vc87 Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 I met a guy online and things went absolutely perfect.. I honestly haven't felt an initial click with someone like that in a very long time. After our meeting, it seemed like he was texted me randomly just to make little conversations or to say hi. Fast forward two weeks.. We hang out again.. We basically spent almost two afternoons and nights together.. Couldn't have asked for a more enjoyable time.. And it definitely was mutual thing.. He told me plenty of times how much he enjoyed our time hanging out. Now here's my problem.. The texts have stopped. I know his job and work schedule were going to be crazy and very hectic, so us hanging out again was going to be out on the back burner for a couple weeks. I totally understood that.. And I have no problem waiting until he was free to do something again. After we hung out he sent me a thinking of you text the following night, and I replied back.. But didnt hear from him for the rest of the week. I decided to text him just saying hi and I said I hope I get to see him again soon (not giving a time frame or anything). he replied back that he was still crazy with work and had a lot to catch up on.. And that this weekend he may finally have a free day. I replied back to just let me know whenever might work best for him.. But didnt get a reply back. The weekend is obviously approaching and I've been driving myself crazy wondering if I should text him or not asking him if he'a free to do something. I know it probably sounds silly.. I just don't want to seem like I'm chasing after him or seem desperate.. after not talking to him regularly for almost two weeks now, I don't want to seem pushy to hang out.. I always figured that of I guy is interested, they will go after what they want.. Part of me wants to wait and see how long it takes him to ask me but part of me wants to ask him.. Any suggestions? He did say to me that he wasn't really crazy about texting.. And he gets sidetracked in replying back sometimes.. But I just don't understand how/why guys do a 180.. Texting a lot then nothing..
acrosstheuniverse Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 If he wants to see you, he will get in touch and try to arrange something. If he doesn't get in touch, either he's no longer interested or he's genuinely too busy to hang out (and is a little rude for not at least letting you know the tentative plan is a definite no-go). 1
Dallers Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Sorry to give you the bad news but as a man I can see numerous pieces of bulls**t in your post that comes from the very special part of a man's brain that in medical terms is known as: How to distance ourselves from situations in which we have no interest in pursuing but maintaining the possibility of added extras at no extra cost. For a start no man is very busy and no man is too busy to continue to pursue a potential love interest, you saying he never has a tea break or lunch break at work? he never has a single second free from his entire waking life to send a text message that takes less than 30 seconds to write?. Everybody likes to text and I only forget to reply to people I did not want to reply to! If a girl was on my mind even if I was held at gunpoint by terrorists I would break free of my bindings, roundhouse kick the man guarding me and use him as a human shield while crushing his finger on the trigger to kill the others and then find my mobile phone to send a message to set up the next date, if it meant the possibility of sex! It all appears far too casual to me and at a guess I would say this is probably what it is to him, so you need look elsewhere unless that is what you are looking for as you are wasting time here. 8
hudson701 Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Sorry to give you the bad news but as a man I can see numerous pieces of bulls**t in your post that comes from the very special part of a man's brain that in medical terms is known as: How to distance ourselves from situations in which we have no interest in pursuing but maintaining the possibility of added extras at no extra cost. For a start no man is very busy and no man is too busy to continue to pursue a potential love interest, you saying he never has a tea break or lunch break at work? he never has a single second free from his entire waking life to send a text message that takes less than 30 seconds to write?. Everybody likes to text and I only forget to reply to people I did not want to reply to! If a girl was on my mind even if I was held at gunpoint by terrorists I would break free of my bindings, roundhouse kick the man guarding me and use him as a human shield while crushing his finger on the trigger to kill the others and then find my mobile phone to send a message to set up the next date, if it meant the possibility of sex! It all appears far too casual to me and at a guess I would say this is probably what it is to him, so you need look elsewhere unless that is what you are looking for as you are wasting time here. This! 100%. I too, am a man. And if I am seriously attracted to a girl absolutely nothing will stop me getting in touch, especially if its only a text message. Being self employed means I can't exactly stop working, but, I've dropped £100s pounds/dollars worth of work for a day in a blink of an eye just to go on an hour coffee date with a girl I really like. The lust takes over basically. I'm sorry to say that he probably doesn't fancy you enough to pursue you. However he would most likely do a FWB situation to suit him. If he fancied the arse off you he'd come running. Fact. All boys are the same, me included I'm afraid. We're very shallow in that regard. 5
MrCastle Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Ideally it is a 50/50 situation where both people initiate contact but that doesn't happen the majority of the time. In my age group, if you don't text the girl first, it just doesn't happen for you. This is not just for me but for all my guy friends. I don't know what it is. So unless I plan to stay at home for a romantic evening with my hand, I have to be the one to initiate contact. It was a role I was not immediately satisfied with but I guess this "man has to do the chasing" is the real deal. These girls respond in a timely fashion and their answers are well thought out replies as opposed to one word answers so I assume they are into me -- I just have to send that first text. My advice to you would be to text him if you really like him. Don't let him slip away over stubbornness. 1
Mliu Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Im in the same position as you. Im a guy waiting for her to initiate. If she doesn't in 2 to 3 days, I will start it. Give him a text. Its not like you text him every single free time you have.
emva07 Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 That depends on who is the one who is the most interested. In this case sounds like it's you. So you.
danlightbulb Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 You know what, there is alot of conflicting advice on this forum. In my own recent thread, it was implied by many that the 'man' should play a little hard to get. Here you all are advising the woman the very same thing. Someone has to initiate the god damn thing.
emva07 Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 I mean it really depends on what she wants. Seems like this guy isn't going to do much initiating anymore. So at this point the options are do nothing. Or she can txt. In relationships there is a pursuer and the pursued. It all depends on which one you want to be. Most times women like being the one being pursued but it doesn't have to be that way.
