lonelygirl83 Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 I am married to a great man and have always thought we had a great marriage. I have never thought about another man until recently. And now I feel torn between the two. I have been texting this other man and hiding it from my husband( I feel horrible but can't stop). The other man is married also but isn't happy with his marriage. He has told me he would leave me be and never contact me again but that isn't what I want. Another thing is I have 3 young kids. 2 from a previous marriage and 1 with my husband now. I would really hate to break my family apart. This other man also has kids that are my age... but he has told me his kids would love me and be happy if he was happy. I am so confused and I find myself crying a lot cause I don't want to hurt my husband but I also love this other man. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
smoky eyes Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 In what way is this new man better than your husband? Or is he just new and different? 1
smoky eyes Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Oh, I missed the part where his kids were your age, I thought they were the age of your kids. Yeah. ABSOLUTELY NOT! And is there anything actually wrong with your marriage or are you just bored? Every relationship goes through phases, I would certainly not break up something good over some mid-life crisis case.
livdee Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Lonelygirl, I think I need some clearification on the age of his kids. I thought you meant they were you kids' ages too... Anyway, it is so easy to fall into this situation. I was in exactly the same boat with a guy in my neighborhood. It just started and we couldn't stop. My difference was he didn't want to hurt either family. Either did I but my head stayed in the A fog much longer than his. You need to sit down and really think if the texts are worth it. Is it enough to throw your family into disarray? People will get hurt. I know you can't see that all very clearly right niw, but they will, especially if you two decide to be together. You said you had been in a happy marriage. Did just this texting change that? I wish every day that I hadn't started texting him. My life was fine before. Maybe not as exciting as I would have liked but fine non the less. He was excitement. He made me feel alive. I can bet, that is exactly where you are right now. I am in my second week after his text that said he needs to stop. Talk about crash! He doesn't want to hurt his family. Beware, when they are married, they tend to choose the safe, old relayionship when backed into a corner. Be careful. Don't open yourself up to be hurt. What us exciting one dau can be devestating the next. Stay on these boards. They help SO much!! 2
Author lonelygirl83 Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 Lonelygirl, I think I need some clearification on the age of his kids. I thought you meant they were you kids' ages too... Anyway, it is so easy to fall into this situation. I was in exactly the same boat with a guy in my neighborhood. It just started and we couldn't stop. My difference was he didn't want to hurt either family. Either did I but my head stayed in the A fog much longer than his. You need to sit down and really think if the texts are worth it. Is it enough to throw your family into disarray? People will get hurt. I know you can't see that all very clearly right niw, but they will, especially if you two decide to be together. You said you had been in a happy marriage. Did just this texting change that? I wish every day that I hadn't started texting him. My life was fine before. Maybe not as exciting as I would have liked but fine non the less. He was excitement. He made me feel alive. I can bet, that is exactly where you are right now. I am in my second week after his text that said he needs to stop. Talk about crash! He doesn't want to hurt his family. Beware, when they are married, they tend to choose the safe, old relayionship when backed into a corner. Be careful. Don't open yourself up to be hurt. What us exciting one dau can be devestating the next. Stay on these boards. They help SO much!! Yes his children are my age or close too. And that is my problem I don't want to hurt my husband or my children for someone that just want to get laid. Your right it could very well be that I need more excitement in my life and this texting another man is it. Luckily he is gone on vacation and we can't text much so hopefully this will help me get the clarification I need. Thank you for your help livdee
bubbaganoosh Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Maybe you should change your name on your thread. You don't seem too lonely to me juggling two guys 1
Author lonelygirl83 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 Today the OM told me he loved me! He said he knows we can never be together but he just wanted me to know how he really feels. He's on vacation right now and my husband is out of town for work so I have plenty of time to figure out what to do. And I know it would be stupid to leave my husband.
livdee Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Lonelygirl, it is going to be very hard to remember how much you loved your husband before all if this started qith him out of town and the OM throwing the love word at you. I always wonder why someone feels the need to say it if they know nothing can come of it. I would go NC this week, at least until your husband is back. You can't figure anything out with the OM sending messages. It is going to be hard, heck it's going to suck! But, if you want to try to figure this out you need perspective. Hang tough!!
