RespectfullyAlone Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Today I found out from my Mom who had been told by one of her friends, that an ex fiance of mine from 7 years ago had separated from her husband. This was a girl who married a guy 3 weeks after she left me, and by all accounts was pregnant with him at the time. I didn't know about him, or her secret relationship until it all came out in the open via her breaking things off suddenly with me. Since that fateful day, I've been told by many people I dodged a bullet, and that her true nature was revealed. I never saw or heard from her again. They moved to the other side of the country and started their life together. They had 2 daughters, and were happy as far as I knew. It took me a couple of years after having moved countries to be closer to my family, but I accepted it, and realized they did what they had to do, and were really in love and that was that. I let go of any resentment towards her, and was happy for them both. Fast forward several years to today. Turns out a leopard can't change his spots. After my breakup with this girl all those years ago, my mutual friends at the time mentioned they felt this guy had a roving eye. None gave them any chance at going the distance, but like all good people wished them the best. She was older than him by 7-8 years at least, and felt this only played into him having an eye for other girls. Thus in a few years felt he’d be on the lookout for a younger girl closer to his age. Once I had accepted she was gone, when I genuinely wished them well and all success, that's when I realized I was truly and forever over her. That was the moment I let her go for good. Those feelings have never come back for her, and I have never wished or wanted for her again. Going back to what my Mom told me today. Her friend had seen my ex recently overseas. My ex had mentioned she was not with her husband anymore and during this discussion my name came up. That she was incredibly regretful of what she had done to me, the way she had done it and so on. My Moms friend encouraged her to contact me. The ex said no she couldn’t, she was ashamed knowing what she had done to me all those years ago. Hearing all this today, the only thing that mattered to me was hearing she was regretful and sorry. She chose her life. She made her decision and she has to live by it now. She had 2 daughters with this guy and while the human part of me feels some sorrow for her situation, it’s not my problem. I have no feelings for her at all and am thankful she never did contact me. This only re-affirmed my true belief that when you genuinely love and care for someone, and they leave you and start a new life with someone else… that one day they will remember you. All signs will point to them forgetting all about you, but one day they will in their heart remember and miss you. They will remember your kindness, your genuine love and care for them. They might even be regretful which in my ex’s case was so. They will wonder how their life would have been with you had they not left. They will only think these things however when they hit rock bottom or are faced with a breakup themselves. This situation, this catalyst needs to happen in order for them to truly remember you, miss you, regret leaving you. As long as things are going great with the new guy, our ex’s will not have any thoughts of regret, sorrow or remorse for walking out on a perfectly good relationship -- one that could have lasted the distance. This is especially the case with buyers remorse. As in, our ex's left us because they felt they could do better, not because we did anything wrong or the relationship was having trouble. It could be as simple as the new guy is taller, better looking, makes more money etc. But in time, they will see that's not what matters in love and life. Thus when it turns out the new guy is not only not better, but worse, they will regret their decision. By then for most it will be too late anyway, as either we have moved on, or have no feelings for our ex's and do not want them back. Only when they are in the same place we have been, the land of the broken hearted will they remember us, or regret their decisions. It’s now 9 months since my most recent relationship ended which I have posted about on LS before. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t wish and hope she will come back, or reach out and contact me. I have always felt she would one day truly remember me, miss me and regret leaving me, not only in the way she did so which was incredibly cowardly, but leaving me full stop. But the only way for that to occur is for things to play out and that takes time. The moral of the story is that ex’s do remember you. Despite them moving to the other side of the country, marrying someone else, having kids, seemingly living perfect and happy lives, that will last only as long as their relationship does. Once that ends, those who touched their hearts from the past will pop back into their minds, thoughts and memories. It doesn’t mean they will act upon those thoughts however but it’s nice to know you are never truly forgotten by the ones you have loved.
Sugarkane Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Thankyou for posting. It seems if you are cut off and never hear from them ever again, you're completely forgotten. I made a post long ago about dumpers aren't always right about everything and sometimes make odd choices after. I'm really glad you don't feel anything and you shouldn't feel bad at all. It was her choice like you said. Their regrets are too little, too late. Onwards and upwards!
keepontruckin Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 The dumper always wonders, I'm sure too... My wife left five months ago, and had taken pretty much all of her belongings... One week ago I remembered that I had saved her old laptop, when I replaced it with a new one for her. It has been sitting in storage for over a year. I powered it up, and pulled up the search history... Right before we married, she was searching facebook profiles of dudes... I don't know them, but I can only assume she "knew" them at one point in time.
Author RespectfullyAlone Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 Thankyou for posting. It seems if you are cut off and never hear from them ever again, you're completely forgotten. I made a post long ago about dumpers aren't always right about everything and sometimes make odd choices after. I'm really glad you don't feel anything and you shouldn't feel bad at all. It was her choice like you said. Their regrets are too little, too late. Onwards and upwards! While it feels nice to find out she was regretful of her decision, I haven't had any feelings for her for many years now. I mean it was 7 years ago since she was exposed. I do wish my current ex however would remember me, or snap out of it, come to her senses and realize what she did, the cowardly way she did it, and leaving full stop was a wrong move. No matter how much I feel inside of me, that one day she will reach out, or regret this decision, I know it will be too late in the grand scheme of things. I will use this small boost of the 7 year old ex-fiance to try and help my self confidence. I hope it lasts more than a day or so as I really need a lift of some kind.
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