Parents shouldn't get involved in the marriages of their children: agree or disagree?

[CrystalCastles]

I agree.

 

Because of the following.

 

My cousin's wife, Z, left my cousin, R. My aunt, L (R's mom), was becoming so controlling that Z couldn't take it anymore. From the get go, L HATED Z. She treated Z like crap, spread malicious lies about her, all of which she didn't deserve. She's a sweet girl, she truly loved my cousin even though his mom was so controlling that he never learned to be independent and so Z had to take care of him. This is his second marriage. The first one happened the same way- L hated R's first wife and told him to get rid of her, which he did.

 

This whole situation is so sad. I think people should be given the freedom to break away from their parents and make their own mistakes.

[Grumpybutfun]

I agree unless it is to the detriment of small grandchildren who are being neglected, abused or molested.

As far as your family, some mothers cannot see any girl as good enough for their sons and become anxious and controlling. NC with MIL is the only route to go if the son is too afraid to set clear and practical boundaries with his own mother.

Grumps

[CrystalCastles]

I agree unless it is to the detriment of small grandchildren who are being neglected, abused or molested.

As far as your family, some mothers cannot see any girl as good enough for their sons and become anxious and controlling. NC with MIL is the only route to go if the son is too afraid to set clear and practical boundaries with his own mother.

Grumps

 

I think that was the case. My dad said the same thing. When the wife, Z, left, she said she no longer wanted anything to do with any of R's family and that she was done. R should have gone after her, convinced her that the marriage will still work, and the two of them should move out of the country.

 

The son is afraid. That's the problem. He's so passive and broken because of the MIL. She smothered him to a point where he's unable to live life himself because he expects MIL to be there to wipe up after him. I don't think he'll do anything about the situation.

[NoDramaQueen]

I think that was the case. My dad said the same thing. When the wife, Z, left, she said she no longer wanted anything to do with any of R's family and that she was done. R should have gone after her, convinced her that the marriage will still work, and the two of them should move out of the country.

 

The son is afraid. That's the problem. He's so passive and broken because of the MIL. She smothered him to a point where he's unable to live life himself because he expects MIL to be there to wipe up after him. I don't think he'll do anything about the situation.

 

CC I am afraid that he wont either. Not without a shocking wake up call of somekind. I am in somewhat of the same situation myself. I have an overbearing MIL who calls it "helping" but I have come to understand that what it really is, is controlling. I will be starting a thread to share my own story once I figure out how to tell it without making it into a novel. ) But in the mean time here, I will just say that I don't understand these mothers...why they do this, and what do they expect to come of their 60yr old children when they are forced to be on their own. Mother can't live forever.

[HokeyReligions]

I disagree with the basic statement. I think its very important for all generations to be involved with each other. But I do agree based on the example given.

 

There are healthy involvements and toxic. Some irritation is normal within any family dynamic, but its not a black and white choice.

[hotgurl]

I disagree with the basic statement. I think its very important for all generations to be involved with each other. But I do agree based on the example given.

 

There are healthy involvements and toxic. Some irritation is normal within any family dynamic, but its not a black and white choice.

 

HR how would one be involved.

 

Offering advice if it is asked for. But I thinking going to your parents with martial issues is a bad idea. Because a parent will most likely take the child's side and if all they hear about are fights than it can make the parents bitter or angry towards the spouse.

[emva07]

There is a Spanish saying that translates more or less to:

 

Nobody should come between married people or siblings.

 

It's true, my stepdad was an ass to my mom, was abusive and all. My uncles, aunts and her best friend became involved trying to help HER. Guess who my mother stopped talking to and who she stayed with?

[Nyla]

My husband and I do not share our marital conflicts with our families. Our life is none of their business.

 

Unsolicited advice and opinionated parents are very annoying, especially when they have self sufficient adult children. My mother doesn't feel close to me, so she compensates by trying to tell me how to be a wife. She is appalled by the way I don't fetch drinks and food for my husband the way she is a maid for my father.

 

Sometimes parents have difficulty letting go, so they butt in to feel important. I have a brother who is unhappily single and childless. I strongly believe it is because he is a Momma's boy who runs to his mother with all of his business. He will not stay with a woman who doesn't kiss my mom's ass and meet her sexist standards for a wife. I feel sorry for him.

 

Parents should only get involved if safety is an issue.

[setsenia]

I agree. I know there have been some times when my parents have felt the need to try and step in an involve themselves, but really, your kids are adults and need to figure things out themselves. The only thing you can and should be doing is being there to be supportive or offer helpful advice.

[HighheelsAries]

I agree. Parents should mind their own business and not get involved unless invited to do so. Their "children" are adults.

[emva07]

Well no parents like to see their kids suffer no matter how old they are. But parents should know that relationships are a complex thing and their meddling, as good-hearted as it is, will be in vain and just create resentment ( especially from their child's SO)

 

Hence all the mean in-law jokes that we hear everywhere.

Edited September 27, 2013 by emva07

[Daisy7]

I HIGHLY AGREE!! sorry had to vent there, my husband's parents will NOT cut the umbilical cord. My parents never get involved in my marriage his parents is another story

[Daisy7]

There is a Spanish saying that translates more or less to:

 

Nobody should come between married people or siblings.

 

It's true, my stepdad was an ass to my mom, was abusive and all. My uncles, aunts and her best friend became involved trying to help HER. Guess who my mother stopped talking to and who she stayed with?

 

"entre marido y mujer nadie se mete"my husband's parents tell all their marital issues to my husband as though they expect for him to fix it and drives him nuts because at this point in life they should deal with their own issues as old as they are or get divorced already! If my In laws continue to meddle in my marriage i feel i will do the same as the cousin's wife and walk away.

Edited September 28, 2013 by Daisy7