Louwel2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Hi I have been reading the posts on here for weeks and they have really helped me. I am in a bit of a mess... I started an EA with my next door neighbour which turned physical after a few months. We have always been sort of friends but have grown closer due to us both having problems with our partners. I have been with my H for 11 years and he has been emotionally abusive and physically at times too. My neighbour's wife moved out of his house a few months back. He heard my H being awful to me through the wall and this is how it all started. I basically have fell head over heels for him. He also admitted feelings first but when I did a few weeks after him he ended it and said he didnt want to be responsible for my family breaking up. We then got back together and everything was fine until we went away for the weekend (separetely) and when I came back I mentioned a man I met while away (totally innocent) that I spoke to and he started acting weird and said I basically went away with the notion of meeting up with this guy.. I didnt even know him! He was always mentioning other girls during our time together and I think he made half of it up to try and get a reaction from me as I kept my feelings for him to myself after how he reacted the first time. Or maybe he told me about other women to drum it into me that nothing was ever going to come of us.... Since he got annoyed about the other guy I told him about he didnt text for a day and when I did asking when I would see him he text back saying this wasn't right or healthy and then nothing for 2 days.. that was 10 days ago and since then he has sent a few messages about superficial stuff never mentioning us... not sure if he is trying to make sure I am still friendly with him or if he is fishing for me to start it all back up again. To be honest I feel totally heartbroken by all this and cannot even look out my garden where we did alot of chatting without feeling tearful. We grew so close and I told him stuff I havent told my best friend. He really listened to me and I felt we "got" each other if that makes sense. Now he is acting so cold and I wonder if he is making another go of it with his wife as I saw her drop by yesterday. It only lasted a few months but I have known him a few years from living next door. He said such lovely things like it was meant to be us moving next to each other and the fact we have a short fence meant we could easily see and talk to each other. I guess I fell for it all. I just can't seem to work out if he used me or not. I know to get over affairs the advice is no contact. I just wondered how I could do that with a neighbour whose house is attached to mine? I can hear everything he is doing and know when he is in and out. It is awful wondering about him. We haven't spoken properly for 10 days. He did call me but I didn't answer as I thought he was calling to break up with me properly. I feel so lost, like I have lost my best friend.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Hi I have been reading the posts on here for weeks and they have really helped me. I am in a bit of a mess... I started an EA with my next door neighbour which turned physical after a few months. We have always been sort of friends but have grown closer due to us both having problems with our partners. I have been with my H for 11 years and he has been emotionally abusive and physically at times too. My neighbour's wife moved out of his house a few months back. He heard my H being awful to me through the wall and this is how it all started. I basically have fell head over heels for him. He also admitted feelings first but when I did a few weeks after him he ended it and said he didnt want to be responsible for my family breaking up. We then got back together and everything was fine until we went away for the weekend (separetely) and when I came back I mentioned a man I met while away (totally innocent) that I spoke to and he started acting weird and said I basically went away with the notion of meeting up with this guy.. I didnt even know him! He was always mentioning other girls during our time together and I think he made half of it up to try and get a reaction from me as I kept my feelings for him to myself after how he reacted the first time. Or maybe he told me about other women to drum it into me that nothing was ever going to come of us.... Since he got annoyed about the other guy I told him about he didnt text for a day and when I did asking when I would see him he text back saying this wasn't right or healthy and then nothing for 2 days.. that was 10 days ago and since then he has sent a few messages about superficial stuff never mentioning us... not sure if he is trying to make sure I am still friendly with him or if he is fishing for me to start it all back up again. To be honest I feel totally heartbroken by all this and cannot even look out my garden where we did alot of chatting without feeling tearful. We grew so close and I told him stuff I havent told my best friend. He really listened to me and I felt we "got" each other if that makes sense. Now he is acting so cold and I wonder if he is making another go of it with his wife as I saw her drop by yesterday. It only lasted a few months but I have known him a few years from living next door. He said such lovely things like it was meant to be us moving next to each other and the fact we have a short fence meant we could easily see and talk to each other. I guess I fell for it all. I just can't seem to work out if he used me or not. I know to get over affairs the advice is no contact. I just wondered how I could do that with a neighbour whose house is attached to mine? I can hear everything he is doing and know when he is in and out. It is awful wondering about him. We haven't spoken properly for 10 days. He did call me but I didn't answer as I thought he was calling to break up with me properly. I feel so lost, like I have lost my best friend. Why are you staying with your husband?
Author Louwel2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Author Posted September 6, 2013 I have always had it in my mind I am waiting for my little girl to start school which is in two years as then I can go back to work and support us. Since the affair started I must have been acting different as my H has really noticed the change in me (I haven't cared about him to be honest) and has admitted how awful he has been and has treated me so much better but I feel it is too little too late now.
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