationship. That was the day the day she told me she started liking me, and she wants to move on but she cant commit to a relationship as of now. We both agreed to keep this "relationship" the same and see how things pan out. As for the rebound, she dumped her ex who lives in asia, mainly for the fact that she will never see him again n that they fight often through texts. The rebound stage are over i believe or i could be wrong. But yeah thats the story so far! Any suggestions from where i should go from here?
Author thewrongonee Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 I'm just afraid of losing her, i dont know what to do. Worst idea in my head is that shrs dragging me on, until shes offically reaady to move on. And when she is she wil find someone else.
CherryT Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 There's nothing you can do from here. Nothing that involves her. She's already told you that she's not ready - it's up to YOU to control your own actions. Do you want to wait or not? There is no guarantee in life. She could move on and be emotionally stable and willing to open up and give you her heart. But that's not today. You could be wrong. Rebounds happen for a few reasons. To get her mind off her ex or to get her mind off what her ex put her through. There's damage that she needs to sort out. Whether she is over her ex or not, she may not be over the relationship and the situation itself. She's being completely upfront with you. She probably does like you because you treat her nicely (perhaps different from how her ex treated her). You keep asking "what can I do from here?" You can't force her to be with you, even if you want a relationship. She's not ready.
Author thewrongonee Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 Thanks for the response cherry, i told her that im not forcing her to do anything, and it will be her choice from where this leads too. One thing thats stuck on my head is that she holding on to me, but one day shr said she dosent want to hurt me. I dont understand, she even said she dosent want to lose me. Like that keeps coming in my head, and i dont know what she means.
Author thewrongonee Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 I was planing on just giving ourself distance, just to get some of these emotions out if the way. We talk everyday, but should i stop? I want this to work but i can only take so much. Shes out with her parents, and im here thinking what i should do..
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