Ex-Gf is contacting me to hang out again

[mokaction]

My ex and I were in a 2 yr relationship, she broke it up a month ago. The first week we ended up not talking to each other and she was very upset and felt guilty for breaking up with me and was very touch feely with me when she come over to see how I was doing. She had a meeting out of town during the end of that week and when she came back we had a meeting and she told me that she only wanted to be friends now, and no more touchy feely.

 

I told her that I wanted to go back with her and it would hurt too much to be friends again. So I thought about it for a couple of days and on that following Wednesday I called her and told her that I love her and cared for her to much and every time I would see her I would hurt, I asked her if I was her friend and we were never in a relationship what would you tell that friend. And she said I would tell that person not to talk with that person again, so I thought best to start NC.

 

So I started NC for about a week or so and I was talkingwith my therapist friend and she said that was the wrong thing to do and that I totally closed the door on my ex and that I didn’t give her a open door if she wanted to contact me.

 

This was the second week. So I decided to send my Ex some ofher favorite flowers and a little hand written note that I was sorry that I talked with her like that latest Wednesday and that I just needed time to heal.

 

She emailed mailed me back with: That is a kind gesture andthat I was 100% correct and we need to keep a healthy distance. And she wished me happiness and health always.

 

Third week, and I started NC again, that was another Wednesday, then the following Saturday she emailed me and asked if I was OK,since she know that I love to go spear fishing, she thought I drowned or something and was worried about me, that is why she said she sent me the email. We started talking again via email, then texting.

 

Fourth week, that following Friday she showed up at my houseafter her work and we had a great conversation hanging out for a couple of hours. Then on the next day she called me as asked if I would like to go to the beach with her and hang out with our dogs. So I did. We had a wonderful time talking.

 

 

I told her that the old relationship is over and that we are starting a new. Everything when so good and then she asked if we could take my boat out to the Channel Islands and go surfing and diving. I said sure we can take the boat out and go surfing and I could shoot a couple of fish and make fresh civichi and we can have a little picnic, we had a wonderful time. One of the best times we have ever had out at the Channel Islands that I could remember.

 

So yesterday she emailed me and said that she is having issues with her washer and dryer and that her dryer is broken and asked if Icould fix it for her, and of course I said yes, then she invited me to lunch and we talked more, she told me that she our old relationship was bad and that she was planning on breaking up with me months ago and didn’t have the heart to do it. She said I was lazy and I would not work out or do anything with her and the sex was really bad. So I listened to her, showing no emotions since I know I didn’t want to get into a fight with her.

 

We continued lunch and then after lunch we decided to do some shopping and hung out for a couple more hours. She wanted me to do some stuff around her house. I feel like we are back together again, but just no sex. I don’t know If I should continue doing fix it jobs for her as I feel like I am being taken advantage of. She tells me that she since we are not seeing other people that we have grown comfortable around each other and that it is easy to hang out. She tells me that she doesn’t want to have a relationship with me, but yet she wants to hang out, she also know that I want to date her again.

 

I am not sure what to do? If I should just play along and give her time, or maybe she is just using me till she meet someone else to take my place. I am so confused.

Edited September 6, 2013 by mokaction
miss spelling

[mammasita]

I think at this point in time you need space. Neither you nor her can do any healing nor soul searching while you are still spending time with eachother. I'm a firm believer in if its meant to be neither time nor space nor no contact will keep you apart.....if its meant to be, you will find each other again.

 

That said, I think you should cut contact......deal with the loss. Deal with it honestly. You can't start anew without greiving your old relationship. What you're doing now isn't giving you the chance to do that. You're not able to with her in your face contacting you and asking for favors. If she emails you, don't respond. If she shows up to talk, ask her to go. I know it's hard. Trust me, I've done it. It will make you a stronger..... and quite honestly more attractive ....person to her in the end if that's the way it's meant to be.

 

Work on you, focus on you.

[mokaction]

Mammasita, Yes, I think you are right. I will fix what I promised to do then I will make myself scares. She is also type 1 diabetic and has thyroid issue. So her brain is always up and down. When we were together I could never figure out what was wrong with her.

 

Even know she flip flops from one feeling to another. I can't figure it out, once second she wants to be with me the other she is not sure of anything and says that we are not good for each other.

[StyleOnEm]

Wow, it sounds like she is completely using you dude. And you are falling for it. Fixing things for her, doing stuff around her house, her her her. What has she done for you besides inflating your ego while you're "friends" with her?

 

It's clear you are doing all this stuff in an effort that she wakes up one morning and has an epiphany that she wants to be with you and only you. That's probably not going to happen. She's just giving you false hope.

 

You don't want to be with a girl who's so wishy washy. If lets say you do go back together with her, she's going to change her mind a week/month later and you'll be back to square one, hurting like it's the first breakup.

 

The only real way is to remain NC and work on yourself and maybe she'll work on herself, and down the line if she truly realizes you were the right guy for her, she will initiate contact with you and want to work on getting back together. And then you will have a choice at that point because you'll be in the driver's seat.

 

The dynamic I see right now is you're willing to accept anything just to spend time with her. That's not a healthy way of doing things. She got you by the balls and she knows it.

[mokaction]

Yes, I think she is holding on to me till she meet another guy to take my place. I can see that.