Dolphono Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 How can you love some one you just met? His words are soooo sweet to you right now because you want that new thrill. His third legs is calling you. Go get girl, ride it and enjoy it? Brace yourself for the fallout.
Dolphono Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Maybe you should change your name on your thread. You don't seem too lonely to me juggling two guys Oh she is lonely. People are more connected than ever and yet people are so disconnected. This new dude is a temporary solution to her loneliness. Once they go on for sometime, the emptiness of their lives will return and it's on to the next. Here's some tracks for the lonely people out there. Lonely Soul by UNKLE & Lonely People by lil louis
Author lonelygirl83 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 Maybe its not love but there are some very strong feelings that I have never felt with anyone before. And I have told myself that this guy just wants to get laid and I told him I am not the person to just have sex with and move on hints one reason I have not been with this man. And he tells me he is not the kind of guy that does that... he tells me all the time how much he misses me and how beautiful I am and pretty much everything any woman wants to hear.
Dolphono Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 "Pretty much everything any woman wants to hear" with low self esteem. That' s what FB is for. Seriously you have a husband, I'm sorry your husband is ho-hum about you right now. Communicate your needs to your husband and get that loving feeling back.
Author lonelygirl83 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 My husband is not ho hum about me. He loves me and would do anything in the world for me. Its my feelings for him that I am starting to doubt. Like he is out of town right now and I miss him but not like I use to miss him when he would leave. He also get annoyed when I want to go hang out with some of the ppl at the hotel we are in I usually hang out and visit with them for a few hours a day that is the only time I get adult time. He goes to work and gets to visit and stuff while I am home. He thinks when he is home I should be by him 24/7. And I just feel smothered sometimes. If I get a message on my phone or a call he is always like who was that like he don't trust me which I have never gave him any reason not to. So I decided to start asking him every time he got a message or anything who it was and he would get annoyed and I told him you do it to me all the time and he has given me reasons not to trust him when he did the exact same thing with another women that I am doing now. And no I am not doing this as pay back as many of you may think this happened a few years ago when I was pregnant with our son.
twosadthings Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 It's only taken two days for you to go from being in a great marriage to a great man to describing him as someone who is possesive and controlling. Soon it will be you love him but are not in love with him. Get a grip, take stock of what you have and what you are about to lose. If it no longer is worth having, let your husband know you want a divorce and pursue and be pursued by whomever you so choose. That's the best way to be able, for the rest of your life, to look yourself in the mirror when you comb your hair or brush your teeth. Twosadthings 1
Author lonelygirl83 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 I guess I did make it sound like he is possessive and controlling and he not. We don't have many friends here as we just moved here. And on his days off he wants to spend every waking minute together and don't get me wrong I like spending time with him but sometimes I just need me time and have a break from everything and talk to the few ppl we know here at the hotel. So I usually go visit when he is playing his game and I am sitting there doing nothing. And there are also plenty of times when we go together to visit everybody.
Nyla Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 I am married to a great man and have always thought we had a great marriage. I have never thought about another man until recently. And now I feel torn between the two. I have been texting this other man and hiding it from my husband( I feel horrible but can't stop). The other man is married also but isn't happy with his marriage. He has told me he would leave me be and never contact me again but that isn't what I want. Another thing is I have 3 young kids. 2 from a previous marriage and 1 with my husband now. I would really hate to break my family apart. This other man also has kids that are my age... but he has told me his kids would love me and be happy if he was happy. I am so confused and I find myself crying a lot cause I don't want to hurt my husband but I also love this other man. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. You are only doubting your marriage because you have met this older man. All you have been doing with texting and the creep you are "in love" with will tell you whatever you want to hear. You have admitted that you know he is just snowing you with is words. If you think it will be easy to become a stepmother to people your age, you have made a very sad mistake. They will likely resent you for contributing to the break up of their parents' marriage and be uncomfortable with the age difference between you and their father. I don't understand why you are risking your marriage for a few steamy texts. Is it really worth it to break up your family and hurt your husband for some fanciful talk? If you love your husband as much as you say you do, it shouldn't be so easy to think of walking away from him. I was once texting with a new male friend and I told my husband about this person so that there would be no suspicions. As soon as my "friend" started sending me erotic texts and trying to entice me into an affair, I cut off all contact with him. Anybody who can't respect my marriage isn't someone I need to talk to. This is because I love my husband and I take marriage very seriously. 1
Author lonelygirl83 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 His kids are not his wife's kids they are his from his first wife whom died.
