ddspike21 Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 As the title suggests, how do you guys separate the feel good nostalgic memories of your ex with what the reality of the relationship was? Im currently 3 months post BU and 2 months into NC and im definitely healing but i still struggle with seeing the negatives and bad part of the relationship, or rather, seeing it without rose tinted glasses. As im sure many here are aware, its difficult not to just focus on the great memories you had together as opposed to remembering the good and bad times.
hopefulfaerie Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 As the title suggests, how do you guys separate the feel good nostalgic memories of your ex with what the reality of the relationship was? Im currently 3 months post BU and 2 months into NC and im definitely healing but i still struggle with seeing the negatives and bad part of the relationship, or rather, seeing it without rose tinted glasses. As im sure many here are aware, its difficult not to just focus on the great memories you had together as opposed to remembering the good and bad times. Wow we are almost exactly on the same page. Even the timing. That is a great question you asked!!! I wish I knew the answer. Ha ha! A lot of help I am huh?? Unfortunately, he cut me off while still in the "honeymoon" stage so I never got to discover his annoying traits, which I'm sure he has. We all do. I really wish I could have some of those memories to focus on instead of seeing only the great part of him. (Deep sigh) 3
unexpectedlyhere Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 I have brilliant memories of me and ex together. But I also know he's not here now, and he broke up with me. I don't really feel like much more is needed! 1
Moniq Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 I don't think there's anything you can do about that except give it time.... I hate time by the way. Everyone says time heals or what not but its sorta true. I have just recently started to see the 'negative' in my relationship. I kept on saying to myself that I would never find a good man like my X, but guess what? He was not good to me the last two years of our relationship. Why would I want to keep that kind of relationship, one where he does not value me and treats me like a roommate. I just started thinking like that 3 months into my separation. Im still suffering but honestly I need someone who would bend over backwards for me and love me unconditionally. My X and I would hardly fight, we are not like that, we got a long great but he lost his love for me. I deserve better. And I guess that one day you'll wake up and feel like you are worth something and deserve someone who WANTS to be with you. I hope you feel better.
Blastoplast Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Make a list of things that piss you off about your ex. Here are a few of mine: - Nagging about stupid things - Financially irresponsible - A slob - Didn't try sexually - Worst gifts ever - Can't even cook a box of Mac & Cheese - Egocentric (can be a good thing, but bad for her) I came up with these in about a minute. But I'm past the grieving stage and more onto the anger stage. You'll get there eventually. 1
todreaminblue Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 As the title suggests, how do you guys separate the feel good nostalgic memories of your ex with what the reality of the relationship was? Im currently 3 months post BU and 2 months into NC and im definitely healing but i still struggle with seeing the negatives and bad part of the relationship, or rather, seeing it without rose tinted glasses. As im sure many here are aware, its difficult not to just focus on the great memories you had together as opposed to remembering the good and bad times. nostalgia is not a bad thing......as long as you see it as nostalgia...which i do....the reality of my relationship is it was destroyed by infidelity and sometimes abusive behavior...doesnt change the fact we had some real passion together......and out of that passion for each other there is nostalgia.... but that passion.....resides in me with the love i have to offer ......not with him......i took it with me...the memories and the knowledge i have passion to share that will enhance any relationship i am in.....especially if meet someone with passion in their heart for "only" me...lol...thats reality he had passion but was sharing it with other and i wasnt sharign it with anyoen but him, so it was unequal in the passion department..........that's how i separate nostalgia from reality....i want an equal relationship.........and i may get nostalgic.....but i am single ...and i miss intimacy with someone special as most of us do..........my passion is on reserve however.....for someone who deserves it...thats reality if i were to meet soemone...i will be part of new nostalgia......longer lasting memories sweeter...because they would be in the here and now with a guy i love...not in a past relationship.so sweeter....nostalgia not tinged with regrets and unfulfilled promises of a failed and over relationship....................deb
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Excellent question! Because I'm fairly sure my endless "suffering" is really nothing more than nostalgia, not the actual "person" or relationship itself.
Mr Scorpio Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 As the title suggests, how do you guys separate the feel good nostalgic memories of your ex with what the reality of the relationship was? I play the memories through my mind in chronological order. I may get wistful thinking about the great memories and lost opportunities, but eventually I get to the part at the end where I was lied to and used as a backup plan. This doesn't make the memories less painful, but it quenches any desire to reinitiate contact. 1
Recommended Posts