WP4046 Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Unfortunately too busy to text means he is dealing with someone else. 1
danlightbulb Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Most times women like being the one being pursued but it doesn't have to be that way. Then why is the advice to men almost always to play hard to get, to not text or call for days on end and wait until the woman contacts? If women like being pursued then why is this advice given out to men? 1
Dallers Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Im in the same position as you. Im a guy waiting for her to initiate. If she doesn't in 2 to 3 days, I will start it. Give him a text. Its not like you text him every single free time you have. Fella your situation is nothing like this situation. You want a girl who does not want you and your idea of getting her back is by sending her a birthday card just to make yourself feel better although you will actually make yourself feel worse but cannot see it yet. Out of curiosity did you send it?
Mliu Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Fella your situation is nothing like this situation. You want a girl who does not want you and your idea of getting her back is by sending her a birthday card just to make yourself feel better although you will actually make yourself feel worse but cannot see it yet. Out of curiosity did you send it? You're right but what I meant was I'm waiting for her to initiate first. .
ThisGal Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 You're right but what I meant was I'm waiting for her to initiate first. . Grow some balls and contact her.
ThisGal Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Regarding the OP, yeah he's def not interested. If he has time to feed the hole in his face, he has time to send a quick text or better yet a quick call to say hello, he's been thinking of you and doesn't want you to think he's not interested but at this time his schedule is backed up. Any man who is interested will make it very clear because they don't want you possibly getting interested in someone else, some other man may pique your interest and he won't want that. Forget this guy. 1
silly in love Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Honey,did you read the book."He isnt Just that into u".Thats how it sounds.Males are hunters and they will go out of their way if they are interested in a girl.No one is too busy just to send a text.I wouldnt text him.
emva07 Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 (edited) Then why is the advice to men almost always to play hard to get, to not text or call for days on end and wait until the woman contacts? If women like being pursued then why is this advice given out to men? I wasn't really advising anything. I was just answering the last question of who should initiate on the title. I was saying that he's clearly not as interested so him contacting her Is out of the question. So if she wants to she can. There's no rule that says she can't but keep in mind she's txting a guy who's not interested. Whenever two ppl click, one person initiates but the other person responds accordingly. I think playing hard to get works for teenagers. But now at 25 a guy or gal playing hard to get is a turn off. Ain't got time for that. You either call and I respond, you call and i respond but i stop showing interest quick (the not interested approach) or you don't call and no sweat off my back. I've done the initial contact before. Now if he were interested he'd pick up the clues and start contact on other occasions, give and take. If not, he's not that interested and that's that. No need for mind games. I don't make excuses for people anymore. If you want something you do it , when you don't, you don't. Does that make more sense? Edited September 8, 2013 by emva07 1
WP4046 Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 I've never seen that advice given to men. It's almost always given to women though. I think you have simply misunderstod who that advice is actually meant for. I think either either sex plays hard to get they will be seen as more attractive.
fanine Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 I think either either sex plays hard to get they will be seen as more attractive. I don't see men who play hard as attractive. Quite the opposite. It is game playing. As soon as I see that crap I'm off. None of my partners have behaved like this. They just act, well 'normal' giving me respect and no bull****... 2
ThisGal Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 I think either either sex plays hard to get they will be seen as more attractive. Incorrect.
Dallers Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 You're right but what I meant was I'm waiting for her to initiate first. . Woah woah! Ignore that i am going crazy that message was aimed at Dan not you. I miss quoted. I had just got back from the gym and was near passing out my apologies But in your situation as was said above grow those balls my friend and make the move do not wait!!
WP4046 Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 I don't see men who play hard as attractive. Quite the opposite. It is game playing. As soon as I see that crap I'm off. None of my partners have behaved like this. They just act, well 'normal' giving me respect and no bull****... Well explain to me why after I stop contacting her after 2 days I get a text from her saying........."hey stranger"
ThisGal Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Well explain to me why after I stop contacting her after 2 days I get a text from her saying........."hey stranger" She's genuinely interested to know what happened to you since she hasn't heard from you but as soon as she knows you're playing mind games she'll lose interest. Continue playing this "hard to get" game and you'll find yourself playing in the corner by yourself. Nothing turns me off more than a man who wants to play sissy. 2
emva07 Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Well explain to me why after I stop contacting her after 2 days I get a text from her saying........."hey stranger" Because SHE is still interested. Keep ignoring her and she will get the clue that you aren't and move on. There's only so much rejection someone is willing to take. Don't test how long....because you never know how short her patience is. Don't be the one left wondering "if only I hadn't.....". You like someone, let them know, because if you show otherwise, she will think you're not and move on and you will be left playing in the corner like above poster said. 2
WP4046 Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Because SHE is still interested. Keep ignoring her and she will get the clue that you aren't and move on. There's only so much rejection someone is willing to take. Don't test how long....because you never know how short her patience is. Don't be the one left wondering "if only I hadn't.....". You like someone, let them know, because if you show otherwise, she will think you're not and move on and you will be left playing in the corner like above poster said. It would not be me not contacting at all. It would be disappear for a few days and then contact, disappear again and then contact. Where she would be confused but still interested
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