Dolphono Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Wow! You're going to leave your husband for a father figure whom may have ED? This other guy will indeed leave his wife for you, that's what older cats do when a younger fish is on the hook. He's trading up while you're trading down with limited time to enjoy your new purchase. 1
Author lonelygirl83 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 I never said I was going to leave my husband. I am just very confused about my feelings for this other man. I get he is probably tell me all the things I want to hear to get in my pants.
Dolphono Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 You never spelled it out but you are indeed saying it. Actions speak much louder than words. You're here for support via strangers co-signing your actions with this other guy. Now, if you're not leaving? Than your on the fence to tip out. I doubt the lather because of the OM's age and you stated he can't pimp you into having sex.
Author lonelygirl83 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 Well my H comes home tomorrow and the OM is still on vacation and I still am not sure what I am gonna do. When the OM text me he tell me He's really tore up and can't believe how much he misses me and loves me.
BetheButterfly Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 (edited) I am married to a great man and have always thought we had a great marriage. I have never thought about another man until recently. And now I feel torn between the two. I have been texting this other man and hiding it from my husband( I feel horrible but can't stop). Why are you lying to yourself? You most definitely CAN stop. You do have the power to stop. You have a brain advanced enough to decide what you will do. The other man is married also but isn't happy with his marriage. He has told me he would leave me be and never contact me again but that isn't what I want. Another thing is I have 3 young kids. 2 from a previous marriage and 1 with my husband now. I would really hate to break my family apart. This other man also has kids that are my age... but he has told me his kids would love me and be happy if he was happy. I am so confused and I find myself crying a lot cause I don't want to hurt my husband but I also love this other man. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciatedMy advice to you is to analyze what in your marriage with your husband is lacking. Marriage and Love are delicate plants that need constant nurturing, feeding, and protecting. There are thousands of weeds/poisons out to destroy them. You need to decide if you are going to allow your love and marriage (commitment) to your husband to be destroyed, or if you are going to work with your husband as a team to nurture and make your love strong. If you decide to protect and save your love and marriage with your husband, then y'all need to communicate with love and find what is lacking, then communicate/work together to fill that void that leaves your love and marriage vulnerable to the weed/poison of unfaithfulness. Edited September 9, 2013 by BetheButterfly
GorillaTheater Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Well my H comes home tomorrow and the OM is still on vacation and I still am not sure what I am gonna do. When the OM text me he tell me He's really tore up and can't believe how much he misses me and loves me. If it's truly that hard of a choice, let your husband go. It certainly sounds like he deserves better.
BetheButterfly Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 If it's truly that hard of a choice, let your husband go. It certainly sounds like he deserves better. She sounds really young. She also has young kids. If their marriage is destroyed, that can negatively impact their children. I don't think it's too late for them. I think though she does need to decide whether she is going to nurture and protect love and her commitment (with her husband) or allow them to be destroyed. Hopefully the OP and her husband grow in love and commitment. OP, there's something obviously lacking in your relationship with your husband. I strongly advise you to lovingly investigate what that is, what is it you need that you feel is not being met, and lovingly communicate that with your husband to work as a team to meet that need, as well as his needs.
CptSaveAho Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 The marriage was over the day it began...
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