blahblahblahblah Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Hi all, Just figured I would get some advice on how to maybe help me with some closure on a situation. Dated for 3 years and lived with the person who has 3 children from previous marriage. Point is we were very close and very invested, from my perspective. At any rate, we had an argument (over nothing of importance....trust me about that) and she asked me to move out and didn't want to ever hear from me again. My first question is.....how can someone write someone off they claim to have loved so easily? Secondly, she texted me about 2 months later with just platonic little things like "I need a vacation", etc. I tried to take advantage of that to say I would like to take her and she said "no". She later said she was just being "nice". I had sent her an email saying that I loved her and wanted to be with her prior to that. So, my next question is.....what was that all about? Why would she go from no contact to that and then ignore my advances? Confused! Thanks for any insight you might have. I think I just have to move on but I never got any closure and trying to make sense of it all. Maybe that will never be.
JDPT Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Because she likes comfort and you are comfortable to her. She is confident that you will reply her messages. Hence why she had absolutely not problem declining your offer to go on vacation with you. Our exes can change at the drop of a dime or it can all be a façade. In any event, don't dwell on the past and leave it where it belongs. Start to focus on yourself and your recovery journey, understand and internalize that the relationship is over and commit to NC or you will end up being her puppet leaving her to string you along as she pleases. 2
Author blahblahblahblah Posted September 6, 2013 Author Posted September 6, 2013 I suspected (and your response would confirm it to some extent) it was a way of testing whether I was still "on the line" which I showed her I was:( After the rejection I went back to the NC and will continue to move on. Still having a hard time feeling like she ever loved me to go from hot to sooo cold like that but again not likely to ever get closure on that. Appreciate your input!
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Remember, just because a BU was sudden or 'out of the blue' to you, chances are your ex has been planning it for a while. Sucks I know, but these things rarely are decided spur of the moment. And, yes, the post BU texting means nothing more than an ego stroke or ease of guilt for her. Nothing more!! NOTHING!! 1
Ireallydontknow Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 There's probably someone else too, so make it easy on yourself and just forget her. 1
Vinsanity1307 Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 I know how you feel bro .. my ex broke up with me after 5 years and had 3 kids from previous marriages I feel your pain man..STILL struggling 2 months later...miss her alot...was just breadcrumbs unfortunately...
Author blahblahblahblah Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 noticed you are from Worcester. I'm from NH. Good luck bud.....I'm about 4 months into the breakup and I just can't stop thinking about her. Doesn't help that we frequented a lot of the same places before and that about ever picture on my computer is from trips we took together (took her to BVI's, Alaska, Jamaica, US Virgin Islands, and Bahamas...lol). I'm amazed that a woman with that much baggage could not appreciate the efforts and challenges one accepts when you get into a relationship with that many kids because if you were like me you were taking care of her kids all the time, getting them on the bus, making them lunches/dinners. Stupid me, I found out that her washing machine was broken and scheduled and paid for someone to fix it for her. Saw her a few days later at a restaurant alone and asked if I could buy her a drink. She said "no" and I got a little upset and told her that it was BS that she couldn't even accept something so innocent from me. I think she just wants to be cruel and make me feel badly. Anyway, since then I have decided to move on and invoke the NC rule. I broke it once because I'm walking in the Jimmy Fund Walk on Sunday in memory of her niece who died (sad story) and wanted a button to wear so asked her for one. She did leave that on her porch so that is the only nice thing she has done for me since our breakup. Oh well, it is easy to feel used. I also finished her basement and made lots of improvements on her home which I obviously won't enjoy now. But, don't let it get you down and offer your best to the woman who comes into your life next time around. I wish it were different for both of us but that's life right? Good luck to you and keep your head up!
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